


Several people are typing...

by txbris



Category: Persona 5, Persona 5 Royal
Genre: I pick up canon and slam dunk it into a net, M/M, Multi, Persona 5 Spoilers, background Phantom Thieves/each other, background shiho/ann, chatfic, no beta we die like Glenn Fireemblem, persona 5 royal spoilers, ryuji/yusuke, strongly implied Akira/everything with an age appropriate pulse, this fic is entirely out of my control now. enjoy!, this fic is largely a shitpost with bits of fluff and angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 90,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23671924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txbris/pseuds/txbris
Summary: Goro:Would it be okay if I were to refer to you all by your first names?Akira:You can call me anything you like honeySeveral people are typing...Alternatively: a peek into Akira's phone.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Comments: 815
Kudos: 1992





	1. It's not gay to kiss the homies goodnight

**Author's Note:**

> This one goes out to Marie, who is the reason I became a Goro Akechi fan in the span of about 3 days.
> 
> Disclaimer: These read a lot better if you're on an emoji-compatible platform!

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 3:15pm: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** Hello everyone.

 **Makoto:** Are we meeting up today?

 **Akira:** Can't

 **Akira:** School-mandated therapy

 **Makoto:** Ah! That's fine. I hope you enjoy it.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

 **Haru:** Would you like to join me on the rooftop, Mako-chan? The sun is lovely up here!

 **Makoto:** Of course! I just need to tidy up the council room and then I'll be up there.

 **Ann:** I'll come too! 💖

 **Ann:** the more the merrier right!

 **Ryuji:** well if akiras out

 **Ryuji:** im goin to the arcade in shiboooyyaaaahhhh

 **Yusuke:** I shall join you. Perhaps I shall find inspiration there.

 **Ryuji:** cmon dude just let me beat u at gun ahead once

 **Yusuke:** I shall find inspiration in striking you down once more.

 **Futaba:** noob Ryuji

 **Futaba:** noobyuji

 **Futaba:** mwehehehe

 **Ryuji:** >:(

 **Yusuke:** Prepare to meet your end!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**THE PHANTOM MEMES**

**> 3:20pm: rule 34 garfield started a new chat thread.**

**rule 34 garfield:** Akira how long is therapy gonna last

 **we live in a society:** However long it takes for me to unpack my trauma </3

 **rule 34 garfield:** :(

 **we live in a society:** Maruki has cookies today

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** doesnt he have cookies like every day man

 **we live in a society:** Untrue, sometimes he has these fancy chocolates

 **Meme Queen:** Those are decorative soaps.

 **Meme Queen:** Please tell me you haven't been eating the soaps.

 **Meme Queen:** Akira?

 **rule 34 garfield:** F

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** F

 **Meme Queen:** F, I suppose.

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** yknow i dont see what he sees in that councsilor

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** councsellor

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** counsilor?

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** makochan help

 **Meme Queen:** Counsellor.

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** i owe u my life queen

 **pannic! at the disco:** You still owe me that 200 yen for that dolphin!!

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** y are u all so mean to me

 **GO TO SLEEP:** bbbbbbbbbbbbbb

 **pannic! at the disco:** Hi Morgana!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

 **GO TO SLEEP:** vvvvvvvvvvvv

 **Yusgay:** Hello, Morgana.

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** where u at fox

 **Yusgay:** The train.

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** ah yes the train

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** the universal train

 **Meme Queen:** I'm amazed you know what universal means.

 **BONKIN!!!!!:** this is cyberbullying :(

**> rule 34 garfield changed Ryuji's nickname to fuckyouji**

**fuckyouji:** wat

 **fuckyouji:** y u so mean :(

 **Yusgay:** Akechi is here.

 **Yusgay:** On the train.

 **Meme Queen:** The universal train.

 **fuckyouji:** :(

 **Yusgay:** He wants to know if we are meeting up today.

 **rule 34 garfield:** tell him Joker has a date

 **Yusgay:** I thought Akira was at school-mandated therapy?

 **rule 34 garfield:** bro

 **rule 34 garfield:** they're probably smooching on the sofa

 **Meme Queen:** I think that might be illegal.

 **rule 34 garfield:** since when has that ever stopped any of us doing anything

 **fuckyouji:** she gotta point

 **Yusgay:** I believe Akechi may be waiting for an answer.

 **fuckyouji:** u told him jokers in therapy?

 **Yusgay:** Ah, of course.

 **fuckyouji:** bro

 **rule 34 garfield:** bro

 **fuckyouji:** bro

 **Yusgay:** Bro.

**> rule 34 garfield changed the chat name to PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**Yusgay:** @ _we live in a society_ Akechi says to please message him when you're ready for infiltration.

 **rule 34 garfield:** gay

 **fuckyouji:** thats pretty gay bro

 **Yusgay:** I must concur.

 **Yusgay:** I shall be there shortly, Ryuji.

 **fuckyouji:** nice bro

 **fuckyouji:** see u soon

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 7:03pm: we live in a society started a new chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** I lived bitches

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Well done Joker!

 **we live in a society:** Maruki took me out to a buffet

 **fuckyouji:** wtf bro

 **fuckyouji:** id go to therapy for free food

 **Meme Queen:** You should be going to see Maruki anyway, Ryuji.

 **fuckyouji:** :(

 **fuckyouji:** i saw him like once

 **pannic! at the disco:** Has anyone else like noticed how Joker seems to like, like people with names ending in I?

 **pannic! at the disco:** Like Maruki

 **we live in a society:** I'd like to point out now that Maruki and I aren't involved because that's illegal and Makoto would kill me

 **pannic! at the disco:** And Akechi

 **we live in a society:** The gloves and condescending attitude are sexy

 **pannic! at the disco:** Even Ryuji

 **we live in a society:** Guilty as charged

 **fuckyouji:** :D

 **Meme Queen:** **< direct reply to _we live in a society_ >** Correct.

 **pannic! at the disco:** Who else?

 **we live in a society:** Yuuki

 **fuckyouji:** tf is yuuki

 **we live in a society:** Mishima

 **fuckyouji:** mishima has a first name?????

 **we live in a society:** Mishima has a lot of things

 **Meme Queen:** Is it me or is that message incredibly ominous?

 **pannic! at the disco:** It's definitely not you omg WHAT

 **we live in a society:** What

 **fuckyouji:** bro

 **fuckyouji:** have u been out w mishima

 **we live in a society:** Like once or twice

 **rule 34 garfield:** it was not once or twice

 **we live in a society:** Like six or nine times

 **fuckyouji:** bro!!!!

 **pannic! at the disco:** Mishima's sweet!

* * *

**Munehisa Iwai**

**> 7:15pm: Iwai started a new chat thread.**

**Iwai:** ?

 **Akira:** 👎🏻

 **Iwai:** 👍🏻

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 7:15pm**

**Yusgay:** Pardon my ignorance, but who is Mishima?

 **pannic! at the disco:** He's this guy in Akira and I's class! 💖

 **pannic! at the disco:** He runs the Phan-Site!! 💖💖

 **fuckyouji:** poor dude was one of kamoshidas punching bags

 **Yusgay:** Ah.

 **Yusgay:** I hope he is alright.

 **rule 34 garfield:** if Akira and Mishima's dates are anything to go by he's fine

 **we live in a society:** It's not gay to kiss the homies goodnight

 **we live in a society:** I do like men though

 **rule 34 garfield:** you two forced Sojiro to tell me about the birds and the bees

 **Yusgay:** The birds and the bees?

 **Yusgay:** What do birds and bees have to do with kissing the homies goodnight?

_**Several people are typing...** _

**Meme Queen:** Nobody dare take advantage of this.

 **rule 34 garfield:** well Inari when two boys love each other very much

**> we live in a society kicked rule 34 garfield from the chat thread.**

**Yusgay:** Hmm.

 **Yusgay:** It appears that I am none the wiser.

 **Meme Queen:** Good.

 **Meme Queen:** Stay that way.

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Are you and Mishima-kun dating, Akira?

 **we live in a society:** Nah

 **we live in a society:** He's nice though

**> rule 34 garfield joined the chat thread.**

**rule 34 garfield:** kick me again and I'll doxx you

 **we live in a society:** We all literally know where I live

 **fuckyouji:** bro i cant believe youve been smanging mishima

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Smanging?

 **pannic! at the disco:** Smashing and banging!

 **fuckyouji:** smashin n bangin

 **fuckyouji:** BONKIN!!!!!!

 **Yusgay:** Returning to our earlier conversation,

 **Yusgay:** Yusuke doesn't end with an I.

 **we live in a society:** Yusuke-i ;)

 **Yusgay:** Ah!

 **Yusgay:** Hold on.

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Pardon me for interrupting the conversation topic, but shouldn't we add Akechi-kun to our main group chat?

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** So he can know what we're up to?

 **rule 34 garfield:** yeah probably

 **Yusgay:** 🥰

 **Yusgay:** :@ _we live in a society_

 **we live in a society:** 😘

 **we live in a society:** @ _Yusgay_

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I shall add him shortly!

 **we live in a society:** Whoa let me talk to him first

 **we live in a society:** So the poor guy doesn't get overwhelmed

**> rule 34 garfield changed Ryuji's nickname to GAY RYUJI**

**> rule 34 garfield changed Yusuke's nickname to GAY YUSUKE**

**GAY** **YUSUKE:** I fail to see how this is an improvement on my previous nickname.

 **rule 34 garfield:** shut

**> GAY RYUJI changed Ryuji's nickname to BI RYUJI**

**rule 34 garfield:** !!!

 **BI RYUJI:** shuddup

 **pannic! at the disco:** 💖💖💖!

 **Meme Queen:** We support you, Ryuji.

 **BI RYUJI:** shuddup ya makin me blush

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** We love you, Ryuji!

 **GAY** **YUSUKE:** I agree with Haru.

 **BI RYUJI:** u guys..........

 **BI** **RYUJI:** 🥺

 **rule 34 garfield:** RYUJI USED AN ACTUAL EMOJI

 **BI RYUJI:** shuddup ur ruinin the moment!!!

 **Meme** **Queen:** I thought I'd never see the day.

 **rule 34 garfield:** your turn next Makoto >:3

 **Meme Queen:** Oh no.

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 7:41pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Bonjour

 **Goro:** To what do I owe this pleasure?

 **Akira:** I studied French once

 **Goro:** I meant the one-on-one conversation, but sure.

 **Akira:** O

 **Akira:** I have to ask you something

 **Goro:** Anything.

 **Akira:** Would you like to join the Phantom Thieves chat that is definitely not a Phantom Thieves chat and is definitely just a fellow young kid chat

 **Akira:** God I hope the police don't check your phone

_**Goro Akechi is typing...** _

**Goro:** I would sooner perish than allow the police to check my phone.

 **Akira:** Dramatic

 **Akira:** Sexy

 **Goro:** And I would be humbled to join your definitely-not-a-Phantom-Thieves chat.

 **Akira:** :D

 **Akira:** I'll let the others know.

 **Goro:** Thank you.

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 7:44pm**

**we live in a society:** Akechi said yes

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** Congratulations Akira!

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** When's the wedding?

 **we live in a society:** Summer, please wear red

 **BI RYUJI:** ur breakin mishimas heart bro

 **we live in a society:** He also said yes to joining the group chat

 **BI RYUJI:** and mine </3

 **rule 34 garfield:** you gonna add him?

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **we live in a society:** Hang on Morgana's complaining about something

 **we live in a society:** I heard the word "fire" brb

 **GAY YUSUKE:** I see Morgana has decided to become an aspiring arsonist.

 **GAY YUSUKE:** Like 'artist'.

 **GAY YUSUKE:** Hahaha.

 **BI RYUJI:** bro r u laughin at ur own joke

 **GAY YUSUKE:** Someone must.

 **pannic! at the disco:** Uhhh should we be worried about this?

 **rule 34 garfield:** nah

 **pannic! at the disco:** Futaba-chan can you smell smoke?

 **rule 34 garfield:** nah

 **rule 34 garfield:** whatever's going on is between Akira and kitty

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 7:44pm**

**Goro:** I don't mean to pry, but Kitagawa-kun mentioned something about you attending therapy?

 **Goro:** Please know that you can talk to me.

 **Akira:** hold on

 **Akira:** fire

 **Goro:** Fire?

 **Goro:** Akira?!

**> 8:04pm**

**Goro:** Akira, are you okay?

**> 8:14pm**

**Goro:** I'm going to message Niijima-san.

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 8:15pm**

**Meme Queen:** Is Akira coming back? Akechi-kun is messaging me.

 **Meme Queen:** Should I add Akechi-kun to the main chat instead?

 **Meme Queen:** @ _we live in a society_ , @ _BI RYUJI_ , @ _GAY YUSUKE_ , @ _rule 34 garfield_ , @ _pannic! at the disco_ , @ _M'lady *tips vegetable garden*_ , @ _GO TO SLEEP_ ?

**> 8:20pm**

**Meme Queen:** Hello?

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** **Sorry Mako-chan! I was talking to one of the Big Bang advisers.

 ** **Meme Queen:** **Oh, that's okay!

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** **I'll add Akechi-kun to the chat now!

 **Meme Queen:** Okay!

**> Goro Akechi joined the group.**

**> Goro Akechi joined the chat thread.**

**Meme Queen:** HARU

 **Meme Queen:** NO

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** Ah

 **Goro Akechi:** Is this the not-the-Phantom-Thieves chat Kurusu-kun was telling me about?

**> Meme Queen kicked Goro Akechi from the chat thread.**

**Meme Queen:** I PANICKED

 **rule 34 garfield:** what the fuck happened here

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** I'm sorry everyone! :(

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** The chats had such similar names...

* * *

**Goro Akechi **

**> 8:23pm**

**Goro:** I'm starting to get the feeling your friends may not like me.

 **Akira:** ???

 **Goro:** I said one thing in the group chat and was forcibly removed.

 **Akira:** Wtf

 **Akira:** Let me check

 **Goro:** Very well.

 **Goro:** Wait, what were you saying about fire?!

 **Akira:** Long story involving a coffee pot

 **Akira:** Mona has fewer whiskers now

 **Goro:** Ah.

 **Goro:** For future reference, I firmly believe weddings should be a solely black and white affair.

 **Goro:** Although having thought about it, a red accents could add a subtle splash of the Phantom Thieves' influence to our future wedding...

 **Akira:** Is summer still good?

 **Goro:** Of course :)

 **Akira:** Even though the Phantom Thieves will no longer be around by then

 **Akira:** :(

 **Goro:** I'm sorry.

_**Goro Akechi is typing...** _

**Goro:** It is a necessary evil.

 **Akira:** I'll forgive you when the time is right

 **Akira:** It's now, you're forgiven

 **Goro:** Hahaha.

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 8:24pm**

**we live in a society:** What the fuck happened here

 **rule 34 garfield:** I JUST SAID THAT

 **Meme Queen:** AKECHI-KUN JOINED THE WRONG CHAT AND I PANICKED

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** I'm so sorry everyone! :(

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** **The names are so similar...

 **we live in a society:** Haru you have never done anything wrong in your life and you are already forgiven

 **rule 34 garfield:** hard agree, Haru cannot physically do anything wrong

 **BI RYUJI:** we love u haru

 **BI RYUJI:** also tf happened here

 **Meme Queen:** Akechi-kun joined the wrong chat, I panicked and kicked him out.

 **BI RYUJI:** oh no

 **Meme Queen:** I just hope he didn't see any of the previous messages.

 **BI RYUJI:** OH NO

 **Meme Queen:** Although I doubt any of our previous messages could possibly implicate us in anything.

 **BI RYUJI:** should we dig our graves now or later

 **Meme Queen:** If anything, our previous messages would dispel all notions that we're part of the Phantom Thieves.

 **Meme Queen:** Except that one, I suppose.

 **GAY YUSUKE:** I would like for my body to be preserved in honey for future generations to view as an art piece.

 **we live in a society:** Nobody's digging any graves

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** I'll dig the graves to make up for my mistake!

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** And I'm sure I can procure some honey for Yusuke!

 **GAY YUSUKE:** I truly owe you my life.

 **we live in a society:** NOBODY IS DIGGING ANY GRAVES OR COVERING YUSUKE IN HONEY

 **GAY YUSUKE:** I would not be opposed to you covering me in honey, Akira.

 **rule 34 garfield:** I just heard Akira scream over the Leblanc bug >:3

 **GAY YUSUKE:** I am unsure as to whether that's a yes or not.

* * *

**Goro Akechi **

**> 8:28pm**

**Goro:** May I ask what was going on with that chat, though...?

 **Akira:** Sorry hang on

 **Akira:** Yusuke is talking about covering himself in honey

 **Goro:** Oh my.

 **Goro:** You certainly have an... intriguing group of friends.

 **Akira:** Did you really have to type out the dot dot dots

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Goro:** The number of questions I have only grows by the moment.

 **Akira:** You'll understand when you're older

 **Goro:** May I remind you that I'm older than you?

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** No you may not

 **Goro:** Very well then.

 **Akira:** Also about the group chat

 **Akira:** We have two of them

 **Goro:** Of course.

 **Akira:** The official one where we discuss fancy things like meeting up and politics and the other one where Futaba sends 900 memes and breaks the chat

 **Goro:** Of course.

 **Akira:** Haru added you to the shitposty one

 **Goro:** Shitposty?

 **Akira:** You know

 **Akira:** memes

 **Goro:** Memes.

 **Akira:** And you can't really stay in that one because you're an official person who needs his phone for work

 **Akira:** And you don't need to pick up your phone to 420 unread messages

 **Goro:** I understand.

_**Akira Kurusu is typing...** _

**Akira:** Sorry man

 **Akira:** I'll add you to the official one now

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 8:44pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> Goro Akechi joined the group.**

**> Goro Akechi joined the chat thread.**

**Makoto:** Good evening, Akechi-kun!

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 8:44pm**

**we live in a society:** Play nice or I'll beat up your Shadow

 **BI RYUJI:** bro u really think u could beat up my shadow

 **BI RYUJI:** because u could pls dont

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 8:45pm**

**Goro:** Good evening, Niijima-san.

 **Haru:** I'm so sorry for the confusion, Akechi-kun!!

 **Haru:** I'm not very good with technology.

 **Goro:** It's quite alright, Kurusu-kun explained the situation to me.

 **Ryuji:** its nice to have u around bro

 **Ryuji:** now we have 2 smart people in here :D

 **Akira:** Do my test scores mean NOTHING TO YOU

 **Ryuji:** yes

 **Akira:** Fair enough

 **Ann:** Hiiiii Akechi-kun! 💖

 **Goro:** Hello, Takamaki-san.

 **Makoto:** I feel it'll quickly become bothersome if we keep referring to everyone with honorifics.

 **Makoto:** Especially as Akechi-kun is one of us now.

 **Makoto:** And we already refer to each other by our first names.

 **Goro:** Well,

 **Goro:** Would it be okay if I were to refer to you all by your first names?

 **Akira:** You can call me anything you like honey

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 8:4** **6** **pm**

**_Several people are typing..._ **

**rule 34 garfield:** Akira what

 **BI RYUJI:** bro

 **pannic! at the disco:** Which part of 'don't be suspicious' don't you get!!!!

 **we live in a society:** What

 **we live in a society:** It'd be weirder if I didn't call him honey

 **Meme Queen:** That doesn't mean that you need to flirt with him, Akira.

 **GAY YUSUKE:** I am hurt and offended that you have never called me honey.

**> we live in a society changed Yusuke's nickname to Honeybuns**

**Honeybuns:** Thank you.

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** I think that if Akira flirting with Akechi makes him feel more welcome, he should do it!

 **we live in a society:** Thank you Haru

 **we live in a society:** I love you

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** I love you too! :D

 **BI RYUJI:** gay

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 8:46pm**

**Goro:** I will take that as a yes.

 **Goro:** Thank you, Akira.

 **Akira:** Any time ;)

 **Makoto:** Ahem.

 **Makoto:** Should we decide what to do tomorrow, seeing as we're all here?

 **Ann:** Mementos? 💖

 **Makoto:** I feel that may be wise.

 **Goro:** I agree.

 **Goro:** We're a good way into Sae-san's casino, so it wouldn't hurt to take a breather and train safely.

 **Akira:** All in favour of taking a breather and training in a safe way say aye

 **Ryuji:** ay

 **Futaba:** aye aye!

 **Makoto:** Aye.

 **Haru:** Aye!

 **Goro:** Aye.

 **Akira:** Morgana also says aye

 **Ann:** Aye! 💖

 **Yusuke:** Yes.

 **Futaba:** boooo Inari boo

 **Futaba:** ruining the moment

 **Yusuke:** Aye?

 **Yusuke:** I'm afraid I'm still not sure whether Akira wishes to take me up on my honey proposition, though.

 **Akira:** OKAY GOODNIGHT EVERYONE LOVE YOU STAY SAFE MEET YOU AT LEBLANC TOMORROW

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 8:55pm**

**we live in a society:** Goodnight my dear friends who I love and treasure so much

 **BI RYUJI:** night bro

 **pannic! at the disco:** Goodnight!!!! 💖

 **Honeybuns:** Goodnight.

 **Meme Queen:** Sleep well!

 **rule 34 garfield:** justice never sleeps

 **Meme Queen:** You're still growing, go to bed.

 **rule 34 garfield:** >:(

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** Goodnight everyone! :D

 **we live in a society:** Morgana says go to sleep

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi **

**> 9:02pm**

**Goro:** The honey proposition?

 **Akira:** GOODNIGHT

**> Akira is offline.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have two (2) brain cells and they're both playing P5R.


	2. Joker found dead in Miami

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **rule 34 garfield:** fellas is it gay to have feelings
> 
>  **we live in a society:** Yes
> 
>  **pannic! at the disco:** Yes
> 
>  **Honeybuns:** Yes.
> 
>  **BI RYUJI:** duh
> 
>  ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** Yes!
> 
>  **Meme Queen:** The motion carries.

**Goro Akechi **

**> 6:30am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** I apologise for messaging you this early in the morning, but I was wondering if you would be willing to get breakfast with me before school?

**> 6:37am**

**Akira:** //////////////////////

 **Goro:** I will take that as a 'maybe.'

 **Akira:** mmmmmmmlllllllll;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

 **Goro:** Of course, of course.

**> 6:42am**

**Akira:** I'm so sorry Morgana was sat on my phone

 **Akira:** I know it's a bit out your way but do you want to swing by Leblanc?

 **Akira:** I'll make us coffee

 **Goro:** Of course.

 **Goro:** I'll be there just after 7.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 8:00am: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** Good morning everyone!

 **Makoto:** As a reminder: we're meeting at Leblanc after school today.

 **Futaba:** be there or be square

 **Futaba:** ⬛

 **Yusuke:** How do you make such a square?

 **Yusuke:** []

 **Haru:** I believe that it's an emoji, Yusuke!

 **Yusuke:** Ah!

 **Futaba:** oh no it's gonna take him like two hours to find the square emoji

 **Futaba:** alright I'm taking this thread offline

 **Futaba:** see you all later >:3

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 9:21am: we live in a society started a new chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** Akechi came by Leblanc this morning

 **rule 34 garfield:** gay

 **BI RYUJI:** gay

 **we live in a society:** Am I allowed to do anything with a dude friend without you calling it gay

 **BI RYUJI:** i mean u told haru u loved her yesterday nd we called it gay

 **rule 34 garfield:** fellas is it gay to have feelings

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **pannic! at the disco:** Yes

 **Honeybuns:** Yes.

 **BI RYUJI:** duh

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** Yes!

 **Meme Queen:** The motion carries.

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** **What did Akechi want, Akira?

 **we live in a society:** Well to be completely honest I invited him over for coffee

 **BI RYUJI:** u never invite me over for coffee :(

 **we live in a society:** You literally don't like coffee

 **BI RYUJI:** yea but the invite would be nice

 **we live in a society:** Would you like to come over for some coffee later?

 **BI RYUJI:** no

 **we live in a society:** >:(

 **Meme Queen:** May I remind you all that we're meant to be in class?

 **Meme Queen:** Aside from Futaba, of course.

 **rule 34 garfield:** nah it's cool I'm watching a dude build robots out of knives

 **rule 34 garfield:** that's learning right

 **Meme Queen:** I suppose?

 **we live in a society:** Akechi and I just talked about things

 **we live in a society:** And stuff

 **we live in a society:** Nothing suspicious like "hey I'm gonna shoot you in the knees"

 **Honeybuns:** Such a sentence would indeed be very suspicious.

 **we live in a society:** He was wearing that sweater I like though

 **pannic! at the disco:** The blue argyle one? That's suuuuuuuuuch a grandpa look 👴

 **rule 34 garfield:** god Akira you have such a grandpa kink

 **rule 34 garfield:** what next

 **rule 34 garfield:** are you gonna ask Akechi if you can sit in his lap while he pops a werther's original in your mouth and calls you a good boy

 **pannic! at the disco:** Holy shit Futaba

 **pannic! at the disco:** I think you killed him!

**> pannic! at the disco sent a photo.**

**BI RYUJI:** omg

 **Meme Queen:** I didn't know humans could go that shade of red.

 **Honeybuns:** You can truly see the inner turmoil written on his face.

 **Honeybuns:** I must paint it.

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** There's nothing wrong with a nice sweater!

 **rule 34 garfield:** Joker found dead in Miami

 **rule 34 garfield:** Fs in the chat lads

 **Honeybuns:** F.

 **pannic! at the disco:** F!

 **pannic! at the disco:** Morgana says "F" too!!

 **Meme Queen:** F.

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** F, but I stand by what I said about sweaters!

**> rule 34 garfield changed Akira's nickname to joker found dead in miami**

**joker found dead in miami:** That's it

 **joker found dead in miami:** I'm abandoning you all to have a shotgun wedding with Akechi

 **pannic! at the disco:** You know that shotgun weddings usually like happen because someone's pregnant, right?

 **joker found dead in miami:** Yes

 **joker found dead in miami:** I am no longer naming our child Ryuji-Ann-Yusuke-Makoto-Futaba-Haru-Morgana Akechi-Kurusu

 **Honeybuns:** I am hurt and offended.

 **joker found dead in miami:** Our child is Arsene Akechi-Kurusu now

 **Honeybuns:** I take it back, that is a most delightful name.

 **BI RYUJI:** what did i miss

 **BI RYUJI:** whos pregnant???

 **rule 34 garfield:** Akira

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** He does always have that glow you associate with pregnant women!

 **BI RYUJI:** **< direct reply to _joker found dead in miami_ >** bro u pu tmy name first? bro i love u bro

 **joker found dead in miami:** I'm going to leave you all in Mementos and make it look like an accident

 ** **pannic! at the disco:**** Spoken like a true ace detective 😆

 **BI RYUJI:** bro

 **BI RYUJI:** im so confused

 **Meme Queen:** While this is hilarious, we do need to continue acting like normal students for now, so phones off.

 **Meme Queen:** We can continue ribbing Akira later.

 **joker found dead in miami:** >:(

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 10:10am: Maruki started a new chat thread.**

**Maruki:** Hello! Your friendly school therapist checking in! Sorry for texting you during class, but is there any way we could meet up after school today? I have something to talk to you about.

**> 10:16am**

**Akira:** Apologies, I have a date with my friends today after school

 **Maruki:** Of course! Cultivating healthy friendships is a healthy way to have friends!

 **Akira:** I can totally do lunch though

 **Maruki:** Nice! I'll be waiting in the nurse's office.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 10:20am: Kasumi started a new chat thread.**

**Kasumi:** Good morning senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** Would you consider working on our deal after school today?

 **Akira:** Sorry Kasumi, I have some Thieves stuff going on

 **Kasumi:** That's fine! Just don't forget about our deal, okay? ❤️

 **Akira:** I won't

 **Akira:** I'm always cheering you on from a safe distance

 **Kasumi:** Thank you senpai! ❤️

 **Akira:** Actually

 **Akira:** I'm having lunch with Maruki if you want to join

 **Kasumi:** Like group therapy?

 **Akira:** I'd like to eat just one lunch without having to unpack my trauma

 **Kasumi:** Okay senpai! I'll be there! ❤️

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**WELCOME TO THE VELVET ROOM**

**> 10:30am: Caroline started a new chat thread.**

**Caroline:** INMATE I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOUR DEAL WITH US

 **Akira:** Oh my god I'm just trying to learn here

 **Justine:** Perhaps we should try attending this 'school' sometime, Caroline?

 **Caroline:** THAT WOULD GIVE US A GOOD INSIGHT INTO HOW HUMANS ACQUIRE NEW INFORMATION

 **Akira:** You two aren't old enough to attend my school

 **Akira:** I think

 **Akira:** How are you two even texting me from inside the Velvet Room

 **Caroline:** STOP ASKING QUESTIONS INMATE

 **Justine:** Our powers aren't restricted to simple human technology.

 **Akira:** Then how come Caroline has yet to work out how to turn the caps lock button off

 **Caroline:** I THINK IT ADDS CHARACTER

 **Akira:** You just sound like you're shouting

 **Caroline:** THAT IS THE INTENDED EFFECT

 **Akira:** Well keep doing it then

 **Justine:** Do you plan on going to Mementos later, inmate?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** I'll pop in to see you all then

 **Akira:** I have a Phoenix with Counter now

 **Caroline:** VERY GOOD

 **Justine:** Yes, I too approve of these actions.

 **Akira:** Okay I'm meant to be learning maths so I have to go now

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**The Shujin Super Five**

**> 11:54am: Vulgar Boy started a new chat thread.**

**Vulgar Boy:** we meetin 4 lunch?

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** I'm going to therapy because you're all mean to me </3

 **Vulgar Boy:** bro............ u know i love u

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** I love you too

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** I am going to see Maruki though, he wants to talk

 ** **Haru (Haru)** :** I'll be on the rooftop with Mako-chan!

 ** **Haru (Haru):**** I have a fresh harvest of sun tomatoes and a fresh loaf of homemade bread if anyone wants to join!

 **Vulgar Boy:** ohhhhhhh i am so in

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** Can you save some for me?

 **Haru (Haru):** Of course! 💛

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** You're my fave, don't tell the others

 **Lady Ann:** We're like, right here.

 **Miss Student Council President:** To quote Yusuke, I'm hurt and offended.

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** You're all my faves, don't tell the others

 **Miss Student Council President:** I'm somehow not convinced.

 **Lady Ann:** I'll join you all on the rooftop, though!! I'll bring sweets~ 💖

 **Vulgar Boy:** 2day is one of those days where i love being alive

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Lala Escargot**

**> 5:58pm: Lala started a new chat thread.**

**Lala:** Hello to my favourite employee!

 **Lala:** If you're not busy tonight, could you help out at the bar? We've been booked for a bachelor party tonight at 7 and it's going to be busy.

 **Lala:** I'll pay you triple, of course, I'm not cruel. And you can keep all tips.

 **Lala:** Let me know!

**> 6:30pm**

**Akira:** I can do it, I'll be there in 15

 **Lala:** Thank you!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 6:30pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Good work today, everyone

 **Ryuji:** that showtime that ann nd yusuke did was.................... soooo good

 **Yusuke:** I am glad you liked it.

 **Ryuji:** the way it was like

 **Ryuji:** blam

 **Ryuji:** chachow

 **Ryuji:** whoosh

 **Yusuke:** Yes, it was certainly was something like that.

 **Haru:** I agree with Ryuji! It was so cool but also so elegant!

 **Ann:** You guys!!! You're gonna make me blush 💖💖💖

 **Goro:** Your teamwork is impressive.

 **Ann:** Highest praise from the ace detective himself! 💖

 **Goro:** Haha, please, I'm simply telling the truth.

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 6:36pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** I apologise for texting you so soon after last seeing you,

 **Goro:** But I was wondering if you would want to come to the jazz club in Kichijoji with me?

 **Akira:** Tonight?

 **Goro:** Tonight. 7:30pm?

 **Akira:** I have work :(

_**Goro Akechi is typing...** _

**Goro:** No worries, we can always go another night.

 **Akira:** Wait

 **Akira:** Why don't you come see me at work?

 **Goro:** ?

 **Akira:** Crossroads in Shinjuku

 **Akira:** I'll send you the address

 **Goro:** Very well, then.

 **Goro:** I'll see you there.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 6:36pm**

**Futaba:** if we keep up these showtimes then the enemies have NO CHANCE

 **Futaba:** 0% hit rate

 **Futaba:** nooooiiiiiicccccceeeeee

 **Haru:** Ooh! @ _Makoto_ that gives me an idea!

 **Makoto:** I'm already on board.

 **Haru:** I'll tell you next time I see you! 💛

 **Futaba:** this is the start of something great

 **Futaba:** regular fighting is soooo 05

 **Makoto:** While I do enjoy showtimes, we should fight to conserve our strength.

 **Akira:** FIGHT TO LOOK GOOD

 **Ryuji:** u always look good bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Yusuke:** I must agree, fighting is an art form that you have quite effortlessly mastered.

 **Makoto:** Should we meet at Leblanc tomorrow to discuss what to do next?

 **Ann:** Sounds good to me!

 **Haru:** I'll bring some of my vegetables! I want to get Boss's opinion again.

 **Futaba:** I'll be there

 **Ryuji:** ill always show up 4 u guys

 **Goro:** I'll be there too, of course.

 **Yusuke:** May we partake in curry?

 **Akira:** Yusuke when did you last eat

 **Yusuke:** Hmmmm.

 **Yusuke:** Wednesday morning.

 **Akira:** IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT

 **Makoto:** We really need to start making sure that Yusuke eats at least one meal a day.

 **Ann:** Like a feeding the cat rota but the cat is Yusuke?

 **Ann:** I'm up for that!!

 **Haru:** Yusuke, I'll bring some bread and vegetables to Leblanc tomorrow for you too!

 **Yusuke:** I am honoured that you would go to such lengths for me.

 **Akira:** You can always come round for curry whenever you want too

 **Akira:** Boss loves you

 **Ryuji:** we all love yusuke

 **Yusuke:** I shall capture this moment in a painting.

 **Yusuke:** And I shall see you all tomorrow.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** PHANTOM BROS!!! **

**> 6:45pm: BI RYUJI started a new chat thread.**

**BI RYUJI:** yusuke im coming round to take u out for ramen

 **Honeybuns:** I will be waiting.

 **Honeybuns:** Where should I be waiting?

 **BI RYUJI:** ill meet you outside kosei

 **Honeybuns:** I will be waiting.

 **pannic! at the disco:** I'll join you!! We can all go out for crepes afterwards~ 💖

 **pannic! at the disco:** Is it okay if Shiho comes along?

 **BI RYUJI:** hell yea!!!!!!!!!

 **BI RYUJI:** double date

 **GO TO SLEEP:** wwwwwwwwwwwww

 **rule 34 garfield:** mood

 **rule 34 garfield:** @ _Meme Queen_ @ _M'lady *tips vegetable garden*_ do you two want to come to the cinema in Yongen with me?

 **Meme Queen:** Of course.

 **rule 34 garfield:** good because there's this new horror film I want to see

 **Meme Queen:** Oh, a horror film?

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** Ooooh is it Pach Saw? I really want to go see it!

 **rule 34 garfield:** exactly that one

 **rule 34 garfield:** 7:40pm showing

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** The reviews say that it's the bloodiest film yet!

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** I'll get one of the company's drivers to pick up Makoto and we'll meet in Yongen!

 **Meme Queen:** Well, if you're both there then I'm sure I'll be fine.

 **rule 34 garfield:** nooooiiiicceeee

 **Meme Queen:** Is Akira coming?

 **joker found dead in miami:** I have work tonight :(

 **joker found dead in miami:** I've given Morgana to Futaba though so you can all enjoy the film together

 **GO TO SLEEP:** hhhhh

 **joker found dead in miami:** I think that means he's looking forward to it

 **GO TO SLEEP:** ,

 **joker found dead in miami:** Nope, can't translate that one

 **BI RYUJI:** im almost at kosei

 **Honeybuns:** I am still waiting.

 **BI RYUJI:** good

 **joker found dead in miami:** Alright I'm turning off my phone for work

 **joker found dead in miami:** Everyone have fun and I love you all

 **Meme Queen:** Love you too, Joker.

 **rule 34 garfield:** Joker for president

 **Honeybuns:** I appreciate your presence in my life deeply.

 **Honeybuns:** Ryuji says he agrees, and also "BONKING."

 **joker found dead in miami:** 🖤🖤🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:03pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** You could have perhaps warned me of the nature of Crossroads.

 **Akira:** Don't you dare tell me you didn't have fun

 **Goro:** Hmm.

 **Goro:** I did.

 **Goro:** But I don't usually frequent such establishments.

 **Akira:** Don't worry, you have plenty of years to perfect the art of turning into an embittered alcoholic

 **Goro:** Is that a comment aimed at your journalist friend?

 **Akira:** No, she's a functioning alcoholic

 **Goro:** Aha.

 **Goro:** Thank you for inviting me out.

 **Akira:** Any time

 **Akira:** Sorry about the lack of jazz

 **Goro:** I think I'll cope as long as you're around.

 **Akira:** 😊

 **Akira:** Okay I'm off to sleep so goodnight Goro

 **Akira:** I'll see you tomorrow

 **Goro:** Sleep well, Akira.

 **Goro:** Thank you again.

**> Akira is offline.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Using these notes for good: Remember to drink water and wash your hands.


	3. The curvature of the lobster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Haru:** We should go to the aquarium sometime!
> 
>  **Ryuji:** awwww yeeaaahhh
> 
>  **Ryuji:** oh no wait annll be all like "You owe me for that dolphin~ uwu"
> 
>  **Ann:** I do not "uwu"!
> 
>  **Futaba:** I uwu
> 
>  **Goro:** May I ask, what is "uwu"?
> 
> _**Several people are typing...** _

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 4:17am: Yusuke started a new chat thread.**

**Yusuke:** I am delighted to announce that I have good news.

 **Yusuke:** I have found the square emoji.

 **Yusuke:** ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

**> 7:27am**

**Akira:** Congratulations Yusuke

 **Akira:** You might have the circle emoji mastered by next week

 **Yusuke:** There is a circle emoji?!

 **Haru:** There are lots of different shapes!

 **Haru:** 🌀🔷♦️❤️🟠

 **Haru:** And lots of different animals!

 **Haru:** 🐱🦊🐭🐔🦆🦞🦢

 **Haru:** And fruits!

 **Haru:** 🍎🍐🍊🍋🍑🍒🍉🍇

 **Yusuke:** Could it be that I was blind to the beauty that emojis can convey?

 **Yusuke:** 🦞🦞🦞

 **Haru:** 🦞🦞🦞

 **Yusuke:** I enjoy the curvature of the lobster.

 **Akira:** I'll buy you all the lobsters you want

 **Akira:** Also this is entirely unrelated but how much do lobsters cost and Haru can I borrow that exact amount

 **Haru:** Of course!

 **Haru:** We should go to the aquarium sometime!

 **Ryuji:** awwww yeeaaahhh

 **Ryuji:** oh no wait annll be all like "You owe me for that dolphin~ uwu"

 **Ann:** I do not "uwu"!

 **Futaba:** I uwu

 **Goro:** May I ask, what is "uwu"?

_**Several people are typing...** _

**Akira:** No

 **Ann:** NO

 **Ryuji:** nooooooooooo bro

 **Makoto:** What on earth have I just opened this chat to.

 **Goro:** I'm afraid I don't spend that much time on the internet so I don't quite understand slang terms, haha.

 **Goro:** And good morning, Makoto!

 **Ryuji:** mornin queen

 **Futaba:** I will teach you the ways of the uwu Gowo Akechi

 **Akira:** Don't you dare

 **Futaba:** mwehehehe >:3

 **Haru:** uwu

 **Futaba:** awww it's cute when Haru does it

 **Yusuke:** uwu

 **Futaba:** no

 **Yusuke:** 🦞🦞🦞

 **Yusuke:** Also I would like to go to the aquarium.

 **Yusuke:** I believe there is a certain beauty found in the aquatic that cannot be found anywhere else.

 **Ryuji:** could it be bcos its all like under the sea

 **Ryuji:** and ya dont get that shit above the sea

 **Haru:** We can discuss the aquarium when we all meet up later! I'm sure we could even hire it out if we wanted.

 **Akira:** Haru how are you so nice

 **Haru:** I just want what's best for my friends!

 **Ryuji:** haru i love u

 **Ann:** Love you Haru! 💖

 **Yusuke:** I love you with my entire heart, Haru.

 **Futaba:** Haru for president

 **Makoto:** I'm still catching up on the chat, but I also love Haru.

 **Haru:** I love you all too!

 **Haru:** Ann, you could bring Shiho!

 **Haru:** And Akira, you could bring Mishima-kun!

 **Akira:** Okay but that might be a bit weird because we're not dating

 **Ryuji:** but ur smangin

 **Akira:** IT WAS LIKE ONE TIME

 **Futaba:** nine times

 **Akira:** One, nine, it's all the same in the end

 **Futaba:** maths doesn't check out

 **Ryuji:** it does 2 me

* * *

**Makoto Niijima**

**> 8:04am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Makoto help

 **Akira:** I'm trapped in the bathroom

 **Makoto:** What?

 **Makoto:** Which bathroom?

 **Akira:** Boys' bathroom, second floor

 **Makoto:** How?!

 **Akira:** My trousers ripped

 **Makoto:** I repeat: How?!

 **Akira:** Well it all started when there was a ripping noise

 **Akira:** And long story short my buttcheek is now hanging out

 **Makoto:** And what am I meant to do about this?

 **Akira:** You're our one brain cell Makoto

 **Akira:** Don't you have access to a spare school uniform closet or something

 **Makoto:** I'll check the lost and found.

 **Makoto:** Hang in there.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

* * *

** PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB **

**> 8:04am**

**Ann:** Maybe we should have a study session at lunch...

 **Ryuji:** it was a joke!

 **Ryuji:** maybe

 **Futaba:** Ryuji what's 2x4

 **Ryuji:** 8

 **Futaba:** maths checks out

 **Haru:** A study session wouldn't hurt, though!

 **Haru:** And we can all try the new fried bread from the cafeteria!

 **Ann:** I'm sold

 **Ryuji:** me too

 **Yusuke:** Please save some bread for me.

 **Haru:** I'll buy an extra loaf for you! 💛

 **Yusuke:** I once again find myself indebted to you.

 **Ann:** Alright, study session with extra carbs at lunch! See you in the council room~! 💖

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Makoto Niijima **

**> 8:10am**

**Makoto:** I'm afraid that the lost and found currently doesn't have trousers but if you're in the market for a baseball cap, you're in luck.

 **Akira:** I will wear the baseball cap on my butt

 **Makoto:** No.

 **Akira:** I will not wear the baseball cap on my butt

 **Makoto:** Good.

 **Makoto:** Have you tried asking Ryuji?

 **Akira:** Good idea

 **Akira:** Thank you for the help

 **Makoto:** Any time.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 8:12am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** brooooooo

 **Akira:** Broooooooooooooooo

 **Ryuji:** brooooooooooooooooooNKIN

 **Akira:** I'm stuck in the toilet

 **Ryuji:** tmi dude

 **Akira:** No my trousers ripped

 **Ryuji:** oh shit

 **Ryuji:** do u need mine

 **Akira:** That depends, are you currently wearing them?

 **Ryuji:** yea

 **Ryuji:** we can take turns wearin em 2 class nd hidin in the toilet

 **Akira:** I need you to know that I can and will die for you

 **Ryuji:** bonkin dude!!!!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** so what u go first then me then lunch

 **Akira:** We can wear a leg each during lunch

 **Ryuji:** bro ur so smart

 **Ryuji:** wait bro how we gonna get home

 **Akira:** We run really fast

 **Ryuji:** while wearin the trousers?

 **Akira:** REALLY fast

 **Ryuji:** nah i aint seein that workin

 **Akira:** I don't think this was going to work in the first place but it was a nice idea

 **Ryuji:** id share my pants w/ u any day of the week bro

 **Akira:** Bro................

 **Ryuji:** bro............

 **Akira:** I am still very much stuck in the toilet with my ass hanging out though

 **Ryuji:** BRO SRSLY

 **Ryuji:** I THOUGHT U MENT LIKE U HAD A TINY RIP

 **Akira:** Technically it is a tiny rip

 **Akira:** But my ass will not quit

 **Ryuji:** dude stop makin me think about ur ass

 **Akira:** It's a good ass

 **Ryuji:** it is a good ass

 **Ryuji:** not as good as yusukes tho

 **Akira:** Bro I'm at my weakest right now and you just choose to tell me my ass doesn't live up to Yusuke's

 **Akira:** Just kick me while I'm down

 **Ryuji:** ALL OUT ATTACK BRO

 **Akira:** Pew pew pew

 **Akira:** Morgana is reading all these messages and making retching noises

 **Ryuji:** wear monamona as pants

 **Akira:** You're a genius

 **Akira:** Oh shit I just had an idea

 **Ryuji:** pls dont wear monamona as pants

* * *

**Yuuki Mishima**

**> 8:28am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hello to my favourite Phan-Site admin

 **Yuuki:** I'm the only Phan-Site admin?

 **Akira:** That makes you my favourite by default

 **Yuuki:** 😊

 **Akira:** Weird question, do you have any spare trousers or trouser-like items?

 **Yuuki:** That is a very weird question, but it's your lucky day!!

 **Yuuki:** I have a pair of gym shorts!!

 **Akira:** I need you to do me a very strange and specific favour

 **Yuuki:** I feel like everything I do for you is a "very strange and specific" favour.

 **Yuuki:** Not that I mind, of course!

 **Akira:** I lead a very strange and specific lifestyle

 **Akira:** Also my trousers ripped

 **Yuuki:** So you want to borrow my shorts for the day?

 **Akira:** I love you and your brain

 **Akira:** Also yes please it's starting to get chilly

 **Yuuki:** Alright, where are you?

 **Akira:** Boys' bathroom, second floor

 **Yuuki:** I'll be over asap!!

 **Akira:** Thank you so much

 **Akira:** I owe you my life

 **Yuuki:** I'll take a lunch date 😊

 **Akira:** I can also do that

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 8:33am**

**Akira:** All is well

 **Akira:** Yuuki is bringing me shorts in exchange for a lunch date

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** i hope u arent just using the dude 4 smangin nd shorts

 **Akira:** I'll have you know that he also helps with Phantom Thieves stuff

 **Ryuji:** u know what i meant bro

 **Ryuji:** i know ur not datin but i feel like u need 2 decide if ur gettin serious with mishima

 **Ryuji:** esp if u have been smangin 9 times like futaba says

 **Akira:** You sound like my therapist

 **Akira:** But with significantly worse spelling

 **Ryuji:** its part of my charm bro

 **Akira:** Also he and I have had this conversation before

 **Akira:** We decided it'd be too much of a kerfuffle because of Phantom Thieves stuff and the fact that I have to go back home in April

 **Ryuji:** bro dont remind me ur leavin i already miss u

 **Akira:** I MISS YOU TOO BRO

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Ryuji:** also thats rly grown up of u nd mish

 **Akira:** We're friends with benefits

 **Akira:** The benefit is finding Mementos requests and also smanging

 **Ryuji:** i take it back i dont miss u anymore

 **Akira:** I can hear Mishima coming to save my life so I'll see you later, my favourite bro

 **Ryuji:** good luck bro

 **Ryuji:** love u

 **Ryuji:** miss u already

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** PHANTOM BROS!!! **

**> 9:20am: pannic! at the disco started a new chat thread.**

**pannic! at the disco:** Okay so like

 **pannic! at the disco:** Who's going to explain to me why Akira's wearing shorts?

 **joker found dead in miami:** I'll have you know I'm going for a nice summer look today

 **pannic! at the disco:** A summer look

 **pannic! at the disco:** In mid-November?

 **joker found dead in miami:** It's summer somewhere and that somewhere is my legs

 **Meme Queen:** He ripped his trousers.

 **BI RYUJI:** nd mishima brought him some shorts

 **joker found dead in miami:** I am so cold

 **pannic! at the disco:** Mishima's so sweet ☺️

 **joker found dead in miami:** But I feel incredibly sexy right now

 **joker found dead in miami:** Sexy and cold

 **Honeybuns:** I politely request photos of Akira wearing shorts.

 **joker found dead in miami:** I will send you my glamour shots later

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** I'll help take some at lunch!

 **Honeybuns:** 🦞

 **pannic! at the disco:** I'm kinda getting the vibe that uniform rules mean nothing at Shujin...

 **Meme Queen:** I would argue that you, Ryuji, and Akira are the worst offenders for it.

 **pannic! at the disco:** At least I'm not wearing shorts!

 **joker found dead in miami:** Sky's out thighs out

 **Meme Queen:** It's raining.

 **joker found dead in miami:** Rain's out thighs out

 **Meme Queen:** You really have an answer to everything, don't you?

 **joker found dead in miami:** Yes

 **BI RYUJI:** whats the meanin of life bro

 **joker found dead in miami:** You're my life bro

 **BI RYUJI:** bro

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** I've spoken to the cafeteria workers and pre-bought us all some bread for lunch!

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** They're making an extra loaf for Yusuke too!

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** @ _rule 34 garfield_ Please let me know if you want anything!

 **BI RYUJI:** haru we absolutely do not deserve u

 **Honeybuns:** Haru is truly the epitome of human kindness.

 **pannic! at the disco:** What did we DO to get such an angel in our lives? 😭💖

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** It's the least I can do after you all helped me with my father!

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:**** Although it may not have turned out the way we wanted it to, I'm glad we became friends.

 **pannic! at the disco:** I'd do alllll of the space palace a thousand times over if it means we'd get to stay friends! 💖

 **joker found dead in miami:** I'd do all the palaces again just to be friends with Haru

 **joker found dead in miami:** Actually I'd do all the palaces again just to be friends with you all

 **joker found dead in miami:** Which is kind of how we became friends in the first place anyway

 **Meme Queen:** Nothing brings people together like trauma.

 **rule 34 garfield:** holy shit did Queen just make a JOKE

 **BI RYUJI:** im so proud

 **Meme Queen:** Thanks, Futaba and Ryuji.

 **rule 34 garfield:** also @ _M'lady *tips vegetable garden*_ I'll just eat whatever you guys don't! >:3

 **BI RYUJI:** if our resident starvin artist doesnt eat it first

 **Honeybuns:** I make no promises.

 ** **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** **Okay! I love you all, and I'll see you all at lunch! 💛

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 2:08pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** These girls in my class were talking today about how you're apparently a bonafide trumpet player

 **Akira:** Is this true?

 **Goro:** Trumpet?

 **Akira:** Yeah you know

 **Akira:** The doot doot doot

 **Goro:** I am fully aware of what a trumpet is, Kurusu.

 **Goro:** And no, I'm afraid I cannot play one.

 **Akira:** That's cool

 **Akira:** I see you as more of a violin person anyway

 **Akira:** All refined and sexy

 **Goro:** Do you talk to all your friends this way?

 **Akira:** Only the hot ones

 **Akira:** So yeah all of them

 **Goro:** Are you saying that you only befriend hot people?

 **Akira:** No I'm saying that all my friends just happen to be hot

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** If you're wondering if you're included in that list the answer is yes

 **Goro:** So you're saying that we're friends?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Goro:** And you're saying that you think I'm hot?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** Save me Mr. Sexy Ace Detective

 **Goro:** The only thing you require saving from is your grossly inflated ego.

 **Akira:** Ow

 **Akira:** Just shoot me in the heart why don't you

 **Goro:** You make the idea sound tempting sometimes.

 **Akira:** Wow!!!!!

 **Akira:** I'm wounded, Goro

 **Akira:** Metaphorically, please don't shoot me

 **Akira:** I should also be learning history right now so I'll speak to you at Leblanc later

 **Goro:** I'm looking forward to it.

 **Akira:** I hope that's a "I'm looking forward to speaking to you" and not a "I'm looking forward to shooting you"

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

**> Akira is offline.**

**Goro:** You still need to teach me what an "uwu" is, by the way.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. I finally hit the third term in P5R and I'm losing my entire mind.


	4. ILoveArt42069

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **joker found dead in miami:** Everyone is getting a kiss next time I see them
> 
>  **joker found dead in miami:** Aside from Ann as she's in a committed relationship and the Phantom Thieves RESPECT boundaries
> 
>  **joker found dead in miami:** But kissing is a team building exercise and I see it only strengthening our bonds together
> 
>  **rule 34 garfield:** you just wanna kiss people don't you
> 
>  **joker found dead in miami:** I'm so lonely

**Goro Akechi**

**> 5:30pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** May I ask why you were wearing shorts during our meeting today?

 **Akira:** Because they're functional but stylish

 **Goro:** That absolutely does not answer my question.

 **Akira:** Maybe you should wear shorts sometime

 **Akira:** I genuinely can't imagine you wearing anything but a suit or a sweater

 **Akira:** Even your Thief gear is all fancy and professional

 **Goro:** I have to maintain a professional image, Kurusu.

 **Akira:** Boo

 **Akira:** Take it off

 **Goro:** Excuse me?

 **Akira:** You heard me

 **Akira:** Wear some shorts and a t-shirt sometime

 **Goro:** Perhaps if you invited me out somewhere where such attire were appropriate, I would consider indulging you.

 **Akira:** Hang on

 **Goro:** As you wish.

 **Goro:** I do hope Leblanc isn't on fire again.

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 5:36pm: joker found dead in miami started a new chat thread.**

**joker found dead in miami:** GUYS

 **joker found dead in miami:** GIVE ME A DATE SPOT WHERE SHORTS ARE APPROPRIATE ATTIRE

 **BI RYUJI:** beach???

 **rule 34 garfield:** anywhere if you're not a coward

 **pannic! at the disco:** I agree with Ryuji, the beach is probably your best bet! 💖

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** We could all have a beach party!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Although the weather isn't exactly clement...

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** But my house has an indoor pool, so we could have a pool party!

 **joker found dead in miami:** Hold on one second

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 5:40pm**

**Akira:** How does a pool party sound

 **Goro:** Hellish.

 **Akira:** Perfect, wear your favourite flip flops

 **Goro:** Flip... flops?

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 5:41pm**

**joker found dead in miami:** Haru I could kiss you

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Okay!

 **BI RYUJI:** aw man i want a kiss

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Okay!

 **joker found dead in miami:** I will kiss you both on the face next time I see you

 **Honeybuns:** I too wish to be a part of this kissing action.

 **joker found dead in miami:** You got it

 **BI RYUJI:** ill kiss ya yusuke

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I'll kiss you too!

 **Honeybuns:** I am in your debt.

 **BI RYUJI:** its just a kiss bro

 **joker found dead in miami:** We're gonna need a lot of lip balm

 **pannic! at the disco:** You can use mine!! It's strawberry scented~ 💖

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Thank you Ann! Please give Shiho a kiss from us all. 💛

 **pannic! at the disco:** Will do! 💖

 **rule 34 garfield:** if any of you try to kiss me I'll doxx you

 **rule 34 garfield:** I've seen your browsing history

 **rule 34 garfield:** you know incognito mode exists for a reason right Inari

 **Honeybuns:** I can never find the correct button.

 **rule 34 garfield:** hopeless

 **rule 34 garfield:** I bet all your passwords are password1234

 **joker found dead in miami:** ILoveArt42069

 **rule 34 garfield:** just the word "art"

 **BI RYUJI:** is password1234 not safe????

 **rule 34 garfield:** oh my god

 **Honeybuns:** I must do something. Please excuse me.

 **rule 34 garfield:** OH MY GOD

 **joker found dead in miami:** Luckily for me all my passwords are just sm0k3w33d420

 **rule 34 garfield:** have you ever even seen a weed?

 **joker found dead in miami:** On the internet, yes

 **rule 34 garfield:** (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 5:41pm**

**Akira:** Yeah you know, flip flops

 **Goro:** Why would you assume I own a pair of flip flops?

 **Akira:** Because they're like not even ¥200

 **Akira:** And they keep your feet nice and cool in summer

 **Goro:** Sandals serve the same purpose and tend to not make that awful slapping noise.

 **Akira:** SO YOU DO KNOW WHAT FLIP FLOPS ARE

 **Goro:** Of course I do, I'm not an idiot.

 **Akira:** Also you own sandals?

 **Goro:** Not to repeat myself, but,

 **Goro:** Of course I do, I'm not an idiot.

 **Akira:** Next you're gonna tell me you own a yukata

 **Goro:** Would it please you if I said yes?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Goro:** Then you shall never know.

 **Akira:** You're so cruel

 **Goro:** Only for you.

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 5:48pm**

**M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Futaba-chan, is it bad if I have all my passwords written down in a notebook?

 **rule 34 garfield:** very

 **rule 34 garfield:** but I'll let you off because we love you

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** 😃

 **joker found dead in miami:** also it turns out Joker wasn't kidding about his password being sm0k3w33d420

 **joker found dead in miami:** FUTABA GET OUT MY ACCOUNT

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Oh dear.

 **joker found dead in miami:** mwehehehe >:3

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I will say, you did bring this on yourself.

 **joker found dead in** **miami:** Haru no I thought you were on my side :(

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I have no idea who's typing!

 **joker found dead in miami:** I'm gonna read through all your private chats with Akechi

 **joker found dead in miami:** Good luck, they're mostly about jazz

 **joker found dead in miami:** ugh how can you be simultaneously so interesting and yet sooooo boring </3

 **joker found dead in miami:** A question I ask myself every day

 **joker found dead in miami:** Now get out my account, I'm going to change my password

 **joker found dead in miami:** don't use sm0k3w33d69

 **joker found dead in miami:** You can't tell me what to do

 **rule 34 garfield:** seriously though for Christmas I'm getting you all a virtual password manager and authenticator

 **rule 34 garfield:** cyber-crime is serious people

 **rule 34 garfield:** change up your passwords!!!!!

 **BI RYUJI:** wait

 **BI RYUJI:** u mean i cant just use the same pword 4 everythin?

 **rule 34 garfield:** NO

 **BI RYUJI:** oh man

 **Meme Queen:** Why is it that whenever I open this chat, something strange and out of context is happening?

 **rule 34 garfield:** are we talking about the cyber-crime or the kissing

 **Meme Queen:** The kissing?

 **joker found dead in miami:** Everyone is getting a kiss next time I see them

 **joker found dead in miami:** Aside from Ann as she's in a committed relationship and the Phantom Thieves RESPECT boundaries

 **joker found dead in miami:** But kissing is a team building exercise and I see it only strengthening our bonds together

 **rule 34 garfield:** you just wanna kiss people don't you

 **joker found dead in miami:** I'm so lonely

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Don't feel lonely, Akira! We're all here for you. 💛

 **BI RYUJI:** if ur so lonely just invite ur fave ace detective out

 **joker found dead in miami:** If you insist

 **BI RYUJI:** wait no

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 6:00pm**

**Akira:** Would you like to go out?

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 6:00pm**

**joker found dead in miami:** It is done

 **Meme** **Queen:** Ryuji, I hope you realise that if those two wind up getting together, it's entirely your fault.

 **BI RYUJI:** hows it my fault!!!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I feel it is Akira's fault for being so handsome and charming.

 **joker found dead in miami:** Thank you, it took many many many baths and cups of coffee to get this charming

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** So your secret is bathing and coffee...

 **joker found dead in miami:** People love a man with basic hygiene

 **Honeybuns:** Hmm. Perhaps I should take a leaf out of Joker's book and drink more coffee.

 **BI RYUJI:** we can do that after we get u into a normal eatin routine

 **Meme Queen:** Ooh, that reminds me, I'll mock up a schedule for who's taking Yusuke out to eat when now.

 **Honeybuns:** Thank you.

 **Honeybuns:** I apologise for being a burden.

 **pannic! at the disco:** It's never a chore to make sure your friends are fed!!

 **BI RYUJI:** nd ur not a burden bro

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 6:03pm**

**Goro:** Yes.

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 6:03pm**

**GO TO SLEEP:** uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 **pannic! at the disco:** Morgana! 💖

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Hello, Mona!

 **BI RYUJI:** sup monamona

 **Honeybuns:** Hello, Morgana.

 **joker found dead in miami:** I think he's asleep on my laptop upstairs

 **joker found dead in miami:** Let me go check

 **GO TO SLEEP:** iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

 **GO TO SLEEP:** k,.m

 **GO TO SLEEP:** .////////////

 **rule 34 garfield:** poetry

 **Honeybuns:** It truly brings a tear to one's eye.

 **Honeybuns:** I must paint it.

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 6:05pm**

**Akira:** Tonight?

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 6:05pm**

**rule 34 garfield:** ????? how?????

 **Honeybuns:** I will find a way.

 **Meme Queen:** Yusuke, just remember we're going out for dinner tonight.

 **Honeybuns:** I will draw on the napkins.

 **Meme Queen:** As long as it's not on the table.

 **Honeybuns:** Wood is an excellent medium.

 **BI RYUJI:** thats our yusuke

 **BI RYUJI:** wouldnt change him 4 the world

 **Honeybuns:** 💙

 **rule 34 garfield:** INARI USED A NON-LOBSTER EMOJI

 **rule 34** **garfield:** ALERT THE PRESSES

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 6:07pm**

**Goro** : Jazz club in Kichijoji?

 **Akira:** I was thinking the cinema

 **Goro:** That's rather different to our usual haunts.

 **Akira:** Yongen-Jaya. People'll be less likely to recognise you

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 6:07pm**

**pannic! at the disco:** Soon Yusuke'll be speaking only in fluent emoji~

 **BI RYUJI:** like modern hiroglifs

 **pannic! at the disco:** hiroglifs

 **BI RYUJI:** yea u know the egyptian emojis

 **pannic! at the disco:** hiroglifs

 **BI RYUJI:** what!!!!

 **rule 34 garfield:** hiroglifs

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** hiroglifs

 **BI RYUJI:** this is bullyin!!!!!!!!

 **Honeybuns:** I believe you mean "hieroglyphs," Ryuji.

 **BI RYUJI:** ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **BI** **RYUJI:** i tried!

 **Meme Queen:** Indeed, I'm impressed you even remembered what hieroglyphs are.

 **BI RYUJI:** aw cmon im not that dumb

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 6:09pm**

**Goro:** Thoughtful.

 **Goro:** You're paying.

 **Akira:** Wouldn't dream of making our ace detective break the bank

 **Goro:** Haha.

 **Akira:** I'll meet you there at 7?

 **Goro:** I'll be there.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB **

**> 6:10pm: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** Just to go over the plan again in case somebody (Ryuji) forgets it:

 **Ryuji:** >:(

 **Makoto:** We meet at Leblanc at 11am to infiltrate Sis' palace.

 **Makoto:** If all goes well, Morgana expects us to be out by 5pm. We should have a route to the Treasure secured by then.

 **Makoto:** Boss said he'll have curry ready for us all at Leblanc around 6pm, and then it's just a matter of preparing and sending the calling card.

 **Makoto:** If it's approaching 6pm and we're nowhere near the treasure, we'll find a safe room and leave it there for the day.

 **Makoto:** Are we all clear?

 **Ryuji:** yes maam

 **Haru:** Let's do our best!

 **Yusuke:** Affirmative.

 **Futaba:** a-okay!

 **Goro:** Understood.

 **Ann:** Loud and clear~! 💖

 **Akira:** Morgana says to get a good night's sleep

 **Ryuji:** does mona ever say anythin else

 **Akira:** He offers validation sometimes

 **Makoto:** Alright. Yusuke, I'll meet you in Kichijoji for dinner at 7pm.

 **Yusuke:** 🦞

 **Futaba:** how long until we regret teaching Inari emojis

 **Akira:** 🦞🦞🦞

 **Futaba:** don't you start!

 **Futaba:** (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 6:15pm**

**Meme Queen:** Here's the rota for who's taking Yusuke out to eat and when.

**> Meme Queen sent an attachment.**

**Meme Queen:** Boss said he can feed him on days where we're all busy.

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Boss should be an honorary Phantom Thief!

 **joker found dead in miami:** I'd pay to see Boss fighting Shadows

 **BI RYUJI:** awwww yea beef bowl duty w/ my boy

 **pannic! at the disco:** Buffet duty! 💖

 **pannic! at the disco:** You know us all so well, Mako-chan!

 **rule 34 garfield:** why does mine just say "actual food"

 **Meme Queen:** Because I know both of you would just eat jagariko and drink soda otherwise.

 **rule 34 garfield:** >:(

 **Meme Queen:** There's nothing wrong with some steamed salmon and vegetables.

 **rule 34 garfield:** blech

 **Meme Queen:** You're both growing, you need nutrients.

 **rule 34 garfield:** I can get all my nutrients from curry!!!!

 **joker found dead in miami:** I agree with Futaba

 **Meme Queen:** You need a varied diet in your life.

 **Meme Queen:** That goes for _all_ of you.

 **Meme Queen:** Except for Haru, who understands the importance of vegetables.

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Thank you Makoto!

 **pannic! at the disco:** I'll make sure we visit the veggie section at the buffet~!

 **Honeybuns:** I will endeavour to eat a vegetable.

 **Meme Queen:** Thank you.

 **BI RYUJI:** but meat is so good...........

 **Meme Queen:** You can eat meat AND vegetables.

 **BI RYUJI:** huh

 **BI RYUJI:** anyway what r we all doin tonight

 **rule 34 garfield:** internet stuff

 **Honeybuns:** Makoto is taking me out to eat.

 **pannic! at the disco:** Shiho and I have a date~! 💖

 **joker found dead in miami:** I'm taking Akechi to the cinema

 **rule 34 garfield:** are you sure that he and you in a dark room is a good idea

 **joker found dead in miami:** Listen there are two ways this can go

 **joker found dead in miami:** Death or glory

 **BI RYUJI:** uhhhhhhh

 **rule 34 garfield:** what about the third option of

 **rule 34 garfield:** "we watched a film and nothing nefarious happened"

 **joker found dead in miami:** That's boring

 **BI RYUJI:** well im gonna hit the gym

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I'll join you!

 **BI RYUJI:** u sure?

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Yes!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I must be in top form if I want to continue to fight!

 **BI RYUJI:** niiiiiiiiice

 **BI RYUJI:** ill meet u in shibuya!!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I'll head there at once!

 **Meme Queen:** Just remember to not push yourselves too hard and head to sleep at a healthy time.

 **BI RYUJI:** yes maam

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ichiko Ohya**

**> 9:58pm**

**Ohya:** Did I just see you and a certain ace detective heading out of the cinema together? 👀

**> 10:04pm**

**Akira:** Maybe

 **Ohya:** That's a yes then 😈

 **Akira:** We're friends

 **Akira:** I think

 **Ohya:** You think? 🤔

 **Akira:** I'll tell you about it next time I'm at Crossroads

 **Ohya:** I'm holding you to that! 🍸

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is shorter! It's more of a filler chapter.
> 
> I'm on January 17th in Royal. It's a ride. I'm losing my mind.
> 
> Anyway, remember to wash your hands and eat your vegetables.


	5. Here lies Akira Kurusu, he was number one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Ann:** He invites you round to his house and he has a shrine to you in his bathroom
> 
>  **Akira:** Oh no don't make me picture it
> 
>  **Akira:** Why the bathroom?!
> 
>  **Ann:** Good point, basement shrine it is~
> 
>  **Akira:** If I ever go missing, please dig up Akechi's backyard

**WELCOME TO THE VELVET ROOM**

**> 5:30am: Caroline started a new chat thread.**

**Caroline:** INMATE I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOUR DEAL WITH US

 **Akira:** Agh

 **Akira:** Why are you texting me this early

 **Caroline:** TIME IS RELATIVE

 **Justine:** I believe it may be too early for him to respond in an adequate manner, Caroline.

 **Caroline:** I WILL TRY AGAIN LATER

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> 6:30am**

**Caroline:** INMATE

**> 7:30am**

**Caroline:** INMATE

**> 8:30am**

**Caroline:** INMATE

**> 9:30am**

**Caroline:** INMATE

 **Akira:** I'm up I'm up

 **Caroline:** INMATE I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOUR DEAL WITH US

 **Akira:** I haven't forgotten

 **Caroline:** GOOD FOR WE WISH TO LEARN ABOUT THIS PLACE WHERE HUMANS GO TO SIT IN THE DARK IN ORDER TO ESCAPE REALITY

 **Akira:** You mean the cinema?

 **Caroline:** PERHAPS

 **Justine:** We would like to be accompanied there in order to continue observing human experiences.

 **Akira:** Well we're planning on finding the treasure in Sae's palace today

 **Akira:** So I don't know if I'll have enough energy to take you

 **Caroline:** UNACCEPTABLE

 **Justine:** I believe if the inmate is taking steps toward his rehabilitation, we should perhaps go easier on him for today.

 **Caroline:** ACCEPTABLE

 **Akira:** I'll take you to the cinema tomorrow evening, is that alright?

 **Justine:** I find this an appropriate course of action.

 **Caroline:** I AGREE

 **Akira:** Nice

 **Akira:** It's a deal

 **Justine:** We will see you later to guide you in your rehabilitation.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:40am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** Have you seen my shirt?

 **Akira:** Uhhhh

 **Akira:** Let me look

 **Goro:** Very well.

 **Akira:** Are you texting me from the bathroom?

 **Goro:** Yes. I am shirtless and thus indisposed.

 **Akira:** It's not a crime to have your tits out

 **Goro:** I'm not gracing that with an answer.

 **Akira:** </3

 **Akira:** Also Mona's asleep on your shirt

 **Goro:** Ngh.

 **Goro:** Could you move him?

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** He's sleeping like a small furry baby

 **Akira:** Why don't you just put my shirt back on?

 **Goro:** Because your friends will be arriving soon and I don't want them to get the wrong idea.

 **Goro:** Especially given your particularly flirtatious nature.

 **Akira:** Wow Goro I'm wounded

 **Akira:** Also it's not even 10, the earliest person round will probably be Futaba at like 10:40 in search of curry

 **Akira:** Also speaking of curry, do you want me to make you some coffee?

 **Goro:** I would greatly appreciate some coffee, thank you.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

 **Goro:** What if Morgana isn't awake by the time your friends start arriving?

 **Akira:** Then you keep my shirt on and just put your suit thing on over the top

 **Akira:** Tada, an outfit

 **Goro:** You are rather irksome today.

 **Akira:** Thanks

 **Goro:** That is not a compliment by any means.

 **Akira:** It means I'm usually less irksome than this

 **Goro:** You are normally incredibly irksome anyway.

 **Akira:** Harsh words coming from someone who chose to stay the night with me of their own free will

 **Goro:** I simply decided that sleeping on your futon would be a more tactical step than to travel all the way home late at night, sleep for perhaps an hour or two, and then have to return here in the morning.

 **Akira:** You keep telling yourself that

 **Goro:** I shall.

 **Akira:** May I remind you that you also went out to the cinema with me of your own free will

 **Akira:** And you came to visit me at work of your own free will

 **Goro:** Your point being?

 **Akira:** You're sending me mixed signals Akechi-kun

 **Akira:** You're breaking my heart

 **Goro:** Tch.

 **Goro:** There is no point in us forging a friendship if the Phantom Thieves are to disband after this mission.

 **Akira:** You know that people can like

 **Akira:** Be friends outside of things, right

 **Goro:** I will return to my life of being an ace detective and you will return to your life of being an ordinary student.

 **Akira** : I think you mean a sexy and dangerous transfer student who happens to be friends with the charming yet mysterious ace detective

 **Goro:** Sometimes I wish I had an ounce of your blissful ignorance.

 **Akira:** I'll have you know I'm top of my class in test scores

 **Goro:** Is that supposed to impress me?

 **Akira:** That depends

 **Akira:** Is it working?

 **Goro:** If you have physical proof, perhaps.

 **Akira:** I can text my teacher and ask for proof

 **Goro:** You have your teacher's number?

 **Akira:** Yeah

 **Akira:** I helped her out of a bad situation so we're friends

 **Goro:** You are such a strange person.

 **Akira:** No longer irksome?

 **Goro:** You can be both.

 **Akira:** 😇

 **Goro:** May I ask who was sending you all those texts throughout this morning?

 **Goro:** I could almost feel your phone vibrating across the room.

 **Akira:** My kids

 **Goro:** You... have children?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** Several

 **Goro:** I can no longer tell if you're being serious.

 **Akira:** I have at least three

 **Akira:** The coffee's getting cold jsyk

 **Goro:** I will be out of the bathroom shortly.

 **Goro:** It is rather nice and warm in here.

 **Akira:** I have a dressing gown you can borrow if you're cold

 **Goro:** I may have to take you up on that offer.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Yuuki Mishima**

**> 10:06am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** You, me, lunch at the diner in Shibuya tomorrow after school?

 **Akira:** I mean I know that's not really a lunch date but it's nicer than being "you, me, vending machine during school lunch tomorrow?"

 **Yuuki:** Of course!!

 **Akira:** Nice

 **Akira:** One condition

 **Akira:** No talking about the Phan-Site

 **Yuuki:** Okay, but why?

 **Akira:** I want to know about you for once

 **Akira:** I also think I deserve a break from Phantom Thieves stuff for like 5 minutes

 **Yuuki:** Okay!!

 **Akira:** I'll meet you at the diner in Shibuya at 3:30?

 **Yuuki:** I'll be there!!

 **Akira:** There is a small chance Yusuke will be with us

 **Akira:** We're all taking it in turns to take him out to eat

 **Yuuki:** That's fine! Kitagawa-kun is an interesting person.

 **Yuuki:** Wait, is he also part of the Phantom Thieves?

 **Akira:** 🤫

 **Yuuki:**!!!

 **Yuuki:** I suppose I should have seen that coming, given his involvement with Madarame...

 **Yuuki:** Wait, does that mean that Sakamoto-kun and Takamaki-san are Thieves too?!

 **Akira:** 🤫

 **Yuuki:** Just how many of you are there?!

 **Akira:** Last time I counted, 9?

 **Yuuki:** What!!

 **Akira:** One of those members is my cat though

 **Yuuki:** WHAT!!

 **Akira:** Alright alright I'll tell you tomorrow

 **Akira:** But no Phan-Site talk!

 **Yuuki:** I suppose I can forget about the site for one day...

 **Yuuki:** I'll see you tomorrow, then!

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Shinya Oda**

**> 11:30am: Shinya started a new thread.**

**Shinya:** Hey!!!! R u coming 2 practice today? I have a new gun skill I want 2 show u. 🔫🔫🔫

**> 6:13pm**

**Akira:** Sorry dude, I had some important business today

 **Shinya:** That's ok!!! Next time then 👍👍👍

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

 **Shinya:** Just don't forget about me!!!

 **Akira:** I won't, I promise

 **Akira:** The Phantom Thieves say hi

 **Shinya:** 👋👋👋

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 11:46am: Kasumi started a new chat thread.**

**Kasumi:** Hello senpai! If you have the time today, would you consider working on some new moves with me? I think I'm really close to a breakthrough! ❤️

**> 6:14pm**

**Akira:** Sorry Kasumi, I had some important business today

 **Kasumi:** Oh, senpai! Hello!

 **Akira:** Hello

 **Kasumi:** And don't worry! I wound up going to Kichijoji to meditate at the temple instead! ❤️

 **Akira:** Did you have fun?

 **Kasumi:** Yeah!

 **Akira:** Good

 **Akira:** I'm busy tomorrow but if you're free on Tuesday after school, we can work together

 **Kasumi:** Okay, senpai! I'm holding you to it! ❤️

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 7:32pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** Okay soooooo like

 **Ann:** I say this as your friend and close confidant

 **Ann:** But was Akechi-kun wearing your shirt today?

 **Akira:** Maybe

 **Ann:** Soooooo that's a yes

 **Akira:** Yes but before this goes any further it's not like that

 **Ann:** Like what?

 **Akira:** That

 **Ann:** That

 **Akira:** That

 **Ann:** That

 **Akira:** You know

 **Akira:** Smanging

 **Ann:** jskhdfeiuh oh my godddddd

 **Ann:** Then like, give me a heterosexual explanation as to why Goro Akechi was wearing your shirt

 **Akira:** Nothing I do is heterosexual

 **Ann:** Give me a bisexual explanation as to why Goro Akechi was wearing your shirt

 **Akira:** He slept over

 **Akira:** Didn't have any pyjamas

 **Akira:** As I am a saint and a gentleman, I offered him several pairs of my pyjamas before he said "I suppose these are acceptable" in that high and mighty way of his

 **Ann:** And then he like, kept your shirt on???

 **Akira:** Yeah Mona went to sleep on his fancy one

 **Akira:** When he finally woke up, it was all covered in cat hair

 **Akira:** Sorry, Mona told me to say "IT'S NOT CAT HAIR"

 **Ann:** Cryptid hair

 **Akira:** Mona the bag cryptid

 **Ann:** sdkljflskdflk

 **Akira:** I have a weird feeling Akechi's going to burn the shirt the second he gets home

 **Ann:** Nah, he'll totally make it into a pillowcase

 **Akira:** Voodoo doll

 **Ann:** dsjkhfksdjf omg

 **Ann:** He invites you round to his house and he has a shrine to you in his bathroom

 **Akira:** Oh no don't make me picture it

 **Akira:** Why the bathroom?!

 **Ann:** Good point, basement shrine it is~

 **Akira:** If I ever go missing, please dig up Akechi's backyard

 **Ann:** skldjflskdjfl

 **Akira:** Seriously Ann I can't tell if he likes me or hates me

 **Akira:** He's all like

 **Akira:** Oh I am the mighty ace detective, friendships are below me and my far superior IQ, yes I will accept all your invites out and occasionally respond to your flirting in a positive manner while also making jokes about taking you out

 **Ann:** Taking you out??

 **Akira:** You know like

 **Akira:** Pew pew pew

 **Ann:** Could it be that he just like, doesn't know how flirting works

 **Akira:** I just don't think he has a single actual friend

 **Ann:** That's sad 😭

 **Akira:** I mean the attitude absolutely doesn't help

 **Ann:** Maybe we need to like

 **Ann:** invite him out more~?

 **Akira:** Ann oh my god

 **Akira:** Ann let's take him ice skating

 **Ann:** ????????????????

 **Akira:** Double date. Bring Shiho

 **Ann:** I mean I'm alllllllllways up for ice skating but why ice skating????

 **Akira:** Idk I feel he has to be bad at something right

 **Ann:** And you're............ hoping ice skating is his weakness?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Ann:** I'm not gonna lie

 **Ann:** I'm like, not following your logic here 😅😰

 **Akira:** Consider it

 **Akira:** Either he turns out to be an ice skating prodigy, in which case we get to have a fun double date

 **Akira:** Or he turns out to completely suck at it and we finally have his weak spot

 **Ann:** Or the third option where you 'accidentally' fall over and Akechi-kun 'accidentally' happens to skate right into you and slice open like, all of your main organs in a totally accidental freak ice skating accident

 **Akira:** A risk I am fully willing to take

 **Akira:** How many organs can I live without

 **Ann:** Idk that's def a Makoto question

 **Akira:** I bet it's about 5

 **Ann:** That sounds about right

 **Akira:** Who really needs organs anyway

 **Ann:** Do you think Monamona has organs?

 **Akira:** Please don't dissect my cat

 **Akira:** Sorry, the cryptid who lives in my bag

 **Ann:** I was just thinking like, if he's not really a cat, then maybe he's not a cat on the inside??

 **Akira:** IMAGINE IF HE HAD A TINY ENGINE AND THAT'S WHY HE CAN TURN INTO A VAN

 **Ann:** OH MY GODDDDDDD THAT WOULD BE SO CUUUUUTE~

 **Akira:** He just swatted my glasses off so I'm thinking it might not be that

 **Ann:** But it would explain why his purrs are so cute!!!!

 **Akira:** He says he's not cute, he's handsome

 **Ann:** He can be both!!!!

 **Akira:** Mona's taken off with my glasses

 **Akira:** F

 **Ann:** F 😔

 **Akira:** It's alright they're fake anyway

 **Ann:** Why do you even like wear them?

 **Akira:** Same reason I keep my fringe long, otherwise people would be blinded by my radiant beauty

 **Ann:** sdkjfslkdfl suuuureeee

 **Akira:** Also people are less intimidated by people with glasses and you know

 **Akira:** I kind of transferred over here with a criminal record

 **Ann:** 😔

 **Ann:** But you're such a nice guy!!

 **Ann:** But an actual nice guy, not a Nice Guy

 **Akira:** spare coochie m'lady?

 **Ann:** 🤮

* * *

**> 7:52pm: Incoming call from Munehisa Iwai.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 7:52pm**

**Akira:** Hang on I'm getting a call

 **Ann:** 👌🏻

**> 7:54pm**

**Akira:** Alright looks like I'm working at the airsoft shop tonight

 **Ann:** That was the quickest call like, ever

 **Akira:** It was literally just a bunch of grunts

 **Akira:** I hope I am actually working and I didn't just agree to being a bulletproof vest tester or something

 **Ann:** omg

 **Ann:** Don't die, we need you

 **Akira:** No promises

 **Akira:** I'll see you at school tomorrow if I survive

 **Ann:** I'll see if I can get us an ice skating date booked!

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

 **Ann:** 💖💖💖

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything Akechi knows about friendship he furiously read in a WikiHow article at 5am while wearing Akira's shirt.
> 
> Heads up: We're getting into 'spoilers for Akechi's new confidant, except I take liberties with canon and make it gay' in P5R territory as of next chapter.


	6. Smanging: A Sensitive Issue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Akira:** Do you want me to make random guesses and if I get it right, you tell me?
> 
>  **Ryuji:** yea that sounds fun
> 
>  **Akira:** You have a terrible rash and you're too afraid to see someone about it
> 
>  **Ryuji:** no bro
> 
>  **Akira:** You're wondering about the repercussions of drinking 8 cups of coffee in one day and are currently stuck on the toilet while regretting it
> 
>  **Ryuji:** that sounds like a u problem bro
> 
>  **Akira:** It is, help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two new chapters in one day? It's more likely than you think.
> 
> (I'm having a lot of fun writing this. I hope you're all having fun reading it!)

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:32am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** I have washed your shirt and will return it when I next see you.

 **Akira:** You didn't have to but thank you

 **Goro:** It's the least I could do.

 **Akira:** Did you enjoy wearing something that doesn't have 20 buttons and isn't tailor-made specifically to your torso?

 **Goro:** You are remarkably quick-witted this morning.

 **Akira:** I've been up drinking coffee since 7am

 **Akira:** I've got a busy day

 **Goro:** I suppose I won't be seeing you today, then?

 **Akira:** Unless you want to fourth-wheel a lunch date that isn't a lunch date or take my kids to the cinema, no

 **Goro:** Something has suddenly come up on my end.

 **Goro:** Enjoy your day, Akira.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 10:08am: Maruki started a new chat thread.**

**Maruki:** Hello! It's your friendly school therapist checking in! Once again, I'm sorry for texting you during class, but are you free today? I have one more subject I want to discuss with you.

 **Akira:** Sorry dad, I'm taking my friends out for lunch after school today

 **Maruki:** That's okay! Remember to eat something healthy.

 **Maruki:** And forgive me for asking, but did you just call me "dad"?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Maruki:** I see. Do you maybe see me as some sort of father figure, Akira?

 **Akira:** Well you do kind of look like me but older

 **Maruki:** And just how old do you think I am?

 **Akira:** Idk, late 20s

 **Maruki:** So if you're 17, you're saying that I became a father to you somewhere around 10?

 **Akira:** In my defence, you are currently texting me during maths class

 **Akira:** But I do also have three other father figures in my life

 **Maruki:** Perhaps you're collecting father figures to make up for a lack of one in your life?

 **Akira:** I absolutely did not come to school today just to be forced to confront my daddy issues

 **Maruki:** Well, we can unpack this another day if you want to.

 **Akira:** I'll think about it

 **Maruki:** Just let me know when you're free.

 **Akira:** Aye aye dad

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**The Shujin Super Five**

**> 11:23am: Vulgar Boy started a new chat thread.**

**Vulgar Boy:** lunch

 **Vulgar Boy:** ?

 ** **Haru (Haru):**** It's a lovely day outside, so why don't we enjoy lunch on the roof?

 ** **Haru (Haru):**** I'll need some help with my vegetable planters if that's okay!

 **Lady Ann:** I'll help! 💖

 **Vulgar Boy:** me too!!!!

 **Vulgar Boy:** what we harvestin

 **Haru (Haru):** Sun tomatoes! They should be ripe and ready to eat today, and then we need to repack the soil ready for the next batch!

 **Vulgar Boy:** u can count on me

 **Vulgar Boy:** nd my muscles

 **Lady Ann:** And my muscles!!

 **Miss Student Council President:** I'm afraid I won't be able to make lunch today as I'm tutoring some first-years.

 **Haru (Haru):** That's okay! 💛

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** Makoto, if you need help I can help

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** But I am also fully aware of my terrifying reputation as a murderer or whatever it is this week

 **Miss Student Council President:** We'll be revising politics in the early Edo period.

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** So Haru, how about those vegetables?

 **Haru (Haru):** I can always use a spare hand!

 **Lady Ann:** And Akira can finally explain to you all just why Akechi was wearing his shirt yesterday 😝

 **Vulgar Boy:** wait wat

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** Before anybody says anything

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** There was no smanging involved

 **Haru (Haru):** That's a shame.

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** HARU

 **Vulgar Boy:** HARU

 **Miss Student Council President:** Haru?

 **Lady Ann:** HARU!!!!

 **Haru (Haru):** What!

 **Haru (Haru):** I believe Akechi may just need some affection.

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** There is no affection involved in smanging

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** Okay, there's some affection but it's platonic

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** Oh god now I'm having to confront my feelings why did I blow off Maruki today

 **Lady Ann:** Well, we can use vegetable harvesting as group therapy~

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** Either way I did not smang Akechi and have no immediate plans to

 **Vulgar Boy:** bro pls stop makin me think about u nd akechi smangin

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** Think about Yusuke's ass instead

 **Vulgar Boy:** aight bro

 **Lady Ann:** What's this about Yusuke's ass?

 **Miss Student Council President:** May I remind you all that we still have some class left, and we can discuss sensitive issues such as 'smanging' and Yusuke's butt later?

 **Vulgar Boy:** yes maam

 **Haru (Haru):** We'll be sure to catch you up when we next all meet, Mako-chan!

 **Miss Student Council President:** Thank you, I think?

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** See you all at lunch, Studious Thieves

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** Oh also I called Maruki "dad" earlier

 **Vulgar Boy:** WHAT

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Yusuke Kitagawa **

**> 2:00pm: Yusuke started a new chat thread.**

**Yusuke:** Where should I meet you after school?

 **Akira:** Diner in Shibuya

 **Yusuke:** I will make my way over.

 **Akira:** Take your time, I told Yuuki I'd meet him at 3:30

 **Yusuke:** Are you sure you do not mind me intruding on your lunch date?

 **Akira:** Yusuke I say this from the bottom of my heart

 **Akira:** I absolutely do not want to be alone with any potential romantic companions right now

 **Akira:** Please third-wheel me

 **Akira:** Also Yuuki thinks you're cool so that's fine

 **Yusuke:** Are you having issues with your feelings?

 **Akira:** That's putting it lightly

 **Yusuke:** I see.

 **Yusuke:** Have you tried painting?

 **Akira:** I'm not very good at art

 **Yusuke:** Nonsense.

 **Yusuke:** The world is a canvas, you must simply be the brush.

 **Akira:** I can stick googly eyes on things and that's about it

 **Yusuke:** That is a start.

 **Yusuke:** After lunch, we will find some googly eyes and objects to use as an outlet.

 **Akira:** I love you so much

 **Yusuke:** I love you too.

 **Yusuke:** Hold on.

 **Akira:** Holding on

 **Yusuke:** 💙

 **Akira:** 🖤

 **Yusuke:** I shall meet you in Shibuya at 3:30pm, then.

 **Akira:** See you there bro

 **Yusuke:** 🦞

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 5:14pm: M'lady *tips vegetable garden* started a new chat thread.**

**M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Hello everyone!! Sorry for the extremely short notice, but would anyone want to come to Destinyland with me tonight for the late night rides and fireworks show?

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I know things didn't exactly go to plan last time...

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** But some bookings got mixed up at the company, so I have four spare tickets!

 **BI RYUJI:** haru pls i will give u my entire heart

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Of course you can come!

 **BI** **RYUJI:** hell yeaaaaaa

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Three tickets left!

 **Honeybuns:** If nobody else wishes to go, may I?

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** You're always welcome, Yusuke!! 💛

 **Honeybuns:** Thank you.

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Two tickets left!

 **rule 34 garfield:** I'm in!!

 **rule 34 garfield:** I need to stretch my legs

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** We can always take a trip around Destinyland's botanical gardens!

 **Honeybuns:** I would love to sketch the flowers there.

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Alright, one ticket left!

 **Meme Queen:** I'm just waiting to see if @ _pannic! at the disco_ or @ _joker found dead in miami_ want it.

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** You are too polite, Mako-chan!

 **joker found dead in miami:** I have to take my kids to the cinema tonight so I'm afraid I can't make it

 **Meme Queen:** Your kids?

 **joker found dead in miami:** Yeah you know

 **joker found dead in miami:** The twins who forced me to try the Big Bang Burger challenge

 **BI RYUJI:** ohhhhhhhh yea

 **BI RYUJI:** dude didnt they finish that burger by themselves?

 **joker found dead in miami:** They're growing kids

 **pannic! at the disco:** Sorry for the delayed response!! I'm working an evening shoot today~

 **pannic! at the disco:** So Mako-chan, take the ticket! You deserve it! 💖

 **Meme Queen:** Thank you, Ann.

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** All tickets are gone!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I'd invite Akechi-kun, but I worry he wouldn't want to go without Akira.

 **joker found dead in miami:** I text him this morning and he said he had something at work to do

 **joker found dead in miami:** So no worries, Haru

 **joker found dead in miami:** You guys go have fun together and get me something cool as a treat

 **BI RYUJI:** bro im gonna win u a giant teddy from the arcade stalls

 **joker found dead in miami:** Bro you know me so well

 **pannic! at the disco:** If anyone wants to get me another mouse ears headband, I'll pay you back! 💖

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I'll get you one for free, Ann-chan! 💛

 **pannic! at the disco:** 😭💖

 **rule 34 garfield:** alright team, mission: attend the fireworks show - start!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Shall we meet in Shibuya at 6:30pm and take the train?

 **Meme Queen:** I'll be there.

 **Honeybuns:** I'm afraid I'm a little short on money for train fare...

 **BI RYUJI:** yusuke ill swing by kosei and give u train fare

 **Honeybuns:** Thank you, Ryuji.

 **rule 34 garfield:** this is a love story in the making

 **BI RYUJI:** shuddup

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I'll reimburse you all for train fare! Please, let me buy you whatever you want!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I always worried that people only wanted me for my money, but it seems that you all are the exact opposite. 😰

 **Honeybuns:** I just do not want to be a burden and impose on my friends.

 **rule 34 garfield:** Inari you should really start imposing before you turn into an actual starving artist

 **joker found dead in miami:** We should probably start sharing out the Palace earnings because I must have like 1 million yen in the bank

 **BI RYUJI:** WAT

 **joker found dead in miami:** Idk how it works but whenever we beat a Shadow in the Metaverse, I get like ¥10,000 deposited into my bank

 **BI RYUJI:** BRO

 **joker found dead in miami:** How do you think I can always afford the coolest fake swords and guns

 **BI RYUJI:** tooshay

 **rule 34 garfield:** I looked into it before but I couldn't trace the origin of each deposit

 **rule 34 garfield:** sooo it's probably metaverse related so let's not question it and enjoy the free money

 **Honeybuns:** I wonder if Joker is accidentally causing an economic crisis.

 **joker found dead in miami:** Another thing to add to my criminal record

 **Meme Queen:** Sharing out our earnings is an excellent idea.

 **joker found dead in miami:** I trust you with my bank details and the maths, Makoto

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Please give my share to Yusuke! I'm more than comfortable with my current bank balance.

 **Meme Queen:** I can do that.

 **Meme Queen:** Also Ryuji, did you mean "touché"?

 **BI RYUJI:** probably

 **Honeybuns:** Thank you, Haru.

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** It's okay!! 💛

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** So, Ryuji, Yusuke, Mako-chan, and Futaba-chan, I'll meet you in Shibuya Station at 6:30pm!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Ann and Akira, enjoy your photoshoot and cinema trip! 💛

 **BI RYUJI:** see u there

 **BI RYUJI** : yusuke ill meet u at kosei at 6

 **Honeybuns:** Understood. Thank you, Ryuji and Haru.

 **rule 34 garfield:** meet you all there!

 **Meme Queen:** Thank you, Haru. 💛

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** 💛💛💛

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 12:18am: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** bro r u awake

 **Akira:** Justice never sleeps

 **Ryuji:** is that a yea

 **Akira:** Yea

 **Akira:** What's up bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** its like

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Ryuji are you like, alright?

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Akira:** You can tell me anything bro

 **Ryuji:** okay but like

 **Ryuji:** its kinda embarrassin man

 **Akira:** Is it as embarrassing as me calling my therapist "dad" and him accusing me of having daddy issues

 **Ryuji:** no bcos thats hilarious

 **Akira:** >:(

 **Ryuji:** but this is like

 **Ryuji:** brooooooo

 **Akira:** Do you want me to come over so you can say this to my face?

 **Ryuji:** NO MAN THATD MAKE IT WORSE

 **Akira:** If you're about to tell me you love me, just know that I am flattered and unfortunately head over heels for another

 **Ryuji:** firstly bro u know i love u but not in a boyfrind way

 **Akira:** Never mind, I'm heartbroken

 **Ryuji:** mayb in another life we r husbands

 **Akira:** Bro husbands.............

 **Akira:** But yes continue

 **Ryuji:** okay so like i think like

 **Ryuji:** wait bro who r u fallin for?

 **Akira:** I refuse to say it out loud for fear of having to confront my feelings

 **Ryuji:** its akechi aint it

 **Akira:** Fuck

 **Ryuji:** bro its so obvs

 **Akira:** May I remind you that this conversation is about you and not me

 **Ryuji:** ok but we gotta talk about u nd akechi sometime

 **Akira:** Do you want me to make random guesses and if I get it right, you tell me?

 **Ryuji:** yea that sounds fun

 **Akira:** You have a terrible rash and you're too afraid to see someone about it

 **Ryuji:** no bro

 **Akira:** You're wondering about the repercussions of drinking 8 cups of coffee in one day and are currently stuck on the toilet while regretting it

 **Ryuji:** that sounds like a u problem bro

 **Akira:** It is, help

 **Ryuji:** u gotta work thru that on ur own bro

 **Akira:** Hmmm fine

 **Akira:** Is it a romantic problem

 **Ryuji:** mayb

 **Akira:** You wanna know what love is, you want me to show yoooouuuuu

 **Ryuji:** bro i already said no

 **Akira:** You're in love with Makoto

 **Ryuji:** bro!!!!!!! no!

 **Ryuji:** i mean queens beautiful nd smart but she would crush me like a grape

 **Akira:** You're in love with Haru

 **Ryuji:** who isnt but also not that

 **Akira:** You're in love with Futaba?

 **Ryuji:** shes like a lil sis bro

 **Akira:** Ann?

 **Ryuji:** that was like a high school crush bro

 **Akira:** Okay I've exhausted all the heterosexual options

 **Akira:** You're in love with Yusuke

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** I didn't hear a no

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** IT'S YUSUKE ISN'T IT

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Akira:** BROOOOOOOOO

 **Akira:** I should have known by the way you said his ass is better than mine

 **Ryuji:** it kind of is tho

 **Akira:** Okay let's not go there right now

 **Akira:** So you're saying you think that you may or may not be in love with Yusuke

 **Ryuji:** no im saying im pretty sure i am bro

 **Akira:** Source?

 **Ryuji:** me bro

 **Ryuji:** my heart is all like

 **Ryuji:** fwoosh

 **Ryuji:** he makes me feel like i ate a butterfly

 **Akira:** I don't think that's the right expression

 **Ryuji:** u know what i mean

 **Akira:** I mean he is very pretty

 **Ryuji:** right bro :(

 **Akira:** Have you considered asking him how he feels?

 **Ryuji:** NO

 **Ryuji:** u know that yusuke works kinda differently 2 us

 **Akira:** Yeah but he's also great at speaking his mind

 **Ryuji:** yea but id be like "hey bro i love u" nd hed be like "ah, i love you too, you are a dear friend"

 **Akira:** Just tell him you want to smang him

 **Ryuji:** bro im blockin you

 **Akira:** Alright alright I'll offer actual help

 **Ryuji:** thank

 **Akira:** Do you want me to talk to him

 **Akira:** And be like

 **Akira:** "Hey out of all the Phantom Thieves, who would you marry?"

 **Ryuji:** bro i feel hed totally say u

 **Akira:** Okay so addition to the plan

 **Akira:** I temporarily marry one of our fellow Thieves, thus making me unavailable

 **Akira:** Then I talk to Yusuke and be like "Hey out of all the Phantom Thieves, who would you marry?"

 **Ryuji:** hed still say u bro

 **Akira:** I temporarily leave the Phantom Thieves

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** while ur makin me laugh, i dont think thisll work

 **Akira:** I fake my death and you make your move at my funeral?

 **Ryuji:** bro id be 2 heartbroken

 **Akira:** Bro............

 **Ryuji:** bro..........

 **Akira:** It's okay bro we'll think of something

 **Akira:** Although I think you might just have to straight up kiss him to get your point across

 **Ryuji:** bro we all kiss each other so much hell probs think its just a friend kiss

 **Akira:** Damn us for normalising kissing your friends

 **Akira:** Use tongue

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Make sure you brush your teeth first

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** ok

 **Akira:** That's my bro

 **Ryuji:** thanks bro

 **Ryuji:** i think im a littl closer to workin out what to do

 **Ryuji:** im gonna do some pushups nd go to bed

 **Akira:** Love you bro

 **Ryuji:** love u too bro

 **Ryuji:** oh pls dont tell anyone else about this

 **Akira:** It's between you and me bro

 **Ryuji:** ❤️

 **Akira:** 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Persona 5 Royal confidants be like *found family* *found family* *found family*
> 
> Sorry for updating twice in a day! I woke up early for once so I thought I'd get some writing done. Thank you to everyone who's read, commented, and/or left kudos. It means a lot. 💖


	7. The Phantom Thieves do a bottle episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Goro:** I apologise for being unavailable tonight.
> 
>  **Akira:** I'm sure I'll recover from the heartbreak at some point </3
> 
>  **Akira:** Or maybe I'll die
> 
>  **Goro:** Then perish.
> 
> **> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in one day! Apologies, as this one is more of a filler chapter just to get some story and character building in.

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 8:30am: Kasumi started a new chat thread.**

**Kasumi:** Hello senpai! Are you still up for working together today? ❤️

 **Akira:** Of course

 **Kasumi:** Thank you! I'm gonna teach you how to cartwheel today!

 **Akira:** Ooooh

 **Akira:** I'm up for that

 **Kasumi:** And you can give me feedback on my new moves! ❤️

 **Akira:** You got it, champ

 **Kasumi:** Alright! I'll meet you in the gym at 3! ❤️

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 9:02am: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** Okay soooooo

 **Ann:** I called the ice skating rink and they said that we can go as early as tomorrow night!

 **Akira:** Ann you're an angel

 **Ann:** I know~

 **Akira:** I'll hit up Akechi now and see if he's free

 **Ann:** Got it! 💖

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:05am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Good morning, sweet prince

 **Goro:** And to what do I owe this pleasure?

 **Akira:** I was wondering if you wanted to go ice skating with some friends tomorrow night

 **Goro:** Ice-skating?

 **Akira:** You know

 **Akira:** Skating on ice

 **Goro:** Kurusu-kun.

 **Goro:** Must you define everything I say back to you?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Goro:** Very well.

 **Goro:** But why ice-skating?

 **Akira:** Idk seems fun

 **Goro:** And you want to take me along?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Goro:** What is your ulterior motive here?

 **Akira:** It was either this or bowling

 **Akira:** WE SHOULD GO BOWLING

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 9:07am: joker found dead in miami started a new chat thread.**

**joker found dead in miami:** BOWLING

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 9:07am**

**Goro:** I suppose now that we have a scheduled date to send the calling card to Sae-san, there is truly nothing stopping you from having fun.

 **Akira:** Hey

 **Akira:** I know you were all

 **Akira:** I'm Goro Akechi and we can't be friends once we disband the Phantom Thieves

 **Goro:** An accurate impression.

 **Akira:** But consider: we have yet to disband the Phantom Thieves and, as such, can hang out and be friends in the meantime

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I suppose your logic is there.

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 9:09am**

**pannic! at the disco:** Bowling?

 **BI RYUJI:** im up 4 bowlin

 **joker found dead in miami:** Let's go bowling

 **joker found dead in miami:** Where do we go bowling

 **Honeybuns:** I believe there is a bowling alley not too far from Kosei.

 **joker found dead in miami:** TO KOSEI

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 9:09am**

**Goro:** Who else will be coming?

 **Akira:** Me

 **Akira:** I think Ann and Shiho

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Anyone else?

 **Akira:** Let me check

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 9:10am**

**Akira:** He wants to know who else is coming ice skating

 **Ann:** Well it'll be you, me, Shiho, him......

 **Ann:** Should we invite the rest of the Thieves?

 **Akira:** I'm worried he'll be overwhelmed

 **Akira:** Wait I have an idea

 **Akira:** Hang on

 **Ann:** Okay~!

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Yusuke Kitagawa**

**> 9:11am: Akira started a new group.**

**> 9:11am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> Akira changed the chat name to ICE SKATING BROS**

**Akira:** Hello to my nearest and dearest

 **Ryuji:** wassup bro

 **Yusuke:** Hello, Akira, Ryuji.

 **Akira:** I have an important request for you two specifically

 **Yusuke:** Is it by any chance about ice skating?

 **Akira:** I may have jumped the gun with the chat name

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** But listen Ann and I have a plan to take Akechi ice skating that'll take way too long for me to explain here

 **Yusuke:** I am already on board.

 **Yusuke:** Ice-skating is a magnificent and delicate art.

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Akira:** I thought that'd take more persuading

 **Ryuji:** im up 4 it too but wat about the others

 **Akira:** We don't want to overload Akechi with too many people at once but we also want him to feel like part of a group

 **Ryuji:** ok

 **Ryuji:** is ann bringin shiho?

 **Akira:** Yes, that's why I'm asking you two

 **Akira:** I have weighed up our options and decided you are the two least terrifying Phantom Thieves

 **Yusuke:** I am unsure if that is a compliment.

 **Ryuji:** i think hes sayin were less scary 2 akechi than makochan nd haruchan nd futabachan

 **Yusuke:** Hmm. I suppose I can see that.

 **Akira:** So would you like to come with us?

 **Akira:** It's tomorrow night

 **Ryuji:** yea bro

 **Yusuke:** I echo Ryuji's sentiment.

 **Akira:** Nice

 **Akira:** I'll send you the details later

 **Yusuke:** Thank you.

 **Ryuji:** thanks bro

 **Ryuji:** love u

 **Akira:** Love you too bro

 **Yusuke:** I love you both too.

 **Yusuke:** 💙

 **Akira:** 🖤

 **Ryuji:** 🧡

 **Yusuke:** I believe we have been graced with a heart emoji from Ryuji.

 **Akira:** He's growing up so fast..........

 **Ryuji:** shuddup!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 9:16am**

**Akira:** Okay I have Ryuji and Yusuke on board

 **Akira:** Just trust me on this

 **Ann:** Okaaaaaaaaay

 **Ann:** So are you gonna ask Akechi again?

 **Akira:** Shit yes give me a moment

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 9:16am**

**Akira:** Ryuji and Yusuke will also be there

 **Goro:** You took a suspiciously long amount of time to confirm this.

 **Akira:** I'm just that good

 **Goro:** That was not a compliment.

 **Goro:** But very well, I will indulge your request to go ice-skating.

 **Akira:** Niiiiiiiiice

 **Akira:** Consider it my treat for a job well done

 **Goro:** We should perhaps first finish the job before deciding whether it is "well done" or not.

 **Akira:** Sssshhh

 **Akira:** Have fun for once in your life

 **Goro:** If you insist.

 **Akira:** I'll send you the details later

 **Goro:** I'll be waiting for them.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 9:20am**

**Akira:** HE'S ON BOARD

 **Ann:** Yay~! 💖

 **Ann:** I'll call the venue at lunch and book us in!

 **Akira:** To channel Futaba

 **Akira:** Mission let's see if Akechi can ice skate: start!

 **Ann:** 💖💖💖

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 9:34am**

**rule 34 garfield:** Inari's correct, there's a bowling alley about a 10 minute walk from Kosei

 **rule 34 garfield:** mom used to take me there when she got a break from work

 **pannic! at the disco:** Futaba...

 **rule 34 garfield:** it's cool, I can make new memories with you guys!

 **pannic! at the disco:** Yeah! 💖

 **rule 34 garfield:** if you're all not busy after school today, should we go today?

* * *

**Tae Takemi**

**> 9:36am: Tae started a new chat thread.**

**Tae:** Hello, my little guinea pig.

 **Tae:** Just kidding, I'm afraid I won't need you for clinical trials anymore.

 **Akira:** Just as I was getting used to them </3

 **Tae:** Hahaha.

 **Tae:** Actually, I've got something I need to talk to you about. It's about Miwa-chan. It's good news, I promise.

 **Tae:** Do you mind if we meet at Inokashira Park later?

 **Akira:** As long as it's after 5:30, sure thing

 **Akira:** I can treat you to a ride on the swan pedalo if you want

 **Tae:** Hahaha. Sure, I'll take you up on that one.

 **Tae:** I'll see you there. 6pm. Don't be late, or else I might just have to bring back the clinical trials.

 **Akira:** You got it 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 9:36am**

**pannic! at the disco:** I'm also free! 💖

 **Honeybuns:** I believe I will be free.

 **Meme Queen:** I need to go to the post office to collect a package after school, but I'll be free afterwards.

 **rule 34 garfield:** forecast says it'll rain in the evening

 **rule 34 garfield:** so we should go then because less people'll be out

 **pannic! at the disco:** I'm still free this evening!

 **joker found dead in miami:** That actually works out better because I have training with Kasumi and also Takemi just text me

 **rule 34 garfield:** check out Mr Popular there

 **Honeybuns:** I will be free this evening.

 **rule 34 garfield:** oh shit it's my turn to feed Inari isn't it :0

 **Honeybuns:** I was thinking barbecue today.

 **rule 34 garfield:** I LIKE your line of thinking >:3

 **BI RYUJI:** im free for bowlin later!!!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I'm sorry for being late! I'm also free for bowling this evening!

 **rule 34 garfield:** okay who are we missing

 **rule 34 garfield:** @ _Meme Queen_ you still good for bowling?

 **Meme Queen:** I believe so!

 **rule 34 garfield:** okay now for the final mission objective!

 **rule 34 garfield:** do we invite Akechi?

 **pannic! at the disco:** I don't think it'd hurt to at least ask

 **Meme Queen:** Joker, could you do the honours?

 **joker found dead in miami:** Just for you

* * *

**Goro Akechi **

**> 9:42am**

**Akira:** Sorry about texting you again so soon

 **Akira:** Just kidding no I'm not

 **Akira:** But would you like to go bowling with the Phantom Thieves later?

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 9:42am**

**BI RYUJI:** hey is the bowlin alley the one that offers rainbow slushies?

 **rule 34 garfield:** YES

 **rule 34 garfield:** Akira you gotta treat us all to slushies >:3

 **joker found dead in miami:** Why me?

 **pannic! at the disco:** Because you're the one who invited us all out~!

 **joker found dead in miami:** I can respect that logic

 **Meme Queen:** You're also the one with over ¥1,000,000 in his bank.

 **joker found dead in miami:** Point taken, rainbow slushies for all

 **BI RYUJI:** thank u bro

 **joker found dead in miami:** Also I've asked Akechi if he wants to come out later but no reply yet

 **Honeybuns:** I imagine he may be busy with school.

 **rule 34 garfield:** does he even go to school?

 **rule 34 garfield:** I thought he just hung around looking pretty on TV sets

 **rule 34 garfield:** also Queen I'll send you Joker's bank details in an encrypted file so you can work out the money situation when you're ready!

 **Meme Queen:** Thank you. I'll do it before we go out bowling.

 **rule 34 garfield:** also Inari do you wanna go bbq before or after bowling

 **Honeybuns:** I still have a few sandwiches left over from going out with Akira and Mishima-kun yesterday, so I should be good until after bowling.

 **Honeybuns:** Especially if we are getting rainbow slushies.

 **BI RYUJI:** bro did akira make u third wheel

 **Honeybuns:** He asked me politely to third wheel.

 **joker found dead in miami:** In my defence

 **joker found dead in miami:** I did ask him very politely

 **Meme Queen:** To quote Ryuji, "bro."

 **BI RYUJI:** thank u queen

 **Honeybuns:** Mishima-kun is a very interesting human being.

 **rule 34 garfield:** I have only just clicked his name is Mishima and not Nishima

 **rule 34 garfield:** ooooooooooops lol

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I'm sorry for interrupting, but could my fellow Shujin-goers help me cover up the plants and get the drainage system going at lunch today? I worry they might not make it through the rain this evening.

 **pannic! at the disco:** Of course! 💖

 **BI RYUJI:** i will be there 2 lift the plants w/ my amazin muscles

 **Honeybuns:** I wish I were there to behold such a sight.

 **BI RYUJI:** bro ur makin me blush

 **Honeybuns:** That would also be a lovely sight.

 **joker found dead in miami:** Guys stop flirting we're meant to be in class

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 9:51am: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** thank u so much bro i was this close 2 just tlelin him my feelins

 **Akira:** There will be time for that bro

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 9:51am**

**Meme Queen:** I believe that's my line?

 **Meme Queen:** But I'll help too, Haru!

 **joker found dead in miami:** I'll also be there because I love you all and I love plants and oh my god I just love you all so much oh fuck Akechi just text me back

* * *

**Goro Akechi **

**> 9:52am**

**Goro:** I'm afraid that while I'd love to show off my bowling skills, I have work tonight.

 **Goro:** I'm sure you can wait to see me again until ice-skating tomorrow.

 **Akira:** Idk, maybe my heart aches for thee </3

 **Goro:** "Thee"?

 **Akira:** Medieval you

 **Goro:** You are a most peculiar person.

 **Akira:** That's a step up from irksome, I'll take it

 **Goro:** Haha. Very well.

 **Goro:** I apologise for being unavailable tonight.

 **Akira:** I'm sure I'll recover from the heartbreak at some point </3

 **Akira:** Or maybe I'll die

 **Goro:** Then perish.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 9:52am**

**M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Thank you all so much!

 **pannic! at the disco:** Any time, Haru! 💖

 **BI RYUJI:** anythin 4 the queen of plants

 **Honeybuns:** But Makoto is our queen...

 **BI RYUJI:** all women r queens

 **rule 34 garfield:** IF SHE BREATHES SHE'S A THOT

 **rule 34 garfield:** just kidding I love women

 **Honeybuns:** A 'thot'?

 **Meme Queen:** Okay that's it, everyone off your phones and back to class.

 **Meme Queen:** Joker, tell us if Akechi decides to join or not.

 **joker found dead in miami:** He said he's busy with work tonight

 **joker found dead in miami:** He also told me to perish

 **Meme Queen:** Okay?

 **BI RYUJI:** bro we gotta talk about ur relationship w/ akechi sometime

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Ooh! Why don't we interrogate him while we're bowling later?

 **BI RYUJI:** perfect

 **joker found dead in miami:** Haru I thought you were on my side </3

 **Honeybuns:** I am still unsure what a thot is.

 **Honeybuns:** Should I Google it?

 **pannic! at the disco:** NO

 **joker found dead in miami:** Yes

 **rule 34 garfield:** you can google anything you want as long as you use incognito

 **Honeybuns:** I shall.

 **Meme Queen:** Do not Google it, Yusuke.

 **Honeybuns:** It is too late.

 **Meme Queen:** Alright, Futaba is now in charge of sorting out this mess.

 **rule 34 garfield:** mwehehehehe worth it >:3

 **rule 34 garfield:** also bowling is booked for 8:15pm!

 **Meme Queen:** Thank you, Futaba.

 **Meme Queen:** Everyone else, back to class.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 10:09am**

**Ryuji:** WAIT BRO

 **Ryuji:** IS ICE SKATIN A SET UP

 **Akira:** I have no idea what you're talking about

 **Ryuji:** well its gonna be u nd akechi, ann nd shiho, nd me nd yusuke

 **Ryuji:** nd i got enough brain cells 2 work out somethin is goin on there

 **Akira:** Fine fine, you can partner with Akechi instead

 **Ryuji:** NOT WHAT I MEANT BRO

 **Akira:** That is a partnership truly forged in hell

 **Akira:** Like I can see Makoto/Akechi working out better and I'm pretty sure she hates him

 **Ryuji:** o they def have a rivarlry

 **Ryuji:** rivarly

 **Ryuji:** bro help

 **Akira:** Rivalry

 **Ryuji:** thank u bro

 **Ryuji:** but have u set this up!!!!

 **Akira:** You've both already agreed to it

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Ryuji:** idk whether 2 kiss u or punch u

 **Akira:** Both

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Listen you get to be in close proximity to Yusuke for like an hour or two

 **Akira:** And also please keep an eye out for any attempts on my life from Akechi

 **Ryuji:** bro i can def do the akechi thing but idk if i can be with yusuke 4 that long w/o explodin

 **Akira:** Just pretend he's me

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** what u nd me got is a whole nother thing

 **Akira:** Exactly

 **Akira:** You're chill with being close to me and being naked around me and all that

 **Akira:** Just take that chill and transfer it to Yusuke

 **Ryuji:** bro....................

 **Akira:** YOU'VE GOT A HOT BOD BRO

 **Akira:** BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** bro im gonna fuckin die nd idk if its from the idea of yusuke or from u bein the worst relationship coach

 **Akira:** Bro I swear I will stop you from making a complete fool of yourself in front of Yusuke

 **Akira:** As long as Akechi hasn't killed me first

 **Ryuji:** thank u bro

 **Akira:** Anything for you bro

 **Ryuji:** 🧡

 **Akira:** I like this new emoji-using Ryuji

 **Ryuji:** shuddup!!!

 **Ryuji:** (love u bro)

 **Akira:** (Love you too bro)

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Haru Okumura**

**> 5:34pm: Haru started a new chat thread.**

**Haru:** Hello, Akira!

 **Haru:** I hope I'm not interrupting anything!

 **Akira:** No worries, I'm just killing time in Shibuya before going to meet Takemi

 **Haru:** I'll keep this quick, then!

 **Akira:** You take your time my sweet Haru

 **Haru:** You are too kind.

 **Haru:** I was just messaging to ask if you wanted to talk about Akechi-kun?

 **Akira:** Oh god

 **Haru:** I don't mean it in a bad way!

 **Haru:** I just worry that you don't have anyone to talk to about it in a safe manner.

 **Akira:** A safe manner?

 **Haru:** I know we're all looking out for you, but I worry that you're trying to bottle up your own feelings instead of working them out in a healthy way!

 **Haru:** And of course, seeing as this is Akechi-kun, I know everything gets a little more complicated.

 **Akira:** That's the understatement of the century

 **Haru:** Hehe! 😹

 **Akira:** That emoji is adorable

 **Haru:** It's Mona-chan! 💛

 **Akira:** YESSSSS

 **Haru:** But just know that if you ever want to talk, I'm always here for you!

 **Haru:** It's the least I can do!

 **Akira:** Thank you Haru

 **Akira:** We do not deserve the ray of sunshine that is you

 **Haru:** It is an honour to be a member of the Phantom Thieves!

 **Haru:** And if Akechi-kun ever hurts you, I shall smash him with my axe!

 **Akira:** That's our Haru 🖤

 **Akira:** I might take you up on your offer

 **Akira:** The talking, not the axe smashing

 **Haru:** I can always do both!

 **Akira:** Maybe the axe smashing too, then

 **Akira:** Alright I should be heading out to meet Takemi now so I'll see you at bowling later 🖤

 **Haru:** See you later, Akira! 💛

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in control of the canon and the canon says gay rights.


	8. Be gay, do crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Ryuji:** bro just give up nd settle 4 someone else who wont stab u
> 
>  **Ryuji:** is ur therapist single
> 
>  **Akira:** You changed tunes very quickly from "bro u gotta get serious about mishima" to "bro just kiss akechi" to "bro just marry ur therapist"

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 8:47am: Maruki started a new chat thread.**

**Maruki:** Hello! Friendly school therapist checking in and finally texting you before class for once! Are you up for a therapy session after school today?

 **Akira:** Sure, I'm in

 **Maruki:** Nice! I'll meet you at the nurse's office.

 **Maruki:** I went to the underground mall in Shibuya this morning and picked up some of those new Phantom Thief wafers, so I hope you'll enjoy them!

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Yuuki Mishima**

**> 12:15pm: Yuuki started a new chat thread.**

**Yuuki:** Hello to my favourite Phantom Thief!! I have a couple of requests from the Phan-Site for you.

 **Akira:** Lay 'em on me, my favourite Phan-Site admin

 **Yuuki:** 😊

 **Yuuki:** Alright first of all, we've got this girl who's apparently been cyberstalking a boy from Shujin and claiming that he's her boyfriend...

 **Akira:** I'm guessing that they're not dating then?

 **Yuuki:** Apparently he has no idea who she even is 😬

 **Akira:** That's a yikes from me

 **Yuuki:** But recently she's started making threats toward him after seeing him with another girl...

 **Yuuki:** So we should probably stop this before it gets worse.

 **Akira:** Hard agree

 **Yuuki:** Her name's Yumeko Mogami.

 **Akira:** Duly noted

 **Yuuki:** Okay, next up is a gang who've been breaking into people's houses, stealing things, and claiming that they're Phantom Thieves.

 **Akira:** I solemnly swear that I haven't been breaking into anyone's house

 **Yuuki:** And I fully trust you there!!

 **Yuuki:** The leader's name is Kazuya Makigami.

 **Akira:** Also noted

 **Yuuki:** The last request is about a guy who's apparently been assaulting people in Shibuya at night.

 **Akira:** My boss at Rafflesia did mention something about that

 **Akira:** But she said she didn't know their name :(

 **Yuuki:** The person on the Phan-Site says that the name is Taizo Naguri!

 **Akira:** God I love you and your brain and your admin skills

 **Yuuki:** 😊😊😊

 **Yuuki:** Go get them, tiger!!

 **Akira:** Will do, thank you my sweet Phan-Site admin 🖤

 **Yuuki:** 💕

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Sadayo Kawakami**

**> 12:38pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hello to my favourite teacher, it's your favourite student checking in to say please please please give me a homework extension

 **Kawakami:** Again, Kurusu-kun?

 **Akira:** Hey last time I was out saving the world from evil

 **Kawakami:** So what's your excuse this time?

 **Akira:** Uhhhhhhhhh

 **Akira:** Please?

 **Kawakami:** -____-

 **Akira:** I'll bring you barbecue?

 **Kawakami:** Fiiine. Have it done by tomorrow.

 **Akira:** Thank you so much I owe you my life

 **Kawakami:** You _owe_ me barbecue.

 **Akira:** Is there a time limit for the barbecue?

 **Kawakami:** Don't push your luck.

 **Kawakami:** Also tomorrow.

 **Akira:** Thank you thank you thank you

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 10:27pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Oh my god Ann he's amazing at ice skating

 **Ann:** omg I knowwwww

 **Akira:** I thought I was in a movie Ann

 **Akira:** I think I finally felt what true love was

 **Akira:** Up until I pulled the "is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me" line and he told me it was a knife

 **Ann:** kfhsjdhjsbfj AKIRA!!!

 **Ann:** Wellll at least none of us got stabbed!

 **Akira:** Not to imply that our lives are terrible

 **Akira:** But the fact that our expectations for an okay date are "none of us got stabbed" says a lot

 **Ann:** The goalposts are so low they're buried in Akechi's backyard

 **Akira:** STOP

 **Ann:** Seriously though, did the dude like bring a knife to an ice skating date??

 **Akira:** I'm imagining him pulling out his saber on the ice

 **Ann:** That came out wayyyyy ruder than you probably meant it to be 😂

 **Akira:** Let's not get into the pros and cons of ice smanging right now

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:36pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** I don't mean to pry, but may I ask,

 **Goro:** Are Sakamoto-kun and Kitagawa-kun dating?

 **Akira:** Uhhhhhh

 **Akira:** They weren't when I last checked

 **Akira:** Which was yesterday

 **Goro:** Ah.

 **Akira:** Why do you ask?

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I may have walked in on an intimate moment between them in the locker room.

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Akira:** Yes, I can see why that could possibly lead to some confusion

 **Goro:** Indeed.

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 10:39pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** DID YOU TWO FUCKIGN KISS

 **Ryuji:** who

 **Akira:** I WONDER

 **Ryuji:** ohhhhhh yea!!!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** wait howd u know

 **Akira:** Akechi walked in on you apparently

 **Ryuji:** shit

 **Akira:** He said it was an "intimate moment"

 **Akira:** Please tell me you were keeping it PG-13

 **Ryuji:** its not like that bro

 **Ryuji:** u know i fell nd smashed up my knee

 **Akira:** Yeeee

 **Ryuji:** well yusuke said he could patch me up

 **Ryuji:** nd one thing lead 2 another

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:42pm**

**Akira:** Sorry, I was just clarifying their relationship status

 **Goro:** I apologise for prying.

 **Goro:** I was just curious.

 **Goro:** The relationship dynamics of the Phantom Thieves are fascinating.

 **Akira:** ?

 **Goro:** Well, you all seem to be in love with each other.

 **Akira:** Yeah it's called having friends

 **Goro:** In my experience, friends usually don't kiss each other on the mouth.

 **Akira:** Well you've been hanging out with the wrong people then

* * *

** Ryuji Sakamoto **

**> 10:42pm**

**Akira:** Was it still PG-13

 **Akira:** Ryuji are we now banned from the ice rink

 **Ryuji:** it was just a kiss bro!!!!

 **Ryuji:** w/ tongue

 **Akira:** Did you at least brush your teeth first?

 **Ryuji:** i had some gum

 **Akira:** Close enough, congratulations

 **Akira:** Oh my god Ryuji

 **Ryuji:** wat bro

 **Akira:** What if Akechi's homophobic

 **Ryuji:** ohhhhhh thatd be a big problem bro

 **Akira:** Yeah but it would explain a LOT

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:44pm**

**Goro:** So you say that we are friends, and yet you have never kissed me on the mouth.

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Goro:** Yes?

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 10:45pm**

**> Akira sent a photo.**

**Akira:** ANN

 **Akira:** WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

 **Ann:** I'm not an expert but I thiiiiiink it means he wants you to kiss him

 **Ann:** also WHAAAAT is that about Ryuji and Yusuke?!

 **Akira:** Oops

 **Akira:** Pretend you never saw that

 **Ann:** WHAT AM I MISSING AKIRA KURUSU

 **Akira:** Hang on I have way too many chats going at once I'm starting a group

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto **

**> 10:45pm**

**Akira:** Bro I'm starting a group with Ann

 **Ryuji:** u got it bro

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki, Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 10:46pm: Akira started a new group.**

**> 10:46pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> Akira changed the chat name to Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**Akira:** I have gathered you here because life is confusing

 **Akira:** Also Ryuji I might have accidentally outed you and Yusuke to Ann, sorry

 **Ryuji:** its cool bro shed have worked it out anyway

 **Ann:** Ryuji!!! are you and Yusuke dating??!?!?!?

 **Ryuji:** lemme ask him

 **Ryuji:** yea!

 **Ann:** AAAAAAAAH!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

 **Akira:** That was fast

**> Ryuji sent a photo.**

**Ann:** HE'S WEARING YOUR SHIRT................... SKJDFKSDFK 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

 **Akira:** He looks good in red

 **Ryuji:** he says thanks

 **Ryuji:** he also says lobster emoji

 **Akira:** Okay those two are in love so who are we pairing off next

 **Akira:** My money's on Haru and Makoto

 **Ann:** Mine's on you and Akechi-kun~

 **Akira:** OH SHIT

**> Akira sent a photo.**

**Ryuji:** bro i think he wants 2 make a move

 **Ryuji:** yusuke says same bro

 **Akira:** Please tell me Yusuke actually said "bro"

 **Ryuji:** im sorry bro

 **Akira:** You're breaking my heart bro

 **Ann:** wait have you replied to Akechi-kun??

 **Akira:** Not yet

 **Ann:** he's probably getting suspicious omg SAY SOMETHING

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:52pm**

**Akira:** Sorry Leblanc was on fire again

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 10:52pm: Akira sent a photo.**

**Ann:** NOT THAT

 **Ryuji:** yusuke says tell him hes beautiful

 **Akira:** I am not taking relationship advice from Yusuke

 **Ryuji:** yusuke says which of us is in a relationship here

 **Akira:** Touché

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:53pm**

**Goro:** Leblanc seems to have a serious fire problem.

 **Akira:** I'm bad at making coffee

 **Goro:** Having tasted your coffee, I doubt that statement.

 **Akira:** Morgana's an arsonist

 **Goro:** I am somehow more inclined to believe that one.

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 10:53pm**

**Ann:** Why don't you just do whatever you did with Mishima-kun?

 **Akira:** Because I pinned Yuuki against a wall and kissed him

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** And I absolutely guarantee that would lead to me being stabbed by Akechi

 **Ryuji:** bro just ask him if hes homophobic

 **Ann:** Okay soooooo cycle back round to when you were talking about kissing him on the mouth

 **Ann:** Do NOT lose that conversation topic!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Yes ma'am

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:55pm**

**Akira:** Returning to our pre-arson topic

 **Akira:** I haven't kissed you on the mouth because you've never given me the chance to

 **Goro:** So if I were to give you such an opportunity, you would take advantage of it?

 **Akira:** That depends

 **Goro:** On what?

 **Akira:** Well Goro

 **Akira:** I'm kind of worried you'd stab me if I tried

 **Goro:** A very rational fear.

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 10:56pm: Akira sent a photo.**

**Akira:** Guys what the fuck

 **Ann:** I just.............. I don't think he like KNOWS how to flirt

 **Ryuji:** hey bro just gonna stab u

 **Ryuji:** u fallin in love w/ me yet

 **Akira:** Firstly I'm always in love with you

 **Ann:** Okay we NEED to get away from the topic of stabbing

 **Ryuji:** no embrace the stabbin

 **Ryuji:** dick joke

 **Akira:** Oh my god I'm going to die

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:57pm**

**Akira:** So you're saying you would stab me if given the chance

 **Goro:** No, I am simply saying that me stabbing you is a very rational fear for you to have.

 **Goro:** I have, of course, previously informed you that I carry a knife on me at all times.

 **Akira:** Okay

 **Akira:** So I'm now never going to attempt to kiss you without a prior full body patdown to ensure the absence of knives and other sharp objects

 **Goro:** A wise decision.

 **Akira:** Wait

 **Akira:** Does that mean every time we went to the baths, you had a knife on you?

 **Goro:** It would be unbecoming of me as a detective to share my secrets.

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 10:57pm**

**Ann:** No no no I'm sure we can save this!!!!

 **Ryuji:** bro just kiss him

 **Ryuji:** yusuke says wear full body armour

 **Ann:** and Akechi-kun wouldn't like notice the clanking from a mile away?

 **Ryuji:** mayb hell find it hot

 **Ann:** Oh yeah!!! I forgot Akechi-kun has that very well known but also deeply hidden fetish for medieval armour~

 **Ryuji:** im tryin my best here

 **Ann:** I know this and I love you 💖

 **Ryuji:** i love u too bro

 **Akira:** Guys I think Akechi keeps a knife up his ass

 **Ann:** Okaaaaay this is officially above my pay grade

 **Ryuji:** wat

 **Ryuji:** how

**> Akira sent a photo.**

**Ryuji:** huh

 **Ann:** Oh my goddddddd Akechi-kun is impossibleeeeeeeeeeee

 **Ryuji:** bro just give up nd settle 4 someone else who wont stab u

 **Ryuji:** is ur therapist single

 **Akira:** You changed tunes very quickly from "bro u gotta get serious about mishima" to "bro just kiss akechi" to "bro just marry ur therapist"

 **Ryuji:** hey i never said nothin about marriage!!!

 **Akira:** He probably wouldn't stab me though

 **Ann:** Okay okay let's like take advantage of this

 **Akira:** My therapist?

 **Ann:** Nooooooo oh my god I mean Akechi-kun

 **Akira:** Got it, take advantage of Akechi

 **Ann:** I changed my mind, YOU'RE impossible 😫

 **Akira:** Fuck it I'm just gonna ask him if he's homophobic

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:00pm**

**Akira:** I have a question

 **Goro:** I'm listening.

 **Akira:** It's a weird question

 **Goro:** Most of your questions tend to be unusual ones.

 **Akira:** Okay but

 **Akira:** Goro

 **Akira:** Are you homophobic?

_**Goro Akechi is typing...** _

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 11:00pm**

**Ann:** That is the WORST idea you have EVER had

 **Ryuji:** gotta agree w/ ann on this one bro

 **Akira:** TOO LATE IT'S DONE

 **Ann:** It's your funeral 😪

 **Ryuji:** i will be the best funeral dj bro

 **Ann:** okay but WHAT is a funeral DJ

 **Ryuji:** u know i play all the jams at akiras funeral

 **Ann:** Oh my godddddddd

 **Ann:** you'd better play Africa by Toto!!

 **Ryuji:** duh

 **Akira:** He's been typing for a while now

 **Akira:** Hey guys what if I just went and hid in the Metaverse for the rest of my life

 **Ryuji:** bro whatd u do if he said yes

 **Akira:** Kick him out of the Phantom Thieves

 **Akira:** For disregarding our ancient motto of "be gay, do crime"

 **Ann:** Wait like, are any of us straight??

 **Akira:** You know I've never actually asked

 **Akira:** I just kind of assumed none of us are

 **Ryuji:** gays of a feather stick 2gether

 **Ryuji:** \- yusuke, 20XX

 **Ann:** Poetry 😭

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:11pm**

**Goro:** I apologise, but what gave you the idea that I might be homophobic?

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 11:11pm**

**Akira:** HE RESPONDED

 **Ryuji:** WHAT HE SAY

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:12pm**

**Akira:** It's just that you always act kind of weird around me when I flirt with you

 **Akira:** Also you seemed kind of weirded out by Ryuji and Yusuke

 **Akira:** (Who are dating by the way)

 **Goro:** Ah.

 **Goro:** Congratulations to them both.

 **Goro:** And I apologise if I came across that way.

 **Goro:** I try to keep my personal life private and maintain a professional outlook, as you very well know.

 **Akira:** That reminds me, you still owe me one (1) shirt

 **Goro:** Haha, indeed I do.

 **Goro:** But I can assure you that I am in no way homophobic.

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 11:13pm**

**Akira:** He says he's not homophobic

 **Akira:** Put him back on our good list

 **Ann:** Uhhhhhh not until he stops with the stabbing stuff?

 **Ryuji:** gotta agree bro

 **Ryuji:** yusuke says we need evidence

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:14pm**

**Akira:** Does that mean that it's cool if I flirt with you

 **Goro:** Haha, yes.

 **Goro:** I rather enjoy it, actually.

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 11:14pm: Akira sent a photo.**

**Ryuji:** BROOOOOOOO

 **Akira:** BROOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

 **Ann:** BRO!!!!!!!!! 💖

 **Ryuji:** GET IN THERE BRO!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:15pm**

**Akira:** Duly noted

 **Akira:** Sorry for doubting you

 **Goro:** An apology? From you?

 **Goro:** It's my lucky day.

 **Akira:** I would've thought that the me-taking-you-ice-skating thing would have made your day :(

 **Goro:** Don't worry, it did.

 **Akira:** Okay good because we've got Phantom Thief karaoke lined up for Friday night and you're coming

 **Goro:** Karaoke?

 **Akira:** I already got Makoto to double check that Sae'll be busy so you'll be free to come with us

 **Goro:** Was this all just an elaborate ruse?

 **Akira:** Not telling you

 **Goro:** It appears I have been bested at my own game.

 **Akira:** 😇

 **Goro:** Very well. I will indulge your karaoke night.

 **Akira:** Good, because I'm not letting you skip it

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I'm going to sleep, so goodnight, Akira.

 **Akira:** Goodnight Goro

 **Akira:** Sleep well 😇

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 11:24pm**

**Akira:** Goro confirmed for karaoke

 **Ann:** Good job, Joker~! 💖

 **Akira:** This was a successful day

 **Ryuji:** ur tellin me bro

 **Akira:** How are we gonna tell the rest of the Phantom Thieves that you and Yusuke are dating

 **Ryuji:** cake

 **Akira:** Noted

 **Ann:** There's a stall in Shibuya that makes the cutest customised cakes~!

 **Akira:** I'll swing by tomorrow during lunch and pick one up because I also owe Kawakami barbecue

 **Ann:** Did someone ask for another homework extension~?

 **Akira:** Listen I've been too busy pining for a lover to do my homework

 **Akira:** I'll do it on the train on the way to school tomorrow

 **Ann:** You really just make everything up as you go along, don't you?

 **Akira:** Yep

 **Ryuji:** bros yusukes fallen asleep on me so im goin 2 sleep 2

 **Ryuji:** goodnite my sweet firneds

 **Ann:** firneds

 **Akira:** firneds

 **Ryuji:** shuddup!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Sleep well bro

 **Akira:** Sweet dreams

 **Akira:** 😘

 **Ann:** Goodnight Ryuji!!! and goodnight Yusuke too~ 💖

 **Ryuji:** 🧡

 **Ann:** I'm going to sleep too, so goodnight Akira! 💖

 **Akira:** Goodnight Ann 🖤

 **Akira:** Sleep well 🖤🖤🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akechi may be playing 4D chess but the Phantom Thieves have a crowbar and there's nothing written in the chess rulebook that says you CAN'T use a crowbar. Probably.


	9. A love/hate relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Meme Queen:** Akira, was Akechi feeding you strawberries earlier?
> 
>  **joker found dead in miami:** I refuse to answer that without my lawyer present
> 
>  **GO TO SLEEP:** pppppppppp
> 
>  **joker found dead in miami:** My lawyer has spoken

** Yusuke Kitagawa **

**> 8:23am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Congrats on dating Ryuji

 **Yusuke:** Thank you. Ryuji fills my heart with a warmth and affection that is somewhat akin to how I feel when look upon the Sayuri.

 **Akira:** What the fuck that's so cute I'm crying in the club right now

 **Yusuke:** You are at a club?

 **Akira:** Metaphorical club

 **Akira:** I'm on the train

 **Yusuke:** I thought I saw you across the platform.

 **Akira:** Oh no

 **Yusuke:** Were it my imagination, or were you eating three muffins at once and crying?

 **Akira:** I'm going through a lot Yusuke

 **Yusuke:** I am afraid that I can only imagine.

 **Akira:** I assume Ryuji filled you in on the cake plan

 **Yusuke:** Yes. He had to stop me baking and icing the cake all by myself.

 **Akira:** That's our Yusuke

 **Akira:** I promise I'll get something that lives up to your artistic expectations

 **Yusuke:** As long as it has a delightful flavour, I suppose I will manage.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

 **Akira:** My stop's coming up so I'll see you later

 **Yusuke:** I look forward to it. Please tell Ryuji I said hello.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 9:18am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** You were in my dream last night

 **Goro:** Oh? I suppose we were both naked and feeding each other strawberries or something as equally ridiculous.

 **Akira:** What

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** What?

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** We were dancing!!!!

 **Goro:** Ah.

 **Akira:** But now I want strawberries :(

 **Goro:** There is a stall a short walk from my house that sells fresh fruit.

 **Goro:** If we are meeting up today, would you like me to bring you some?

 **Akira:** Please

 **Goro:** Very well.

 **Goro:** But I am not feeding them to you while naked.

 **Akira:** One out of three isn't bad

 **Goro:** Indeed.

 **Akira:** We can work on the naked thing next time

 **Goro:** I see you have decided to return to your usual irksome self today.

 **Akira:** You love me deep down

 **Goro:** I absolutely loathe you.

 **Akira:** Ouch

 **Akira:** You cut me so deep, Akechi-kun

 **Goro:** I guarantee I can cut much deeper.

 **Akira:** Okay I'm going to go back to paying attention in class because those are worrying words from someone who carries a knife at all times

 **Goro:** Haha, very well.

 **Goro:** I shall see you later today.

 **Akira:** Don't forget the strawberries

 **Goro:** I won't.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB **

**> 11:37am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Mementos today?

 **Makoto:** How many requests do we have?

 **Akira:** Yuuki gave me 3 new ones yesterday and they're all pretty serious business

 **Makoto:** If we're sending the calling card to Sis on Monday, today would probably be the best option to clear them out as soon as possible.

 **Ryuji:** lets DO THIS

 **Ann:** Yeah~! 💖

 **Makoto:** Is everyone free to go to Mementos today?

 **Makoto:** @ _Yusuke_ @ _Futaba_ @ _Goro_ @ _Haru_

 **Goro:** I'm available.

 **Haru:** I'm sorry for being late! I'm free!

 **Akira:** Haru you are never ever late

 **Haru:** You are too kind, Akira!

 **Yusuke:** I am free.

 **Makoto:** We just need confirmation from Futaba, then.

 **Akira:** I guarantee she's fallen asleep

 **Akira:** And I also guarantee she's free anyway

 **Futaba:** hey!

 **Futaba:** I mean he's right but he doesn't have to be so mean about it! >:c

 **Ann:** If we're all in agreement, let's meet at Leblanc after school!! 💖

 **Makoto:** I'll draw up a plan for the last few days before sending the calling card so we're all on the same page.

 **Yusuke:** A wise idea.

 **Ryuji:** queen of plans

 **Futaba:** queen of scheduling

 **Yusuke:** Queen of timetables.

 **Haru:** Queen of being really good at organising! 💛

 **Ann:** Queen of our hearts 💖

 **Futaba:** queen of having a mega cute pencil-case

 **Akira:** Queen of wearing skirts

 **Futaba:** queen of having a braid in her hair

 **Ann:** Queen of being student council president

 **Ryuji:** queen of breathin

 **Makoto:** May I remind you that we're meant to be in class?

 **Akira:** Queen of reminding us that we're meant to be in class

 **Makoto:** _Anyway_ , here's the plan:

 **Makoto:** Today, Thursday, we'll head to Mementos in the afternoon.

 **Makoto:** We then have Phantom Thieves karaoke on Friday night.

 **Goro:** Forgive me for asking, but is Phantom Thieves karaoke any different to normal karaoke?

 **Akira:** Yeah it's strip karaoke

 **Ryuji:** each time u miss a note u gotta take somethin off

 **Akira:** We have been banned from multiple karaoke establishments

 **Yusuke:** I have yet to miss a single note.

 **Ann:** Yeaaaaah, Yusuke somehow ALWAYS ends up putting on more clothes than he started with 😤

 **Haru:** While Ryuji always ends up naked by the end of the night!

 **Ryuji:** u dont gotta remind me how bad i sing :(

 **Yusuke:** You sing beautifully.

 **Akira:** Yeah we rig it because we like seeing you naked

 **Yusuke:** I must concur.

 **Futaba:** heh gay

 **Yusuke:** Indeed.

 **Makoto:** @ _Goro_ There isn't a difference. These guys are just being idiots.

 **Akira:** All in favour of changing Phantom Thief karaoke to strip karaoke say aye

 **Ann:** AYE! 💖

 **Haru:** Aye!

 **Ryuji:** ayeeeeeee

 **Futaba:** aye 👾

 **Yusuke:** Aye.

 **Makoto:** No!

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Aye.

 **Futaba:** wow Akechi

 **Ann:** WJKSDFSKJDFDLS

 **Ryuji:** bro whod have thought the ace detective would have a fun side

 **Ann:** You're officially outnumbered, Mako-chan~!

 **Makoto:** But the decision isn't unanimous!

 **Haru:** Then we will all play strip karaoke except for Makoto!

 **Makoto:** I don't know if I can deal with that.

 **Akira:** Just close your eyes

 **Makoto:** Moving swiftly on...

 **Makoto:** We have nothing planned for Saturday or Sunday. I recommend you use Sunday to rest up.

 **Futaba:** MORE KARAOKE

 **Makoto:** NO.

 **Futaba:** >:c

 **Makoto:** Finally, we'll send the calling card on Monday and head into the palace.

 **Makoto:** Any objections?

 **Ryuji:** looks good 2 me

 **Ann:** Agreed!

 **Haru:** I rather like Futaba's idea of more karaoke...

 **Yusuke:** I agree. There can never be too much karaoke.

 **Futaba:** we should probably see if Akechi survives one round of Phantom Thief karaoke first

 **Goro:** Thank you for taking me into consideration.

 **Futaba:** uwu

 **Akira:** Don't start this again

 **Futaba:** òwó

 **Makoto:** It's almost lunchtime, so I'm putting an end to this conversation.

 **Makoto:** I'll see you all at Leblanc later.

 **Futaba:** owokay

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Three Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**> 12:14pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> Yusuke Kitagawa joined the group.**

**> Akira changed the chat name to Four Bros Chilling In A Hot Tub Five Feet Apart But We Are Gay**

**Akira:** I've added Yusuke to the group because I'm in Shibuya on cake business

 **Akira:** What flavour do we want

 **Yusuke:** I believe we should have something fragrant, like lavender.

 **Ann:** Oooooh yesss, lavender's great!!

 **Ryuji:** aw cmon we gotta have somethin everyonell enjoy like chocolate

 **Akira:** Chocolate and lavender?

 **Akira:** Oh wait isn't chocolate bad for cats

 **Ryuji:** rip mona

 **Ann:** But if he's not a cat, maybe chocolate won't kill him~?

 **Akira:** I'll just get him something extra from the barbecue place

 **Ryuji:** ok someone has gotta explain 2 me how lavender nd chocolate works

 **Ryuji:** aint lavender a plant

 **Ann:** You don't actually bake the lavender into the cake, Ryuji

 **Yusuke:** You use the scent of the lavender to help enhance the flavour in the chocolate.

 **Yusuke:** It usually pairs best with the bitterness found in dark chocolate.

 **Ryuji:** huh

 **Ryuji:** so i aint just eatin a plant in the middle of my cake?

 **Ann:** Oh my god nooooooo

 **Ryuji:** guess ill give it a shot

 **Akira:** Okay the cake's all ordered so I'll pick it up on the way home

 **Akira:** I've gotta go pick up barbecue for Kawakami so does anyone here want anything?

 **Ryuji:** bro.......... pls

 **Yusuke:** I will be indebted to you.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

 **Ann:** I'll pass! Thank you for the offer, though 💖

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

 **Akira:** I'll be back at school in like 20 minutes

 **Akira:** Yusuke I'll save yours for later

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, my friend.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Sadayo Kawakami**

**> 12:41pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hello to my favourite teacher, I have the promised barbecue

 **Kawakami:** I'm in the staffroom.

 **Kawakami:** Did you do your homework?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Kawakami:** I'll meet you at the door. Hand over both.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

 **Akira:** I'll be there in five

 **Kawakami:** I'll be waiting.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 6:58pm: M'lady *tips vegetable garden* started a new chat thread.**

**M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I know I've already said it several times this evening, but congratulations Yusuke and Ryuji!!!!

 **rule 34 garfield:** congrats gays

 **Meme Queen:** Congratulations to both of you.

 **Meme Queen:** That cake was wonderful.

 **joker found dead in miami:** The cake was a collaborative effort between the two of them

 **pannic! at the disco:** And I'd eat it allllllll again if I could!

 **joker found dead in miami:** There's still like a solid quarter of a cake left

 **pannic! at the disco:** GIMME

 **BI RYUJI:** u guys r gonna make me blush

 **Honeybuns:** Good. You look wonderful when you blush.

 **rule 34 garfield:** we have to put up with this now, don't we?

 **joker found dead in miami:** We had to put up with this before

 **rule 34 garfield:** good point

 **rule 34 garfield:** I'm going back to our roots

 **rule 34 garfield:** @ _joker found dead in miami_ you asked Akechi to feed you a werther's original lately?

 **Meme Queen:** I'm sorry, I have to ask.

 **Meme Queen:** Akira, was Akechi feeding you strawberries earlier?

 **joker found dead in miami:** I refuse to answer that without my lawyer present

 **GO TO SLEEP:** pppppppppp

 **joker found dead in miami:** My lawyer has spoken

 **pannic! at the disco:** You're not alone Mako-chan, I saw it too!!!!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** What's going on between the two of you, Joker?

 **joker found dead in miami:** We have a love/hate relationship

 **joker found dead in miami:** I love him and he hates me

 **BI RYUJI:** bro just go date ur therapist

 **joker found dead in miami:** That's unethical and Makoto would kill me

 **Meme Queen:** I would report both of you to the relevant authorities.

 **pannic! at the disco:** Queen of reporting people to the relevant authorities~

 **joker found dead in miami:** Queen of not letting me date my therapist :(

 **Honeybuns:** I feel dating your therapist would be an interesting experience.

 **Honeybuns:** To have someone analysing your every move...

 **joker found dead in miami:** In my defence Akechi does the same thing

 **joker found dead in miami:** But Akechi doesn't diagnose me with daddy issues at the end of it

 **rule 34 garfield:** I bet he would if he could

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** We need to find Joker someone who won't diagnose him with daddy issues!

 **joker found dead in miami:** Alright Haru, let's get married

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Oh!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** If you wish!

 **BI RYUJI:** bro

 **Meme Queen:** I'm afraid that Joker isn't old enough to legally marry anyone yet.

 **Meme Queen:** Out of all of us, only Haru, Ann, Akechi, and I are old enough to wed.

 **BI RYUJI:** hang on how come Ann can get married if shes only 17

 **rule 34 garfield:** legal age for girls to get married is 16

 **rule 34 garfield:** so I'm free because I'm only 15!

 **BI RYUJI:** then whats it for dudes!

 **Meme Queen:** 18.

 **Meme Queen:** Although those ages are only with parental permission. It's 20 for both parties without permission.

 **pannic! at the disco:** What I'm reading here is that Shiho and I can get married~!

 **Meme Queen:** I'm afraid gay marriage isn't legal in Japan yet.

 **pannic! at the disco:** WHAT

 **Meme Queen:** I know, I'm sorry.

 **pannic! at the disco:** KLJSDLFKD MAKOTO IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

 **joker found dead in miami:** No no gay marriage not being legal is entirely Makoto's fault

* * *

**Hifumi Togo**

**> 7:15pm: Hifumi started a new chat thread.**

**Hifumi:** I was wondering if you'd like to have a game of shogi tonight?

 **Akira:** I'm down

 **Akira:** Also I have some cake if you want some

 **Hifumi:** I'll take it.

 **Hifumi:** I'll be at the church, as usual.

 **Hifumi:** Prepare to be crushed.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** PHANTOM BROS!!! **

**> 7:15pm**

**BI RYUJI:** are those things still good

 **rule 34 garfield:** what things, Ryuji

 **BI RYUJI:** yknow

 **BI RYUJI:** its like marriage but not

 **Meme Queen:** Do you mean civil partnerships?

 **BI RYUJI:** YEA

 **Meme Queen:** I'm afraid Japan doesn't legally recognise any sort of same-sex union.

 **Meme Queen:** Although you can acquire a partnership certificate in certain districts, which helps get your relationship recognised for things like housing and hospital visitation rights.

 **Honeybuns:** How do you know so much about this, Makoto?

 **Meme Queen:** It was for school!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I don't remember learning about this at all...

 **rule 34 garfield:** I imagine Queen just reads Wikipedia at 2am

 **Meme Queen:** I'm usually in bed at 2am.

 **rule 34 garfield:** queen of having a good sleeping schedule

 **BI RYUJI:** queen of knowin all about gary marriage

 **rule 34 garfield:** gary marriage

 **Honeybuns:** Gary marriage.

 **pannic! at the disco:** gary marriage

 **joker found dead in miami:** Gary marriage

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Gary marriage

 **Meme Queen:** Gary marriage.

 **BI RYUJI:** even u queen :(

 **Meme Queen:** Sorry, Ryuji.

 **rule 34 garfield:** mwehehehehe

 **joker found dead in miami:** Alright I'm going to go play shogi with Hifumi for the evening so I'll see you tomorrow, my sweet friends who I would die for

 **BI RYUJI:** have fun!!!

 **BI RYUJI:** love u bro

 **Honeybuns:** Enjoy, Akira. Please pass my regards onto Hifumi.

 **joker found dead in miami:** Will do

 **Meme Queen:** Have fun!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Win a game for us!

 **pannic! at the disco:** Don't forget some cake for me tomorrow~!!!

 **joker found dead in miami:** Won't do?

 **rule 34 garfield:** see you later, Joker!

 **joker found dead in miami:** 🖤🖤🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not good at maths and trying to work out everyone's ages at the current point of the story drove me mad. Shout out to Akechi for having a mid-year birthday.
> 
> Anyway please find me changing canon to make Yusuke and Hifumi friends because they both go to Kosei and they both deserve decent friends.
> 
> (Also I caved and bought Persona 5 Dancing because it's on sale and it's WILD!!!! I love it!!!!)


	10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Ryuji:** my smart boyfriend..................................
> 
>  **Yusuke:** Ryuji... I love you.
> 
>  **Futaba:** let's not do this while Akira's pining
> 
>  **Akira:** I think my bones are on fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Readers can have a longer than usual chapter, as a treat.
> 
> Spoilers for rank 8 of Akechi's confidant in this one!

**Shinya Oda**

**> 8:32am: Shinya started a new chat thread.**

**Shinya:** Hey!!! Do u want 2 practice today?? I still have that new gun skill 2 show u 🔫🔫🔫

 **Akira:** I'll be there, lil buddy

 **Shinya:** I'm not that little!!!!

 **Akira:** You're smaller than me

 **Shinya:** 😡😡😡

 **Akira:** I'll meet you at the arcade after school?

 **Shinya:** Ok!!!!!! 👍

**Akira: 👍🏻**

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 12:06am: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** Ann, I'm so sorry! I still have your hoodie!

 **Ann:** Don't worry about it!! Just return it when you're ready~ 💖

 **Akira:** I don't think I'm wearing any of the clothes I was wearing when we started karaoke

 **Haru:** Your scarf is so warm, Yusuke! 💛

 **Yusuke:** Thank you. Your skirt is delightfully freeing.

 **Goro:** Forgive me, but I am entirely unsure just whose clothing I am wearing right now.

 **Ryuji:** bro i think u def have my shirt

 **Goro:** Yes, I believe so.

 **Akira:** I have your gloves, my sweet detective love

 **Goro:** I believe you have my coat too.

 **Akira:** You're not getting it back

 **Goro:** I'll break into Leblanc if I must.

 **Futaba:** guys I've never been banned from somewhere before

 **Futaba:** it's such a rush (╯✧ ∇ ✧)╯

 **Ann:** It was all going so well until Ryuji decided that the underwear had to go 😤😭

 **Ryuji:** its called strip karaoke!!!! not underwear karaoke!!!!!

 **Yusuke:** I rather enjoyed it.

 **Haru:** I think Ryuji's trousers are a little too long on me...

 **Makoto:** Same with Akira's shirt.

 **Akira:** Ann your tights really make my legs look amazing

 **Ann:** Red is sooooo your colour 🥰

 **Akira:** Who has my trousers

 **Akira:** Because you can keep them, I'm wearing Ann's skirt and tights forever now

 **Goro:** I believe I may have them?

 **Akira:** Is there a sewn up rip in the butt area because if so, they're mine

 **Goro:** I can confirm that I am wearing your trousers.

 **Futaba:** the only thing different for me is that I have Makoto's coat!

 **Makoto:** Please keep it safe.

 **Futaba:** of course, Queen

 **Yusuke:** Tonight was a night that I shall treasure for the rest of my life.

 **Haru:** Did you get the video of Akira and Ryuji singing Rasputin?

 **Ryuji:** BROOOOOOOOOO WE KILLED IT

 **Akira:** We should start a band

 **Yusuke:** I have that video.

 **Haru:** I have the video of Akira serenading Goro with I Wanna To Dance With Somebody!

 **Goro:** Ah. Yes.

 **Makoto:** It looks like I have mostly blurry selfies of Futaba and I

 **Futaba:** we smashed it Queen

 **Futaba:** I don't even remember what we were singing!

 **Makoto:** I believe it was 'Wake Me Up Before You Go Go'.

 **Akira:** I'm just gonna say that Goro and I won with our cover of Opposites Attract

 **Goro:** Please tell me nobody recorded that performance.

 **Ann:** Sorrrrryyyyy~! 💖

 **Goro:** Oh no.

 **Ryuji:** bro how r we gonna show up at school tomorrow lookn like this

 **Akira:** I'm looking forward to it

 **Ryuji:** bro >:(

 **Ryuji:** sorry goro i think i have ur pants

 **Goro:** Ah, that is okay.

 **Goro:** I have your shirt, so it is an equal trade.

 **Yusuke:** It appears that I do not have a shirt.

 **Yusuke:** But I do have Makoto's vest and Futaba's coat.

 **Futaba:** I BET IT'S SO SHORT ON YOU INARI

 **Yusuke:** The coat indeed barely reaches my waist.

 **Haru:** I hope you're staying warm, Yusuke!

 **Yusuke:** I am wrapped up in Ryuji's comforter. Thank you.

 **Makoto:** How are we going to trade clothes back?

 **Ryuji:** KARAOKE ROUND 2

 **Ann:** YEAH!!!

 **Makoto:** Judging by our current state, I believe it'll take anything from 5 to 10 more rounds of karaoke for our clothes to return to normal.

 **Futaba:** fine by me! >:3

 **Akira:** Morgana has someone's shoes

 **Akira:** I don't even know if they're our shoes

 **Akira:** Morgana may have just straight up stolen someone else's shoes

 **Haru:** Does he look fashionable?

 **Akira:** Very

 **Ann:** That's our Mona!!!! 💖

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 12:16am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** Forgive me, but may I swing by Leblanc in the morning to retrieve my gloves and coat?

 **Akira:** You will have to forcibly remove them from my body

 **Goro:** A task I can easily accomplish.

 **Akira:** Alright, bring some more strawberries and we can work on the feeding each other naked thing

 **Goro:** Tch.

 **Akira:** I know I know, I'm irksome and blah blah something about stabbing me

 **Goro:** I was actually going to suggest we shared a breakfast together.

 **Akira:** What's the catch

 **Goro:** There is no catch.

 **Akira:** Poison? You're collecting my DNA? Knife in the waffles?

 **Goro:** The only catch would be me retrieving my gloves and coat.

 **Akira:** You won't even let me keep them for just one day?

 **Goro:** People would talk if they saw a transfer student with a criminal record wearing the coat and gloves of an ace detective.

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 12:16am**

**Futaba:** Futaba.exe is crashing

 **Futaba:** goodnight, Karaoke Thieves!!!

 **Ann:** Goodnight, Futaba-chan! 💖

 **Yusuke:** Goodnight, Futaba.

 **Yusuke:** Ryuji has also fallen asleep.

 **Haru:** Goodnight, Sleepy Thieves! 💛

 **Makoto:** Goodnight, everyone.

 **Makoto:** We should all be sleeping as we have school in the morning.

 **Goro:** I agree. Goodnight, all.

 **Akira:** Goodnight my sweet angels

 **Akira:** Good job on the karaoke tonight

 **Ann:** Goodnight, everyone! 💖

 **Haru:** Goodnight!! I love you all!

 **Yusuke:** We love you too, Haru.

 **Ann:** Agreed!

 **Akira:** Goodnight, Haru Appreciation Fanclub

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 12:21am**

**Akira:** Alright alright

 **Akira:** But you're also fully aware that I didn't do the crime on my record right

 **Goro:** Oh?

 **Akira:** I was trying to help a woman from being assaulted by some bald fuck and he convinced the courts that I assaulted him

 **Goro:** Ah.

 **Akira:** He must have had the entire police force and judicial system in his pocket

 **Goro:** I don't suppose that you know who the man was, do you?

 **Akira:** I feel like I do

 **Akira:** But every time I feel like I'm close to remembering, it's just kind of fuzzy

 **Goro:** So you remember him simply as a "bald fuck"?

 **Akira:** Pretty much

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I apologise, Akira.

 **Goro:** I was unaware that you were innocent.

 **Akira:** Wait

 **Akira:** You mean you've been hanging out with me all this time while thinking I'm some kind of actual criminal?

 **Akira:** Oh that's sexy

 **Goro:** Excuse me?

 **Akira:** The law-abiding ace detective of justice has been hanging around with a certified bad boy

 **Goro:** I believe you are anything but a "certified bad boy"

 **Akira:** I'm bad to the bone baby

 **Goro:** I highly doubt that.

 **Akira:** Why don't you let me show you how bad I can be?

 **Goro:** If this is your attempt at a flirtation, I assure you that it isn't working.

 **Akira:** Well it was worth a shot

 **Goro:** If you insist.

 **Goro:** I will be at Leblanc around 7.

 **Akira:** I'll have coffee and curry ready

 **Akira:** And I guess I can return your gloves and coat to you

 **Goro:** I suppose it wouldn't hurt if I let you keep them for just one morning.

 **Akira:** YESSSSSSS

 **Goro:** And I must return your trousers to you.

 **Akira:** Eh

 **Akira:** I'm not that attached to them

 **Akira:** And you look pretty hot as a Shujin student

 **Goro:** Sadly, I have no use for a Shujin uniform.

 **Akira:** Fine fine

 **Goro:** I'm heading to sleep now, so goodnight, Akira.

 **Akira:** Goodnight, Goro

 **Akira:** See you in the morning 😇

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 9:12am: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** Helloooooooo this is earth to Kurusu-kun

**> 9:15am**

**Ann:** Are you alive???

**> 9:18am**

**Ann:** Why aren't you in class

**> 9:24am**

**Ann:** Did karaoke kill you?

**> 9:26am**

**Akira:** ANN I AM SO SORRY

 **Ann:** You're alive! 😄

 **Akira:** I MISSED MY TRAIN

 **Ann:** All of them?

 **Akira:** IT'S A LONG STORY

 **Akira:** TELL KAWAKAMI UHHH UHHH

 **Akira:** SOMETHING PLAUSIBLE

 **Ann:** Okaaaaay??

 **Akira:** I'LL BE THERE IN 30

 **Ann:** I'll cover for you!! 💖

**> 10:02am**

**Ann:** what the FUCK happened to you omg

 **Akira:** Two words

 **Akira:** Goro Akechi

 **Ann:** ?????????

 **Ann:** EXPLAIN

 **Akira:** Hang on I'm still recovering from having to sprint all the way here from the station

 **Ann:** You look like you got like dragged through a hedge

 **Akira:** I feel like it emotionally Ann

 **Akira:** I'm dying Squirtle

 **Ann:** ?!??!?!

 **Ann:** did he finally stab you

 **Akira:** Better

 **Ann:** STABBING YOU IS A PREEEEETTY LOW BAR KURUSU

 **Akira:** Well

 **Akira:** Have you heard of the term "hatefuck"

 **Ann:** YOU DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** No we didn't

 **Akira:** But I'm pretty sure we did the safe for work version of hatefucking

 **Ann:** WHAT HAPPENED KURUSU

 **Ann:** WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** So it all started like a normal Saturday

 **Akira:** He came round for breakfast and to demand his clothing back

 **Ann:** That is not a normal Saturday omg

 **Akira:** So I made him coffee and curry like the good barista I am

 **Akira:** And I don't remember what happened next but I said something hilariously charming and witty and then we were kissing

 **Ann:** OH YM GDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** I think he insulted me

 **Ann:** AKRIRA

 **Ann:** AKIRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** There was a lot of teeth

 **Akira:** He was very bitey

 **Ann:** ISG DSNGKJSDFJKSDKJF LKSDJFLDKSF

 **Akira:** I think I need therapy

 **Ann:** I'M SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Anyway he got his coat and gloves back and left

 **Akira:** And I had to clean up all the mess and take a shower

 **Ann:** KLJDFLSDKF WHAT MESS!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** While we were kissing he dragged me over the table

 **Akira:** Curry went everywhere

 **Ann:** AKIRA I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS OMG

 **Akira:** He has amazing core strength

 **Akira:** Anyway that is why I'm late and looking like this

 **Ann:** AKIRA

 **Ann:** AKIRA OH YM GOD

 **Akira:** He left without saying goodbye </3

 **Ann:** AND THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH THIS

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** I think my neck might be bleeding

 **Ann:** AKIRA OH MY GOD

 **Akira:** I think I'm in love

 **Ann:** HOW ARE WE GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO THE OTHERS

 **Ann:** HOW AM I MEANT TO LOOK AKECHI IN THE EYES

 **Akira:** How am I meant to set foot in Leblanc ever again

 **Akira:** Oh my god he just text me

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 10:14am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** I apologise for leaving so soon this morning.

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 10:14am**

**Ann:** WHAT IS HE SAYING

 **Akira:** HE SAID SORRY FOR LEAVING

 **Ann:** KJSDFJKSDKLJF

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 10:15am**

**Akira:** It's fine

 **Akira:** I was only slightly heartbroken </3

 **Goro:** Haha.

 **Goro:** There is something I must talk to you about.

 **Goro:** May I meet with you in Mementos later?

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 10:16am: Akira sent a photo.**

**Akira:** Hey does this sound sketchy

 **Ann:** YES!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Great I'm gonna say yes

* * *

**Goro Akechi **

**> 10:17am**

**Akira:** Of course

 **Akira:** When and where?

 **Goro:** 7pm, just inside the entrance.

 **Goro:** We'll decide where to go from there.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

 **Akira:** I'll see you later

 **Goro:** Thank you.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 10:18am**

**Akira:** If I don't come back from Mementos this evening

 **Akira:** Please search for my body

 **Ann:** ksdfksdjf Mementos is like the WORST place for a first date!!!

 **Akira:** I'll take anything Ann

 **Akira:** I'm pining

 **Ann:** I can't believe this!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Oh my neck is definitely bleeding

 **Ann:** JKSDFKJSDF AKIRA

 **Ann:** do you need me to take you to the nurse's office?!

 **Akira:** God no Maruki will diagnose me with masochism

 **Akira:** If I bleed out, give all my stuff to Yusuke

 **Ann:** JKSDFKLHSKDF WHAT DID AKECHI DO TO YOU

 **Akira:** A good time

 **Ann:** NO

 **Akira:** Kawakami's looking suspicious

 **Akira:** We'll finish this conversation later

 **Ann:** OKAY BUT WE ARE HAVING SOME SERIOUS WORDS!!!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**The Shujin Super Five**

**> 11:25am: Lady Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Lady Ann:** Can everyone meet on the rooftop for lunch?

 **Lady Ann:** We need to have some words with Akira about a _certain someone_

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** I'm right here

 **Haru (Haru):** Are you okay, Akira?

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** I'm fine sort of maybe

 **Miss Student Council President:** Please remember that we're here for you, Akira.

 **Vulgar Boy:** bro u finally smanged akechi?

 **Lady Ann:** RYUJI

 **Stupid Sexy Transfer Student:** It's complicated

 **Vulgar Boy:** BRO

 **Lady Ann:** We'll talk more at lunch! See you there!

 **Haru (Haru):** See you there! Stay safe, everyone!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 1:09pm: Kasumi started a new chat thread.**

**Kasumi:** Senpai! Are you okay? ❤️

 **Akira:** Never better

 **Akira:** Why

 **Kasumi:** I saw you in the corridor and please excuse me for being so rude, but you look terrible!

 **Akira:** Ohhhhhhh yeah

 **Akira:** Don't worry about it

 **Kasumi:** Remember that I'm always here if you want to talk, senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** And I'll be in the gym later if you want to train together! ❤️

 **Akira:** I might take you up on that

 **Akira:** Just go easy on me today

 **Kasumi:** Of course, senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** I hope you feel better soon! ❤️

 **Akira:** Thank you, Kasumi 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Yusuke Kitagawa, Makoto Niijima, Futaba Sakura, Haru Okumura, Morgana Notacat**

**> 10:19pm: Akira started a new group.**

**> 10:19pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> Akira changed the chat name to Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**Futaba:** what are you DOING!!! >:c

 **Futaba:** do you know how long it took me to cultivate the perfect feeling of a group chat >:c

 **Akira:** Listen

 **Akira:** I feel like it's time to admit that my relationship with Akechi perhaps isn't the functional and healthy one it seems

 **Ann:** Literally any of us could have told you that 😭

 **Akira:** And it also turns out that he was in on all of our Phantom Thief group chats the whole time

_**Several people are typing...** _

**Ann:** WHAT!

 **Ryuji:** WHAT BRO

 **Futaba:** what :0

 **Haru:** Oh my!

 **Yusuke:** How?

 **Makoto:** Oh no.

 **Akira:** It turns out that Makoto only removed him from that group chat thread

 **Akira:** So he's been in the group since we were talking about digging graves and Yusuke covering himself in honey

 **Yusuke:** I would still like to be covered in honey upon my death.

 **Makoto:** I'm so sorry.

 **Makoto:** I had no idea!

 **Futaba:** no sweat, Queen

 **Futaba:** even I didn't notice that he was there all along

 **Futaba:** Akechi, not Inari

 **Haru:** So Akechi told you this?

 **Akira:** Oh yeah we went into Mementos together

 **Akira:** He tried to kill me

_**Several people are typing...** _

**Ann:** I TOLD YOU IT WAS A BAD IDEA

 **Makoto:** Are you okay?! Are you hurt?

 **Yusuke:** Do you require aid, Akira?

 **Ryuji:** BRO WHAT THE FUCK

 **Haru:** What happened, Joker?!

 **Akira:** Okay hang on let me start at the beginning

 **Akira:** And I'm fine I'm fine Dionysus had my back

 **Akira:** But you know how this morning Akechi and I had a passionate moment in Leblanc

 **Yusuke:** Yes, Ryuji filled me in on the details.

 **Futaba:** oh yeah Sojiro saw you

 **Akira:** WHAT

 **Futaba:** he came back home and he was all "I think that kid might be involved with that detective kid..."

 **Akira:** Alright I owe Sojiro a ten page apology letter and some flowers

 **Akira:** But then Akechi invited me out to Mementos this evening

 **Akira:** And I said yes because I am stupid and gay

 **Futaba:** agreed

 **Akira:** And it turned out that he wanted to fight

 **Akira:** So I got Dionysus to electrocute him a bunch

 **Akira:** And then Akechi kind of went off on one about how I could and should have murdered him and something to do with the thrill of bloodlust

 **Akira:** Listen there were a lot of red flags okay

 **Makoto:** Akira...

 **Akira:** So we left Mementos and he was all "haha I am delighted to be your ally. you are so well composed. I am ignoring the fact that I almost sensually tore open your neck this morning in Leblanc like a rabid vampire"

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Then he asked if I saw myself winning the fight

 **Akira:** And I said yes, because I'd temporarily turned him into a lightning rod

 **Akira:** Aaaaaaand then he said that he had to be entirely honest with me and that he hated me

 **Haru:** Akira!

 **Ryuji:** bro..........

 **Ann:** Oh boy...

 **Yusuke:** Akechi is... certainly a character.

 **Akira:** And then he threw his glove at me

 **Makoto:** Oh?

 **Akira:** And then he started going on about traditions in the west and dueling and something

 **Akira:** I'm not gonna lie I kinda zoned out because he's hot when he's angry

_**Several people are typing...** _

**Ryuji:** BRO

 **Yusuke:** Akira...

 **Ann:** AKIRA

 **Haru:** That's our Akira!

 **Futaba:** stupid and gay indeed

 **Akira:** Anyway I have his glove now and I zoned back in in time for him to tell me about him being in the group chat all along

 **Akira:** And that brings us to now

 **Akira:** And the adrenaline is starting to wear off and oof ouch my bones

 **Makoto:** Do you need first aid?

 **Akira:** I think I just need to sleep for like two days

 **Haru:** So Akechi knew everything we were saying all along...

 **Futaba:** only in the PHANTOM BROS!!! though

 **Futaba:** and the main chat that we knew he was in, obviously

 **Futaba:** but all our other chats and communication with each other would be unaffected

 **Makoto:** I'm so sorry, everyone.

 **Ryuji:** dont sweat it queen

 **Ryuji:** at worst akechi just had 2 see us talkin about gary marriage nd stuff

 **Haru:** Gary marriage!

 **Ann:** He would've seen us talking about him stabbing Akira, though...

 **Akira:** Guys I don't think any of this is your fault

 **Akira:** Pretty sure Akechi's wanted to stab me since we met him on that TV set

 **Akira:** I am fairly stabbable

 **Yusuke:** Still... For now, we should continue on as normal.

 **Makoto:** Huh?

 **Yusuke:** Well, if we suddenly disappear from our special group chat, Akechi will know that Akira has told us this and that we are most likely now suspicious of him.

 **Haru:** Yusuke's right!

 **Yusuke:** We should pretend that we do not know of Akira and Akechi's trip into Mementos, nor the group chat infiltration.

 **Ann:** Huh

 **Ann:** That's pretty smart, Yusuke~! 💖

 **Makoto:** I agree.

 **Futaba:** me too!

 **Futaba:** good job, Inari!

 **Yusuke:** Thank you.

 **Ryuji:** my smart boyfriend..................................

 **Yusuke:** Ryuji... I love you.

 **Futaba:** let's not do this while Akira's pining

 **Akira:** I think my bones are on fire

 **Futaba:** I'm heading round to Leblanc to put you to bed

 **Akira:** Is it normal to taste blood

 **Makoto:** NO

 **Makoto:** I'm coming round to administer first aid

 **Yusuke:** Ryuji and I shall come round too, to help.

 **Ann:** I'm coming too~!

 **Ann:** Phantom Thieves sleepover!!!

 **Haru:** I'll get medical supplies and food! 💖

 **Akira:** Everyone................ I love you all so much

 **Akira:** You are the best friends I could ever ask for

 **Akira:** I would get a million criminal records in a heartbeat if I meant I got to stay with you all

 **Ann:** Akira... 🥺

 **Akira:** Alright I'm blacking out

 **Akira:** See you on the floor, Phantom Thieves

 **Makoto:** AKIRA NO

**> Akira is offline.**

**Haru:** Akira?!

 **Ryuji:** bro u ok!!!!!

 **Futaba:** it's cool he passed out into a booth

 **Makoto:** Oh, thank god.

 **Futaba:** whoever gets here first has to help me carry him up the stairs

 **Ryuji:** yusk nd i are on our way

 **Futaba:** Monamona's making sure he's breathing

 **Futaba:** we'll hold the fort until everyone's at the quest goal!

 **Makoto:** Thank you, Futaba.

 **Futaba:** anything for my friends!

 **Futaba:** ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

 **Haru:** I'll be there soon! 💛

 **Ann:** Same!

 **Yusuke:** Ryuji and I are 20 minutes away.

 **Makoto:** I'm closing this chat for now. I'll meet you all at Leblanc.

 **Makoto:** And everyone, thank you.

 **Futaba:** (๑╹ڡ╹)╭ ～ ♡

 **Ryuji:** 🧡

 **Yusuke:** 💙

 **Ann:** 💖

 **Haru:** 💛

 **Makoto:** 💞

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My rank 8 confidant experience was literally just
> 
> Akechi: LET US FIGHT  
> Dionysus: *zap* *zap* *zap*  
> Akechi, who never even laid a finger on me because I was too busy electrocuting him: I NEARLY HAD YOU!!!!!!!!
> 
> P.S. Akechi doesn't really furiously make out with Akira in rank 8 of his confidant. You'd know if he did.
> 
> (I am so sorry if you followed the link in the title.)


	11. Fs in the chat for Morgana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **fish fear me:** bro
> 
>  **women want me:** You really bro'd Akechi
> 
>  **akechifanboy42069:** Assert dominance by bro-ing your love interest and rival
> 
>  **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Back to bed with you, you're clearly in not the right state of mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for the end of Sae's palace and onward from here on out.

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:09am: Futaba started a new chat thread.**

**Futaba:** first quest of the day: I'm turning this chat into a group chat to be proud of!

**> Futaba changed Morgana's nickname to Kitty**

**> Futaba changed Haru's nickname to Everyone Liked That**

**> Futaba changed Makoto's nickname to The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell**

**> Futaba changed Futaba's nickname to VIBE CHECK**

**> VIBE CHECK changed Ann's nickname to women want me**

**> VIBE CHECK changed Ryuji's nickname to fish fear me**

**> VIBE CHECK changed Yusuke's nickname to Lobster Emoji**

**> VIBE CHECK changed Akira's nickname to akechifanboy42069**

**Kitty:** qqqqqqqqqq

 **women want me:** I think Mona is trying to object to his nickname 😳

**> VIBE CHECK changed Kitty's nickname to TINY BASTARD MAN**

**TINY BASTARD MAN:** wwwwwww

 **Everyone Liked That:** I think he likes it!

 **VIBE CHECK:** where is Monamona rn?

 **Everyone Liked That:** He's keeping an eye out downstairs for us.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I greatly appreciate this new nickname, thank you.

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'd make it the actual emoji buuut the chat client doesn't support them as nicknames (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)

 **Everyone Liked That:** Who's awake right now? I'm thinking of making us some tea!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm awake

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ryuji is still asleep.

 **women want me:** Makoto is still sleeping and she looks adorable right now 😊

 **VIBE CHECK:** I can hear Akira snoring too

 **Everyone Liked That:** Would anyone be up for a cup of tea?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I would greatly appreciate one, thank you.

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll pass

 **VIBE CHECK:** but thanks!

 **women want me:** I'll take one! 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll prepare one for Makoto too, in case she wakes up!

 **Everyone Liked That:** But I'll do it very quietly!

 **VIBE CHECK:** so we need to work on a plan to not look suspicious

 **women want me:** Are we going to stay at Leblanc all day and look after Akira?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe it would be in our best interest to.

 **VIBE CHECK:** so we need to make it look 1. not suspicious and 2. like we're not all currently at Leblanc without Akechi

 **VIBE CHECK:** but we also can't say we're out in public because what if Akechi is also in that place

 **women want me:** okaaaaay how about

 **women want me:** Yusuke and Ryuji are both at Ryuji's house

 **women want me:** and I'm at Shiho's~!

 **Everyone Liked That:** We can station Futaba downstairs as a lookout!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yusuke, Ann, would you like peppermint or strawberry tea?

 **Lobster Emoji:** Peppermint, if I am not being a burden.

 **women want me:** I'll take peppermint too!! 💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll fill Sojiro in on the deets so he doesn't tell Akechi that we're all here

 **women want me:** What about Haru and Makoto?

 **Everyone Liked That:** We can say that we're both at my house, studying!

 **fish fear me:** bros what have i missed

 **fish fear me:** why r we all talkin in here instead of out loud

 **Lobster Emoji:** Boss has customers downstairs and we do not want to draw attention to ourselves.

 **fish fear me:** good enough 4 me

 **fish fear me:** whats that smell

 **Everyone Liked That:** Peppermint tea! Would you like a cup, Ryuji?

 **fish fear me:** hell yea thank u haru

 **Everyone Liked That:** Any time! 💛

 **VIBE CHECK:** okay so what do we do with Akira

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'll be here

 **akechifanboy42069:** If Akechi wants to talk, he'll have to do it in front of Futaba and Boss

 **akechifanboy42069:** Also what is my nickname

 **VIBE CHECK:** accurate

 **Everyone Liked That:** Akira's awake!

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'm not coming out from under my blankets

 **fish fear me:** then were comin in 4 a cuddle bro

 **akechifanboy42069:** Bro..........

 **akechifanboy42069:** Wait who's "we"

 **akechifanboy42069:** OH MY GOD YUSUKE'S HANDS ARE SO COLD

 **VIBE CHECK:** well Inari IS an ice Persona user

 **Everyone Liked That:** Would you like a cup of peppermint tea, Akira?

 **akechifanboy42069:** I would love one, thank you Haru

 **women want me:** What do we do if Akechi wants to like, talk in private upstairs?

 **akechifanboy42069:** We tell him Morgana puked everywhere

 **women want me:** Oh no

 **akechifanboy42069:** Absolutely chundered

 **Everyone Liked That:** I don't think that'll work...

 **akechifanboy42069:** Morgana ate the last of the chocolate cake, keeled over, and exploded

 **women want me:** STOP SKDJFSLKDF

 **akechifanboy42069:** Shit his guts out in his final moments

 **VIBE CHECK:** (ಠ ∩ಠ)

 **akechifanboy42069:** Went right through the floorboards

 **women want me:** AKIRA

 **akechifanboy42069:** We'll miss him, but it's how he would have wanted to go

 **fish fear me:** Fs in the chat for mona

 **Everyone Liked That:** F

 **women want me:** F 😔

 **VIBE CHECK:** F

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** ffffffffff

 **akechifanboy42069:** Fuck he's still alive

 **fish fear me:** bro

 **fish fear me:** is that meant 2 be a hickey on ur neck?

 **VIBE CHECK:** that's a hickey?!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I thought Akechi was trying to perform surgery on Akira

 **akechifanboy42069:** It felt like it

 **Everyone Liked That:** Tea's ready!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Boys, would you like your tea delivered under Akira's blankets?

 **fish fear me:** gimme 5 to turn his bed into a blanket fort

 **VIBE CHECK:** MAKE THE WHOLE ROOM A BLANKET FORT

 **fish fear me:** oracle ur a genius

 **VIBE CHECK:** I know

 **VIBE CHECK:** second quest of the day: turn the room into a blanket fort!

 **women want me:** but do it quietly so Makoto doesn't wake up~

 **VIBE CHECK:** QUEST START!

* * *

**Sojiro Sakura**

**> 10:05am: Sojiro started a new chat thread.**

**Sojiro:** Hey kid, do you have a minute?

 **Akira:** What's up dad

 **Sojiro:** I just wanted to make sure that you're being safe.

 **Akira:** Oh no

 **Akira:** Is this what I think it's about

 **Sojiro:** I know that you're a young man

 **Akira:** DAD IT'S OKAY

 **Sojiro:** And I know that you're in the time of your life where you're discovering yourself

 **Akira:** DAD YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS

 **Akira:** IT'S FINE THEY COVERED SEX ED IN SCHOOL

 **Sojiro:** Oh thank god

 **Sojiro:** Just... keep it to a minimum around Futaba, okay?

 **Akira:** Yes dad

 **Sojiro:** I'm sure that detective kid is nice enough, but just make sure you're both being safe

 **Akira:** Oh god it's too early to have this conversation

 **Sojiro:** At least you won't be getting anyone pregnant

 **Akira:** DAD

 **Sojiro:** Are all your friends upstairs?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** It's a long story, Futaba said she'll fill you in in a bit

 **Akira:** But if Akechi comes round, don't let him go upstairs

 **Sojiro:** Relationship troubles this early, eh?

 **Akira:** If I say yes can we drop this subject forever

 **Sojiro:** Kids these days...

 **Sojiro:** Just let me know if you kids want coffee or curry or anything.

 **Akira:** Will do, thanks dad

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 10:28am**

**VIBE CHECK:** alright, now Makoto's up, let's get quest three on the road!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Good morning, everyone. Sorry for sleeping in so late.

 **women want me:** Don't apologise!! You obviously needed it~

 **Lobster Emoji:** It is far better to oversleep than undersleep.

 **fish fear me:** whats quest 3

 **VIBE CHECK:** convincing Akechi that we're not all currently in a blanket fort in Akira's room

 **akechifanboy42069:** It's a good blanket fort

 **fish fear me:** thank u bro

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We're going to fire up the main chat and act like nothing is wrong.

 **fish fear me:** u got it

 **women want me:** Why do I see this already going wrong 😭

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 10:34am: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** Good morning, everyone.

 **Makoto:** I hope you're all resting in preparation for tomorrow.

 **Ryuji:** yassssssss queen

* * *

** Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo **

**> 10:35am**

**women want me:** What the fuck Ryuji

 **fish fear me:** I PANICKED

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 10:35am: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** As a reminder - meet at Leblanc after school.

 **Makoto:** I'll deliver the calling card to Sis in the morning.

 **Haru:** Thank you for doing this for us, Mako-chan! 💛

 **Makoto:** It's alright.

 **Akira:** You feeling okay?

 **Makoto:** Just a little nervous.

 **Haru:** You can come over and study if you want, Mako-chan!

 **Haru:** Everyone else can too, if you want! 💛

 **Ann:** Thank you for the offer Haru!! I'm spending the day with Shiho but I hope you both have fun~ 💖

 **Makoto:** I think I'll come over. Thank you, Haru.

 **Ryuji:** yusk nd i are spendin the day 2gether or else wed come over

 **Makoto:** You just want to get out of studying, don't you?

 **Ryuji:** yep!

 **Goro:** Good morning, everyone.

 **Goro:** I hope you're all well.

 **Haru:** Never better, Akechi-kun! 💛

 **Haru:** Oops, sorry, Goro!

 **Goro:** Haha, no worries.

 **Akira:** I'm not getting out of bed today

 **Akira:** I deserve this

 **Ann:** You're so lazy 😒

 **Futaba:** I'll be downstairs in Leblanc if you wanna hang out, Joker

 **Akira:** **👍🏻**

 **Goro:** I'm afraid I have a day full of work ahead, but I may swing by Leblanc later, Akira.

 **Akira:** **👍🏻**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 10:42am**

**women want me:** AKIRA NO

 **fish fear** **me:** BRO

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'm pining and weak

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You're a danger to yourself sometimes.

 **akechifanboy42069:** I regret nothing

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** At least we now know that we can talk normally until this evening and that Futaba won't have to spend the day as a lookout.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Let's all watch a film together!

 **VIBE CHECK:** quest 4 - find a film we all agree on: START!

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 10:42am**

**Goro:** Work is calling, so I'll see you all tomorrow.

 **Goro:** I'll message you if I decide to drop by, Akira.

 **Akira:** Thanks bro

 **Goro:** You're welcome.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 10:43am**

**fish fear me:** bro

 **women want me:** You really bro'd Akechi

 **akechifanboy42069:** Assert dominance by bro-ing your love interest and rival

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Back to bed with you, you're clearly in not the right state of mind.

 **akechifanboy42069:** You'll never take me alive

 **akechifanboy42069:** Also the door is stuck and I'm trapped in the bathroom

 **VIBE CHECK:** why are you like this

 **Lobster Emoji:** Perhaps we should leave him there to keep him safe from Akechi.

 **akechifanboy42069:** Help

 **Everyone Liked That:** Mako-chan and I will be down in a minute, Joker!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Just hold on!

 **akechifanboy42069:** **👍🏻**

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Goro Akechi **

**> 7:11pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** Would you mind if I dropped by Leblanc this evening?

 **Akira:** I'm sure Sojiro wouldn't mind a paying customer

 **Goro:** Haha, I am in the mood for a cup of coffee.

 **Akira:** I'm still not getting out of bed, though

 **Goro:** So you're saying that if I wish to see you, I would have to join you in bed?

 **Akira:** You are always welcome to join me in bed

 **Akira:** Morgana might have a few choice words about it, though

 **Goro:** Haha.

 **Akira:** If you stop by, I'll come downstairs for a bit

 **Akira:** Only a little bit though, I'm still exhausted from exercising with Kasumi yesterday

 **Goro:** That's fine.

 **Goro:** I just thought that seeing as this is our last free evening before the final mission, we could perhaps spend some time together.

 **Akira:** Oh yeah, because you're so insistent that we can't be friends once the Thieves have disbanded, can we

 **Goro:** I'm sorry, Akira.

 **Akira:** It's fine

 **Akira:** It was fun while it lasted

 **Goro:** It was indeed.

 **Goro:** I'll be at Leblanc around 8.

 **Akira:** I'll be waiting

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 9:19am: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** Rise and shine, Phantom Thieves~! 💖

 **Ann:** It's our last mission today, so let's make it count! 💖

 **Yusuke:** It is an incredibly bittersweet feeling...

 **Ryuji:** we can still hang out after were done bro

 **Ryuji:** itd be kinda weird if we didnt seein as were datin

 **Haru:** I hope you're already planning our post-mission party, Ryuji!

 **Ryuji:** heh

 **Ryuji:** way ahead of u

 **Makoto:** Sis has seen the calling card.

 **Makoto:** She brushed it off, but...

 **Akira:** Mona says that as long as she's seen it, it should have an effect on her Shadow

 **Futaba:** alright, final mission: start!

 **Futaba:** first quest item: meet at Leblanc after school!

 **Ann:** Heard you loud and clear, Oracle!

 **Yusuke:** Indeed. Let us do this, my friends.

 **Goro:** I will meet you all there.

 **Makoto:** Right. For Sis.

 **Haru:** One final big score for the Phantom Thieves! 💛

 **Ryuji:** BONKIN!!!!!!

 **Akira:** I'm proud of you all

 **Akira:** Let's make it count

 **Akira:** 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB**

**> 9:48pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** BRO

 **Ryuji:** THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

 **Makoto:** I don't know and I'm so sorry

 **Makoto:** I should have seen this coming

 **Makoto:** It was reckless to head into a Palace while we're the focus of an investigation

 **Haru:** Mako-chan...

 **Makoto:** I'm so sorry

 **Makoto:** I don't know how I could have been so stupid

 **Futaba:** you did nothing wrong, Queen

 **Futaba:** we know that Akira's the self-sacrificing type

 **Goro:** Akira loves nothing more than to be the centre of attention.

 **Ryuji:** bro.........

 **Ryuji:** do u think hes gonna be ok?

 **Yusuke:** We can only hope.

 **Ann:** Akira...

 **Makoto:** Sis hasn't come home yet

 **Makoto:** She's not responding to my texts

 **Makoto:** I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

 **Ryuji:** dont worry queen

 **Ryuji:** none of us coulda seen this comin

 **Ryuji:** nd like futaba said akira loves 2 be the hero

 **Makoto:** Ryuji...

 **Ryuji:** just u watch!!

 **Ryuji:** give it a week nd hell come walkin through the door of leblanc with that big smug grin on his face

 **Ann:** I bet he'll make some terrible joke about it all too!

 **Yusuke:** He hasn't failed us yet.

 **Yusuke:** It would be foolish of us to assume he would fail us now.

 **Haru:** Akira always comes through! 💛

 **Haru:** All we have to do is believe in him like he believes in us! 💛

 **Yusuke:** Agreed.

 **Futaba:** he wouldn't just leave us like this

 **Futaba:** let's keep doing good, for Joker!

 **Makoto:** Everyone...

 **Makoto:** Thank you so much.

 **Makoto:** I don't know what I was thinking.

 **Makoto:** Goro, we'll make good on our deal.

 **Makoto:** As of now, the Phantom Thieves are officially disbanded.

 **Goro:** Thank you.

 **Makoto:** This chat will go with us.

 **Makoto:** Everyone, keep acting like normal students for now.

 **Yusuke:** Of course.

 **Ryuji:** can i go back 2 bein a delinquent now

 **Futaba:** did you ever stop?

 **Haru:** Hahaha!

 **Ann:** We'll see how this all unfolds and make plans accordingly~

 **Ann:** But let's just act normal for now! 💖

 **Ann:** For Akira! 💖

 **Ryuji:** agreed!!!

 **Makoto:** Be good, everyone.

 **Makoto:** And thank you.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**> The group "PHANTOM THIEVES FANCLUB" was deleted.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Yusuke:** This is my boyfriend, Ryuji, and this is Ryuji and I's boyfriend, Akira.
> 
> You are absolutely correct to think that the Phantom Thieves just formed one giant cuddle pile while watching Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed on Akira's shitty little CRT TV.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's reading! I was honestly going to just have this as a silly little one-off but everyone's been so nice, I'm going to see it through all the way to the end. And I promise we'll have that Shuake ending! Just with less teeth and more therapy.


	12. The worst kind of vibe check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **> Akira Kurusu is offline.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge story spoilers ahead, if you haven't played P5. Warning: Mentions of suicide.

**> Akira Kurusu is offline.**

**> Last seen: Two days ago.**

* * *

**PHANTOM BROS!!!**

**> 4:18pm: pannic! at the disco started a new chat thread.**

**pannic! at the disco:** I don't...

 **pannic! at the disco:** Joker...

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** I refuse to believe it!

 **BI RYUJI:** what the fuck!!!!!!!

 **BI RYUJI:** joker wouldnt just quit on us like that!!!!!

 **Honeybuns:** I hate to entertain the notion...

 **Honeybuns:** But do you think he did it so they wouldn't come after us?

 **Meme Queen:** Sis said that during the interrogation, he said that he acted entirely alone...

 **pannic! at the disco:** Akira...

 **BI** **RYUJI:** this is bullshit!!!!!

 **pannic! at the disco:** I can't...

 **pannic! at the disco:** I'm so sorry, everyone

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Akira would never just leave us like this!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** He helped us! He showed us why we should keep going!

 **Honeybuns:** I fear that I would not be here today if not for Akira...

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** So why would he do this!

 **Meme Queen:** It must be a set up.

 **Meme Queen:** I refuse to believe Akira would shoot himself.

 **Honeybuns:** But we don't have the power to investigate...

 **BI RYUJI:** nd its not like the world cares about 1 random kid!!!

 **pannic! at the disco:** What do we do now?

 **pannic! at the disco:** Are we just meant to accept this and move on?!

 **Meme Queen:** I'm sorry, but I think that's all we can do.

 **Meme Queen:** If Akira did indeed give his life for our safety, we shouldn't throw that away.

 **BI RYUJI:** AAAAAAAAAAAGH

 **BI RYUJI:** ur right queen but im just so mad!!!!!!

 **rule 34 garfield:** ims oryr everyone

 **rule 34 garfield:** btu i cant do this

 **pannic! at the disco:** Futaba!

 **M'lady *tips vegetable garden*:** Futaba-chan, are you okay?

 **rule 34 garfield:** ic ant do it

 **rule 34 garfield:** nto without akira

 **Honeybuns:** Futaba, please, don't do anything reckless.

 **Honeybuns:** We are here for you.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**> The group "PHANTOM BROS!!!" was deleted.**

* * *

** Yuuki Mishima **

**> 4:35pm: Yuuki started a new chat thread.**

**Yuuki:** The news is reporting that you committed suicide!!

 **Yuuki:** That's not true, is it?!

 **Yuuki:** Please tell me that it's not true!!

* * *

**Ta** **e** **Takemi**

**> 4:41pm: Tae started a new chat thread.**

**Tae:** I saw the news. I don't believe it. I've seen what you've been through. I don't think you'd do something like that.

 **Tae:** Whatever happened, I'll be here for you.

* * *

**Chihaya Mifune**

**> 4:43pm: Chihaya started a new chat thread.**

**Chihaya:** I have seen the cards....... and they have not predicted this.......

 **Chihaya:** There is still a path for you to follow........

 **Chihaya:** It will not be an easy one, but it is yours.......

 **Chihaya:** I will be waiting...........

* * *

**Shinya Oda**

**> 4:48pm: Shinya started a new chat thread.**

**Shinya:** Hey!!!! I don't think the leader of the Phantom Thieves would just quit like that!!!

 **Shinya:** I'll be at the arcade waiting!!! 🔫🔫🔫

* * *

**Sadayo Kawakami**

**> 4:50pm: Kawakami started a new chat thread.**

**Kawakami:** I refuse to believe you'd go out of your way to help me and your friends and then you'd just give up on us like that!

 **Kawakami:** Just know that I'm rooting for you!

* * *

**Munehisa Iwai**

**> 4:55pm: Iwai started a new chat thread.**

**Iwai:** Hey kid, you'd better not be dead.

 **Iwai:** I'll be pissed if you are.

* * *

**Hifumi Togo**

**> 4:59pm: Hifumi started a new chat thread.**

**Hifumi:** I don't believe it.

 **Hifumi:** I'll keep a game ready for you until you return.

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 5:01pm: Maruki started a new chat thread.**

**Maruki:** Akira...

 **Maruki:** I'll keep wishing for your safe return to us!

 **Maruki:** You've helped so many, it's our turn to help you!

* * *

**Toranosuke Yoshida**

**> 5:03pm: Yoshida started a new chat thread.**

**Yoshida:** The News Can Never Get Things Quite Right, Can They?

 **Yoshida:** I'll Be Behind You All The Way, Comrade.

* * *

**Ichiko Ohya**

**> 5:09pm: Ohya started a new chat thread.**

**Ohya:** Hellooooooooooo! I'm day drinking at 5pm because of you!!!!!! 🍸

 **Ohya:** The source for your death is sooooooooooo sketchy 🤔

 **Ohya:** I'll be waiting at Crossroads!! 🍸🍸🍸

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 5:16pm: Kasumi started a new chat thread.**

**Kasumi:** Senpai!

 **Kasumi:** Maruki told me the news...

 **Kasumi:** I refuse to believe it! I believe in you, senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** The Phantom Thieves would never let me down like this! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** I'll keep believing - enough for both of us! ❤️

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:11pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** If you only had come into my life earlier, things might have been different.

 **Goro:** Perhaps in another life, we could have been friends.

 **Goro:** But the world is not kind.

 **Goro:** It had to be done.

 **Goro:** Rest well.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> Akira Kurusu is offline.**

**> Last seen: Three days ago.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akechi, right before shooting Akira in the head: VIBE CHECK
> 
> Just a note: Yes, I'll be covering third term/to the end of Royal! I will also be reshaping canon to give everyone a happy ending. I haven't actually finished Royal yet (I'm on January 21st) (I've been busy playing P5 Dancing okay) so the end of this fic will have to wait until I've finished Royal, but we still have December to go just yet! 💖


	13. Backstreet's back, alright!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **akechifanboy42069:** The police were not kind to me
> 
>  **akechifanboy42069:** They gave me bofa
> 
>  **Lobster Emoji:** Bofa?  
>  **  
> _Several people are typing..._  
>  **
> 
> **women want me:** NO
> 
>  **VIBE CHECK:** oh boy
> 
>  **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Even I wouldn't fall for that one...
> 
>  **fish fear me:** F
> 
>  **Everyone Liked That:** Oh, Yusuke!

**FRIDAY**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 2:13pm: akechifanboy42069 started a new chat thread.**

**akechifanboy42069:** EVERYBODYYYYYYY ROCK YOUR BODY RIGHT

 **akechifanboy42069:** JOKER'S BACK ALRIGHT

 **fish fear me:** u bastard

 **fish fear me:** u absolute fucker

 **akechifanboy42069:** I missed you too my sweet Ryuji

 **Lobster Emoji:** I have missed you dearly, Akira.

 **akechifanboy42069:** I missed you too Yusuke!!!!!!!

 **women want me:** AKIRA!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

 **akechifanboy42069:** ANN!!!!!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm relieved to see you're alive, Akira.

 **akechifanboy42069:** It's good to see you too, Makoto

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'm only here thanks to you guys and your smarts

 **akechifanboy42069:** Also Sae for getting me out of there in one piece

 **Everyone Liked That:** Akira! I missed you so much!

 **akechifanboy42069:** I missed you too Haru!

 **akechifanboy42069:** I didn't realise a few days away from you all would hurt so much

 **fish fear me:** bro..........

 **VIBE CHECK:** AKIRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **akechifanboy42069:** FUTABA!!!!!!

 **akechifanboy42069:** Your acting in that group chat was amazing

 **VIBE CHECK:** thank you! o(*^▽^*)o

 **VIBE CHECK:** all I had to do was close my eyes and smash the keys

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It looks like Akechi fell for it, too, as he hasn't reached out to us since.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** He probably believes that he pulled off his entire plan and Joker's in a morgue somewhere.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Speaking of Akechi, won't he notice that Akira's back online?

 **VIBE CHECK:** nah I fixed it so Akira just appears permanently offline to him

 **VIBE CHECK:** it'd be suspicious if we just deleted him from the chat app entirely

 **fish fear me:** thats smart

 **akechifanboy42069:** Very smart

 **akechifanboy42069:** My head is killing me

 **fish fear me:** u ok bro?

 **akechifanboy42069:** I've been better

 **akechifanboy42069:** The police were not kind to me

 **akechifanboy42069:** They gave me bofa

 **Lobster Emoji:** Bofa?

**_Several people are typing..._ **

**women want me:** NO

 **VIBE CHECK:** oh boy

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Even I wouldn't fall for that one...

 **fish fear me:** F

 **Everyone Liked That:** Oh, Yusuke!

 **akechifanboy42069:** BOFA DEEZ NUTS

 **Lobster Emoji:** I'm afraid I do not get it.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Don't ask, Yusuke.

 **fish fear me:** ill explain it 2 u later bro

 **akechifanboy42069:** But yeah Sae's pretty mad because she can't file a case against the abuse because I'm legally dead

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That's Sis for you.

 **women want me:** Do you need us to come round to patch you up? 💖

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'd really just like a hug from you all

 **fish fear me:** BRO OF COURSE

 **Everyone Liked That:** We'll always be here to hug you!

 **Lobster Emoji:** That is the least we could ever do to repay you for all we've done.

 **VIBE CHECK:** alright, mission let's all hug Akira - START!

 **women want me:** We'll all head over to Leblanc after school~!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm coming round now

 **VIBE CHECK:** #neetprivilege

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Give him an extra big hug from us, then, Futaba.

 **VIBE CHECK:** quest marker added!

 **akechifanboy42069:** Just be gentle on my poor bones

 **akechifanboy42069:** I love you all

 **women want me:** We love you too! 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** We'll always love you!

 **fish fear me:** Akira fanclub 4ever

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends.

 **women want me:** AWWW MAKO-CHAN

 **Everyone Liked That:** I agree! I think you're all wonderful!

 **Lobster** **Emoji:** You all are the lights in my life.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I must paint this.

 **fish fear me:** thats our yusuke

 **VIBE CHECK:** that's YOUR Yusuke, gay boy

 **fish fear me:** shuddup!!!

 **fish fear me:** (love u)

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'll see you all in a bit

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'm gonna give Futaba a hug and eat my body weight in curry

 **akechifanboy42069:** Now remember that I'm meant to be dead, so everyone act sad

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** F

 **women want me:** MAKOTO SKJDFKLSD

 **women want me:** F!

 **fish fear me:** F

 **Lobster Emoji:** F.

 **Everyone Liked That:** F

 **VIBE CHECK:** F

 **akechifanboy42069:** God I missed you all

 **akechifanboy42069:** Now be good, Phantom Thieves!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Futaba Sakura**

**> 10:22pm: Futaba started a new chat thread.**

**Futaba:** I'm about to send you a LOT of memes, so prepare yourself!

**> Futaba sent 634 photos.**

**Akira:** I'VE BEEN GONE FOR FOUR DAYS

 **Futaba:** and you've missed four days worth of memes!

 **Akira:** Heh

 **Akira:** I like the one with the guy pointing at the butterfly

 **Akira:** What's a Tom Nook

 **Futaba:** okay these were definitely meant for a more discerning meme connoisseur

 **Akira:** I've been gone four days, the world has changed rapidly during these times

 **Akira:** I am no longer hip and cool and down with the kids

 **Futaba:** were you ever?

 **Akira:** Ouch

 **Akira:** I've played Fortnite with you!

 **Futaba:** you dabbed and almost broke the window

 **Akira:** And I'd do it again

 **Futaba:** I missed you

 **Akira:** I missed you too

 **Futaba:** I know the newscast was fake and that you were okay

 **Futaba:** but it still hurt

 **Futaba:** I was worried that I was going to lose you again

 **Futaba:** like I lost mom

 **Akira:** You know I would never leave you, Futaba

 **Akira:** You and Sojiro are family to me

 **Futaba:** you're still leaving us when your probation is up >:c

 **Akira:** Easy, I'll just commit another crime as soon as I get home and get sent back here again

 **Akira:** I'm thinking larsony

 **Akira:** It's like larceny and arson

 **Futaba:** never change, Joker

 **Akira:** Will try my best not to

 **Futaba:** o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

 **Akira:** Those are adorable

 **Futaba:** ☜(⌒▽⌒)☞

 **Akira:** Teach me your ways, senpai

 **Futaba:** firstly, never call me that again

 **Futaba:** secondly, ╭∩╮(︶︿︶)╭∩╮

**> Akira sent a photo.**

**Futaba:** YOU USED THE KEEP YOUR SECRETS MEME

 **Futaba:** you've levelled up!

 **Akira:** Worm, as the young kids say

 **Futaba:** (；¬д¬)

 **Akira:** Alright I'm going to sleep so I'll see you tomorrow, Futaba

 **Futaba:** sleep well, captain

 **Futaba:** no texting Akechi!

 **Akira:** Will try my best

 **Akira:** 🖤

 **Futaba:** (๑╹ڡ╹)╭ ～ ♡

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**SATURDAY**

* * *

** Yuuki Mishima **

**> 8:20am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Still alive

 **Yuuki:** AKIRA

 **Yuuki:** Oh thank god!!

 **Akira:** Sorry for taking so long to let you know 🖤

 **Yuuki:** I don't even care, I'm just glad that you're safe!!

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

 **Akira:** It's a long story

 **Akira:** Complicated Phantom Thieves stuff

 **Yuuki:** As long as you're safe!!

 **Akira:** Safe and in bed

 **Yuuki:** Good!!

 **Yuuki:** I'll keep supporting you and the Thieves the best I can!!

 **Akira:** You're a blessing, thank you

 **Akira:** 🖤

 **Yuuki:** I'll see you soon?

 **Akira:** I'll see you soon

 **Akira:** Be good!

 **Yuuki:** 😊

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ta** **e** **Takemi**

**> 8:29am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** You wouldn't happen to do house calls, would you?

 **Tae:** I knew the news was fake.

 **Tae:** Are you okay?

 **Akira:** I think at least one of my bones is broken

 **Tae:** What even happened?

 **Akira:** Long story that involves my bones

 **Tae:** You can't tell but I'm shaking my head.

 **Tae:** I have an appointment at 9 but I can call in after.

 **Akira:** Me and my bones thank you

 **Tae:** Just don't break any more until then.

 **Akira:** **👍🏻**

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Chihaya Mifune**

**> 8:35am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** What are the cards saying today?

 **Chihaya:** It is good to see you again...........

 **Chihaya:** I will do a reading...........

 **Chihaya:** You are hurting...........

 **Chihaya:** The cards say it is time to rest............

 **Akira:** Thank you

 **Akira:** And thank you, cards

 **Chihaya:** Hehehe.........

 **Chihaya:** I will be here when you are ready once more........

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Shinya Oda**

**> 10:11am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** The leader of the Phantom Thieves says he's been sick, but he'll be up for the arcade again soon

 **Shinya:** Yeah!!!!! 🔫🔫🔫

 **Akira:** Shouldn't you be in class?

 **Shinya:** Yeah!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Go learn!

 **Shinya:** Ok!!!!!!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Sadayo Kawakami**

**> 10:16am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** It's your favourite student checking in

* * *

**Munehisa Iwai**

**> 10:18am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** **👍🏻**

 **Iwai:** Good.

 **Iwai:** Shop's waiting for you.

 **Akira:** **👍🏻**

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Hifumi Togo**

**> 10:20am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** How about that game?

* * *

**Toranosuke Yoshida**

**> 10:21am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I'm still hanging in there

 **Yoshida:** I Am Glad To Hear!

 **Yoshida:** I Found A New Dumpling Recipe If You Would Like To Try It.

 **Akira:** Absolutely

**> Yoshida sent a link.**

**Akira:** Thank you, I'll try it out soon

 **Akira:** I'll also be back down to help out soon

 **Yoshida:** Thank You, My Friend.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ichiko Ohya**

**> 10:27am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** How's the day drinking?

 **Ohya:** I KNEEEEEEWWWW ITTTTT ❗❗❗

 **Akira:** Is that a "it's going fine"?

 **Ohya:** Lala-chan said she won't let me drink before 4pm 🍸🍸🍸

 **Ohya:** Something about being a responsible adult ughhhhhh 🍸

 **Akira:** You ARE a responsible adult

 **Ohya:** I resent that 😤

 **Akira:** Love you too

 **Akira:** I might have to call in a favour, actually

 **Ohya:** You calling in a favour for once? 🤔

 **Akira:** I'll let you know

 **Akira:** Gotta talk to Lala-chan first

 **Ohya:** I'll work you out by then or else my name isn't Ichiko Ohya, top reporter! 😉

 **Akira:** Good luck 🖤

 **Ohya:** 😤

 **Akira:** 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 10:34am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** This is senpai, checking in

 **Kasumi:** SENPAI! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** I KNEW IT!

 **Akira:** I'm too beautiful to die just yet

 **Kasumi:** Hahahahaha! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** It's good to hear from you again! ❤️

 **Akira:** It's been four days! Or maybe five actually

 **Akira:** Six?

 **Kasumi:** I saw you on Monday and now it's Saturday...

 **Kasumi:** Do we include today?

 **Akira:** Maths is for nerds

 **Kasumi:** Agreed! ❤️

 **Akira:** Having said all that, if anyone asks, I am very much dead

 **Kasumi:** Oh, okay! ❤️

 **Akira:** It's a long story, but I trust you

 **Akira:** I'll be back soon enough to practice again

 **Kasumi:** Thank you, senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** I hope you're okay! ❤️

 **Akira:** I will be

 **Akira:** I hope you're okay too

 **Kasumi** : I will be now senpai's back! ❤️

 **Akira:** I'll speak to you properly soon

 **Kasumi:** Speak soon, senpai! ❤️

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Hifumi Togo**

**> 12:01pm**

**Hifumi:** The game's still waiting for you.

 **Akira:** I'll be back to play soon

 **Hifumi:** Good. I need a challenge.

 **Hifumi:** I'll see you soon.

 **Akira:** **👍🏻**

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Sadayo Kawakami**

**> 12:07pm**

**Kawakami:** I hope my favourite student is aware just how much homework he's missed.

 **Akira:** In my defence,

 **Akira:** I was in custody

 **Kawakami:** Hmmm. Not good enough.

 **Kawakami:** I'm joking, Takamaki-san and Niijima-san filled me in on all the details.

 **Kawakami:** I've got you covered. Come back when you're ready.

 **Akira:** Thanks, teach

 **Kawakami:** But don't forget to study!

 **Akira:** No promises

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 12:13pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Sorry if this is an odd question seeing as you're my school-mandated therapist, but you wouldn't happen to do house calls, would you?

 **Maruki:** Akira!

 **Maruki:** I can always make an exception and swing by if you need me.

 **Akira:** Okay good because I'm currently faking my death and, as such, can't really come to school

 **Maruki:** That does sound like a complicated issue.

 **Akira:** It's a long story

 **Maruki:** And I'll be here to listen!

 **Maruki:** I know it probably took a lot of courage to reach out to me like this, so I just want to say I'm glad that you did.

 **Akira:** I'm sorry in advance because I think I may have actual issues to unpack this time round

 **Maruki:** No apologies needed! I'm here to help, whatever the issue.

 **Maruki:** When do you want me to drop by?

 **Akira:** Are you free tonight?

 **Maruki:** I can be!

 **Akira:** Thank you

 **Akira:** I live at Leblanc, in Yongen-Jaya.

 **Maruki:** Ah, yes, I've been there before! Does 5pm work for you?

 **Akira:** That's perfect

 **Maruki:** I'll be there at 5!

 **Maruki:** Any snack preferences?

 **Akira:** Surprise me

 **Maruki:** Alright!

 **Akira:** Thanks, dad

 **Maruki:** Any time!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 1:31am: akechifanboy42069 started a new chat thread.**

**akechifanboy42069:** Is anyone awake?

 **Everyone Liked That:** I am!

 **fish fear me:** me too bro

 **fish fear me:** yusks here too

 **fish fear me:** u ok?

 **akechifanboy42069:** I will be honest

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'm suffering a little

 **Everyone Liked That:** Are you okay?

 **akechifanboy42069:** Can someone come sleep round here tonight?

 **akechifanboy42069:** Mona's great and warm but I just need someone else in the room

 **fish fear me:** of course bro

 **fish fear me:** ill bring yusk

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'm on my way!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Ryuji, shall I stop by yours and pick up you and Yusuke? I don't think the trains will be running this late.

 **fish fear me:** oh shit yea

 **fish fear me:** yes pls haru

 **akechifanboy42069:** Thank you

 **akechifanboy42069:** I had Maruki round earlier and he said I probably won't be feeling good for a while

 **Everyone Liked That:** And you don't have to!

 **Everyone Liked That:** You recover in your own time, and we'll be here every step of the way!

 **fish fear me:** yea bro!!!!

 **fish fear me:** u got this nd we got u

 **fish fear me:** however long it takes

 **akechifanboy42069:** I love you all

 **Everyone Liked That:** And we love you!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Ryuji, I'll be at yours in 20 minutes!

 **fish fear me:** got it

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'll be waiting downstairs

 **akechifanboy42069:** I love you all

 **fish fear me:** we love u too bro

 **fish fear me:** 🧡

 **Everyone Liked That:** 💛

 **akechifanboy42069:** 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** SUNDAY **

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 7:05pm: Lobster Emoji started a new chat thread.**

**Lobster Emoji:** So it was Shido who was responsible for Akira's criminal record this whole time...

 **VIBE CHECK:** it all checks out

 **VIBE CHECK:** he's a guy in a position of power and a bald fuck

 **fish fear me:** im so fuckin mad!!!!

 **women want me:** On the bright side, it looks like the Phantom Thieves have their next target~! 💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We have his name and Palace location, we just need to work out the _what_.

 **fish fear me:** bet its somethin shitty like a fuckin fuck fuck

 **Lobster Emoji:** Perhaps a castle? Maybe he sees himself as a king ruling over us.

 **VIBE CHECK:** not a match in the nav, sorry

 **women want me:** What do rich people like? A holiday home?

 **VIBE CHECK:** no match found

 **Everyone Liked That:** A golf course?

 **VIBE CHECK:** nope

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** A court? Maybe he sees himself as the judge of our futures?

 **VIBE CHECK:** deep, but nope

 **women want me:** Maybe we'll get it if we actually went to the Diet Building~?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That would involve Akira going out in public, though.

 **akechifanboy42069:** I have a solution

_**Several people are typing...** _

**akechifanboy42069:** I promise it's "not just a hat"

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It had better not be "two hats" either.

 **akechifanboy42069:** Damn, back to the drawing board

 **akechifanboy42069:** I do actually have a plan

 **akechifanboy42069:** Should we meet at the Diet Building after school tomorrow?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Do you think you'll be safe?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe in Akira's plan.

 **Lobster Emoji:** As long as it doesn't involve just wearing a variety of hats.

 **akechifanboy42069:** What do you guys have against me wearing hats?!

 **women want me:** It's unnatural 😖

 **women want me:** I just can't imagine it slkdjfklsdf

 **Everyone Liked That:** I feel Akira would suit a nice summer hat!

 **akechifanboy42069:** Alright let's get off the topic of hats

 **fish fear me:** i think youd rock a nice baseball cap

 **akechifanboy42069:** I take it back, we can keep talking about hats as long as you're nice to me

 **Lobster Emoji:** You would greatly suit a crown.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Does a crown count as a hat?

 **VIBE CHECK:** Akira's definitely a party hat kind of person

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** _Ahem_.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akira, if you truly believe it'll be alright, we can meet outside the Diet Building tomorrow.

 **akechifanboy42069:** Trust me

 **akechifanboy42069:** I have a very good and cool plan

 **fish fear me:** fuck yea dude!!!

 **Everyone Liked That:** We'll meet at the Diet Building, then!

 **VIBE CHECK:** (*￣▽￣)b

 **women want me:** The Phantom Thieves are back!!!!! 💖

 **fish fear me:** time 2 expose one more shitty adult 2 society!!

 **Lobster Emoji:** For us, society, and for our leader, we will take down Shido.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'm so glad we're back together! 💛

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We technically only went on a few day hiatus, but I'm also glad we're back in action.

 **akechifanboy42069:** Alright, I'll see you all tomorrow then

 **akechifanboy42069:** Love yooouuuuuu 🖤

 **fish fear me:** love u too bro!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I love you all.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Especially you, Ryuji.

 **fish fear me:** awwwww

 **VIBE CHECK:** they're so cute

 **VIBE CHECK:** and I love you all too!!! don't forget it!!!

 **Everyone Liked That:** We could never forget! I love you all!

 **women want me:** loooooooooveee yoooouuuuuu allllllll 💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I love you all, too.

 **VIBE CHECK:** (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) ♡

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Lala Escargot**

**> 7:37pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I need a favour

 **Lala:** Ohya did mention you were up to something.

 **Akira:** It's something legal, I promise!

 **Akira:** I'll make my way over to Crossroads tonight

 **Lala:** Alright, I'll be here.

 **Akira:** **👍🏻**

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira: *shows up to Crossroads wearing three hats, two pairs of sunglasses, a baseball cap, and with his hoodie tied around his face*
> 
> My C key kicked the bucket toward the end of this so let me know if any Cs are missing. I'll be taking a break for a day or two to finish Royal and wait for my new keyboard to arrive. Thanks for reading!


	14. Jurassic Smang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **akechifanboy42069:** So I might have just seen a certain ace detective heading into the maid café
> 
>  **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** What?
> 
>  **Everyone Liked That:** Did he see you?!
> 
>  **women want me:** There's waaaaaay too much to unpack in that sentence so let's just throw away the whole suitcase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished Persona 5 Royal. I got the Actual Good End and the post-credits scene. That's all I'm saying on that front.

** MONDAY **

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 7:15pm: The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell started a new chat thread.**

**The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I can't believe Akira's plan actually worked...

 **women want me:** I can't believe that he found such a nice fitting wig!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I can't believe none of us recognised him...

 **akechifanboy42069:** I do look very different without my glasses on

 **women want me:** Actually it's more the dress and wig but okay

 **Everyone Liked That:** Have you ever considered crossdressing as a career, Akira? I think you'd be very good at it!

 **akechifanboy42069:** Yes

 **akechifanboy42069:** I absolutely have the legs for it

 **fish fear me:** bro how come its only crossdressin when dudes do it

 **VIBE CHECK:** because gender norms

 **fish fear me:** whos norm

 **Lobster Emoji:** Gendering clothes is a ridiculous concept.

 **VIBE CHECK:** fuck yeah Inari down with the patriarchy!!!!

 **akechifanboy42069:** Language

 **VIBE CHECK:** piss off 凸(>皿<)凸

 **women want me:** At least we now know that Akira can leave the house undetected~!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I mean, Akechi would click instantly if he saw Akira with us all, but he can definitely move around on his own undetected.

 **akechifanboy42069:** Fuck yeah I'm gonna put on my stockings and get some soda

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Please try and limit your trips to essential ones only.

 **akechifanboy42069:** Soda is essential

 **VIBE CHECK:** yep!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I can have some soda delivered if you wish, Akira!

 **akechifanboy42069:** No worries Haru, I'm not actually gonna leave the house again tonight

 **akechifanboy42069:** It takes a long time to get into that dress

 **akechifanboy42069:** Seriously Ann how do you change clothes so fast while on modelling shoots

 **women want me:** That's a secret~! 💖

 **fish fear me:** women r mysterical

 **women want me:** mysterical

 **fish fear me:** fuck

 **VIBE CHECK:** mysterical

 **fish fear me:** i cant spell okay

 **Lobster Emoji:** Mysterical...

 **fish fear me:** NOT YOU TOO

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Mysterical.

 **fish fear me:** MAKOTO BRO

 **Everyone Liked That:** Mysterical!

 **fish fear me:** why

 **akechifanboy42069:** It's okay bro I'm on your side

 **fish fear me:** thanks bro

 **akechifanboy42069:** Your mysterical side

 **fish fear me:** AAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

 **women want me:** What's mysterical like, actually meant to mean?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I believe he combined "mysterious" and "mystical"?

 **fish fear me:** thats totally what i meant

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Or not...

 **VIBE CHECK:** IT'S MY TURN TO FEED INARI

 **Lobster Emoji:** Indeed.

 **VIBE CHECK:** ARE YOU STILL ALIVE INARI

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am truly languishing.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe I may soon be knocking upon death's door.

 **VIBE CHECK:** if he's dead he's not my responsibility anymore! >:3

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'll take feeding Yusuke duty today

 **akechifanboy42069:** I changed my mind about going out, I need to stretch my legs

 **akechifanboy42069:** My sexy sexy legs

 **Everyone Liked That:** They are very lovely legs, Akira!

 **akechifanboy42069:** Thank you Haru I love you

 **Lobster Emoji:** I would love to dine with you, Akira.

 **akechifanboy42069:** @ _fish fear me_ Come with, it'll be a fun date where I third wheel the two of you

 **fish fear me:** where we goin

 **akechifanboy42069:** Beef bowls?

 **fish fear me:** DEAL

 **Lobster Emoji:** Where shall I meet you both?

 **akechifanboy42069:** Outside Kosei?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I can do that.

 **VIBE CHECK:** thank yooouuu Akira! (●♡∀♡)

 **akechifanboy42069:** **👍🏻**

 **fish fear me:** see u guys in a bit

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You three have fun. I'll get to mapping out what we know so far about Shido's Palace.

 **women want me:** it's sooooo big

 **women want me:** I think it's not one of those palaces we can clear in an afternoon 😭😭😭

 **Everyone Liked That:** That just means we'll have to plan more carefully and bring more snacks!

 **VIBE CHECK:** as your beloved navigator, I'll provide the snacks!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Did someone mention snacks?

 **VIBE CHECK:** go get ready for your date, Inari!

 **Lobster Emoji:** All I have to do is put my shoes on...

 **VIBE CHECK:** then go do that!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Very well.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'll try and plot out a strategy and then we can talk tomorrow morning as to what our plan of action is.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** For now, everyone have a good evening and a good night's sleep.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Thank you, Mako-chan! 💛

 **women want me:** 💖💖💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** ❣╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯❣

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Ryuji Sakamoto **

**> 11:41pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Bro are you awake

 **Ryuji:** yea bro wassup

 **Akira:** I miss Akechi

 **Ryuji:** oh no

 **Ryuji:** dude he literally tried to kill you

 **Akira:** But he's so hot

 **Ryuji:** DUDE

 **Akira:** I want to pin him up against a wall and kiss him

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Throw him on the billiards table and make sweet love to him

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Get him to step on me

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Akira:** What

 **Ryuji:** youre makin me miss yusk

 **Akira:** Awwww

 **Akira:** Even though you saw him like 15 minutes ago

 **Ryuji:** yea

 **Akira:** I want what you guys have but with Akechi

 **Ryuji:** bro i dont think its gonna work seein as hes a murderer nd youre legally dead

 **Akira:** Life finds a way

 **Ryuji:** thats about dinosaurs not about smangin

 **Akira:** IT WAS ABOUT DINOSAURS SMANGING

 **Ryuji:** NO IT WAS ABOUT THE DINOSAURS CHANGIN THEIR DNA

 **Akira:** YEA TO SMANG!!!

 **Ryuji:** NO BRO

 **Akira:** JURASSIC SMANG

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Akira:** I have a problem

 **Ryuji:** UR TELLIN ME

 **Akira:** It's called being a fucking genius who wants to kiss Goro Akechi

 **Ryuji:** i mean u did didnt u

 **Akira:** Technically yes

 **Akira:** But the more I think about it the more I think he was just trying to kill me

 **Ryuji:** in a smangin accident bro

 **Akira:** It's how I'd want to go 😔

 **Ryuji:** well im sure mishd grant you that wish

 **Akira:** Yeah but Yuuki would feel terrible

 **Akira:** Akechi would probably get off on it

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** akechi would totally get off on it

 **Akira:** Oh god is it weird I'm into that

 **Ryuji:** YEA BRO IT'S WEIRD

 **Akira:** Ryuji help

 **Ryuji:** WE NEEDA GET U A NICE NORMAL PARTNER WHO WONT ACCIDENTALLY CHOKE U 2 DEATH ON YOUR WEDDIN NIGHT

 **Akira:** So you're saying there's a chance

 **Ryuji:** NO

 **Akira:** Alright guess I'll ask Makoto out

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Akira:** What

 **Ryuji:** I SAID SOMEONE WHO WONT CHOKE U

 **Akira:** Haru?

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Akira:** Yeah good point

 **Akira:** Can I borrow you for a wedding night

 **Ryuji:** bro this conversation is makin me want to choke you to death

 **Akira:** Deal

 **Ryuji:** NO

 **Akira:** Do you think Akechi has a praise kink

 **Ryuji:** ngl itd be kinda weird if he didnt bro

 **Akira:** If only he hadn't tried to shoot me in the head

 **Ryuji:** yes, out of everythin akechi did, that was the only thing he really did wrong

 **Akira:** Wow commas, you must be serious

 **Ryuji:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **Akira:** Oh god oh fuck oh shit

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** u gotta ask urself seriously

 **Ryuji:** if akechi came back nd was like "oh im a good person now"

 **Ryuji:** would u believe him

 **Akira:** Not in the slightest

 **Akira:** But I'd still sleep with him

 **Ryuji:** bro ur hopeless

 **Akira:** Hopeless and sexy

 **Ryuji:** go 2 sleep

 **Akira:** Who are you, my cat

 **Ryuji:** im ur concerned bro

 **Ryuji:** u know what

 **Ryuji:** if u ever somehow smang akechi just lemme know first

 **Ryuji:** so if u dont check back in in like an hour i know 2 call the police

 **Akira:** Ryuji..................

 **Ryuji:** doin this bcos i love u bro

 **Akira:** I LOVE YOU TOO BRO

 **Ryuji:** ok nwo go the fuck 2 sleep

 **Akira:** Fine bro

 **Akira:** I love you bro

 **Ryuji:** i love u too bro

 **Ryuji:** my bro soulmate

 **Akira:** Bro...........

 **Ryuji:** now goodnight u horny bastard

 **Akira:** Love you too bro

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**WEDNESDAY**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 8:23pm: akechifanboy42069 started a new chat thread.**

**akechifanboy42069:** So I might have just seen a certain ace detective heading into the maid café

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** What?

 **Everyone Liked That:** Did he see you?!

 **women want me:** There's waaaaaay too much to unpack in that sentence so let's just throw away the whole suitcase

 **akechifanboy42069:** I don't think he saw me?

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'm fully dressed up and at the arcade with Yuuki

 **VIBE CHECK:** win me a Jack Frost!!!!

 **akechifanboy42069:** Roger that

 **Lobster Emoji:** So Akechi enjoys maid cafés...

 **akechifanboy42069:** Actually he was kind of being dragged in by the elbow by some other dude

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If they're trying to scheme something, I feel like a maid café isn't exactly conducive to making plans.

 **fish fear me:** yea what makochan said!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Did you even understand any of that?

 **fish fear me:** nope!

 **Lobster Emoji:** It is most unusual that they would conduct business in such a place.

 **women want me:** Yeah but it works GREAT for subterfuge!

 **women want me:** Like who'd look for a guy who shoots people in the head in a maid cafe?

 **Everyone Liked That:** But surely if the media were lurking, they'd want to report on Akechi-kun entering such a establishment?

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

 **akechifanboy42069:** Maybe it's a distraction?

 **akechifanboy42069:** I mean the tabloids would absolutely eat up Akechi being into maids

 **fish fear me:** ur just mad bcos ur not a maid aint u

 **akechifanboy42069:** Alright I'm leaving this arcade to kick your ass

 **Everyone Liked That:** You would make a great maid, Akira!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Actually, why don't you dress up as a maid to try and get information out of Akechi-kun?

_**Several people are typing...** _

**akechifanboy42069:** What

 **women want me:** HARU SDJKFLSKDF

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** What?!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Hmm...

 **VIBE CHECK:** DO IT DO IT DO IT

 **fish fear me:** what

 **VIBE CHECK:** DO IT COWARD

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** What information could we even get out of Akechi?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And why would he tell it to a maid?!

 **akechifanboy42069:** No no I think Haru's right and I should definitely do that

 **Everyone Liked That:** It was just an idea!

 **women want me:** It'd go so well until Akira just ~has~ to crack a terrible pun and Akechi realises and blows his brains out in the middle of Akihabara

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'd let Akechi blow my brains out in the middle of Akihabara

_**Several people are typing...** _

**fish fear me:** DUDE

 **Everyone Liked That:** Oh my!

 **VIBE CHECK:** that's problematic

 **women want me:** Why are you like this 😩

 **Lobster Emoji:** I'm afraid I don't get it.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It's a euphemism, Yusuke.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Oh.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Oh!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Hahaha. Delightful.

 **fish fear me:** thats my yusk

 **VIBE CHECK:** our Inari

 **akechifanboy42069:** The collective's Yusuke

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yes, Yusuke is definitely registered as an intellectual property in the public domain.

 **VIBE CHECK:** gimme 5 minutes and he can be

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** NO!

 **women want me:** uhhhhhhhh WHAT is going on here

 **akechifanboy42069:** I'm heading over to the maid café to seduce Akechi in the name of the Phantom Thieves

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** No you are not!

 **akechifanboy42069:** I am not heading over to the maid café to seduce Akechi in the name of the Phantom Thieves

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If we were absolutely desperate and you weren't legally dead, I would MAYBE consider it as an idea.

 **akechifanboy42069:** Consider: we're not at all desperate and I am still legally dead

 **akechifanboy42069:** That makes me immune to bullets

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You are ageing me prematurely, Akira Kurusu.

 **akechifanboy42069:** Thank you

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Not a compliment!

 **fish fear me:** uhhhh so mayb we should get akira outta akihabara before he does somethin stupid

 **women want me:** I'm sure Mishima-kun will keep him in check!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll hack into the CCTV and keep an eye on them

 **Everyone Liked That:** You can do that?

 **VIBE CHECK:** of course

 **VIBE CHECK:** you think these people think twice about CCTV encryption?

 **Everyone Liked That:** Oh! Then could you perhaps hack into the CCTV in the maid café to see what Akechi-kun is talking about?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That's actually a great idea, Haru.

 **VIBE CHECK:** Haru you're an absolute genius

 **Everyone Liked That:** Thank you!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I still rather like the idea of Akira dressing up as a maid to get information out of Akechi.

 **fish fear me:** oh no dont encourage him

 **akechifanboy42069:** I am now firmly Team Yusuke and Team Haru

 **akechifanboy42069:** Also Futaba I got your Jack Frost

 **VIBE CHECK:** I saw!

 **VIBE CHECK:** impressive moves

 **VIBE CHECK:** alright now everyone hush, I'm gonna spy on Akechi

 **women want me:** Have fun~?

 **VIBE CHECK:** mwehehehe

 **VIBE CHECK:** (。-`ω´-)

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**THURSDAY**

* * *

** Yusuke Kitagawa, Haru Okumura **

**> 1:01pm: Yusuke started a new group.**

**> 1:01pm: Yusuke started a new chat thread.**

**Yusuke:** Akira, Haru.

 **Akira:** Yusuke

 **Haru:** Akira! Yusuke!

 **Akira:** Haru!

 **Akira:** Okay what's going on here

 **Yusuke:** Makoto has asked us to keep an eye on you lest you do anything ridiculous.

 **Akira:** What

 **Haru:** I don't think we were meant to tell him that, Yusuke...

 **Yusuke:** Ah.

 **Yusuke:** In that case, we are simply here as friends and there is nothing suspicious about this conversation.

 **Akira:** I am somehow not convinced

 **Yusuke:** Yes, I appear to have blown this.

 **Haru:** It's okay, Yusuke!

 **Akira:** Is this because of the maid café thing

 **Haru:** No!

 **Yusuke:** Yes.

 **Akira:** Please tell Makoto that I am hurt and offended that she would honestly think that I would blow our cover just to blow Akechi

 **Haru:** Okay!

 **Yusuke:** As you wish.

 **Akira:** Wait no I can tell her myself

 **Akira:** You two are too nice

* * *

**Makoto Niijima**

**> 1:07pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I am hurt and offended that you would honestly think that I would blow our cover just to blow Akechi

 **Makoto:** Yusuke told you, didn't he.

 **Akira:** Yep

 **Makoto:** Of course.

 **Akira:** Nah I'm not really mad

 **Akira:** Just know that I wouldn't blow our cover like that

 **Akira:** I value you guys too much

 **Makoto:** Aww, Akira.

 **Makoto:** Thank you.

 **Akira:** Love you Queen

 **Makoto:** I love you too, Joker.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Yusuke Kitagawa, Haru Okumura **

**> 1:07pm**

**Haru:** Thank you, Akira!

 **Yusuke:** I feel Makoto perhaps did not choose the best two people for this task.

 **Akira:** ?

 **Yusuke:** Well, Haru and I were both in favour of you dressing up as a maid in order to seduce Akechi.

 **Akira:** That's a very good point

 **Haru:** I have an idea!

 **Akira:** I am already 100% on board

 **Haru:** Let's all go out for coffee and cake tonight!

 **Yusuke:** I would never turn down a dinner date.

 **Haru:** Yusuke, bring Ryuji!

 **Akira:** Aw yeah double date

 **Yusuke:** I will text him and ask.

 **Akira:** On a serious note I do want to say that I wouldn't jeopardise the Phantom Thieves just to get with Akechi

 **Akira:** If I had to choose between you both, I'd pick you guys every time

 **Haru:** That is incredibly sweet of you, Akira.

 **Yusuke:** I agree.

 **Yusuke:** Ryuji also accepts the invitation.

 **Haru:** Yay!

 **Haru:** Ah, but we're going back to Shido's Palace today..

 **Yusuke:** I don't believe it will be too much exertion to get coffee and cake after.

 **Akira:** Agreed, we only have to go get the invite from the Cleaner anyway

 **Akira:** I'm sure Uriel will wipe the floor with him

 **Yusuke:** Hahaha.

 **Akira:** Thank you thank you

 **Haru:** Then we can head over to Kichijoji after the Palace!

 **Yusuke:** If we are heading over after the Palace, why don't we invite all the Thieves?

 **Akira:** Good idea

 **Yusuke:** Thank you.

 **Haru:** Alright! We can consider it a celebration for securing a route to the Treasure!

 **Akira:** Morgana requests we get him some sushi as he can't eat cake

 **Haru:** I can do that!

 **Yusuke:** I will eat Morgana's share for him.

 **Akira:** He says he's cool with that

 **Akira:** Alright, I'll see you guys at Leblanc after school

 **Akira:** Love yoooouuuuu

 **Haru:** I love you too!

 **Yusuke:** And I love you both too.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira's disguise is inspired by both the Crossdressing DLC for Persona 5 Dancing because honestly, the costume DLC season pass is the best £15 I've ever spent, and also that one cover of Mementos Mission. [You know the one.](https://i.redd.it/rdv4csvrfy641.png)
> 
> I hope you're all looking forward to the next chapter where nothing bad happens and they get the invite from the Cleaner and secure a route to the Treasure! (｡･｀ω´･｡)


	15. The blurst kind of vibe check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Maruki:** I mean, murder isn't exactly a black-and-white issue.
> 
>  **Maruki:** Desperate people can kill if they're backed into a corner.
> 
>  **Maruki:** But that doesn't make it okay, though! Please don't kill people because I said that!
> 
>  **Akira:** Got it, will cancel my scheduled 9pm murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Readers can have two chapters in one day as a treat (again!)

**IT'S STILL THURSDAY**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 6:24pm: Lobster Emoji started a new chat thread.**

**Lobster Emoji:** Akira...

 **Lobster Emoji:** Are you okay?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm so sorry, Akira.

 **fish fear me:** bro.............. im sorry

 **women want me:** I didn't expect any of that...

 **women want me:** I'm sorry too, Akira 💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm just gonna uh

**> VIBE CHECK changed Akira's nickname to we live in a society**

**VIBE CHECK:** yeah

 **Everyone Liked That:** While I will never forgive Akechi for what he did to my father, I am still sorry, Akira.

 **VIBE CHECK:** yeah........

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm not gonna forgive him for what he did to mom

 **VIBE CHECK:** but it was the shitty adults that made him do it!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** He was just like we were.

 **women want me:** Can you imagine just like having to live like that?

 **women want me:** I wish we could have just gotten through to him earlier

 **women want me:** Let him know he wasn't alone

 **fish fear me:** pls tell me im not the only one feelin shitty about all the shit we said about him

 **Lobster Emoji:** You are not alone, Ryuji.

 **VIBE CHECK:** imagine having to resort to murdering people just to get your dad's approval

 **VIBE CHECK:** ngh........

 **fish fear me:** im so mad

 **fish fear me:** just about everythin

 **fish fear me:** akechi didnt deserve that

 **we live in a society:** Hey everyone

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ah, Akira.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akira, we're so sorry.

 **we live in a society:** Hey it's fine

 **we live in a society:** It's not like you guys killed him

 **fish fear me:** bro............

 **Everyone Liked That:** We're still sorry, Akira.

 **we live in a society:** Hey I said that everything involving Akechi was only ever going to end in death or glory

 **we live in a society:** And all that's left is glory

 **we live in a society:** So let's take down Shido

 **we live in a society:** For Akechi

 **women want me:** Akira...

 **women want me:** You're right! 💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If Akechi saw us moping around he'd probably scold us for being so sentimental over him.

 **Lobster Emoji:** We have a new resolve now.

 **Lobster Emoji:** We are not doing this just for Akira, but for Akechi's justice too.

 **fish fear me:** yeah!!!!

 **VIBE CHECK:** taking down Shido also means avenging mom!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm all in!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I believe changing Shido's heart will help me make peace with my father's passing...

 **Everyone Liked That:** And for that, I will fight!

 **we live in a society:** Thank you, everyone

 **we live in a society:** I love you all so much

 **we live in a society:** You are the greatest bunch of friends anyone could ever ask for

 **fish fear me:** we fuckin love you bro

 **Lobster Emoji:** I concur, we do indeed fucking love you.

 **VIBE CHECK:** INARI

 **women want me:** KJDSKFKLSD YUSUKE

 **we live in a society:** Alright who is this and what did you do with our old Yusuke

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It feels so _wrong_ to see Yusuke swearing.

 **fish fear me:** IM INTO IT

 **fish fear me:** SORRY IDK WHY I SAID THAT

 **Everyone Liked That** : Hahaha Ryuji!

 **VIBE CHECK:** oh I am so using that as blackmail

 **we live in a society:** Not to change the subject, but can we still go out for coffee and cake?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** THE SURPRISE PARTY

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Oh, Akira, I'm so sorry again!

 **we live in a society:** ?

 **Lobster Emoji:** We went to great pains to set up an entire surprise party for you to thank you for everything you've done.

 **Everyone Liked That:** We can still go! There's still time!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** At least Akira will be able to go out in his usual clothes now.

 **we live in a society:** You are so wrong if you think I'm not showing up to my surprise party in a dress

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** ffffffffff

 **women want me:** I think Mona's trying to say we should turn it into a thank you party for Akechi, too!

 **we live in a society:** Actually he just sat on his tablet but that's a great idea

 **Lobster Emoji:** That is a wonderful idea.

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** uuuijn nn sdddd

 **we live in a society:** He said he's trying to say that that was definitely his original idea

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It's a good idea, Mona and Ann!

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** mvvv,ee

 **we live in a society:** He's just sat on his tablet again

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll get my driver to come pick everyone up! Be ready in 20 minutes!

 **fish fear me:** yusks at my house so dont worry about stoppin at kosei

 **Everyone Liked That:** Got it! Is everyone else at home?

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll meet Akira at Leblanc!

 **women want me:** I'm at home~! 💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm close to the café, so I'll go ahead and meet you in Kichijoji.

 **Everyone Liked That:** O-kay! 💛

 **we live in a society:** Everyone, thank you, again

 **we live in a society:** Let's go eat some cake

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:11pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**> Goro Akechi is offline.**

**Akira:** I'll keep your glove

 **Akira:** Please keep your promise

 **Akira:** I'm sorry

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**FRIDAY**

* * *

**WELCOME TO THE VELVET ROOM**

**> 4:30am: Justine started a new chat thread.**

**Justine:** Inmate, we are sorry to hear of your loss.

 **Caroline:** THIS WAS NOT AN INTENDED PART OF YOUR REHABILITATION

 **Justine:** What my sister is trying to say is that this was indeed not planned.

 **Akira:** It's fine guys

 **Akira:** It's not your fault

 **Justine:** Nonetheless, we will express our condolences.

 **Caroline:** HE WAS A TALENTED PERSONA USER

 **Akira:** You guys knew?

 **Justine:** We are aware of all Persona users.

 **Justine:** Telling you the truth would have merely hindered your rehabilitation.

 **Justine:** Although, I feel I cannot remember why...

 **Caroline:** I TOO FEEL TROUBLED

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Akira:** Either way, thanks, guys

 **Akira:** Means a lot

 **Justine:** We will see you soon, inmate.

 **Caroline:** NOW RETURN TO YOUR FLEETING TIME OF REST

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**SATURDAY**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto **

**> 9:20am: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** hey dude can i ask a favour

 **Akira:** Of course

 **Ryuji:** uhhhh how do u treat a fever

 **Ryuji:** yusks ill nd im worried

 **Akira:** Is he okay?

 **Ryuji:** hes a lil delirious

 **Ryuji:** ok hes a lot delirious nd very sweaty its kinda gross

 **Ryuji:** but i know u have a doctor friend so i thought u might be able 2 help

 **Akira:** Are you two at yours?

 **Ryuji:** i may have broken into the kosei dorms bcos his texts werent makin no sense

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** i know i know u can tell me off later ok

 **Akira:** Nah I was just gonna say that you really love Yusuke huh

 **Ryuji:** oh shit bro im so sorry

 **Akira:** No worries bro

 **Akira:** Which dorm room is he?

 **Akira:** I can ask Takemi to make a house call

 **Akira:** Dorm call

 **Ryuji:** u gotta be buzzed in so ill meet u at the dorm reception thing shit fuck

 **Akira:** I'll let you know when I'm on my way

 **Ryuji:** thank u so much bro

* * *

**Ta** **e** **Takemi**

**> 9:33am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Can I ask for a really really weird favour and yes I will pay whatever it costs

 **Takemi:** I'll do it for free. What's up?

 **Akira:** My friend isn't doing so good but I don't think he can leave his dorm

 **Takemi:** So you need me to do a dorm call?

 **Akira:** Please

 **Takemi:** I'll do it. Which dorms?

 **Akira:** Kosei

 **Takemi:** Whoa. Fancy.

 **Takemi:** Meet me outside the clinic in 5.

 **Akira:** Got it

 **Akira:** Thanks, doc

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Ryuji Sakamoto **

**> 9:45am**

**Akira:** On my way, Takemi's with me

 **Ryuji:** thank u so much bro

 **Ryuji:** i owe u the universe

 **Akira:** I'll take your everlasting friendship

 **Ryuji:** u always got that bro

 **Akira:** 🖤

 **Akira:** We'll be there soon, hang tight

 **Ryuji:** thank u again so much bro

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 12:28pm: we live in a society started a new chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** No meeting up at Leblanc tonight, Yusuke's sick

 **we live in a society:** Also Futaba I've left Mona at home

 **we live in a society:** Feel free to catnap him

 **Everyone Liked That:** Oh no!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Is he okay?

 **we live in a society:** Takemi says it's just a real bad fever

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll Monanap Mona!

 **VIBE CHECK:** also if it's a fever then there's a chance Inari caught it while in Shido's Palace

 **VIBE CHECK:** some of those Shadows were nasty

 **Everyone Liked That:** Does he need anything? I can have it delivered!

 **we live in a society:** Let me ask, hang on

 **Everyone Liked That:** Okay!

 **we live in a society:** He says ice-cream and Ryuji says do not give him ice-cream

 **Everyone Liked That:** Ryuji's with you?

 **women want me:** That DOES explain why he's not at school 🤔

 **we live in a society:** Ryuji literally broke into the Kosei dorms

 **we live in a society:** I've had to convince two different security guards that we definitely go here

 **we live in a society:** Ryuji being in uniform does not help

 **women want me:** That sounds like Ryuji, alright

 **women want me:** chaotic good~

 **women want me:** I hope Yusuke gets better soon! I find chicken soup always works 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** I can get some chicken soup delivered!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I can also bribe as many security guards as you need!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm already overwriting Kosei's system to register Akira and Ryuji as students

 **we live in a society:** Holy shit Futaba

 **VIBE CHECK:** language!

 **we live in a society:** Ryuji also says yes please to the soup

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Sorry I'm late to the conversation, I was doing student council work.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If Yusuke needs anything, I can gladly deliver it.

 **VIBE CHECK:** let's all just break into the Kosei dorms

 **VIBE CHECK:** hey Mako-chan do you wanna be Kosei student council pres?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I would rather not, thank you.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll get someone to deliver some soup and other groceries round!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Do you have enough bedding? Water? Vegetables?

 **VIBE CHECK:** he's poor, not a hamster

 **Everyone Liked That:** He can be both!

 **women want me:** JSDLKFSDF HARU

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Oh, Haru.

 **we live in a society:** Actually can we get some more bedding?

 **we live in a society:** Ryuji wants me to stay overnight and Yusuke only has one bed

 **Everyone Liked That:** Of course!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Please tell Ryuji and Yusuke to not stress over the Palace.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We have plenty of time to deliver the calling card.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yusuke's health is our main priority right now.

 **we live in a society:** Will do

 **we live in a society:** Thanks, guys

 **we live in a society:** 🖤

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll call you when the soup and bedding are on their way!

 **we live in a society:** Thank you, Haru

 **we live in a society:** Everyone be good and stay safe

 **we live in a society:** 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> 1:34pm: Incoming call from Haru Okumura.**

* * *

**> 3:05pm: Incoming call from Makoto Niijima.**

* * *

**> 6:59pm: Incoming call from Ann Takamaki.**

* * *

**> 7:42pm: Incoming call from Haru Okumura.**

* * *

**> 9:11pm: Incoming call from Futaba Sakura.**

* * *

**SUNDAY**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 10:17am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I'm going to go for a little walk

 **Akira:** Give you two some space for a little bit

 **Ryuji:** pls dont feel like u gotta leave bro

 **Akira:** Oh no I'm staying, you can't get rid of me that easily

 **Ryuji:** koseis wild aint it

 **Akira:** They have like 3000% of Shujin's budget

 **Akira:** I'm gonna go check out their botanical gardens

 **Akira:** I'll take some pictures of cool flowers for Yusuke

 **Ryuji:** thanks bro

 **Ryuji:** sincerereley, thank u for helpin with yusk

 **Ryuji:** it means a lot

 **Akira:** Anytime dude

 **Akira:** I love you both

 **Ryuji:** love u too bro

 **Ryuji:** dont come back 2 late

 **Akira:** I won't 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 10:26am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I know you're not my school-mandated therapist anymore, but can I request some counselling over text?

 **Maruki:** I'll always be here to help you, Akira!

 **Maruki:** What's up?

 **Akira:** So if

 **Akira:** Hypothetically

 **Akira:** Your nemesis-slash-love-interest died but it turned out that they actually had an incredibly sad backstory and weren't entirely responsible for all the bad they did

 **Akira:** How would one really be expected to feel about that

 **Maruki:** Hmm.

 **Maruki:** That's quite the issue, Akira.

 **Maruki:** Can I ask, what "bad" did they do? Hypothetically, of course.

 **Akira:** Uhhhhh

 **Akira:** They may have murdered people because their dad told them to

 **Akira:** Hypothetically

 **Maruki:** That definitely complicates this situation a little more.

 **Maruki:** I mean, murder isn't exactly a black-and-white issue.

 **Maruki:** Desperate people can kill if they're backed into a corner.

 **Maruki:** But that doesn't make it okay, though! Please don't kill people because I said that!

 **Akira:** Got it, will cancel my scheduled 9pm murder

 **Maruki:** Thank you, hahaha.

 **Maruki:** I'm getting the feeling that this hypothetical person may have had an issue with their dad?

 **Akira:** That's putting it lightly

 **Akira:** Hypothetically

 **Maruki:** So you believe if the issue with their dad had been resolved earlier, none of the hypothetical murder might've happened?

 **Akira:** Okay now it gets kind of complicated

 **Akira:** Because hypothetically

 **Akira:** If the issue had been resolved earlier, I wouldn't have been arrested in the first place

 **Maruki:** Akira...

 **Maruki:** I'm sorry for what you're going through.

 **Akira:** It's alright

 **Akira:** I just need someone to not pity me for 5 seconds

 **Maruki:** Got it.

 **Maruki:** Well, if this hypothetical situation did happen, I would expect the person to be feeling incredibly conflicted about it.

 **Maruki:** "Nemesis-slash-love-interest" is certainly a unique situation and I wouldn't be surprised if the person was feeling a strange mixture of anger, sadness, and even relief.

 **Akira:** Relief?

 **Maruki:** Well, when your situation gets to be too much, it's not a bad thing to escape it.

 **Maruki:** Not with death, though! I mean, like, it's not bad to remove yourself from the situation.

 **Maruki:** And if the "nemesis-slash-love-interest" did indeed have a complicated and sad past, I don't think it would be weird for the person to feel relieved that the "nemesis-slash-love-interest" is finally free from that.

 **Maruki:** That's not to say you're celebrating their death, though!

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Maruki:** More like, making your peace with their peace.

 **Akira:** Hypothetically

 **Maruki:** Hypothetically.

 **Akira:** Just one more question

 **Maruki:** Of course!

 **Akira:** Hallucinations aren't one of the five stages of grief, right?

 **Maruki:** They're not, I'm afraid.

 **Maruki:** The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

 **Akira:** Ah

 **Akira:** In that case I have something I need to deal with

 **Maruki:** Are you okay, Akira?

 **Akira:** I will be

 **Akira:** Thank you, doc

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CONTROL THE CANON AND THE CANON SAYS GAY RIGHTS
> 
> (I'm actually just shuffling canon around a little bit!)
> 
> Also yes, you are absolutely correct to assume that Akira stayed up half the night, staring lovingly at Yusuke and Ryuji while also pining for that kind of relationship.
> 
> Full disclaimer: I have zero (0) expertise with psychology and what Maruki said could be totally wrong, but it seems like something Maruki would totally say. Please don't murder anyone. Wash your hands and eat your vegetables instead.


	16. I am thou, thou art a little bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Akira:** I'm sorry we don't all pack our feelings into a shiny metal briefcase that we carry around with us in case of emergency
> 
>  **Akira:** Ooh I'm Goro Akechi, I'm going to repress allllllll my feelings and kill people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Persona 5 Royal spoilers in the way that I took a canon in-game event from third semester and made it happen a month earlier.

**SUNDAY (STILL)**

* * *

**> 11:11am: Incoming call from Goro Akechi.**

**> Call was declined.**

* * *

**Hifumi Togo**

**> 11:15am: Hifumi started a new chat thread.**

**Hifumi:** Is that you I'm seeing from my dorm window?

 **Akira:** In the botanical garden?

 **Hifumi:** Yes.

 **Akira:** Maybe

 **Hifumi:** Are you crying?

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** It's just been raining

 **Akira:** On my face

 **Hifumi:** Can I ask just why you're currently on my school grounds, crying?

 **Akira:** Uhhh

 **Akira:** I'm going through a lot

 **Hifumi:** Understood.

 **Hifumi:** Would you care for a game of shogi while here?

 **Akira:** Give me 5 to stop crying and sure

 **Hifumi:** Thank you.

 **Hifumi:** I'll meet you in the garden.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 12:01pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** yo bro u ok?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** Just playing a game of shogi with Hifumi

 **Akira:** Definitely nothing suspicious

 **Ryuji:** that sounds suspicious bro

 **Akira:** It's not

 **Ryuji:** ok!!!

 **Akira:** How's Yusuke?

 **Ryuji:** better

 **Ryuji:** hes talkin in sentences again

 **Akira:** Thank god

 **Ryuji:** i mean they aint makin any sense but theyre more than 2 words long

 **Ryuji** : also pls dont think im tryna get rid of u but u dont have 2 hang round if u dont wanna

 **Ryuji:** i know ur doctor friend said this might be contagious nd i dont want u 2 get sick 2

 **Akira:** I'm already sick bro

 **Akira:** I'm totally radical

 **Ryuji:** why r u like this

 **Akira:** The cooliest fooliest

 **Ryuji:** go home nd take a nap bro

 **Ryuji:** ryujis orders

 **Akira:** That is not bonkin, my good sir

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** the fuck

 **Akira:** I'm going through a lot

 **Ryuji:** i can tell bro

 **Ryuji:** u wanna come take a nap here b4 u do anythin stupid?

 **Akira:** Everything I do is stupid

 **Ryuji:** ok im gonna come pick u up from the garden nd bring u in for a nice nap

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Akira:** You're the sexiest nurse alive

 **Ryuji:** bro!

 **Akira:** I love you bro

 **Akira:** And I am willing to take a nap on both you and your boyfriend

 **Ryuji:** big snuggle pile bro

 **Akira:** Just let me finish this game and I'll be in

 **Ryuji:** aight bro

 **Ryuji:** dont take too long or else i will come drag u in

 **Akira:** Understood, my sweet muscled saviour

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** love u

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 2:30pm: The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell started a new chat thread.**

**The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** How is Yusuke, @ _fish fear me_?

 **fish fear me:** hes better

 **fish fear me:** i mean hes def not good enough 2 go into the palace but hes talkin usin actual words

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm glad to hear.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I hope the soup helped!

 **fish fear me:** the soup was amazin, thank u haru

 **fish fear me:** yusk nd akira are takin a nap on me

 **VIBE CHECK:** gay

 **fish fear me:** duh

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Is Akira alright?

 **fish fear me:** hes goin through a lot

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I can imagine.

 **women want me:** He's kinda always going through a lot, isn't he?

 **Everyone Liked That:** I feel all of us are always going through a lot...

 **women want me:** trueeeeeeee skjdfklsd

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'll schedule in a tentative Leblanc meeting for tomorrow, if that's fine with everyone.

 **fish fear me:** as long as these 2 r ok i can do it

 **women want me:** I can do it~

 **VIBE CHECK:** quest accepted!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I have a board meeting in the evening, but I'm free in the afternoon!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Alright, we'll see how Yusuke and Akira are coping and change plans accordingly.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Everyone else, stay safe for now.

 **women want me:** will do Mako-chan~! 💖

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> 5:05pm: Incoming call from Goro Akechi.**

**> Call was declined.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 8:16pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** lemme know when u get home safe bro

 **Akira:** You got it bro

 **Akira:** I'm just gonna grab dinner in Shibuya first

 **Akira:** Something about Kosei is making me crave sandwiches

 **Ryuji:** BRO I KNOW WHAT U MEAN

 **Akira:** IT'S A FANCY SANDWICH SCHOOL ISN'T IT

 **Ryuji:** BRO.........

 **Akira:** I'll message you when I get home safe

 **Akira:** If I don't message you assume I made it home unsafely

 **Akira:** Tell Yusuke I love him and to get better soon

 **Ryuji:** will do bro

 **Akira:** I love you too bro

 **Ryuji:** love u bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> 9:09pm: Incoming call from Goro Akechi.**

**> Call was declined.**

* * *

**Futaba Sakura**

**> 9:44pm: Futaba started a new chat thread.**

**Futaba:** Oracle to Joker

 **Futaba:** come in Joker

 **Akira:** What's up

 **Futaba:** are you planning on coming home today?

 **Akira:** Uhhhhh

 **Futaba:** Ryuji already told me that you left Kosei

 **Futaba:** are you spawn-camping somewhere (*￣m￣)

 **Futaba:** your phone GPS says you're at the diner in Shibuya

 **Futaba:** you on a super secret date?

 **Akira:** Can you keep a secret?

 **Futaba:** nope!

 **Futaba:** but tell me anyway!

 **Akira:** Akechi keeps calling me

 **Futaba:** uhhhh

 **Futaba:** I don't want to be mean, but he's sort of dead

 **Akira:** Emphasis on the "sort of" apparently

 **Akira:** Do you still have the bug on his phone?

 **Futaba:** yep?

 **Futaba:** you feeling 100%, Joker?

 **Akira:** Can you tell me where his phone is?

 **Futaba:** one moment

 **Futaba:** Futaba going afk!

 **Akira:** I'll be waiting

 **Futaba:** （＊｀〇Д〇）？

 **Akira:** He's in my room, isn't he

 **Futaba:** yep!

 **Akira:** Alright I'm not coming home ever again

 **Akira:** Is there a chance he might not have died in Shido's Palace?

 **Futaba:** I mean

 **Futaba:** technically yep!

 **Futaba:** but I watched as the life signs disappeared off the nav

 **Futaba:** and my nav's never wrong! ヾ(*ゝω・*)ﾉ

 **Akira:** That's really not as reassuring as you probably meant it to be

 **Futaba:** I'm just saying that the chances of him being dead waaaaay outweigh the chances of him being alive and in your bedroom!

 **Futaba:** it's more likely that his phone just spawned in your room

 **Futaba:** MAYBE IT'S A KEY ITEM

 **Futaba:** acquired: the phone of your dead rival-slash-love-interest!

 **Akira:** Why'd his phone take 3 days to spawn, though?

 **Futaba:** idk

 **Futaba:** lag?

 **Akira:** And why would I be receiving calls from it?

 **Futaba:** time to make a choice!

 **Futaba:** do you want to download the Futaba Is Considerate Of Your Feelings DLC for ¥1,500?

 **Futaba:** >yes >no

 **Akira:** Just say what you gotta say

 **Akira:** I know you're not exactly sold on Akechi as a person

 **Futaba:** he wouldn't be able to use a phone if he was nerfed

 **Futaba:** and we saw him get nerfed

 **Futaba:** so it's probably someone just playing some kind of joke on you

 **Akira:** It's a bad joke

 **Futaba:** agreed

 **Akira:** Can you tell if anyone's been tampering with his phone?

 **Futaba:** all I can do is track the GPS, listen to his calls, and press the Meta-Nav button

 **Akira:** Maybe you hit the Meta-Nav button, causing his phone to spawn?

 **Futaba:** I don't miss my button presses!!!!!

 **Futaba:** Oracle hits all her QTEs!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** It wouldn't make sense for his phone to spawn in my room, anyway

 **Akira:** Maybe Mona found it and put it there?

 **Futaba:** Monamona hasn't left my bed since I catnapped him >:3

 **Akira:** Maybe I should actually answer the next time Akechi calls

 **Futaba:** you've been blanking him? （・□・；）

 **Akira:** I'm worried I'll pick it up and Shido will tell me to get fucked

 **Akira:** WHAT IF SHIDO'S IN MY ROOM

 **Futaba:** that's weird so I'm gonna ignore it!

 **Futaba:** maybe we slipped into some kinda alternate universe where Akechi never died

 **Futaba:** retconned the timeline

 **Akira:** I mean it's probably not the weirdest thing that could happen to us

 **Futaba:** dude we literally go to an alternate universe and beat up manifestations of gods on a weekly basis

 **Futaba:** Akechi not being dead is totally in the realm of possibility

 **Futaba:** maybe he's come back to deal with his unfinished questlog?

 **Akira:** As long as it doesn't involve shooting me in the head

 **Futaba:** that would be problematic

 **Futaba:** but my nav wasn't wrong!!!!

 **Akira:** Oh god what if getting shot caused him to despawn

 **Akira:** And that's why he disappeared from the nav

 **Futaba:** that's called dying

 **Akira:** What if he's just up there getting blood all over my bedroom

 **Futaba:** he was shot like threeeee (3) days ago

 **Futaba:** if he's still bleeding then he has bigger problems than him coming back to life

 **Akira:** Dad would kill me

 **Futaba:** I think dad would have noticed a blood trail going through Leblanc by now

 **Akira:** I guess there's only one way to solve this mystery

 **Futaba:** F

 **Akira:** I'm not dead yet!

 **Akira:** And I'm finishing my sandwich first

 **Futaba:** if I don't hear from you by tomorrow I'll send in the backup squad!

 **Akira:** Is that just Makoto with a broom

 **Futaba:** (*-`ω´- )人(*-`ω´- )

 **Akira:** I'll let you know

 **Akira:** Please don't tell the others about this

 **Futaba:** you got it!

 **Futaba:** good luck!

 **Futaba:** go get him!

 **Futaba:** don't die!

 **Futaba:** Oracle over and out!

 **Futaba:** ¡¡¡( •̀ ᴗ •́ )و!!!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> 11:11pm: Incoming call from Goro Akechi.**

**> Call was declined.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 11:11pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** I know that you are seeing and purposely declining my calls so please,

 **Goro:** Pick up the phone, you coward.

 **Akira:** That's no way to greet an old friend

 **Goro:** Which part of our entire relationship implies that we're friends?

 **Akira:** That bit where I kept your glove for the homoerotic tension

 **Goro:** That implies we are lovers.

 **Akira:** Well we could be if you would maybe TELL ME WHY YOU'RE CALLING ME WHEN YOU'RE MEANT TO BE DEAD

 **Goro:** Who said anything about me being dead?

 **Akira:** I WATCHED YOU DIE

 **Goro:** No, you merely heard gunshots from behind a wall and assumed it was adequate proof of my death.

 **Akira:** How are you alive?

 **Goro:** Must you underestimate my abilities that much, Kurusu?

 **Akira:** Prove to me that you're real

 **Goro:** Pray tell, how do you want me to go about such a thing?

 **Akira:** Tell me something only Akechi would know

 **Goro:** Must I play your insolent games?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Goro:** Ugh.

 **Goro:** You have kept my glove upon your person as you are an insufferable leech who refuses to give up on our relationship regardless of how many times I attempt to forcibly remove you from my life.

 **Akira:** Okay but I literally just told you that one

 **Goro:** Ugh.

 **Akira:** I'M SORRY I'M SO CONCERNED ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M TALKING TO A DEAD GUY

 **Goro:** Your concerns irritate me.

 **Akira:** I am thou

 **Akira:** Thou art a little bitch, Goro Akechi

 **Goro:** Is that any way to talk to someone who just died?

 **Akira:** YOU SAID THAT YOU WEREN'T DEAD

 **Goro:** My state of being is not the main issue here.

 **Goro:** The point is that I am here now.

 **Goro:** Waiting.

 **Akira:** Wait a little longer, I'm going through the five stages of grief

 **Goro:** It's been three days, stop being so disgustingly sentimental over me.

 **Akira:** I'm sorry we don't all pack our feelings into a shiny metal briefcase that we carry around with us in case of emergency

 **Akira:** Ooh I'm Goro Akechi, I'm going to repress allllllll my feelings and kill people

 **Goro:** I'm going to kill you if you keep this up.

 **Akira:** You tried and failed

 **Akira:** Twice

 **Goro:** I recall.

 **Akira:** Wait

 **Akira:** Does that mean you're not here to kill me?

 **Goro:** I only intended to kill you as part of Shido's plans.

 **Akira:** I'm not hearing a no

 **Goro:** No, I have no plans to kill you.

 **Goro:** I wish to take revenge on my father.

 **Akira:** Welcome back to the Phantom Thieves!!!!!!!

 **Goro:** I changed my mind.

 **Goro:** I am also loath to admit that I am in no fit state to battle.

 **Akira:** Well, you are dead

 **Goro:** And I shall continue to be dead until it is safe for me to reveal myself to the world.

 **Akira:** Guess I shouldn't come home because there's a dead guy in my room, then, and I have a criminal record

 **Goro:** How did you know my location?

 **Akira:** Lucky guess

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I am currently in your bed, if that changes your stance on the issue at all.

 **Akira:** Please tell me you're not bleeding all over my sheets

 **Goro:** I would never be such an inconsiderate guest.

 **Goro:** I removed all my clothes first, of course.

 **Akira:** How am I sexting a dead guy

 **Goro:** Please stop continuing to insist that I'm dead.

 **Goro:** And this is an incredibly pathetic attempt to 'sext'.

 **Akira:** Alright, send proof that you're not dead

 **Goro:** Ugh.

 **Goro:** Very well.

**> Goro sent a photo.**

**Akira:** Have I died

 **Akira:** Is this heaven

 **Goro:** Are you implying that there would be a version of me, naked in your bed, in your own personal heaven?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Don't keep me waiting.

 **Akira:** Okay?

 **Goro:** Good.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Futaba Sakura**

**> 11:43pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I'M ON MY WAY HOME TELL MONA TO NOT GO IN MY ROOM

 **Futaba:** error 420

 **Futaba:** too late!

 **Akira:** UFCK

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The universe told Akechi to get good and promptly nerfed him. Anyway, feral!Akechi's here now!
> 
> Sorry if you were expecting angst! We're back on the shitpost train. Full speed to "what am I typing"-ville.
> 
> Fun fact: I wrote out one (1) very serious chapter, looked at it, erased it all, and came up with this instead. Thanks for reading!


	17. what if I... put my Minecraft bed... next to yours .. aha ha, just kidding.. unless..?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Akira:** My laptop password is sm0k3w33d420
> 
>  **Goro:** I would love to know what is going on inside your head at any given point in time.
> 
>  **Akira:** Me too dude

**MONDAY**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 8:04am: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** u get home ok dude?

 **Akira:** Yes sorry I forgot to message you

 **Akira:** I stayed out late in Shibuya and passed out almost instantly when I got back

 **Ryuji:** no worries bro

 **Ryuji:** love u

 **Akira:** Love you too bro

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Futaba Sakura**

**> 9:13am: Futaba started a new chat thread.**

**Futaba:** Oracle to Joker

 **Futaba:** do I need to send in the backup squad?

 **Akira:** Joker to Oracle

 **Akira:** I'm good

 **Futaba:** status confirmed!

 **Futaba:** now tell me what happened!

 **Akira:** Akechi is moving into my bedroom for the foreseeable future

 **Futaba:** : ◉ ∧ ◉ : ╏

 **Akira:** Yeah Mona's not too stoked either

 **Futaba:** this quest is way too high level for me

 **Akira:** I know, I know

 **Akira:** Just do me a favour and don't tell the others yet

 **Futaba:** fine, but I demand a year's supply of instant yakisoba!

 **Akira** :Deal

 **Futaba:** (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

 **Futaba:** Oracle out!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:33am: Lobster Emoji started a new chat thread.**

**Lobster Emoji:** I am feeling far better today.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you, everyone.

 **we live in a society:** Anything for our Yusuke

 **women want me:** I'm glad you're feeling better, Yusuke~! 💖

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am up for that meeting later today at Leblanc, if everyone else is.

 **women want me:** I'm still good!

 **fish fear me:** me too

 **VIBE CHECK:** you know I'll be there!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I can still attend! I'll bring more soup!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you, Haru, but I am rather craving some of Boss' curry.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Then I'll bring dessert!

 **women want me:** Haru we love youuuuuuuuu 🥺

 **we live in a society:** I'm sure Boss'll be glad to make you some curry

 **VIBE CHECK:** I wish we could just sit around and eat dessert together forever

 **women want me:** me too.........

 **fish fear me:** bro meats even better

 **VIBE CHECK:** gay

 **fish fear me:** what!!!!!!

 **VIBE CHECK:** gaaaaaaaay

 **fish fear me:** what did i do!!!!!!!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I feel all meals are equal.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Although desserts tend to definitely rank in higher in terms of aesthetics...

 **Lobster Emoji:** But meals enjoyed with friends are the highest of all.

 **women want me:** Yusuke 🥺

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Sorry, everyone, I was writing down some notes in class.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Which, may I add, we should all be focusing on.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Aside from Akira and Futaba, of course.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Actually, I chose not to attend school today.

 **fish fear me:** im still livin in yusks room

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ryuji's presence here may or may not be related to my not attending school today.

 **women want me:** are there really only three of us in school today? 😩

 **we live in a society:** In my defence

 **we live in a society:** I'm legally dead

 **Everyone Liked That:** Actually, couldn't Akira go back to school if he wanted?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't see why not.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't think any of the people involved in his death really noted his name or anything.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And without Akechi here, Akira can move around freely in public.

 **we live in a society:** Can I stay in bed until we send the calling card?

 **fish fear me:** can we all stay in bed until we send the callin card

 **we live in a society:** Party in Ryuji's bed

 **fish fear me:** my bed aint big enough for all of us!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Mine is!

 **Lobster Emoji:** A sleepover at Haru's sounds like a delightful idea.

 **women want me:** I can already imagine the thread count on the sheets 🤤

 **VIBE CHECK:** I call the fluffiest pillow!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I have plenty of pillows to go around, don't worry! 💛

 **women want me:** Why don't we change the meeting later to being at Haru's house instead?

 **women want me:** give Boss a break from us for a change~ 😆

 **we live in a society:** That's a great idea

 **Lobster Emoji:** But I was looking forward to curry...

 **Everyone Liked That:** I still have my board meeting to attend this evening, though :(

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** How about a Leblanc meeting this afternoon so Yusuke can have his curry, and a sleepover at Haru's tomorrow evening?

 **we live in a society:** Deal

 **fish fear me:** that sounds good 2 me!!!

 **women want me:** if that's good with Haru-chan!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I believe I can do that!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I haven't had a sleepover at anywhere but Akira's room in ages (ू′o‵ ू)*✲ﾟ

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll try and make it as homely as possible for you, Futaba!

 **we live in a society:** So twelve computer screens and a bunch of anime figurines

 **VIBE CHECK:** (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We can discuss details later.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Ryuji, Yusuke, Akira, at least try and fit some studying in today.

 **fish fear me:** yes maam

 **Lobster Emoji:** As you wish.

 **we live in a society:** See you all later

 **we live in a society:** Be good, my sweet Phantom Thieves

 **women want me:** See you later! 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** 💛💛💛

 **Lobster Emoji:** 💙

 **VIBE CHECK:** ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

 **fish fear me:** love u all bros

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Takuto Maruki**

**> 12:29pm: Maruki started a new chat thread.**

**Maruki:** Hello, Akira! Just texting you to ask if you're okay.

 **Akira:** I think so

 **Akira:** It's been a weird 24 hours

 **Maruki:** Do you want to talk about it? We can go grab some food together, if you want!

 **Maruki:** Ah, but you have school.

 **Akira:** Don't worry, I'm still faking my death

 **Akira:** Let's go eat together

 **Maruki:** Alright! We should probably talk about you faking your death, too.

 **Akira:** Nah I've made peace with that one

 **Maruki:** If you say so! I'll meet you at the diner in Shibuya in half an hour, then.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**TUESDAY**

* * *

**Sadayo Kawakami**

**> 8:48am: Kawakami started a new chat thread.**

**Kawakami:** I spoke to Niijima-san this morning and we agree that you're more than welcome to come back to school when you're ready.

 **Akira:** Sounds like somebody misses me

 **Kawakami:** Your absence is starting more rumours than your coming here did.

 **Akira:** Tell them I've committed more crimes and I've been sent home to balance it out

 **Kawakami:** Hahaha. Also no.

 **Kawakami:** Have you been studying?

 **Akira:** Do videogames count as studying

 **Kawakami:** No.

 **Akira:** No, then

 **Kawakami:** Please try and just, read a book or something.

 **Akira:** Yes ma'am

 **Kawakami:** Don't you "ma'am" me!

 **Akira:** Yes sir

 **Kawakami:** You're terrible.

 **Akira:** You love meeeeee

 **Kawakami:** I have a strictly professional relationship with you but yes, you are one of my favourite students.

 **Akira:** KNEW IT

 **Kawakami:** I hope to see you soon, Kurusu-kun.

 **Akira:** You too, my favourite teacher

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Yusuke Kitagawa **

**> 10:45am: Yusuke started a new chat thread.**

**Yusuke:** Akira, I must apologise.

 **Akira:** Done, you're forgiven

 **Yusuke:** But you're not even sure what I'm apologising for...

 **Akira:** But I love you so much you're already forgiven

 **Yusuke:** You flatter me.

 **Yusuke:** But I happened to enter your room the other night while at Leblanc.

 **Akira:** Ah

 **Yusuke:** I was in search of one of my favourite pens, as I believe I may have left it at yours.

 **Akira:** Please tell me he was wearing clothes

 **Yusuke:** He was wearing your pyjamas.

 **Akira:** Thank god

 **Yusuke:** May I ask, how long has Goro Akechi been living in your bedroom?

 **Akira:** Not even 24 hours

 **Yusuke:** He seemed remarkably settled in for someone who should be dead.

 **Yusuke:** We exchanged pleasantries, he asked me about the weather, and then I left.

 **Akira:** I don't know how he's alive either but he showed up in my room and he won't leave

 **Yusuke:** That is understandable.

 **Yusuke:** If Shido were aware that Akechi was alive, I believe the consequences may be dire.

 **Akira:** He said he's staying in my bedroom until we're done with Shido

 **Yusuke:** In that case, I suggest we move our meetings to somewhere other than Leblanc until that time comes.

 **Akira:** You're not going to tell on me?

 **Yusuke:** Why would I?

 **Yusuke:** While I am unsure what exactly is going on, I'm sure that both you and Akechi have your reasons for whatever is going on.

 **Yusuke:** And the more people who know that Akechi is alive, the more likely it is that Shido will come after us.

 **Akira:** God I suddenly understand everything Ryuji sees in you and more

 **Akira:** Thank you, Yusuke

 **Yusuke:** It is no matter. You would do the same for me.

 **Yusuke:** I also believe it would be mean to put Haru and Futaba through the emotional turmoil of knowing that Akechi survived while their parents did not.

 **Akira:** Futaba already kinda knows

 **Yusuke:** Ah.

 **Yusuke:** I assume she didn't take it too well.

 **Akira:** She at least asked me if I wanted to buy the "Futaba is nice" DLC

 **Yusuke:** That is our Futaba, indeed.

 **Akira:** Mona also knows and he's not happy about it

 **Yusuke:** I imagine he's upset about losing his bed.

 **Akira:** God Yusuke have you ever considered being a therapist

 **Akira:** You could probably just talk Shido out of world domination

 **Yusuke:** Haha, that is quite the compliment.

 **Yusuke:** Please rest assured that I will not tell Ryuji nor any of the others.

 **Akira:** And I'll let you know if I find your pen

 **Akira:** And if I work out why Akechi is alive

 **Yusuke:** I would appreciate both of those things greatly, thank you.

 **Yusuke:** I must return to my painting now that the guilt has been lifted off my shoulders.

 **Akira:** Good luck with the painting, my dear artist friend

 **Yusuke:** Good luck with the undead man in your bed, my favourite Joker.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Chihaya Mifune**

**> 5:07pm: Chihaya started a new chat thread.**

**Chihaya:** Are you planning on coming to Shinjuku tonight............?

 **Chihaya:** The cards say that your presence here is......... a possibility...........

 **Akira:** I've got a sleepover at 9 but I can help you out for a bit

 **Chihaya:** Thank you.......... there is a woman suffering with relationship troubles.........

 **Chihaya:** I wish for you to help change her heart...........!

 **Akira:** Got it

 **Akira:** I'll meet you at 6?

 **Chihaya:** Thank you..........

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ichiko Ohya**

**> 5:32pm: Ohya started a new chat thread.**

**Ohya:** Hellooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🍸

 **Ohya:** I'm mad at you!!! 😡

 **Akira:** What did I do today

 **Ohya:** Well Lala-chan told me that _someone_ is a natural at drag and yet _someone_ didn't show his favourite journalist his skills! 😡

 **Akira:** I do have the legs for it

 **Ohya:** 😡😡😡

 **Akira:** I'm in the area tonight if you want me to stop by and show you some pictures

 **Ohya:** Yesssssss please! ❣️

 **Ohya:** And you _still_ haven't told me what you were doing with a certain ace detective not so long ago 🤫

 **Ohya:** Speaking of who, I haven't heard anything about him through the grapevine in a while 🤫🤫🤫

 **Akira:** I can't stay for long because I have somewhere to be but I'll try my best

 **Ohya:** That's my favourite source! 😊

 **Akira:** I'll swing by after I'm done in Shinjuku

 **Akira:** See you there

 **Ohya:** See you there!!! 😀

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:26pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** Kurusu-kun, I am bored.

 **Goro:** Give me your laptop password.

 **Akira:** What nefarious deeds are you planning to do on my laptop

 **Goro:** I wish to merely browse the internet.

 **Akira:** I have Minecraft installed

 **Akira:** Play that

 **Goro:** 'Minecraft'?

 **Akira:** Just trust me

 **Akira:** My laptop password is sm0k3w33d420

 **Goro:** I would love to know what is going on inside your head at any given point in time.

 **Akira:** Me too dude

 **Akira:** Now hush, we're talking Thieves business

 **Goro:** Very well. I shall try this 'Minecraft.'

**> 11:17pm**

**Goro:** I do not understand this 'Minecraft.'

 **Goro:** Is the point merely to lay down different blocks?

 **Goro:** It is decidedly inane.

 **Goro:** Can I even kill anything? Is there even a threat?

 **Akira:** Are you in creative mode

 **Goro:** How do I check?

 **Akira:** In the menu

 **Akira:** Change it to survival

 **Goro:** Very well.

**> 11:34pm**

**Goro:** Kurusu-kun.

 **Goro:** I am bored without you here.

 **Akira:** You have to stop blowing up my phone

 **Akira:** What if the Thieves see my texts

 **Goro:** Why don't you give me a nickname, akin to how you all use code names in the Metaverse?

 **Akira:** Fine

**> Akira changed Goro's nickname to Loki**

**Loki:** Ah yes, this is definitely far better and definitely inconspicuous.

 **Loki:** You are truly skilled in the art of subterfuge.

 **Akira:** Sssshh

 **Akira:** Play another game if you're bored

 **Loki:** I would rather you were here with me.

 **Akira:** I'll be home tomorrow, you'll survive

 **Loki:** Doubtful.

* * *

**WEDNESDAY**

* * *

**Loki**

**> 12:03am**

**Akira:** We're sending the calling card and going up against Shido on Friday

 **Loki:** So soon?

 **Akira:** Well we kind of secured a route to the treasure right after you died

 **Akira:** If you want to be a part of taking down Shido, you're welcome to

 **Loki:** While I would delight in staring my father down as his miserable and pathetic life is ended by my hand, I am still in no fit state to battle.

 **Akira:** We're not killing him

 **Loki:** You are wasting your opportunity.

 **Akira:** This is why we're not taking you along

 **Akira:** You can't solve all your problems by shooting them

 **Loki:** It has worked for me thus far.

 **Loki:** Aside from that one time I happened to not shoot you.

 **Loki:** Although I suppose that did work out, as otherwise I would not be playing 'Minecraft' in your bed right now.

 **Akira:** I feel like I should set you up with my therapist

 **Loki:** I am hurt, Akira, I thought you were interested in _me._

 **Akira:** I am very interested in you but you have many many many many many issues to iron out before we could start anything even vaguely resembling a semi-functional and stable relationship

 **Loki:** Ugh.

 **Loki:** That's effort.

 **Loki:** Just get back here and be naked with me.

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** Put on the pyjamas I gave you in case Sojiro walks in

 **Loki:** Ugh.

 **Loki:** Fine.

**> Loki sent a photo.**

**> Loki sent a photo.**

**> Loki sent a photo.**

**Akira:** You can't just keep sending me photos of you in my bed in an attempt to convince me to come home earlier

 **Loki:** I'll have you know that that last photo is of my 'Minecraft' house.

 **Akira:** It's a good build

 **Loki:** Are the other photos working, though?

 **Akira:** Maybe

 **Loki:** Excellent. Please pick me up some food on your way home.

 **Akira:** I'll bring you food tomorrow morning

 **Loki:** Ugh.

 **Loki:** Fine.

 **Loki:** I am returning to this 'Minecraft.'

 **Loki:** I will see you tomorrow.

 **Akira:** See you tomorrow

 **Akira:** Sleep well

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Loki**

**> 8:08am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I'm in Kichijoji

 **Akira:** What do you want to eat

 **Loki:** You.

 **Akira:** Not on the menu

**> Akira sent a photo.**

**Loki:** Hmmmm.

 **Loki:** A breakfast muffin.

 **Akira:** How many

 **Loki:** Three.

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** Drink?

 **Loki:** I'll accept a cup of coffee upon your return.

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** I'll be back soon

 **Loki:** Please.

**> 8:29am**

**Akira:** I've been thinking

 **Loki:** A dangerous activity.

 **Akira:** So you know how you adamantly refused all my offers of friendship like two weeks ago

 **Loki:** Yes.

 **Akira:** Was that because you were planning on killing me?

 **Loki:** Yes.

 **Akira:** And you're not planning on killing me now, right?

 **Loki:** Yes.

 **Akira:** So, theoretically, we could be friends now

 **Loki:** Yes.

 **Akira:** Is that a "yes we're friends" or a "yes we could be friends now"

 **Loki:** Yes.

 **Akira:** Understandable, have a great day

 **Loki:** I will once you get home.

 **Akira:** I thought I was meant to be the suave one here

 **Loki:** You think I played the role of an ace detective without learning how to be smooth, Kurusu-kun?

 **Akira:** Good point

 **Akira:** Were you really an ace detective or was that all just a ruse

 **Loki:** I would argue it was a mixture of both.

 **Loki:** It's easy to solve crimes when you're the one responsible for them.

 **Loki:** Just thinking about it gets my blood heating up...

 **Akira:** Whoa there

 **Akira:** I'll be home in 10, don't murder anyone in the meantime

 **Loki:** I make no promises.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of my draft notes for this:
> 
>   * "yusuke accidentally walks in on akechi. they exchange pleasant conversation and nothing bad happens."
>   * "akira has a will of steel to not give into the naked dude in his bed"
> 

> 
> Also from my scrapped draft:
> 
>   * >akira sent a photo
>   * loki: you are the devil incarnate
>   * loki: get home now
> 

> 
> Anyway I really love the line in P5R when Akechi is temporarily your nav and, if Joker becomes enraged, Akechi says "Joker's enraged! I kind of like it, but it's not you! Calm down!" and that is 90% of my inspiration for this.


	18. No hetero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Morgana:** I only have eyes for you, Akira.
> 
>  **Akira:** Awwww
> 
>  **Akira:** That would mean more if it weren't coming from my cat's Chat ID though

**WEDNESDAY**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:54am: women want me started a new chat thread.**

**women want me:** Heyyyy so

 **women want me:** do you think our Personas are friends like we are?

 **we live in a society:** What

 **women want me:** Like, seeing as they're like manifestations of our hearts

 **women want me:** do you think that they have the same relationships that we do?

 **VIBE CHECK:** that'd imply that Kamu Susano-o and Seiten Taisei are dating

 **we live in a society:** Good for them

 **women want me:** Yeah, good for them~! 💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We'll just have to ask them next time we're in Mementos.

 **fish fear me:** does anyone else occasionally feel their persona speakin to them

 **we live in a society:** Yeah Nebiros won't stop telling me to be gay and do crime

 **women want me:** Don't like, all of your personas do that?

 **we live in a society:** Yeah but he's more insistent about it than usual

 **VIBE CHECK:** do Personas fuck?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't believe that they would need to?

 **fish fear me:** yea but do they

 **we live in a society:** I'm positive that at least one of my Personas has fucked

 **we live in a society:** Idk who or what it fucked but that's the vibe I'm getting

 **fish fear me:** bro

 **women want me:** tbf, some of Akira's Personas are tooooooootally hot

 **Lobster Emoji:** I agree.

 **fish fear me:** brooooooo

 **we live in a society:** Narcissus heard that and says thank you

 **women want me:** I was thinking more, like, Parvati

 **fish fear me:** theyre both pretty bonkin bro

 **Everyone Liked That:** Parvati is beautiful! 💛

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm just relieved you guys are going for the humanoid Personas.

 **we live in a society:** I'd let Dominion bang me

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I take it back, I regret this entire conversation.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Dominion is rather beautiful.

 **women want me:** That's the floaty angel with the blue hair, right?

 **we live in a society:** Aye

 **fish fear me:** aw yea bro theyre bonkin

 **VIBE CHECK:** you guys are weird

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You started it by asking if they fuck!

 **VIBE CHECK:** hehehe Makoto said fuck

 **fish fear me:** fuck

 **women want me:** fuck

 **we live in a society:** Fuck

 **Lobster Emoji:** Fuck?

 **Everyone Liked That:** Fuck!

 **VIBE CHECK:** FULL HOUSE!!!!! ✧*｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡

 **Everyone Liked That:** Before Mako-chan has to remind us, I'm going to remind everyone that we should be paying attention in class right now!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Aside from Akira and Futaba, who should just be having a fun time instead!

 **VIBE CHECK:** awww thanks Haru

 **we live in a society:** I'm having the time of my life

 **we live in a society:** I also think I'm gonna go back to school on Monday

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Really?

 **we live in a society:** Yeah I mean

 **we live in a society:** If we're taking Shido's heart on Friday then he should be too busy dealing with that to try and kill me while I'm in class

 **fish fear me:** dude just snipes u through the window

 **women want me:** KHSDFKDSKJF RYUJI

 **VIBE CHECK:** takes out both your ankles on the way to gym

 **women want me:** FUTABA

 **women want me:** KSJDFKLJSF

 **we live in a society:** Shido kicks down the bathroom door and suplexes me into the toilet, killing me instantly

 **women want me:** AKIRA!!!!!!!

 **women want me:** I AM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH IN CLASS KSDJFLKSJ

 **fish fear me:** just embrace it ann

 **fish fear me:** mcfreakin lose it

 **Lobster Emoji:** Can you imagine taking a simple toilet break when a bald middle-aged man forcibly removes the cubicle door and slams you into the ground?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I must paint this.

 **women want me:** YUSUKE NO

 **VIBE CHECK:** INARI YES

 **we live in a society:** Please paint it on my bedroom ceiling like the Sistine Chapel

 **Lobster Emoji:** It will be my greatest masterpiece yet.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll buy the paints!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I've decided that I'm just going to let this happen.

 **fish fear me:** makochan no you were the chosen one

 **fish fear me:** u were meant 2 keep the dumbasses in line not join them

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** What?

 **fish fear me:** dont tell me youve never seen war stars

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm afraid I haven't.

 **VIBE CHECK:** MAKOTO (ﾉ*0*)ﾉ

 **VIBE CHECK:** alright, we're officially having a War Stars movie night at my place!

 **women want me:** Isn't your place a little... small?

 **VIBE CHECK:** at Haru's place!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yeah!

 **fish fear me:** what if we have a war stars marathon as congrats 4 beatin shido?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That's a great idea, Ryuji.

 **fish fear me:** YEAH

 **Lobster Emoji:** I look forward to this.

 **women want me:** I'll bring the snacks~! 😄

 **we live in a society:** I'll bring the sexy Personas

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Don't start this again.

 **we live in a society:** TOO LATE

 **Everyone Liked That:** Are we planning on playing darts later? We can discuss details when we meet up! 💛

 **fish fear me:** that sounds good 2 me

 **women want me:** Ooooh, we can check out the new crepe stall afterwards~!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am feeling rather sweet foods today.

 **women want me:** then it's settled! 💖💖💖

 **we live in a society:** I'll see you all later

 **we live in a society:** Be good, Phantom Thieves

 **fish fear me:** yes sir

 **Lobster Emoji:** I shall try my best.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Will be!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Of course.

 **women want me:** Are we ever not good~?

 **VIBE CHECK:** (◞ꈍ∇ꈍ)◞⋆**✚⃞

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 12:16pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Senpai to Kasumi

 **Akira:** Wanna hang out later?

 **Kasumi:** I'd be glad to! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** Do you want to practice?

 **Akira:** I was going to suggest we go to Kichijoji together

 **Akira:** Do some shopping, eat some food, maybe meditate at the temple?

 **Kasumi:** That sounds great! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** Meditation is extremely important for both the body and mind. You can't do a cartwheel if you're distracted!

 **Akira:** Okay I am totally getting that tattooed on my chest

 **Kasumi:** Senpai!

 **Kasumi:** At least get something cool, like a peacock!

 **Akira:** A peacock doing a cartwheel

 **Kasumi:** Exactly! ❤️

 **Akira:** I'll meet you near the sweet store at 3:30pm, then

 **Akira:** To discuss totally radical tattoo ideas together

 **Kasumi:** See you there! ❤️

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Loki**

**> 8:40pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** We're getting crepes, do you want anything bringing home?

 **Loki:** Surprise me.

 **Akira:** Alright, I'm bringing home another cat

 **Loki:** As long as it doesn't talk.

 **Akira:** Mona says he resents that

 **Loki:** It's Morgana's fault that the whole 'pancakes' fiasco happened.

 **Loki:** I never want to hear that word ever again.

 **Akira:** In our defence

 **Akira:** You did betray and try to kill us all

 **Loki:** I only tried to kill one of you.

 **Akira:** Yeah but you would've tried to kill the rest of us at some point

 **Loki:** Ngh.

 **Akira:** I'm getting you some pancakes

 **Loki:** Don't you dare.

 **Akira:** Too late

 **Loki:** Ugh.

 **Loki:** I despise you.

 **Akira:** You love meeeee

 **Loki:** I do not know what love is.

 **Akira:** That's actually really depressing

 **Loki:** Well, I apologise for growing up in a deeply maladjusted household and craving validation to the point where I allowed myself to be manipulated into killing people for the sparsest morsel of affection, thus rendering me unable to form any sort of meaningful connection with another human being due to me constantly doubting their motives and not knowing just how to correctly form a socially acceptable bond.

 **Akira:** Alright alright

 **Akira:** No pancakes

 **Loki:** Thank you.

 **Akira:** Some therapy

 **Loki:** No.

 **Loki:** I don't care how 'hot' your therapist is.

 **Akira:** He is pretty banging

 **Akira:** You might like him, he looks like me but older and with a degree

 **Loki:** Hmmmm.

 **Loki:** What degree?

 **Akira:** I have no idea

 **Akira:** I know he wrote a thesis on cognitive psience

 **Loki:** Ah.

 **Loki:** Is his name Maruki?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Loki:** Yes, I believe Shido may have shut down some of his studies.

 **Akira:** There you go

 **Akira:** You both have common ground in hating your dad

 **Loki:** Why are you like this?

 **Akira:** Because I'm hilarious

 **Akira:** And also I use gallows humour to cope with the mess that is my life

 **Loki:** Hmmmm.

 **Loki:** Don't be too late coming home.

 **Akira:** Yes sir

 **Loki:** Good.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**THURSDAY**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 4:20pm: fish fear me started a new chat thread.**

**fish fear me:** dudes i pushed yusks hair back 2day nd died instantly

 **fish fear me:** i need u all 2 agree w/ me on this

**> fish fear me sent a photo.**

**women want me:** OMG HE'S SO CUUUUUUUTTTTEEEE 💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭

 **Everyone Liked That:** I never realised just how adorable Yusuke is!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yusuke really is one handsome guy.

 **we live in a society:** He's like a sexy painting

 **VIBE CHECK:** INARI'S MAXED OUT THE HOTNESS SLIDER

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** What?

 **VIBE CHECK:** GAMING JARGON

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you, my friends.

 **women want me:** Alllll the dudes in the Phantom Thieves are pretty hot tbh

 **women want me:** no hetero!!!

 **fish fear me:** too late ur lesbian card has been revoked

 **women want me:** 😠

 **Everyone Liked That:** I bet Akira would look lovely too if he pushed his hair back!

 **we live in a society:** My fringe hides the sick forehead tattoo I have

 **fish fear me:** it just says 69

 **Lobster Emoji:** It is simply a tattoo of an anatomically correct penis.

 **VIBE CHECK:** an anatomically INCORRECT penis >:3

 **women want me:** it's a tiny recreation of the Mona Lisa

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It's the answer to life and the universe.

 **we live in a society:** It's just my third eye which has terrible vision

 **we live in a society:** Probably because I keep it under my fringe all day

 **Everyone Liked That:** It's just a blank space!

 **VIBE CHECK:** the void

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If you gaze too long into Akira's forehead abyss, the abyss gazes back.

 **we live in a society:** I use it to cheat on quizzes and order off the secret Big Bang Burger menu

 **fish fear me:** big bang burger is made of ppl

 **Everyone Liked That:** Organically sourced people!

 **VIBE CHECK:** HARU

 **Lobster Emoji:** They are decidedly delicious organically sourced people.

 **VIBE CHECK:** INARI

 **we live in a society:** Please make me into a burger

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akira!

 **VIBE CHECK:** that's my line! 3:<

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Sorry, Futaba.

 **VIBE CHECK:** nah you can have that one

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Cannibalism and the mysteries under Akira's fringe aside, I hope you're all resting up in preparation for tomorrow.

 **VIBE CHECK:** 'CAUSE IT IS GONNA GO OFFFFFFFFFFF

 **VIBE CHECK:** FINAL BOSS!!!!!!!!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I hope they have some kickass battle music

 **fish fear me:** U TELLIN ME OTHER PPL CAN HEAR THE MUSIC IN PALACES ND MEMENTOS

 **women want me:** Uh, yeah?

 **fish fear me:** I THOUGHT I WAS JUST GOIN MAD ALL THIS TIME

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe it would be odd to run around the Metaverse without the background music.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I loved the music in Niijima-san's palace!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** As much as I hated that entire experience, I will admit that Sis' heart nailed it with the music choice.

 **we live in a society:** It was the kind of music you could pull off a heist to

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yes!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I mean, we kind of did.

 **women want me:** Futaba's palace theme was also preeeetty cool!

 **VIBE CHECK:** uh yeah I'm the cooliest

 **fish fear me:** bros b4 we beat shido 2morrow do u think we can ask our personas about friendship first

 **we live in a society:** Let's ask them mid-battle

 **we live in a society:** "Nebiros, Megidolaon! Also do you feel love"

 **VIBE CHECK:** Joker gets nerfed instantly

 **we live in a society:** A worthy death

 **we live in a society:** Alright I'm gonna go do pull-ups until my arms fall off so I'll see you guys tomorrow

 **fish fear me:** good luck bro

 **fish fear me:** work 4 that 8pack

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Don't push yourself too hard, Akira!

 **VIBE CHECK:** 'pull-ups'

 **we live in a society:** Hush, you

 **women want me:** I'll see you all tomorrow!! 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** For Akira, for Futaba's mother, for my father, for Akechi, and for society, we won't let Shido win!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Indeed.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Rest well, my friends.

 **VIBE CHECK:** it's not even 5pm

 **Lobster Emoji:** It is never too early for a nap.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I agree with Yusuke here.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Everyone be good, and we'll meet at Leblanc after school tomorrow.

 **we live in a society:** That's my line!

**The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell: 😉**

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Morgana Notacat**

**> 9:14pm: Morgana started a new chat thread.**

**Morgana:** kl.,,,,,,,,,

 **Akira:** Use your words

 **Morgana:** sssssssssssssssssss

 **Akira:** Okay send a Q if this is about Akechi

 **Morgana:** q[[[[[[[[[[[[

 **Akira:** If you're being murdered, send another Q

 **Morgana:** 00000000000000

 **Akira:** If it's urgent and you need me to get back home, send a B

 **Morgana:** #######

 **Akira:** Well now I'm lost

 **Morgana:** =-0kfvc

 **Akira:** I'll be back in like 10, I just needed to pick up more tin clasps from the secondhand store

 **Morgana:** 89

 **Akira:** I know Shido is our last big bad but you never know when we'll need more lockpicks

 **Morgana:** Akira, why does your cat have a Chat ID?

 **Akira:** Is that Akechi or has Morgana suddenly gained literacy

 **Morgana:** I found him pressing buttons on this tablet in your room.

 **Akira:** If it's Akechi send a H

 **Morgana:** Ngh.

 **Akira:** That's a H!

 **Morgana:** Is your cat... in your group chat?

 **Akira:** Yeah but it's cool he can't type

 **Morgana:** That makes no sense.

 **Morgana:** That picture of Kitagawa-kun is rather nice, though.

 **Akira:** Don't you even think about hitting on him

 **Akira:** He's still dating Ryuji

 **Morgana:** I only have eyes for you, Akira.

 **Akira:** Awwww

 **Akira:** That would mean more if it weren't coming from my cat's Chat ID though

 **Akira:** Wait STOP READING OUR GROUP CHATS

 **Morgana:** Come home and stop me.

 **Akira:** I WILL

 **Morgana:** Hmmmm.

 **Morgana:** I concur with your statement of Dominion being an attractive Persona.

 **Morgana:** I wonder if they and Loki would get along?

 **Akira:** CEASE

 **Morgana:** Yes, I can see it.

 **Morgana:** The rightful willpower instilled within Dominion conflicting with the need for chaos within Loki...

 **Morgana:** Such tension rising to a boiling point...

 **Akira:** Please stop writing fanfiction about our Personas fucking each other

 **Morgana:** Please, I hadn't even reached the foreplay.

 **Morgana:** Morgana is making retching noises.

 **Akira:** He does that sometimes

 **Akira:** I'll be home in 5

 **Akira:** Keep it in your pants until then

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dominion IS a pretty sexy Persona and this is the hill I have chosen to die on.
> 
> In unrelated news, my new agenda is the slicked-back hairstyle Yusuke has in Persona 5 Dancing thanks to the Yakuza DLC.
> 
> P.S. War Stars is entirely unrelated to any real-life movies of a similar sounding name. Totally. 100%. Trust me.


	19. Press X to doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Loki:** I have no desire to ever take up the 'ace detective' mantle ever again.
> 
>  **Akira:** Are you just going to play Minecraft for a living now?
> 
>  **Akira:** Goro Akechi: Titty Streamer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who mentioned Mara in the comments of the previous chapter: I'm judging you.
> 
> Everyone who agreed with Dominion being hot as hell: Let's get matching t-shirts.

**FRIDAY**

* * *

**Loki**

**> 8:45am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I've just popped out to the laundromat to do laundry

 **Akira:** Just in case you wake up and start wondering where I am

**> 9:16am**

**Loki:** I would be concerned if you were at the laundromat to do anything else.

 **Akira:** I'm actually here to launder money

 **Loki:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** Is that your 'I disapprove of this joke' hmm or your 'I am exhaling air through my nose forcefully as I find you hilarious and witty and charming and sexy, Akira Kurusu' hmm

 **Loki:** Do you hear the latter one often?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Loki:** Of course you do.

 **Loki:** Is doing laundry a usual ritual before a final boss fight?

 **Akira:** Clean underwear is very important in a fight

 **Akira:** I'm also trying to get the blood out of your coat

 **Loki:** You can dispose of the wretched thing.

 **Loki:** I have no desire to ever take up the 'ace detective' mantle ever again.

 **Akira:** Are you just going to play Minecraft for a living now?

 **Akira:** Goro Akechi: Titty Streamer

 **Loki:** I don't believe that I want to know what that is.

 **Loki:** I'd ideally like to return to my studies.

 **Akira:** Smart

 **Loki:** Although I suppose the 'ace detective' reputation will forever haunt me.

 **Akira:** Consider: run away with me instead

 **Loki:** Run away with you?

 **Akira:** Well I have to return home once my probation's up

 **Akira:** And I live in a tiny little town

 **Akira:** Just come with me and get a haircut, nobody will recognise you

 **Loki:** I will admit, the idea is tempting.

 **Akira:** Yessssssssss

 **Loki:** I still don't quite understand just why you're so nice to me.

 **Akira:** Because I like you

 **Loki:** Despite the fact that I betrayed you and your friends and attempted to murder you?

 **Akira:** Nobody's perfect

 **Loki:** I'm not following your logic.

 **Akira:** Also I'm a sucker for hot dudes

 **Loki:** Ah.

 **Loki:** Perhaps I should feel flattered that I'm the one who happened to catch the eye of the infamous leader of the Phantom Thieves.

 **Akira:** I mean you are pretty hot

 **Akira:** Even when you're doing the whole berserk feral thing

 **Akira:** Actually you might be even hotter then

 **Loki:** I never knew you had such hidden depths, Akira.

 **Akira:** Does my Phantom Thief attire not scream "step on me"

 **Loki:** I thought it said more "let me step on you."

 **Akira:** If you insist

 **Loki:** At least clean your boots first.

 **Akira:** Of course, your majesty

 **Loki:** Hmmmm.

 **Loki:** I should perhaps wish you good luck with killing my father later.

 **Akira:** Once again:

 **Akira:** We're just taking him down because murder is bad

 **Loki:** Ngh.

 **Loki:** Just make sure you return for your farewell kiss before you leave for battle.

 **Akira:** My farewell kiss?

 **Loki:** Is it not tradition to give your loved one a kiss for luck?

 **Akira:** You have a pretty broad definition of 'loved one'

 **Loki:** Do you want a kiss or not?

 **Akira:** Yes sir

 **Akira:** I'll be home in an hour or so

 **Loki:** I'll be waiting.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Futaba Sakura**

**> 10:24am: Futaba started a new chat thread.**

**Futaba:** MEME DUMP

**> Futaba sent 391 photos.**

**Akira:** That's a lot of memes

 **Futaba:** well get browsing!

 **Futaba:** otherwise how will you know what to do when I yell "YEET" in battle?

 **Akira:** Pick up Ryuji and throw him

 **Futaba:** the student has become the master

 **Akira:** Thank you, sensei

 **Futaba:** (o_ _)o ～～～ †

 **Futaba:** you prepped for later?

 **Akira:** I just need to put on pants

 **Futaba:** pants aren't an essential item for this quest

 **Akira:** Pantsless Thieves

 **Futaba:** mwehehehe >:3

 **Futaba:** you'll just spawn some pants in the Metaverse so go wild, big bro

 **Akira:** You say that but this will be the one time where my pants don't spawn in

 **Akira:** And then where will we be

 **Futaba:** in the Metaverse

 **Akira:** Touché

 **Futaba:** you know, I've been thinking

 **Akira:** Uh huh

 **Futaba:** there's an alternate universe out there where you and Ryuji started dating

 **Akira:** Why are you thinking about Ryuji and I dating

 **Futaba:** there's also an alternate universe where you're dating Inari

 **Futaba:** and another where it's Makoto

 **Futaba:** and another with Haru and one with Ann and even one with me

 **Futaba:** there's probably even a universe out there where you're dating your teacher

 **Akira:** Makoto would have my head for that

 **Akira:** Also where is this heading

 **Akira:** Heh head

 **Futaba:** (￣▽+￣*)

 **Futaba:** I was just thinking about how you have all these options

 **Futaba:** and you chose to put all your romance points toward Akechi

 **Akira:** Now in my defence

 **Akira:** He is hot

 **Futaba:** he kills people

 **Akira:** I should mention that he's reading these texts over my shoulder

 **Akira:** That doesn't negate the murder through

 **Futaba:** (ノ_ _)ノ

 **Akira:** He says he's sorry about your mom

 **Futaba:** press X to doubt

 **Akira:** He also says you're far more sociable when you're behind a screen

 **Futaba:** tell him I'm coming to kick his ass (ง •̀ゝ•́)ง

 **Akira:** Okay firstly please remember he is a professional assassin who is like 1.5 times your height

 **Akira:** And secondly he's naked

 **Futaba:** WHY DO YOU TELL ME THESE THINGS [○･｀Д´･○]

 **Akira:** So you're prepared for the nudity buff

 **Futaba:** nononono a buff strengthens skills

 **Futaba:** seeing Akechi naked would cause an AoE psy blast so powerful that I'm vaporised instantly

 **Akira:** Then how am I alive

 **Futaba:** you have rose-tinted spectacles equipped which negate psy damage but are also giving you +5 brainworms per turn

 **Akira:** Then how's Mona still alive

 **Futaba:** he's a cat

 **Akira:** He says he resents that

 **Futaba:** IS HE IN THE ROOM WITH YOU

 **Akira:** He's hiding in my closet

 **Futaba:** TELL HIM TO COME OVER

 **Futaba:** MY BEDROOM IS A SAFE ROOM

 **Akira:** He's on his way

 **Akira:** Went straight out the window

 **Akira:** Cats always land on their feet right

 **Akira:** Although Mona's not a cat

 **Futaba:** he's probably fine

 **Futaba:** +10 phys damage at worst

 **Akira:** At best he's now learnt how to fly

 **Futaba:** now that would come in handy in the Metaverse!

 **Futaba:** operation teach kitty how to fly: start!

 **Akira:** Just don't kill him before our final battle

 **Futaba:** no promises!

 **Akira:** I'll see you at Leblanc later

 **Akira:** Be good and don't yeet Mona

 **Futaba:** >:333

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:21pm: fish fear me started a new chat thread.**

**fish fear me:** we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **we live in a society:** YOU did it

 **we live in a society:** Seriously please never scare us like that again

 **Everyone Liked That:** I agree, please keep yourself safe, Ryuji!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Although your sprinting was extremely impressive!

 **fish fear me:** awww thanks haru

 **women want me:** DON'T YOU EVER DIE ON US RYUJI SAKAMOTO

 **fish fear me:** ok ok!!!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** how was i 2 know that thing was gonna explode!!!!!!!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Your death would leave a painful and terrible hole in my heart.

 **fish fear me:** listen i promise i will try my best not 2 die ok

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I think we've given Ryuji enough of a scolding for one day.

 **VIBE CHECK:** nah let's scold him some more

 **fish fear me:** :((((

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm joking I'm joking

 **VIBE CHECK:** those were some sweet sprint moves though

 **fish fear me:** thank u futaba

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Well done and thank you to Ryuji for saving us all.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And well done to everyone else for fighting so well.

 **we live in a society:** I'm proud of you all

 **Everyone Liked That:** Well done, everyone!

 **VIBE CHECK:** now we just gotta sit around and wait for the change of heart! ೕ(⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́ฅ)

 **fish fear me:** u dont gotta tell me twice

 **fish fear me:** zzzzzzzzz

 **women want me:** Can we PLEASE talk about that showtime between Haru-chan and Mako-chan though 😍😍😍

 **Everyone Liked That:** Thank you, Ann!

 **we live in a society:** Yeah you two can hit me with a folding chair any day

 **fish fear me:** BRO

 **women want me:** AKIRA KSJDFJKDS

 **VIBE CHECK:** how am I surprised when I've seen your browsing history

 **Lobster Emoji:** Haha.

 **we live in a society:** Hey I mostly just Google "what is wrong with my cat"

 **Everyone Liked That:** Thank you, Akira! 💛

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yes, thank you, Akira.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Now all we have left is the sleepover at mine tomorrow night!

 **fish fear me:** its gonna go OFF like that calling card did!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ah, yes, Futaba, that calling card was your finest work yet.

 **VIBE CHECK:** hey the art direction was all yours Inari

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You both worked together perfectly.

 **VIBE CHECK:** we're a great duo!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Indeed.

 **VIBE CHECK:** if I had the money I'd hire you to draw a boy's love doujinshi >:3

 **Everyone Liked That:** I can commission Yusuke!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Haru...

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'LL DO THE WRITING

 **VIBE CHECK:** CHAPTER ONE

 **VIBE CHECK:** LOCAL JOCK FALLS IN LOVE WITH LOCAL ARTIST

 **Lobster Emoji:** That sounds delightfully familiar.

 **Everyone Liked That:** And delightful to read!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Ryuji could always model for you, Yusuke.

 **fish fear me:** whats that meant 2 mean

 **we live in a society:** It means take your shirt off

 **fish fear me:** oh ok

 **women wan** **t me:** Hey guys not to interrupt Ryuji getting naked and gay rights

 **women want me:** but does something feel kinda off to you?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** How so, Ann-chan?

 **women want me:** Wellllllll we just kinda hijacked like, the whooooole of Japan's media network to announce that we're taking out our justice on Shido

 **women want me:** and I'm currently in Shibuya and it just feels

 **women want me:** ???

 **Everyone Liked That:** No, I feel the same way!

 **Everyone Liked That:** It seems there's nothing about the Phantom Thieves online.

 **VIBE CHECK:** where are our hype people!!!!!!

 **VIBE CHECK:** @ _we live in a society_ call your Mishima friend and ask him what's up

 **we live in a society:** Alright, give me a moment

* * *

** Yuuki Mishima **

**> 9:53pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hello to my favourite admin and hype man

 **Akira:** How's the Phan-Site sentiment?

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:54pm**

**we live in a society:** Messaged him

 **Lobster Emoji:** It seemed nobody at the train station was discussing our feat, either.

 **Lobster Emoji:** If anything, people seem more focused on Shido.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm looking online and Haru's right, there's nothing.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** The biggest news article is about an idol and her dog...

 **women want me:** It's WEIRD right!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** ugggggggghhhhhhhh

 **fish fear me:** ughhgghhhhhhghghghghghghghghghghghghhghghg

 **VIBE CHECK:** mood

 **fish fear me:** i mean i know were not doin this 4 the attention but like cmon!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** we took over a national broadcoast!!!!!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm so weirded out I can't even find it in me to poke fun at Ryuji's typo

 **we live in a society:** Broadcoast

 **VIBE CHECK:** thanks big bro

* * *

** Yuuki Mishima **

**> 9:56pm**

**Yuuki:** It's weird!!

 **Yuuki:** You did all that stuff and there's nobody talking about it!!

 **Akira:** Okay so it's not just me right

 **Yuuki:** Definitely not just you.

 **Yuuki:** I'll change up the poll, see what people say!!

 **Akira:** Thank you

 **Akira:** You're the best

 **Yuuki:** 😊

 **Akira:** 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:56pm**

**Everyone Liked That:** Maybe we did something wrong?

 **VIBE CHECK:** nah

 **VIBE CHECK:** we executed that entire plan flawlessly

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We did everything in our normal way, too.

 **women want me:** Maaaaaaaybe the government told them it was a fake or something?

 **we live in a society:** Yuuki says that the Phan-Site also isn't talking about us

 **we live in a society:** Betrayed by our own fans </3

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I think we might just have to wait this one out for now.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't think that there's anything that we can really do...

 **Lobster Emoji:** Things may change once Shido undergoes the change of heart.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yeah!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Although it's still a bit strange for us to go unnoticed.

 **we live in a society:** Let's organise a flash mob

 **we live in a society:** We all dance to Never Gonna Give You Up in the middle of Shibuya while wearing our Phantom Thieves gear

 **women want me:** I'd pay to see that 😆

 **VIBE CHECK:** I can get a flash mob organised in 5 minutes!

 **we live in a society:** Please no I just want to sleep

 **VIBE CHECK:** coward

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Not to sound like Morgana, but sleep would be good for all of us right now.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ryuji is already asleep on me.

 **women want me:** That's adorable 😭

 **we live in a society:** I would kill for that those two have

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Me too.

 **Everyone Liked That:** You can always sleep on me, Mako-chan!

 **VIBE CHECK:** ♡(ŐωŐ人)

 **VIBE CHECK:** I ship it

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Ship it?

 **VIBE CHECK:** yeah you know

 **VIBE CHECK:** when a woman loves another woman very much

 **Everyone Liked That:** She invites her to share her bed!

 **women want me:** KLSJDFKSDF

 **women want me:** HARU YOU'RE SO CUTE

 **Everyone Liked That:** Thank you, Ann-chan!

 **Everyone Liked That:** That means a lot, coming from you! 🥰

 **women want me:** you're all soooooooooo cute 🥺

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thank you, Haru and Ann.

 **we live in a society:** We're all adorable

 **we live in a society:** Handsome Thieves

 **Lobster Emoji:** Beautiful Thieves.

 **VIBE CHECK:** Adorable Thieves!

 **we live in a society:** Here to steal your hearts and wallets

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That's illegal.

 **we live in a society:** I am very tired

 **VIBE CHECK:** then sleep, you dingus

 **we live in a society:** Alright goodnight everyone

 **we live in a society:** Sleep well

 **we live in a society:** I love you all

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Goodnight, Akira.

 **women want me:** Goodnight!!! 💖

 **Lobster Emoji:** Goodnight, my friend.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Goodnight Akira! 💛

 **VIBE CHECK:** ٩(*ゝڡ◕๑)۶♥

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to imagine that outside of the Metaverse, feral!Akechi kind of comes in waves. Or he's just totally soft for Akira. One of them.
> 
> Anyway sorry this took so long! My old laptop died, so I bought a new laptop, then it turned out that the new laptop is broken but the store's not taking returns, so I am currently sans a functioning laptop. I finished this bad boy on my phone. There may be more errors than usual.


	20. Error 404: Thieves Not Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chihaya:** The cards......... they have changed again..........
> 
>  **Akira:** Are they all just Death
> 
>  **Chihaya:** No...............
> 
>  **Akira:** Thank god
> 
>  **Chihaya:** They're all.......... the Ten of Swords...................
> 
>  **Akira:** Oh that's a lot of swords

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-warning for those who love canon: I had to change around the change-of-heart-for-Shido date just to make it fit in with my terrible scheduling. Forgive me for this crime.
> 
> (Also this chapter is an extra long one!)

**SATURDAY**

* * *

_**THE PHAN-SITE** _

**POLL: Do The Phantom Thieves really exist?**

**YES** ████░░░░░ 45%

 **rgb420:** who r the phantom theives again?

 **xX_YU_Xx:** Weren't they that band of bird-themed superheroes?

 **anon#98435:** no lmao that's phoenix ranger featherman r

 **xX_YU_Xx:** Oh yeah! That show is so good!

 **anon#10020:** \--DELETED BY ADMIN--

 **anon#10020:** admin's gay

 **[ADMIN]:** I'm not too sure what my sexuality has to do with the Phantom Thieves existing, but sure.

 **anon#10020:** HA admin's gay!

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 11:44am: women want me started a new chat thread.**

**women want me:** That weird feeling hasn't gone away 😭

 **women want me:** Like, nobody at school is even talking about us!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Kosei is also suspiciously quiet.

 **we live in a society:** Nobody at Leblanc has mentioned us

 **we live in a society:** It's all Shido this, Shido that

 **VIBE CHECK:** it's still quiet online too 3:<

 **Everyone Liked That:** Should we be worried?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If Shido's gone into that strange fugue-esque state like the others did after we changed their hearts, the government wouldn't want that getting out.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** So it's likely that people just might not be talking about us right now.

 **VIBE CHECK:** okay but we did take over the airwaves

 **VIBE CHECK:** or broadcoast, if you're Ryuji

 **fish fear me:** hey!!!!!!!

 **women want me:** Something just isn't sitting right with me 😖

 **Lobster Emoji:** No, I quite agree.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I feel unsettled.

 **we live in a society:** Well the good news is that 42% of the people on the Phan-Site really believe in us

 **we live in a society:** And that's almost 50%

 **we live in a society:** Which is basically 100%

 **fish fear me:** its a good thing ur goin back 2 school on monday bro

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I was just about to say the same thing.

 **women want me:** Oh yeah! I'm not gonna be alone in class anymore~! 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** It'll be lovely to have you back at lunch, Akira!

 **Everyone Liked That:** The plants have missed you!

 **we live in a society:** Awwww Haru

 **we live in a society:** Mona and I will be back to provide commentary on everything and give Ann all the quiz answers

 **women want me:** 😘

 **Lobster Emoji:** Does no-one at your school notice that you have a cat in class?

 **we live in a society:** It's Shujin, me bringing my cat is the least of their troubles

 **we live in a society:** Hang on am I still registered as a student at Kosei @ _VIBE CHECK_

 **VIBE CHECK:** yep! >:333

 **we live in a society:** I'm coming to Kosei on Monday

 **Lobster Emoji:** I would love the opportunity to have you as a classmate, Akira.

 **VIBE CHECK:** Ryuji's still registered too if you wanna take him along >:33333

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Each additional "3" in that face makes me worry about what you have planned, Futaba.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ah, to have my boyfriend and my best friend as my classmates...

 **we live in a society:** I think we'd look hot in Kosei uniforms @ _fish fear me_

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe you both would look 'hot' in anything.

 **fish fear me:** bro u got me blushin in class

 **women want me:** I can't believe Ryuji "bros" his boyfriend 😩

 **we live in a society:** Brofriends

 **VIBE CHECK:** no bromo bro

 **fish fear me:** this is cyberbullyin :(

 **VIBE CHECK:** neeeeerrrrrrrrrrrdddddddd

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** To be fair, Ryuji "bros" everything.

 **fish fear me:** yea im all about broquality

 **VIBE CHECK:** broquality

 **Lobster Emoji:** I do not mind that Ryuji "bros" me.

 **we live in a society:** Your wedding vows will be to have each other in broly matribrony

 **VIBE CHECK:** "matribrony" is waaaaay too close to another word

 **we live in a society:** Please don't remind me that bronies exist

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Before this conversation goes completely downhill, the bell's about to ring for lunch.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Shall we meet on the roof, @ _The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell_ @ _women want me_ @ _fish fear me_?

 **women want me:** Yeah! I've got these adorable little candies for us to share today 😁💖

 **fish fear me:** awwww yeeeeeeaaaaaa im there

 **we live in a society:** If you guys are heading out for lunch I guess I'll get some curry

 **we live in a society:** @ _VIBE CHECK_ you want in?

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll be over in 5, Joker!

 **we live in a** **society:** Duly noted

 **Lobster Emoji:** I, too, must break for lunch.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I shall see you all later at Haru's house for the sleepover.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yeah! 💛

 **we live in a society:** See you later, Studious Thieves

 **we live in a society:** 🖤🖤🖤

 **fish fear me:** love u all

 **women want me:** 💖💖💖!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Everyone be good.

 **VIBE CHECK:** >:33333333

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That includes you, Futaba.

 **VIBE CHECK:** ((╬●∀●)

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Loki**

**> 9:39pm: Loki started a new chat thread.**

**Loki:** The calls I've been receiving from my father's henchmen appear to have ceased.

 **Loki:** I can only assume he's told them of my unfortunate fate.

 **Akira:** I'm guessing you mean you being dead and not you spending all your time naked in my bed

 **Loki:** My presence in your bed is most definitely not an unfortunate fate.

 **Akira:** We really need to get you some clothes before you head back out into the world

 **Loki:** Nonsense. Clothes are a prison.

 **Akira:** Clothes are required so you don't get arrested for public nudity

 **Loki:** That would be the least of my worries.

 **Akira:** Mmm

 **Akira:** How am I going to tell my friends that you're alive?

 **Loki:** I will simply walk into Leblanc while you are all together.

 **Akira:** Nope

 **Akira:** Haru would definitely smash a chair over your head

 **Loki:** I will walk in wearing the appropriate protective headgear.

 **Akira:** Also nope

 **Loki:** Ngh.

 **Loki:** I will think of something.

 **Akira:** Alternatively we never tell them and continue our tryst in secret

 **Loki:** I feel that would perhaps create more problems than I could solve.

 **Akira:** No shooting my friends

 **Loki:** Very well.

 **Akira:** Alright we're going to start a War Stars marathon so I'm turning my phone off

 **Akira:** Be good

 **Loki:** Never.

 **Loki:** I will see you tomorrow.

 **Akira:** Love yoooooooouuuuuuu

 **Loki:** Of course.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**SUNDAY**

* * *

_**THE PHAN-SITE** _

**POLL: Do The Phantom Thieves really exist?**

**YES** ███░░░░░ 38%

 **anon#2834:** I have bigger problems rn than woryrying if some ppl exist

 **anon#938493:** HEY GUYS COME WATCH ME STREAM FORTNITE,,, LINK BELOW!!!!!!

 **anon#938493:** \--DELETED BY ADMIN--

 **[ADMIN]:** Please stop posting self-promo links here!!

 **anon#00092:** I feel like I sorta remember The Phantom Thieves?

 **insertnamehere:** ??????? how have you guys forgotten the guys who took down Medjed and Madarame and Shido this fast?

 **anon#90812:** yea but they aint taken down shido yet

 **PhantomThieves4Eva:** But They Said They Will Do !

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 11:07am: Kasumi started a new chat thread.**

**Kasumi:** Kasumi checking in!

 **Kasumi:** Is everything alright, senpai? ❤️

 **Akira:** It's all a-okay over here

 **Akira:** How are you feeling?

 **Kasumi:** I'm feeling alright! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** Although I do also have this weird feeling that something's wrong.

 **Akira:** You got all your gym equipment?

 **Kasumi:** No, it's not like that...

 **Kasumi:** It's like I'm trying to remember something, but I don't know what!

 **Akira:** You'll figure it out

 **Akira:** You're smart, Kasumi

 **Kasumi:** Thank you! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** I think I'll give Maruki a call and see what he has to say.

 **Akira:** Smart

 **Akira:** Tell him I said hi

 **Akira:** He'll know what it means

 **Kasumi:** Alright! ❤️

 **Akira:** Also I'll be back at school tomorrow

 **Kasumi:** Nice! **❤️**

 **Kasumi:** We can get back to practicing! ❤️

 **Akira:** Just be gentle on my old bones

 **Kasumi:** You're only a little bit older than me, senpai...

 **Akira:** Oof ouch ow my bones

 **Kasumi:** Senpai!

 **Akira:** I'm just kidding, your workouts are great

 **Kasumi:** ❤️❤️❤️

 **Akira:** I'll see you tomorrow, Kasumi

 **Kasumi:** I'll see you then! ❤️

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Tae Takemi**

**> 12:04pm: Tae started a new chat thread.**

**Tae:** How are you feeling?

 **Tae:** I can't shake this feeling like something's off.

 **Akira:** I'm feeling alright

 **Akira:** I know what you mean though

 **Akira:** Like I feel kind of on edge

 **Tae:** Exactly.

 **Tae:** I'm glad it's not just me.

 **Akira:** It's probably just because the election results are coming in soon and we're all anxious to see what happens

 **Tae:** Maybe.

 **Tae:** The Phantom Thieves were taking Shido's heart, right?

 **Akira:** Taken it

 **Akira:** Just waiting

 **Tae:** It might just be that then.

 **Tae:** How's your friend?

 **Akira:** Much better

 **Akira:** Thank you

 **Tae:** Anytime.

 **Tae:** Message me if you need anything.

 **Akira:** Will do

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Chihaya Mifune**

**> 4:20pm: Chihaya started a new chat thread.**

**Chihaya:** The cards......... they have changed again..........

 **Akira:** Are they all just Death

 **Chihaya:** No...............

 **Akira:** Thank god

 **Chihaya:** They're all.......... the Ten of Swords...................

 **Akira:** Oh that's a lot of swords

 **Akira:** Is that bad?

 **Chihaya:** Yes..................

 **Chihaya:** A painful but inevitable ending is coming........................

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Akira:** That doesn't sound good

 **Chihaya:** A betrayal............?

 **Chihaya:** Perhaps one that has already happened..............

 **Akira:** Are you in Shinjuku right now?

 **Chihaya:** Yes...........

 **Akira:** I'm heading over now

 **Chihaya:** Thank you............

 **Chihaya:** I should only have one Ten of Swords per deck...........

 **Akira:** Alright alright I'm on my way

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Toranosuke Yoshida**

**> 9:01pm: Yoshida started a new chat thread.**

**Yoshida:** If You Are Free Tonight, Would You Be Willing To Hold A Sign At A Speech For Me?

 **Akira:** Absolutely

 **Akira:** Normal place?

 **Yoshida:** Yes Please, Comrade.

 **Akira:** I'll be there by 9:30

 **Yoshida:** Thank You.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**MONDAY**

* * *

_**THE PHAN-SITE** _

**POLL: Do The Phantom Thieves really exist?**

**YES** ██░░░░░░░ 23%

 **anon#24601:** guys whats the point of this website???

 **PhantomThieves4Eva:** To Talk About The Phantom Thieves ?

 **l33tn00b:** 1s th1s 4 pr4nk br0

 **anon#98892:** GUYS I GOT A GF!!!!!!!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

 **anon#02756:** Uuuuuuuggggggghhhhhh its finals sooooooon

* * *

**Loki**

**> 12:10pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I won't be home right away after school

 **Akira:** Ryuji, Yusuke, Mishima, and I are all going to the arcade to celebrate me being back at school

 **Loki:** I suppose I will perish without you here beside me.

 **Akira:** Says the guy who keeps sending me photos of him in my bed in an attempt to get me to come home

 **Loki:** Hmmmm.

**> Loki sent a photo.**

**Akira:** That's exactly what I'm talking about

 **Akira:** You also look amazing in my pyjamas

 **Loki:** I am aware.

* * *

**Munehisa Iwai**

**> 12:12pm: Iwai started a new chat thread.**

**Iwai:** You free tonight, kid?

 **Akira:** You need help at the shop?

 **Iwai:** If you can.

 **Akira:** I'll be there

 **Iwai:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Loki**

**> 12:13pm**

**Akira:** Looks like I'm working tonight too

 **Akira:** Will you be okay by yourself?

 **Loki:** I will be fine, Akira.

 **Loki:** Your concern is unnecessary.

 **Akira:** Just message me if you need anything

 **Akira:** And don't do anything I wouldn't do

 **Loki:** If you insist.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**TUESDAY**

* * *

_**THE PHAN-SITE** _

**POLL: Do The Phantom Thieves really exist?**

**YES** █░░░░░ 16%

 **anon#876110:** What We All Up 2 Today My Dudes

 **anon#20366:** Has anyone else been feeling sort of hazy recently?

 **cookieecat:** yeea, i think its just flu season comn late

 **anon#8008135:** ELECTION DAY RESULTS 2DAY!!!!!

 **st4rs_97:** \--DELETED BY ADMIN--

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 10:35am: The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell started a new chat thread.**

**The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** The election results are in today, which means Shido's change of heart should have kicked in by now.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I hope it went okay!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We'll find out this evening.

 **we live in a society:** Let's all meet at Leblanc later

 **we live in a society:** We can worry about it over curry

 **VIBE CHECK:** WORRY CURRY

 **women want me:** I'd love some worry curry~! 💖

 **we live in a society:** Seasoned lovingly with anxiety 🖤

 **fish fear me:** brooooo im always up for some curry

 **Lobster Emoji:** I, too, would be delighted to indulge in a dish.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I can help make the coffee, Akira!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I think that'd make Sojiro's day ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It'd be good for us to all be together in case we need to make any emergency schemes, too.

 **we live in a society:** Alright, let's all meet up later for worry curry and scheming and Haru's coffee

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll keep an eye on all the press and let you know if anything changes!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thank you, Futaba.

 **VIBE CHECK:** ♡＾▽＾♡

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Yuuki Mishima **

**> 5:27pm: Yuuki started a new chat thread.**

**Yuuki:** The Phan-Site has been acting weird lately...

 **Yuuki:** There are way too many off-topic comments!!

 **Akira:** Off-topic?

 **Yuuki:** I mean, I'm used to people using the forums to discuss personal events, but these comments are acting like The Phantom Thieves never even existed!!

 **Akira:** That's worrying

 **Yuuki:** Right?!

 **Yuuki:** The poll's been dropping, too...

 **Akira:** Hmmmm

 **Akira:** Maybe it's being tampered with?

 **Yuuki:** ?!

 **Akira:** Hang on, let me ask Futaba to look at it

* * *

**Futaba Sakura**

**> 5:30pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I'm texting you because I don't want to say this out loud and worry anyone

 **Futaba:** alright!

 **Futaba:** what's up!

 **Akira:** Can you go on the Phan-Site and see if the site's been tampered with at all?

 **Akira:** Yuuki says that the poll's been acting weirdly and people are making weird comments

 **Futaba:** already in! >:3

 **Futaba:** no traces of hacking that I can see, captain!

 **Akira:** I had literally just hit send

 **Futaba:** nothing like that one incident 3:

 **Akira:** Nothing at all?

 **Futaba:** nnnnnnnope!

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** Thanks, lil sis

 **Futaba:** d(￣◇￣)b

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** Yuuki Mishima **

**> 5:33pm**

**Akira:** Futaba says it's all legit

 **Akira:** Please don't be surprised if she leaves a message from us on the homepage or something

 **Yuuki:** She just updated it!!

 **Yuuki:** It says "YEET"?

 **Akira:** That's Futaba alright

 **Yuuki:** I know she says it's all clear, but it kind of feels like something's wrong...

 **Akira:** Like something's missing?

 **Yuuki:** Yeah!!

 **Akira:** You're not alone

 **Akira:** I mean in feeling that way

 **Akira:** I haven't broken into your house

 **Yuuki:** Hahahaha!!

 **Yuuki:** Please don't.

 **Akira:** I won't

 **Akira:** I've just been feeling kind of strange lately, like I'm forgetting something

 **Yuuki:** Hopefully it'll go away soon enough...

 **Yuuki:** Until then, I'll keep on cheering you on from afar!

 **Akira:** Thanks, Yuuki

 **Akira:** I'm cheering you on too

 **Yuuki:** 😊

 **Akira:** 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 11:06pm: we live in a society started a new chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** I know I said it earlier but

 **we live in a society:** That was weird

 **Everyone Liked That:** At least our change of heart went through!

 **fish fear me:** yea but shido still won by a landslide :(

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** His party will just put someone else in power...

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It's like the public hasn't even noticed that anything's wrong.

 **women want me:** Yeah, it's like they just expect Shido and his cronies to solve everything for them 😓

 **VIBE CHECK:** we've just gotta follow Monamona's advice and head into Mementos! ٩(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

 **Lobster Emoji:** And pray that whatever we find in the depths is merciful and explanatory.

 **fish fear me:** yea what the hot dude said

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you, Ryuji.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll miss our Personas when the Metaverse disappears, though.

 **women want me:** Awww Haru!

 **women want me:** They'll still be in our hearts~! 💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yes, their physical forms may disappear, but their influence will live on through us.

 **women want me:** That's so poetic, Mako-chan 😭💖

 **fish fear me:** im gonna become a pirate

 **we live in a society:** I'm joining you

 **Lobster Emoji:** I will too!

 **VIBE CHECK:** at least finish school first, you dinguses

 **we live in a society:** School is for nerds

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You're a nerd.

 **we live in a society:** Well, she's got me there

 **women want me:** 😂😂😂

 **Lobster Emoji:** I will miss our Metaverse escapades.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Me too, Yusuke!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Nothing makes you feel more alive than chopping down anyone in your path!

 **women want me:** Okaaaaaaaaaaaay I'm definitely avoiding Haru when she's in a bad mood 😅

 **Everyone Liked That:** I would never chop you down, Ann!

 **women want me:** 💖💖💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** I wish we could keep fighting for justice forever ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

 **fish fear me:** well why dont we

 **VIBE CHECK:** what

 **fish fear me:** like we can do protests nd always try our best 2 help out the underdogs

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That's an extremely good idea, Ryuji.

 **VIBE CHECK:** especially coming from Ryuji!

 **fish fear me:** hey im smart sometimes!

 **we live in a society:** We love you for your brain and your muscles

 **we live in a society:** Mostly the muscles

 **Lobster Emoji:** I greatly admire both.

 **VIBE CHECK:** gaaaaaaaaay

 **Lobster Emoji:** Indeed.

 **VIBE CHECK:** it doesn't work on Inari （ー△ー；）

 **women want me:** Is it too early for us to be planning our post-Mementos party? 😄

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Well, if we're going in on the 24th, it'll be Christmas the next day.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** How about a Phantom Thieves Christmas party?

 **Everyone Liked That:** That sounds great!

 **women want me:** Agreed~! 💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You can bring Shiho!

 **women want me:** SDJFSLKDFL MAKO-CHAN YES!!!! 💖💖💖

 **women want me:** You can bring Sae!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I think she'd like that.

 **fish fear me:** i gotta spend the mornin w/ my mom but i can do an afternoon party!!

 **we live in a society:** Bring your mom

 **fish fear me:** bro no bcos ud probs become my dad

 **we live in a society:** You are correct, son

 **VIBE CHECK:** ಠ_ಠ

 **fish fear me:** bro

 **fish fear me:** no

 **we live in a society:** Alright alright

 **we live in a society:** It'll be a wholesome Phantom Thieves And Co. Christmas, then

 **Everyone Liked That:** I look forward to it!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll bring the turkey!

 **women want me:** OOOOH LET'S ALL BRING SOMETHING~!

 **women want me:** I'll bring the dessert!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'll supply the drinks?

 **we live in a society:** Let's make it a surprise

 **VIBE CHECK:** until we all show up with turkey

 **fish fear me:** bro i aint complainin if theres like 7 turkeys

 **Lobster Emoji:** I must agree, that much turkey would keep me fed for a year...

 **Everyone Liked That:** Please remember that you can use my debit card to go grocery shopping at any time, Yusuke!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you, Haru.

 **we live in a society:** Alright Thieves I'm passing out

 **we live in a society:** Dream of turkey, my sweet friends

 **Lobster Emoji:** I shall.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Goodnight, Akira.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Goodnight, Phantom Thieves!

 **women want me:** Goodnight everyone~!! 💖

 **fish fear me:** goodnight bros nd bros

 **fish fear me:** love u all

 **Everyone Liked That:** We love you too, Ryuji!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Goodnight!

 **VIBE CHECK:** ꒰´ ु-௰ू-॰`꒱⋆｡˚✩ɢ∞פ ɴⅈɢhт ༘*ೄ˚

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**WEDNESDAY**

* * *

_**THE PHAN-SITE** _

**POLL: Do The Phantom Thieves really exist?**

**YES** █░░░░░░░░ 11%

 **anon#567520:** CHRISTMAS SOON!!!!!!!

 **c4stl3_08:** I hope 20XX is better for all of us!!

 **anon#745892:** \--DELETED BY ADMIN--

 **[ADMIN]:** This isn't a dating site!!

 **ThiefKing:** its wednesday my dudes

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:33am: Lobster Emoji started a new chat thread.**

**Lobster Emoji:** Forgive me for asking, but would anyone be interested in accompanying me to the temple in Kichijoji this afternoon?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe meditating before a mission may help rest the ache in my heart.

 **we live in a society:** I'll come with

 **we live in a society:** You okay, dude?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am simply feeling a little unsettled.

 **fish fear me:** u know id go anywhere with nd 4 u

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you, Ryuji.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'll come, too.

 **Everyone Liked That:** And me!

 **women want me:** And meeee~! 💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll come too for a full house!!!! ✧*｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡

 **we live in a society:** Mona says don't you dare forget about him

 **VIBE CHECK:** I kinda just assumed that Monamona goes wherever you go ƪ(‾ε‾“)ʃ

 **we live in a society:** I mean

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **Everyone Liked That:** Shall we all meet up in Shibuya and head over together?

 **Lobster Emoji:** That would be greatly appreciated.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you, all of you.

 **fish fear me:** anythin 4 u my love

 **women want me:** KSJDFLKS RYUJI

 **women want me:** THAT'S SO CUUUUUUUUTE 😭💖😭💖😭💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That's adorable.

 **fish fear me:** u guys told me off 4 callin him bro!

 **VIBE CHECK:** you're never gonna find a middle ground

 **VIBE CHECK:** call him daddy instead

 **we live in a society:** ALRIGHT BE GOOD EVERYONE SEE YOU IN SHIBUYA LOVE YOU

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Loki**

**> 1:11pm: Loki started a new chat thread.**

**Loki:** You are heading into the Metaverse tomorrow, correct?

 **Akira:** Correct

 **L** **oki:** Don't do anything that I would not do.

 **Akira:** Got it, shoot everything

 **Loki:** You're a natural at this.

 **Akira:** I'm mostly just worried that you'll disappear once we get rid of the Metaverse

 **Loki:** Why?

 **Akira:** Well I'm still not 100% convinced that you're not just a figment of my imagination

 **Akira:** Or that you're actually your own Shadow and you just broke out of the Metaverse

 **Loki:** I don't believe Shadows can do such a thing.

 **Akira:** If anyone's Shadow could, it'd be yours

 **Loki:** I shall take that as a compliment.

 **Akira:** It was intended as one

 **Akira:** I think

 **Loki:** Hmmmm.

 **Loki:** As you apparently so firmly believe tonight may be my last on this earth, why don't we spend the night together?

 **Akira:** Don't we spend every night together seeing as you won't leave my bed

 **Loki:** You know what I mean.

 **Akira:** Oh?

 **Akira:** OH

 **Akira:** Oh hell yeah

 **Loki:** Good.

 **Akira:** I'm going to the temple in Kichijoji with the Thieves first, though

 **Loki:** Very well.

 **Loki:** Enjoy your time with your thoughts.

 **Akira:** You are the devil, Goro Akechi

 **Loki:** I am aware.

 **Loki:** I'll be waiting.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**THURSDAY**

* * *

_**THE PHAN-SITE** _

**POLL: Do The Phantom Thieves really exist?**

**YES** ▓░░░░░░░ 9%

 **rgb420:** i still got no idea who the phantom theives r

 **anon#5461:** Something to do with stealing hearts?

 **anon#77407:** LOL sounds like a corny pickup line!!!

 **anon#30346:** \--DELETED BY ADMIN--

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 2:02pm: we live in a society started a new chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** Alright everyone

 **we live in a society:** Are we ready?

 **VIBE CHECK:** yep!

 **women want me:** As ready as I'll ever be~! 💖

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe with you all by my side, I can take on anything.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yusuke...

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I agree!

 **fish fear me:** YEA LETS DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** WOOOOOOOOO

 **Everyone Liked That:** Woooooo!

 **we live in a society:** Alright, let's meet at the station after school

 **we live in a society:** Love you alllllllll

 **Everyone Liked That:** I love you all too! 💛

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thank you, everyone. I love you all.

 **fish fear me:** WOOOOOOOO I LOVE U ALL

 **women want me:** Oh, to be Ryuji 😂💖

 **women want me:** I love you all!!! 💖💖💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** ♡⃛◟( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ )◞⸜₍ ˍ́˱˲ˍ̀ ₎⸝◟( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ )◞♡⃛

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am so proud to call you all my friends.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I love you all too.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

_**THE PHAN-SITE** _

**POLL: Do The Phantom Thieves really exist?**

**YES** ░░░░░░░░░░ 0%

 **anon#59910:** What's a Phantom Thief lol

 **anon#92572:** is this a prank????

 **cookieecat:** wasnt that theives stuff just a pubilicity stunt

 **anon#110003:** What's this site even for?

 **anon#66372:** I have no idea what's going on lol

 **anon#8224:** Uhhhhhhhh nope, no idea what's going on here

 **PhantomThieves4Eva:** Why Am I Signed Up For This ?

 **anon#123599:** never heard of them!!!!!!!!!!

 **rgb420:** who're the phantom theives?

 **anon#00042:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever think about how Mishima has to run the entire Phan-Site himself? I would not want to be him. Meanwhile Chihaya's just tapping the . button about 20 times per message to be as ominous as possible.
> 
> I always cry at the scene in-game where they all start disappearing. Especially when Ryuji starts to fade away and Ann just starts crying and screaming his name （；へ：）
> 
> Anyway if something happens and I never finish this fic, at least you all know that they went out knowing they love each other!


	21. Merry Thievesmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **VIBE CHECK:** fellas is it gay to love your boyfriend
> 
>  **we live in a society:** Yes
> 
>  **women want me:** Yep~!
> 
>  **Lobster Emoji:** Yes.
> 
>  **fish fear me:** duh
> 
>  ** **Everyone Liked That:**** Yes!
> 
>  ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** :** I have the strangest sense of déjà vu right now.
> 
>  **TINY BASTARD MAN:** pppppppp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've been reading this and just hoping I don't get too spoiler-y for Royal, here's your final warning. This chapter enters Royal territory. There will be spoilers.
> 
> Also: I kind of messed up the timeline and then retconned it in this chapter. Just go with it. If you're here for chronological accuracy, you're in the wrong place.

_**THE PHAN-SITE** _

**POLL: Do The Phantom Thieves really exist?**

**YES** ██████████ 100%

 **anon#9349:** WE BELIEVE IN THE PHANTOM THIEVES!!!!!!!

 **rgb420:** god i feel so stupid 4 forgetting.

 **xX_YU_Xx:** KICK THAT SHINY THING'S ASS

 **anon#000076:** GO THIEVES!!!!!!!!!!!

 **PhantomThieves4Eva:** Phantom Thieves 4 Eva !

 **anon#11033:** WE R BEHIND U ALL THE WAY

 **insertnamehere:** Make us proud, Phantom Thieves!

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:30pm: women want me started a new chat thread.**

**women want me:** I'm going to say it

 **women want me:** I think we like, deserve a nice break from saving the world for a while~ 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** But we did it!

 **fish fear me:** bro we literally shot god in the face

 **VIBE CHECK:** vibe checked god

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yeet!

 **VIBE CHECK:** she's a lil confused but she's got the spirit

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That was simultaneously the most terrifying and exhilarating experience of my entire life.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** But we made it through!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Mostly.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I will miss Morgana terribly.

 **fish fear me:** bro.......

 **women want me:** Mona......

 **VIBE CHECK:** hey!

 **VIBE CHECK:** Monamona wouldn't want us being sad like this!

 **VIBE CHECK:** but I'm gonna cry anyway!

 **VIBE CHECK:** o(；△；)o

 **Everyone Liked That:** It's okay, Futaba-chan!

 **Everyone Liked That:** We helped Mona find out who he really was.

 **fish fear me:** im still gonna miss the lil fucker

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** He was definitely a one-of-a-kind cat.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I don't believe we'll ever meet another truly like him.

 **women want me:** I'm gonna miss him 😭

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Not to interrupt, but where's Akira?

 **VIBE CHECK:** @ _we live in a society_ hey!

 **VIBE CHECK:** you'd have better not faded out of existence too! ( >д<)

 **we live in a society:** Uh

 **we live in a society:** So funny story

 **we live in a society:** Sae asked me to turn myself in to the police

 **VIBE CHECK:** welp

 **women want me:** WHAT?!

 **fish fear me:** BRO

 **fish fear me:** HOWS THAT FUNNY

 **Everyone Liked That:** The police?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Sis asked that? Why?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I don't believe Akira successfully committed any crimes in the few minutes between us defeating Yaldabaoth and now.

 **we live in a society:** You have no faith in me Yusuke </3

 **we live in a society:** The short version is that they need someone to testify against Shido in court

 **we live in a society:** So the plan was for me to take the heat for the Thieves and plead the fifth

 **we live in a society:** Thus sending Shido to jail but also getting myself sent to juvie probably

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** 'Was'?

 **we live in a society:** Yeah uh

 **we live in a society:** Akechi kind of walked up and said he'll testify in my place

 **fish fear me:** WHAT

 **women want me:** WHAT?!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Akechi-kun is alive?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And Sis just let him?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe Akechi may be attempting to atone for his crimes.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** He would also get a lighter sentence this way...

 **we live in a society:** Well Sae seemed happy about it

 **VIBE CHECK:** you'd best start preparing for those conjugal visits >:3

 **women want me:** FUTABA KSJDLFLKSDF

 **we live in a society:** I just lost my cat and my potential boyfriend and that's the joke you choose to make

 **fish fear me:** uhhhh whats a conjugal visit

 **Lobster Emoji:** It is where someone visits someone who is incarcerated and they make love.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That's certainly one way of putting it.

 **fish fear me:** great now im thinkin about akira nd akechi smangin

 **we live in a society:** Good

 **fish fear me:** >:(

 **Lobster Emoji:** You can join Ryuji and I's relationship, Akira.

 **fish fear me:** bro

 **fish fear me:** sure why not

 **fish fear me:** aint like i havent thought about it

 **women want me:** RYUJI SKJDFJSKDF

 **VIBE CHECK:** wow Ryuji

 **we live in a society:** Give me 5 minutes to mourn my prison boyfriend and I'm all yours

 **Everyone Liked That:** "This is Ryuji's boyfriend, Yusuke, and this is their boyfriend, Akira!"

 **VIBE CHECK:** we should've just called ourselves The Phantom Gays

 **women want me:** Akira did actually suggest "Gay Agenda" when we were brainstorming ideas 😆

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If it weren't for the fact that Ann is dating Shiho and Ryuji and Yusuke are dating both each other and apparently Akira too, we'd most likely all be in one highly unusual polyamorous relationship.

 **VIBE CHECK:** wow Mako-chan

 **women want me:** KLSDJFLKS MAKOTO

 **women want me:** True though 😅

 **Lobster Emoji:** I must agree.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It's something that I've thought about a lot.

 **we live in a society:** I thought we were

 **we live in a society:** You mean I've been buying all these engagement rings for nothing

 **VIBE CHECK:** go propose to your prison boyfriend

 **we live in a society:** I WILL

 **women want me:** Heyyyy like on the bright side, Akira's a free man!!! 🎉🎉🎉

 **women want me:** Aaaand don't forget we have the Christmas party tomorrow~! 💖

 **fish fear me:** O SHIT YEA

 **fish fear me:** WOOOOOO THIEVESMAS

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thievesmas...

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I like it.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I wish we could celebrate Thievesmas every year.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Me too...

 **we live in a society:** You guys think I'm not coming back at every single opportunity?

 **we live in a society:** Once I finish school you won't be able to get rid of me

 **we live in a society:** Akira Kurusu - couch surfer extraordinaire

 **fish fear** **me:** theres always room 4 u at mine bro

 **women want me:** And I'll always make time for all of you~! 💖💖💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** If any of you ever need anything, I'll be there!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I've finally found the friends I always wanted and I'm not giving them up any time soon.

 **women want me:** Mako-chan... 🥺

 **Lobster Emoji:** I must agree with Makoto.

 **Lobster Emoji:** You are all extremely precious to me and I have no plans to abandon our friendships.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Especially as that would make things very strange with Ryuji.

 **VIBE CHECK:** you'd just be friends with benefits but without the friends

 **fish fear me:** "w/ benefits"

 **VIBE CHECK:** it's not even hatefucking it's just neutralfucking

 **we live in a society:** That's called smanging

 **VIBE CHECK:** hatesmanging

 **fish fear me:** smangin w/ benefits

 **women want me:** I look away for like, two seconds 😳

 **we live in a society:** Embrace the smanging, Ann

 **women want me:** 😳

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I agree with Ann.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** 😳

 **Everyone Liked That:** 😳

 **Lobster Emoji:** 🦞

 **VIBE CHECK:** that's our Inari!

 **we live in a society:** Alright I'm going to bed because now I'm just thinking about Ryuji and Yusuke smanging

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Now I'm thinking about it too...

 **women want me:** Me too 😭

 **fish fear me:** stop thinkin about me smangin!!!!!!

 **Everyone Liked That:** So we can think about Yusuke smanging?

 **Lobster Emoji:** If you so wish.

 **we live in a society:** This group chat is a mess

 **we live in a society:** I love you all

 **we live in a society:** Goodnight, you weirdos

 **Lobster Emoji:** We love you too, Akira. Goodnight.

 **VIBE CHECK:** love you, big bro!

 **women want me:** Love yoooouuuu!!! 💖

 **women want me:** Sleep well, everyone~! 💖

 **fish fear me:** sleep well bros

 **fish fear me:** lov u all

 **Everyone Liked That:** Goodnight, everyone! Sleep well!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'll see you all tomorrow at Leblanc.

 **VIBE CHECK:** (。-ω-)zzz

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**DECEMBER 25TH**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 10:10pm: Everyone Liked That started a new chat thread.**

**Everyone Liked That:** I can't believe Ryuji won all those sweets!

 **fish fear me:** bro me neither

 **women want me:** They were soooooo good! 🤤

 **women want me:** And sooooo expensive 😳

 **VIBE CHECK:** I won a prize draw at the supermarket yesterday too! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

 **Everyone Liked That:** Maybe the universe is finally sending good things our way!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I think we deserve it, haha.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I still can't quite believe that Morgana came back.

 **we live in a society:** The universe said "sorry about this past year, here's your cat back"

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** /.f;ll

 **we live in a society:** Oh god he's almost coherent

 **women want me:** I think that's like, a warning?

 **Lobster Emoji:** It is quite clearly poetry.

 **fish fear me:** good 2 see u again mona

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** ;;;;;;;;;;;;;

 **VIBE CHECK:** Ryuji you made him cry 3:<

 **fish fear me:** no i didnt!!!!

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** lllllllllllllll

 **Everyone Liked That:** I believe he's asking for sushi!

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** gggggggggggggg

 **we live in a society:** I think Haru might actually be right

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ah, Ann, it was delightful to finally meet Shiho.

 **Lobster Emoji:** You two are perfect for each other.

 **women want me:** KJSDLKFSD YUSUKE 😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖

 **fish fear me:** u 2 were always good 4 each other tho

 **Everyone Liked That:** Shiho is so lovely, Ann!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I can see why you two work so well together.

 **we live in a society:** Shiho was one of the few people who was nice to me when I started at Shujin

 **we live in a society:** So naturally, I would die for her if asked

 **women want me:** You guys!!!! 😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖😭💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** the look on Sojiro's face when Ryuji and Yusuke started sucking face though ʱªʱªʱª (ᕑᗢूᓫ∗)

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Sis was also pretty shocked, haha.

 **we live in a society:** I'd pay to see that again

 **VIBE CHECK:** fellas is it gay to love your boyfriend

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **women want me:** Yep~!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Yes.

 **fish fear me:** duh

 ** **Everyone Liked That:**** Yes!

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** :** I have the strangest sense of déjà vu right now.

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** pppppppp

 **VIBE CHECK:** I think we're all in agreement here

 **fish fear me:** i love u all

 **fish fear me:** but i gotta spend time w/ my mom nd yusk so i gotta bounce

 **we live in a society:** Love yoooooooouuuuu

 **we live in a society:** MERRY CHRISTMAS

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** **I'm about to go watch the fireworks with Sis so Merry Christmas, everyone!

 **VIBE CHECK:** CHRISTMAS: UNLOCKED

 **Lobster Emoji:** Merry Christmas, everyone.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Merry Christmas!

 **women want me:** Merry Christmas! 💖🎄💖🎄💖🎄

 **we live in a society:** Alright everyone go have fun

 **we live in a society:** Be good and I love you all

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**DECEMBER 26TH**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 11:36am: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** ive been thinkin

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** i think i might try nd get the track team back 2gether

 **Akira:** Bro?

 **Ryuji:** yea i just

 **Ryuji:** wanna fresh start, yknow?

 **Akira:** I know bro

 **Akira:** I mean, Kamoshida's gone now so you can do what you want

 **Ryuji:** idk if the guys would wanna start runnin w/ me again though

 **Akira:** I don't see why they wouldn't

 **Akira:** And if they don't, just start a new track team

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Just you and me and maybe Mishima

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Mona says he'll join

 **Ryuji:** bro i dont think cats can do track

 **Akira:** But he's pretty fast for a cat

 **Ryuji:** if he can beat me hes in

 **Akira:** He says you're on

 **Ryuji:** bring it

 **Ryuji:** u doin ok bro?

 **Akira:** Sure am

 **Akira:** You okay?

 **Ryuji:** yea

 **Ryuji:** life is like real bonkin rn

 **Ryuji:** but im kinda worried that it might stop

 **Ryuji:** or that ill wake up nd itll be april again nd this aint real nd its just a dream

 **Akira:** If it's a dream I don't wanna wake up bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** thats so fuckin emo

 **Akira:** Cut my life into pieces bro

 **Ryuji:** THIS IS MY LAST RESORT BRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** I love you bro

 **Akira:** Wouldn't change you for the world

 **Ryuji:** bro...........

 **Ryuji:** god all that shit w/ kamoshida feels like it was years ago

 **Akira:** I mean

 **Akira:** In several months, we've gone through what most people don't usually go through in an entire lifetime

 **Ryuji:** this year was so fucked up bro

 **Ryuji:** i hope next yearll be nicer 4 us all

 **Akira:** I hope so too bro

 **Akira:** I think we deserve a little bit of niceness for a change

 **Ryuji:** bro.........

 **Ryuji:** thank u

 **Akira:** For what?

 **Ryuji:** 4 bein u bro

 **Akira:** Ha

 **Akira:** Gay

 **Ryuji:** ur gay

 **Ryuji:** but seriously

 **Ryuji:** sometimes i think about whatdve happened if u hadnt shown up on that day

 **Ryuji:** either mish nd i wouldve been expelled or the volleyball team would still be in that fucked up shit

 **Ryuji:** u just kept pressin 4 us bro

 **Akira:** I just wish I could have gotten here earlier

 **Ryuji:** bro.........

 **Akira:** Bro.......

 **Akira:** You just keep being the Ryuji I know and love and I'll be in your corner all the way

 **Ryuji:** nd u remember who ur #1 boy is

 **Akira:** You think I could forget the OG Phantom Thief duo

 **Akira:** And also Mona

 **Ryuji:** id do it all over again 4 u bro

 **Akira:** Bro......

 **Ryuji:** also is it cool if yusk nd i come hang out in leblanc 4 a while

 **Akira:** It's always coolio bro

 **Akira:** I'll make you drinks and you can hear me complain about Akechi for two hours

 **Ryuji:** just 4 u bro, ill listen

 **Akira:** Bro............

 **Ryuji:** love u bro

 **Ryuji:** dont work 2 hard nd well be round soon

 **Akira:** 🖤

 **Ryuji:** <3

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**DECEMBER 27TH**

* * *

**Chihaya Mifune**

**> 10:10am: Chihaya started a new chat thread.**

**Chihaya:** Hello Akira................

 **Chihaya:** I hope you had a good Christmas................

 **Akira:** It was great, thank you

 **Akira:** I hope yours was good too

 **Chihaya:** It was lovely...........

 **Chihaya:** Thanks to you I am surrounded by friends again.................

 **Chihaya:** But the cards............ they are changing again...............

 **Akira:** It's not all those swords again is it

 **Chihaya:** Hahaha............ not this time..............

 **Chihaya:** They are all the Wheel of Fortune..............

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Akira:** Is that good?

 **Chihaya:** Hmmmmm..............

 **Akira:** That sounds bad

 **Chihaya:** Usually yes...............

 **Chihaya:** But I am only meant to have one of these cards................

 **Chihaya:** For some reason your presence keeps............ spawning new ones.........

 **Akira:** Sorry

 **Chihaya:** Hmmmmm...........

 **Chihaya:** The Wheel of Fortune says that.............. fate is inevitable.............

 **Chihaya:** There is something greater at work here............

 **Akira:** So that's bad?

 **Chihaya:** Sometimes.............. things are just out of your control............

 **Chihaya:** But that doesn't mean that change is bad......................

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Akira:** So you're saying that things are going to start changing for me?

 **Chihaya:** Yes

 **Chihaya:** ........................

 **Akira:** .......................

 **Chihaya:** Ssssh......!

 **Chihaya:** But yes........... the Wheel of Fortune................. is usually seen as a lucky card....

 **Chihaya:** I just................. apparently have several of them now.

 **Akira:** Sorry about my uncanny ability to spawn multiple cards

 **Chihaya:** I think the universe............... just wants you to know............. that change is coming.......

 **Akira:** I'll bear that in mind

 **Akira:** Thanks, Chihaya

 **Chihaya:** No problem................

 **Chihaya:** Don't forget to come visit soon......!

 **Akira:** Will do

 **Akira:** Come visit, that is

 **Chihaya:** 💜🔮

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Haru Okumura**

**> 4:19pm: Haru started a new chat thread.**

**Haru:** Hello, Akira!

 **Akira:** Hello to my favourite Haru

 **Akira:** What do I owe this pleasure?

 **Haru:** I was hoping to get your opinion on something!

 **Akira:** I already love whatever it is

 **Haru:** Haha, thank you!

 **Haru:** But the truth is that I was thinking of looking into opening a little artisan café.

 **Haru:** Mako-chan and I will be graduating soon and she already has it all planned out...

 **Haru:** So I'm thinking of studying business at university so I start looking into opening my own shop...

 **Haru:** But I'm worried that between my studies and having to run Big Bang Burger, I'll get stressed out.

 **Akira:** If you ever get too stressed out we can always go swing some axes together

 **Haru:** Haha, Akira!

 **Haru:** It's so nice to know that you'll always support me, no matter what.

 **Akira:** I believe in all of you

 **Akira:** You could say that you want to give everything up and become a circus clown and I'd support you

 **Akira:** I would probably attempt to talk you out of it first though

 **Haru:** I think I would make a great clown!

 **Akira:** Haru Okumura

 **Akira:** Let us be clowns together

 **Haru:** Hahahaha!

 **Haru:** Deal!

 **Akira:** Seriously though I think going into business would be great for you

 **Akira:** Because even if you chose to leave the Big Bang Burger life behind you'd have all the skills and knowledge to succeed anywhere

 **Akira:** Although I think you'd succeed no matter what you did

 **Haru:** Do you think it would be good for me to leave Big Bang Burger?

 **Akira:** That's entirely up to you, Haru

 **Akira:** But if you ever need a fresh start we can always just get married and you can take my last name

 **Haru:** Akira!

 **Haru:** Haha!

 **Haru:** If you ever need to get married for tax benefits, you know where I am!

 **Akira:** I'm sorry but did THE Haru Okumura just suggest we legally wed for tax fraud

 **Haru:** I said benefits!

 **Akira:** Suuuuuuuure you did

 **Akira:** I think we should work on legalising gay marriage and get Ryuji and Yusuke wed first

 **Haru:** Maybe you should study politics and legislation at university?

 **Akira:** The only thing I'm studying at university is weed and horse science

 **Haru:** Akira!

 **Haru:** Why horse science?

 **Akira:** I don't trust them and wish to understand their ways

 **Haru:** You're so strange, Akira.

 **Haru:** I love it!

 **Akira:** I'm joking

 **Akira:** I think once I've finished school, I'll ask Sojiro if he needs help running Leblanc and move back here permanently

 **Akira:** Even if you guys have moved away by then, I can always visit you and you can always visit me

 **Haru:** I'm glad I have you guys to help me through the future!

 **Akira:** Me too, Haru

 **Akira:** Me too

 **Haru:** If you ever need anything, I'll always be here for you, Akira.

 **Akira:** And I'll always be here for you, Haru

 **Haru:** 💛💛💛

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

 **Akira:** Oh Makoto's just walked into Leblanc

 **Akira:** That was weirdly good timing

 **Haru:** Tell Mako-chan I said hi!

 **Akira:** I will

 **Akira:** I'll speak to you soon, Haru

 **Haru:** Yeah!

 **Haru:** Thank you, Akira! 💛

 **Akira:** Any time 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**DECEMBER 28TH**

* * *

** Yusuke Kitagawa **

**> 2:28am: Yusuke started a new chat thread.**

**Yusuke:** Akira!

 **Yusuke:** Inspiration has struck and I simply cannot keep it to myself!

 **Akira:** WHjhsjd

 **Akira:** Bro it's 2am

 **Yusuke:** Ah, I apologise.

 **Yusuke:** I lose track of time while in my creative zone.

 **Yusuke:** We can save this conversation for later, if you wish.

 **Akira:** No no go on

 **Akira:** I'm all ears

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, my friend.

 **Yusuke:** I have been struck by inspiration and I cannot let this moment escape me!

 **Akira:** I'm listening

 **Yusuke:** I have been trying so long to capture the essence of the soul on canvas,

 **Yusuke:** But what if I am trying to use the wrong medium?

 **Akira:** Like not canvas?

 **Yusuke:** Exactly!

 **Yusuke:** You are aware of how our Phantom Thief outfits were manifestations of the desires within our heart, yes?

 **Akira:** Sort of yes

 **Yusuke:** What if I were to attempt to recapture that desire?

 **Akira:** Like

 **Akira:** Using clothes?

 **Akira:** You want to make clothes?

 **Yusuke:** Yes!

 **Yusuke:** Our outfits in the Metaverse were truly a sight to behold...

 **Yusuke:** And I want to show that off to the world!

 **Yusuke:** To recapture that moment of burning passion... of seizing our will... the moment when our very souls awoke to the power within...

 **Akira:** Yusuke

 **Yusuke:** Akira?

 **Akira:** I think that's a great idea

 **Yusuke:** You do?

 **Akira:** I mean you definitely shouldn't just give up on painting and go headfirst into designing clothes

 **Akira:** But this is also like, using clothes as an art statement

 **Akira:** Although aren't all our outfits statements at the end of the day

 **Yusuke:** Even while half asleep, your inner beauty shines through...

 **Akira:** I think you should do it

 **Yusuke:** !!!

 **Akira:** Even if it doesn't work out then at least you tried something new

 **Akira:** Although knowing you, it'll work out just fine

 **Yusuke:** Akira...

 **Yusuke:** Your resolve...

 **Yusuke:** It inspires me!

 **Akira:** Please don't start making clothes out of Ryuji's pillowcases

 **Yusuke:** I will not.

 **Yusuke:** There are many concepts that must be worked on first.

 **Yusuke:** And my models...!

 **Akira:** I'd nominate Ann

 **Akira:** I mean she is an actual model

 **Yusuke:** While I do agree that Ann is the perfect model, of course,

 **Yusuke:** I wish for you all to model for me.

 **Akira:** I'm already in

 **Akira:** You just tell me where to stand and what to wear

 **Yusuke:** That is the Akira I know and love.

 **Akira:** Love you too Yusuke

 **Akira:** Alright I'm passing out again

 **Akira:** Be good

 **Yusuke:** Of course, my friend.

 **Yusuke:** Have pleasant dreams.

 **Yusuke:** Thank you for listening to me.

 **Akira:** Any time, Yusuke

 **Akira:** Sleep well

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Makoto Niijima**

**> 3:50pm: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** Are you free?

 **Makoto:** I have something I'd like to discuss.

 **Akira:** Always free for the person who won't let me buy a slushie machine

 **Makoto:** You can buy a slushie machine!

 **Makoto:** I just won't let you attach a motorboat engine to a slushie machine!

 **Akira:** You're stifling my creativity </3

 **Makoto:** I maintain that attaching a motorboat engine to a slushie machine would NOT result in better-tasting slushies.

 **Akira:** And I maintain the more powerful engine would give us a far superior syrup-to-ice ratio

 **Makoto:** Absolutely not.

 **Akira:** Alright I'm buying a motorboat engine and a slushie machine

 **Makoto:** Please just let me be there to clean up the mess.

 **Akira:** I will give you one (1) opportunity to say "I told you so" before you have to take me to hospital because I have a motorboat engine stuck in my head

 **Makoto:** I'm counting this as a pre-emptive win.

 **Akira:** Let's be real, you won the second I proposed the idea

 **Makoto:** You know I did.

 **Akira:** But what's the actual thing you want to discuss

 **Makoto:** Ah, yes, right, that.

 **Makoto:** I was wondering if you would help me out with something?

 **Akira:** My constructive criticism cap is on

 **Makoto:** Thank you.

 **Makoto:** So you know how Haru and I are set to graduate in a few months?

 **Akira:** Yep

 **Akira:** Already got your graduation gifts

 **Makoto:** Akira!

 **Makoto:** You didn't have to!

 **Makoto:** Especially if it's a modified slushie machine. Then you _really_ didn't have to.

 **Akira:** Alright excuse me while I run back to the store for unrelated reasons

 **Akira:** But seriously, I'm listening, keep going

 **Makoto:** Of course, ah, where was I?

 **Makoto:** So, I was thinking that I want to move out for university.

 **Makoto:** I love Sis and I love our apartment but I want to feel like I'm living my life on my own terms.

 **Makoto:** And I already have my university lined up, so I just need to look at apartments in the area.

 **Makoto:** And that's where you come in.

 **Akira:** Got it, you want us to pose as a married couple with a budget of ¥50,000,000

 **Akira:** I knit tiny scarves for cats and you write analytic essays on the homoeroticism inherent in Phoenix Ranger Featherman R

 **Makoto:** I'm not saying no...?

 **Akira:** I will wear my best cat-scarf-knitting outfit just for you

 **Makoto:** Thank you, Akira.

 **Makoto:** I knew I could rely on you.

 **Makoto:** I don't know how I ever believed the rumours that you were some sort of delinquent.

 **Akira:** I'm bad to the bone, baby

 **Makoto:** I refuse to believe you typed that with a straight face.

 **Akira:** The boooooooone

 **Makoto:** Akira.

 **Akira:** Makoto

 **Makoto:** I'm going to miss you when you have to go back home.

 **Akira:** I'm going to miss you and your sensible face

 **Makoto:** Akira...

 **Akira:** Seriously, you're the glue that stops The Phantom Thieves from attaching motorboat engines to slushie machines

 **Makoto:** You're not going to let that go, are you?

 **Akira:** Makoto

 **Akira:** Just let me do this one thing

 **Makoto:** Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

 **Akira:** YES

 **Akira:** You'll regret this

 **Akira:** *YOU WON'T

 **Makoto:** Is there such a thing as pre-regret?

 **Akira:** Pregret

 **Makoto:** Like pre-drinking, but for regret.

 **Akira:** Pre-drinking?!

 **Akira:** What has our Miss Student Council President been up to?

 **Makoto:** Nothing!

 **Makoto:** I've just been talking to Ann a lot lately.

 **Makoto:** I realised you can't really learn how people work through books, and she has so much more life experience than me.

 **Akira:** Ann has street smarts

 **Akira:** You have book smarts

 **Akira:** Together you're unstoppable

 **Makoto:** Haha.

 **Makoto:** I just hope that I'll learn enough from Ann that people at university won't think I'm weird.

 **Akira:** Makoto

 **Akira:** Listen to me because I'm about to put on my serious hat

 **Makoto:** I'm listening.

 **Akira:** You are perfect and loved the way you are

 **Akira:** You don't need to change for anyone

 **Akira:** If you want to change, you only need to change for you

 **Akira:** And if people don't like you, that's because they don't know the Makoto that I know and love

 **Makoto:** Akira...

 **Akira:** I mean every word of it

 **Akira:** If you need me to haul in the others to reassure you how much we love you, I can and will

 **Makoto:** No, no, I believe you.

 **Makoto:** I just worry that I come off as stuffy and uptight.

 **Akira:** We love you for you, Makoto

 **Akira:** If you stopped mothering us all, we'd get worried

 **Akira:** You just have to find the best bunch of ragtag misfits at your university and tell them you're their mom now

 **Makoto:** I think I can do that.

 **Akira:** And if you ever need a mysterious yet sexy delinquent to appear on campus and make a ruckus for you, you have my number

 **Makoto:** Akira!

 **Makoto:** You're not that mysterious once you get to know you.

 **Akira:** I'm mysterious to the bone, baby

 **Makoto:** Go to bed.

 **Akira:** It's not even 5pm!

 **Makoto:** Bed.

 **Akira:** Yes ma'am

 **Makoto:** :')

 **Makoto:** Thanks, Akira.

 **Akira:** Any time, Makoto

 **Akira:** Alright, I'm off to sleep

 **Makoto:** Akira!

 **Akira:** Zzzzzzzzzz

 **Makoto:** You're the best.

 **Akira:** Zzzzzzz

 **Makoto:** Sleep well.

 **Makoto:** Nerd.

 **Akira:** HEY

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**DECEMBER 29TH**

* * *

**Futaba Sakura**

**> 4:49am: Futaba started a new chat thread.**

**Futaba:** Oracle to Joker!

 **Futaba:** come in, Joker!

 **Futaba:** ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

 **Akira:** Whd

 **Futaba:** Joker confirmed awake!

 **Akira:** WHjfn

 **Akira:** Wht son fire

 **Futaba:** my brain!

 **Akira:** Wha

 **Akira:** Give mem 5

 **Futaba:** 3:<

**> 4:55am**

**Akira:** Okay I'm awake

 **Akira:** Why are you messaging me at almost 5am

 **Futaba:** sleep is for the weak!

 **Akira:** Sleep is great and you'll understand when you get to my age

 **Futaba:** whatever, grandpa ( ｰ̀εｰ́ )

 **Akira:** You young kids and your nocturnal sleep schedules

 **Akira:** Back in my day we had to sleep barefoot both ways uphill

 **Futaba:** ( ಠ ಠ )

 **Akira:** Alright alright

 **Akira:** What's up

 **Futaba:** I've been thinking about my future

 **Futaba:** and I think I'm gonna go start high school next year!

 **Akira:** Nice

 **Futaba:** but also

 **Futaba:** I'm kinda scared 3:

 **Futaba:** because you won't be here

 **Akira:** You'll have Ann and Ryuji in third year

 **Futaba:** ヾ（〃＾∇＾）ﾉ♪

 **Akira:** And you'll be in the same year as Kasumi

 **Futaba:** (╯✧∇✧)╯

 **Akira:** And you sort of know Mishima if you can stand to look him in the eye without thinking of us smanging

 **Futaba:** (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

 **Futaba:** but what if the other kids don't like me?

 **Futaba:** what if they think I'm weird?

 **Akira:** That's their problem

 **Akira:** And who cares if you're weird?

 **Futaba:** I do!

 **Futaba:** what if they laugh at me!

 **Akira:** Hey

 **Akira:** Futaba

 **Futaba:** (´；д；`)

 **Akira:** I know we kind of treat you like a kid but you're really not

 **Akira:** I think your smarts are easily on the same level as Makoto

 **Akira:** You're our navigator, our guiding light

 **Akira:** Makoto might keep us from doing stupid stuff but you're the one who always knows which direction we should head in

 **Akira:** You're intelligent, you're witty, you even managed to somehow make friends with Yusuke like 5 minutes into knowing him and him breaking your figurines

 **Akira:** You've come so far in just a couple of months and you yeeted every hurdle with ease

 **Akira:** And you always have all of us by your side every step of the way

 **Akira:** And I know you're not going to let some bratty teenagers potentially ruin that for you, because we both know that teenagers are terrible

 **Akira:** So who cares if some kid thinks you're weird or if someone doesn't want to be your friend

 **Akira:** Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind

 **Futaba:** that was really deep, Akira

 **Akira:** Thanks, I stole that last bit off a poster in Maruki's office

 **Futaba:** ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶

 **Akira:** I have no idea what emotion that's meant to convey

 **Futaba:** kind of like "of course you did"

 **Futaba:** but you're right!

 **Futaba:** or at least, I feel a bit better for talking to you （´ω｀♡%）

 **Futaba:** I can't just keep hiding from the world

 **Futaba:** mom would be so mad!

 **Akira:** The world is a lot nicer with you in it, Futaba

 **Akira:** Now go to school and kick education's ass!

 **Akira:** In several months and not at 5am!

 **Futaba:** (●｀･ω･)ゞ＜ok！

 **Akira:** And uh

 **Akira:** Thanks for not spilling the beans about Akechi being alive

 **Futaba:** you owe me for that >:333

 **Akira:** Oh no

 **Akira:** Please take pity on me

 **Futaba:** >:33333333333333333333333

 **Akira:** Alright I'm going back to bed before I get dragged into anything nefarious

 **Akira:** Goodnight to my favourite gamer

 **Futaba:** goodnight to my favourite n00b

 **Akira:** Hey!

 **Futaba:** ( ˘ ³˘)♥

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 10:38am: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** Okay sooooo like

 **Ann:** Are you free today~?

 **Akira:** Always free for you

 **Ann:** 💖💖💖

 **Ann:** I've been thinking that next year, I want to go study abroad!

 **Ann:** But on like, my own terms this time 😅

 **Ann:** So I was wondering if, like, I could pop round Leblanc and we could look at international study brochures together~?

 **Akira:** Absolutely

 **Akira:** But just know that I am already biased towards anywhere hot and tropical

 **Ann:** ksjdflksdf

 **Ann:** Aloha, Hawaii~~~!

 **Akira:** We should all take a Phantom Thieves holiday somewhere

 **Ann:** YESSSSSSSS KJDFKS

 **Ann:** Oooh maybe we should go to Los Angeles? Seeing as Yusuke couldn't go last time~

 **Akira:** Sounds like fun

 **Akira:** Futaba's here and Leblanc's pretty empty so we can use the café to scheme

 **Ann:** 🥺🥺🥺

 **Ann:** You're the best, Akira Kurusu

 **Akira:** I try, I try

 **Ann:** You totally succeed~! 😉

 **Akira:** Anything for you guys

 **Akira:** I'll see you in a bit?

 **Ann:** I'll be there like, just after 11! 💖

 **Ann:** Love youuuuuuuuu!!! 💖💖💖

 **Akira:** Love you too 🖤🖤🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**DECEMBER 30TH**

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 6:35pm: Kasumi started a new chat thread.**

**Kasumi:** Senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** The year's almost over, so I'm here to wish you a happy 20XX!

 **Akira:** We still have a day left

 **Kasumi:** Do we?!

 **Akira:** But thank you

 **Kasumi:** Oh, well! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** What are your plans for New Year's, senpai?

 **Akira:** I think I'm heading to the shrine with my friends to make some wishes

 **Kasumi:** Oh, I'll be heading there too!

 **Kasumi:** Hopefully we'll bump into each other! ❤️

 **Akira:** I hope we do too

 **Akira:** The more the merrier

 **Kasumi:** What's your wish going to be? ❤️

 **Akira:** Hmmmm

 **Akira:** I'm thinking just for a peaceful year and good health

 **Kasumi:** That's a good wish!

 **Kasumi:** I'll be wishing for success in gymnastics and for our continued friendship. ❤️

 **Akira:** You don't have to wish for that, Kasumi

 **Akira:** I'll always be in your corner

 **Kasumi:** Maybe I should wish for more bento boxes, then...

 **Akira:** Haha

 **Akira:** Let's wish for more bento boxes together

 **Kasumi:** Deal! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** Well, I have to get back to practice, so have a good end-of-year and I'll hopefully see you on the 1st! ❤️

 **Akira:** Enjoy practice

 **Akira:** Don't push yourself too hard

 **Kasumi:** Will do! ❤️

 **Akira:** 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**DECEMBER 31ST**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:32pm: Everyone Liked That started a new chat thread.**

**Everyone Liked That:** Are we all ready for our trip to the shrine tomorrow?

 **VIBE CHECK:** yep!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I've even got my yukata that mom bought me!

 **women want me:** Mmhm~!

 **we live in a society:** What are we all wishing for?

 **Everyone Liked That:** I think I'll be wishing for our friendships to stay this strong forever!

 **fish fear me:** ima wish for more meat

 **women want me:** That's SUCH a Ryuji wish 😫😆

 **VIBE CHECK:** heh gay

 **fish fear me:** shuddup!!!!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe I will be wishing for continued inspiration.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** In true Makoto fashion, I'll be wishing for academic success for all of us.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That includes you, Ryuji.

 **fish fear me:** aw thanks makochan

 **fish fear me:** wait

 **fish fear me:** was that an insult?!

 **VIBE CHECK:** Akira's gonna wish for his prison boyfriend back

 **we live in a society:** Actually I was going to wish for general good health for us all because I already have everything I need in you guys >:(

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Oh, that's actually really sweet.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thank you, Akira.

 **women want me:** THAT'S SO CUTE 😭💖

 **Lobster Emoji:** That is indeed incredibly selfless of you both, Akira and Makoto.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Perhaps I will change my wish for good fortune for us all.

 **VIBE CHECK:** nah Inari it's your wish

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm wishing for new PC parts >:3

 **fish fear me:** im still wishin for meat bro

 **Everyone Liked That:** Then I'll wish for good fortune for us all and for artistic inspiration for Yusuke!

 **women want me:** We're going to have to co-ordinate our wishes before we get to the shrine or else Yusuke's like, going to explode with inspiration 😂

 **Lobster Emoji:** I would not be against such a thing.

 **we live in a society:** Mona says he's wishing for sushi so he's got our sushi cravings covered

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Mona is aware he can just go buy sushi, right?

 **we live in a society:** He says "not the amount I'm thinking of!"

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Oh, Mona.

 **Everyone Liked That:** It's nice to have him back!

 **fish fear me:** so im wishin 4 meat

 **fish fear me:** yusks wishin 4 inspo

 **fish fear me:** futabas got pc parts

 **fish fear me:** monas on sushi

 **fish fear me:** makochans hopin we dont fail our exams

 **fish fear me:** akiras doin our health

 **fish fear me:** harus wishin for fortune nd for yusk 2 be inspired

 **fish fear me:** whats ur wish, ann?

 **women want me:** Hmmmmm~

 **women want me:** Nice weather? ☀️

 **Lobster Emoji:** A delightful wish.

 **we live in a society:** Very Ann of you

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That IS extremely Ann-like.

 **women want me:** Welllllll not to sound like Akira a few minutes ago, but I've like, got everything I need now~! 💖

 **women want me:** OOOOH or maybe I'll wish that we never stub our toes again~!

 **fish fear me:** im cool with that

 **Everyone Liked That:** My toes would thank you!

 **women want me:** 😆😆😆

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** So, we'll meet at the shrine tomorrow at 10am.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Is that okay with everyone?

 **Lobster Emoji:** Indeed.

 **fish fear me:** yea!

 **VIBE CHECK:** yep! ✧*｡٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*｡

 **Everyone Liked That:** All good with me!

 **we live in a society:** You got it

 **women want me:** Yessss~ 💖

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** rrrrrrrrrr

 **we live in a society:** That probably means 'yes'

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Of course.

 **fish fear me:** wait lemme do the goodnight thing 4 once

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Okay?

 **fish fear me:** sleep well phantom thieves

 **fish fear me:** somethin somethin be good

 **fish fear me:** nd thanks 4 a good year!!!!!!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Ryuji...

 **Everyone Liked That:** That was great!

 **we live in a society:** You perfectly captured both Makoto and I's usual "go to bed" tone

 **VIBE CHECK:** 100% accuracy

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Aside from the grammar, it was spot on.

 **VIBE CHECK:** 99% accuracy

 **Lobster Emoji:** Indeed.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am rather proud.

 **women want me:** It was kinda uncanny 😳

 **fish fear me:** thanks guys

 **fish fear me:** love u all <3

 **Lobster Emoji:** I love you all, too.

 **women want me:** Love you all tooooo~! 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** Goodnight, everyone! Love you all!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Sleep well, my friends.

 **we live in a society:** Last goodnight of the year

 **we live in a society:** Goodnight!

 **VIBE CHECK:** ꒰´ ु-௰ू-॰`꒱⋆｡˚✩ɢ∞פ ɴⅈɢhт ༘*ೄ˚

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 1ST**

* * *

**Wakaba Isshiki**

**> 8:30am: Wakaba started a new chat thread.**

**Wakaba:** Hey, sleepyhead!

 **Wakaba:** Don't make me send Morgana up there to wake you up! >:]

* * *

**Morgana Sakura**

**> 8:47am: Morgana started a new chat thread.**

**Morgana:** hey!!!

 **Morgana:** wake up!!!

 **Morgana:** or else we're gonna be late to the shrine!!!!!

 **Morgana:** let's gooooo go go go!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this chapter just Akira providing validation to his friends because Akechi's in custody? Yes.
> 
> We're somehow at 21 chapters! Not too sure how this happened but thanks for sticking with me!
> 
> (Also my P5R team was called Gay Agenda. My NG+ team is The Gays. Really takes half the suspense out the storyline.)


	22. We're in the bad place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Goro:** It appears that the police have released me from custody.
> 
>  **Akira:** GORO HELP MY CAT IS A MAN NOW
> 
>  **Goro:** I have decided to voluntarily go back into custody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two new chapters in one day? Hell yeah.
> 
> Just in case you didn't get the memo in the last chapter: Royal spoilers ahoy!
> 
> Post-publication edit: I realised I mixed up the dates for the day they go into Maruki's Palace (it happens on the 2nd!) but ssshhh. We're here for the shitposts.

**JANUARY 1ST**

* * *

**Wakaba Isshiki**

**> 9:01am**

**Akira:** I'm sorry but

 **Akira:** What?

 **Wakaba:** You're awake! :]

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** Yes I am

 **Wakaba:** You're a bit too late for breakfast, but I'll make you sandwiches for the road!

 **Wakaba:** See you downstairs! :]

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Morgana Sakura**

**> 9:03am**

**Akira:** You've finally mastered the art of texting, huh

 **Morgana:** ???????

 **Morgana:** am I doing something different?!

 **Akira:** Uh

 **Akira:** You're using words?

 **Morgana:** uhhhhh

 **Morgana:** you feeling okay, Akira?

 **Akira:** I have a terrible feeling that I'm going to come downstairs and you will not be a cat

 **Morgana:** a cat?

 **Morgana:** why would I be a cat?!

 **Akira:** Because you're my cat?

 **Morgana:** uhhhhhhhhh

 **Morgana:** did you have a weird dream or something?

 **Akira:** Sure why not

 **Morgana:** well you're awake now!!! :333

 **Morgana:** now come onnnn or else we're gonna be late late late late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Morgana's Party Bus**

**> 1:40pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** OMG it was sooooo nice to see you all today! 💖

 **Ann:** And it was nice to see Yoshizawa-san too!

 **Ryuji:** yea bro!

 **Ryuji:** we should meet up like this more often

 **Makoto:** What were the chances of us all being at the shrine at the same time?

 **Haru:** Maybe the universe wanted us all to meet up again!

 **Morgana:** it was good to see you all again!!

 **Ann:** You too, Mona~!

 **Morgana:** Lady Ann...

 **Futaba:** my wish has already come true! >:3

 **Futaba:** mom and I are going to Akihabara to look at new PC parts!

 **Yusuke:** Mine has come true, too.

 **Yusuke:** On my way back from the shrine, I was struck by inspiration.

 **Yusuke:** I must return to sensei and start painting immediately!

 **Haru:** Ooh, we can meet up again at Yusuke's next exhibition!

 **Ryuji:** art aint rly my thing but id love 2 see u all again

 **Ann:** jkshfkjsdf we only just left each other!! 😆

 **Makoto:** It's never too early to start planning.

 **Makoto:** My father, Sis, and I are already going out shopping to buy presents for everyone's birthdays this year.

 **Haru:** My father and I are surveying some potential sites for the new Big Bang Burger coffee shops today!

 **Ann:** OMG do you two ever take a day off?!

 **Haru:** Nope!

 **Makoto:** Every second spent relaxing is a second not working.

 **Ann:** ksjdflksf

 **Ann:** I'm just meeting up with Shiho to celebrate her moving back to Shujin~!

 **Ryuji:** shihos comin back?

 **Ann:** Yeah!!!

 **Ann:** Her mom's job was like, relocated back to the Tokyo offices, so she's coming back to school!! 💖

 **Morgana:** heyyyy @ _Akira_ let's make my wish come true and go out for sushi!!!!

 **Ryuji:** oh bro i could totally go 4 some sushi

 **Ryuji:** but i got track practice!

 **Morgana:** suuuuuuushiiiiiii :33333333

 **Akira:** We can always swing by after with sushi for you, Ryuji

 **Ryuji:** bro!!!

 **Futaba:** just don't eat too much!

 **Futaba:** Sojiro says he's taking us all out for dinner later!

 **Akira:** Okay

 **Akira:** Who's "us all"

 **Futaba:** uh

 **Futaba:** you, me, Morgana, mom, Sojiro...?

 **Morgana:** Akira's been acting weeeeird all day

 **Yusuke:** Are you feeling okay, Akira?

 **Akira:** Sure, why not

 **Akira:** I'm going to go home and lie down for a bit

 **Akira:** I'll speak to you all soon

 **Ann:** Okay~!

 **Morgana:** BUT MY SUSHI ;;;;;;;;;

 **Ryuji:** feel better soon, bro

 **Makoto:** Yes, please do.

 **Haru:** I'll be here if you need to talk! 💛

 **Futaba:** I'll check in on you later, big bro! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Kasumi Yoshizawa**

**> 2:12pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Weird question

 **Akira:** But did anything seem off to you today at the shrine?

 **Kasumi:** Not as far as I could tell?

 **Kasumi:** Is something wrong, senpai? ❤️

 **Akira:** Uhhhhh

 **Akira:** Okay before I say anything I promise I'm not going crazy

 **Akira:** But it appears my friends' parents are back from the dead

 **Kasumi:** Oh?

 **Akira:** And also my cat is a person now

 **Kasumi:** Morgana is a person?

 **Akira:** That weirdly hot dude we were with

 **Akira:** That was Morgana

 **Kasumi:** Excuse me, senpai, but what?

 **Akira:** My cat is a weirdly hot dude now

 **Kasumi:** Are your friends maybe pulling a prank on you?

 **Akira:** Unless they've learned to raise the dead, I don't think so

 **Akira:** Futaba's mom is like, alive, and texting me, and making sandwiches for me

 **Akira:** Have I died, Kasumi?

 **Kasumi:** Not as far as I know, senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** But that is very weird.

 **Akira:** You remember Morgana being a cat right

 **Kasumi:** Yes!

 **Kasumi:** And that cute little cat thing in the Metaverse! ❤️

 **Akira:** Okay so at least it's not just me

 **Akira:** Maybe there's a gas leak in Leblanc

 **Akira:** Or a gas leak in the whole of Tokyo

 **Kasumi:** Has anything else seemed off to you, senpai?

 **Akira:** Oh yeah

 **Akira:** My group chats and past texts are missing or different

 **Akira:** And my friends are acting like they only sort of know each other?

 **Kasumi:** Well, if this is a prank, they're extremely dedicated to it!

 **Akira:** I feel like I woke up in an alternate universe

 **Akira:** Maybe I am in an alternate universe and this is just a very weird dream

 **Akira:** I did actually have a weird dream last night

 **Kasumi:** Do you want to talk about it?

 **Akira:** I was at school but I was in my pyjamas?

 **Akira:** And I felt like I had to leave

 **Akira:** And there was a butterfly

 **Akira:** And I heard my friends talking

 **Kasumi:** Maybe the dream is trying to tell you something?

 **Akira:** That education is bad and butterflies are good

 **Kasumi:** Maybe not that, senpai.

 **Kasumi:** How about you try taking another nap and see if you have another dream?

 **Kasumi:** Or if you wake back up in the normal universe! ❤️

 **Akira:** That doesn't sound like a bad idea

 **Akira:** Thanks, Kasumi

 **Kasumi:** No problem, senpai! ❤️

 **Kasumi:** Sleep well! ❤️

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 6:28pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** It appears that the police have released me from custody.

 **Akira:** GORO HELP MY CAT IS A MAN NOW

 **Goro:** I have decided to voluntarily go back into custody.

 **Akira:** Please don't

 **Goro:** As if I would.

 **Goro:** Now what is this about your cat being a man?

 **Akira:** Well I sort of woke up today and Morgana is a dude now

 **Goro:** That... certainly seems like a problem, yes.

 **Akira:** Also my friends are acting weird

 **Akira:** And it seems Futaba's mom and Haru's dad are alive again

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** Please give me some rational ace detective insight into this

 **Goro:** Sadly for you, I have decided to fully embrace my inner feral side.

 **Akira:** Okay I'm totally fine with that and I would probably be turned on if it weren't for the fact that we're APPARENTLY IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Something isn't quite right.

 **Akira:** He's looking at me, Goro

 **Goro:** So Morgana is a human now, correct?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Goro:** And your friends' parents, whose deaths I was responsible for, are now alive again?

 **Akira:** I haven't actually seen Haru's dad but Wakaba made me sandwiches

 **Goro:** And your friends are 'acting weird'?

 **Akira:** They're acting like they barely know each other

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I have some investigating to do.

 **Akira:** I thought you were giving up on the ace detective life

 **Goro:** Ah, you misunderstand me.

 **Goro:** I am fully prepared to kill anyone who gets in my way.

 **Akira:** Okay I am somehow both aroused and horrified

 **Goro:** Good.

 **Goro:** We'll meet up soon to discuss my findings.

 **Goro:** For now, I suggest that you play along with whatever the universe has planned for you.

 **Akira:** Fine

 **Akira:** Good luck on your search

 **Goro:** Thank you.

 **Goro:** I will see you soon.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 2ND**

* * *

**Makoto Niijima**

**> 11:00am: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** You wouldn't happen to have a minute free, would you?

 **Akira:** I'm always free to talk to you

 **Makoto:** Oh!

 **Makoto:** Thank you, Akira.

 **Makoto:** Sis told me that she saw your boyfriend 'skulking' around the police station last night.

 **Makoto:** 'Skulking' was her word, not mine.

 **Makoto:** But she said that he looked rather... angry?

 **Akira:** My boyfriend?

 **Makoto:** Yes?

 **Makoto:** You and Akechi-kun _are_ dating, correct?

 **Akira:** Goro Akechi

 **Akira:** My boyfriend, Goro Akechi

 **Makoto:** Oh no, have you broken up?

 **Makoto:** Ah, I'm so sorry for prying, I just thought that I'd mention that, just in case something had happened.

 **Akira:** No no it's fine, Makoto

 **Akira:** I'm just thinking about my boyfriend

 **Akira:** Goro Akechi

 **Makoto:** Uh...

 **Makoto:** Are you okay, Akira?

 **Akira:** Yes!

 **Akira:** No worries

 **Akira:** Thank you for telling me

 **Makoto:** Ah, it's okay!

 **Akira:** Can I just ask a quick question?

 **Makoto:** Of course.

 **Akira:** This is just out of curiosity but

 **Akira:** Does the word "casino" mean anything to you?

 **Makoto:** "Casino"?

 **Makoto:** I mean, the dictionary defines a casino as "a building or room used for social amusements, or specifically one used for gambling."

 **Akira:** That's my Makoto

 **Makoto:** I'm sorry?

 **Akira:** I mean uh

 **Akira:** Sorry, haha, I've been texting Akechi

 **Makoto:** Ah, of course.

 **Akira:** But thanks for letting me know, again

 **Akira:** I'll see what's up with him

 **Makoto:** Any time.

 **Makoto:** Hopefully I'll see you at school.

 **Akira:** Yeah

 **Akira:** See you soon, Makoto

 **Makoto:** And you, Akira.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 12:04pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hey guess what

 **Goro:** What?

 **Akira:** You and I are apparently dating in this universe

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** What

 **Akira:** No smart comments?

 **Goro:** No, actually, I rather expected something like this.

 **Akira:** What

 **Goro:** What, no smart comments?

 **Akira:** I hate that I can see that smirk on your face right now

 **Goro:** You love it.

 **Akira:** You're right

 **Akira:** But Makoto text me to tell me that Sae saw you 'skulking' around last night

 **Akira:** And she kept calling you my boyfriend

 **Akira:** So, naturally, I asked my cat, who is a human person now, who I'm dating

 **Akira:** And I think Mona thinks I have amnesia but he said that yes, we're dating

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Goro:** Us dating only serves to confirm my suspicions.

 **Akira:** You also apparently didn't go to jail in this universe

 **Goro:** Oh?

 **Akira:** Mona said that you were called away on a case

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** It also seems that the Phantom Thieves don't exist in this universe.

 **Akira:** What

 **Goro:** I can find no record of them ever existing or changing hearts.

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Akira:** That would explain why my friends are acting like they barely know each other

 **Goro** : From what I could find, all your targets either never committed their crimes in the first place or, in Shido's case, turned themselves in.

 **Goro:** In fact, it would appear that Madarame is still acting as Kitagawa-kun's sensei.

 **Akira:** Oh

 **Akira:** Oh that kind of weirds me out

 **Akira:** And by "kind of" I mean "I am extremely freaked out"

 **Goro:** I spoke to Madarame earlier today.

 **Akira:** What

 **Goro:** He was all too willing to provide me with information.

 **Akira:** Please tell me you didn't break his fingers

 **Goro:** I didn't have to.

 **Goro:** According to him, Kitagawa-kun's mother was his student when she was younger.

 **Goro:** She passed away after a bout of an illness, so Madarame took Kitagawa-kun under his wing.

 **Goro:** No ulterior motives.

 **Goro:** Even the original Sayuri hangs as a display piece.

 **Akira:** So like

 **Akira:** Madarame just didn't do that fucked up shit?

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Goro:** In this universe, Madarame "just didn't do that fucked up shit."

 **Akira:** So we never had to save Yusuke from him

 **Akira:** So Yusuke never became part of the Phantom Thieves

 **Akira:** OH MY GOD RYUJI AND YUSUKE AREN'T DATING

 **Goro:** Indeed.

 **Goro:** In fact, it would appear that the two barely know each other.

 **Akira:** Don't tell me you've been stalking them from afar or something

 **Akira:** Hiding in a bush while watching Ryuji run track

 **Goro:** Those are amateur tactics.

 **Goro:** I simply asked Madarame if Kitagawa-kun was seeing anyone.

 **Akira:** And?

 **Goro:** Kitagawa-kun is reportedly too invested in his art to make time for anyone else.

 **Akira:** Goro

 **Akira:** We're in the bad place

 **Goro:** Strangely enough, I must agree.

 **Akira:** At least we're dating

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I suppose that is one of the only good things to come out of this.

 **Akira:** There are other things?

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Akira:** Alright then

 **Goro:** I would explain further, but I am currently in the middle of something.

 **Akira:** Ominous

 **Goro:** Indeed.

 **Goro:** I also suggest that we continue dating for now.

 **Akira:** I had no plans of stopping that

 **Goro:** Mmm.

 **Goro:** I'll message you when I'm outside Leblanc tomorrow.

 **Goro:** Be ready.

 **Akira:** Of course

 **Akira:** Have fun

 **Goro:** I'll try my best.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 3RD**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:10am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** I'm here.

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**> 10:35am: Incoming call from Kasumi Yoshizawa.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 4:15pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Well

 **Akira:** That was certainly a turn

 **Goro:** My main suspicion was that Maruki was behind this.

 **Akira:** I was talking more about Sumire

 **Akira:** Not my therapist turning on god mode

 **Goro:** Yes, it would appear that Maruki has taken up Yaldabaoth's mantle.

 **Akira:** So what

 **Akira:** Maruki just erased all our trauma?

 **Goro:** It would appear so, yes.

 **Goro:** He somehow gained the power to rewrite history in such a way that nobody had to suffer.

 **Akira:** So in this universe

 **Akira:** You never killed anyone

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Theoretically, yes.

 **Akira:** Theoretically?

 **Goro:** Well, I still recall committing multiple murders.

 **Goro:** I assume if we were to accept Maruki's reality, I would lose those memories.

 **Akira:** I wonder what his explanation for me ending up here would be

 **Goro:** The most feasible explanation would be that you're simply an exchange student.

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Akira:** So we have a week to decide if we're going with or against Maruki?

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Goro:** I already know that I'm against him.

 **Akira:** Me too

 **Akira:** Why do we have to wait a week when we can just go kick his ass now

 **Goro:** Well, I assume that you wouldn't want me to simply shoot Maruki.

 **Akira:** I would rather that you didn't nerf my therapist, yes

 **Akira:** He might be god but he's still my therapist

 **Goro:** He's most likely accounted for that scenario, anyway.

 **Goro:** But without murderous intent on our side, we will require more allies.

 **Akira:** MY FRIENDS

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Goro:** See if you can change their minds.

 **Goro:** I will continue investigating.

 **Akira:** You know you can stay at Leblanc, right

 **Goro:** The twenty seconds of amiable interaction I had with Isshiki earlier were enough.

 **Goro:** I would rather not look dead people in the eyes.

 **Akira:** Alright alright

 **Akira:** I guess I'm too stressed for smanging anyway

 **Goro:** There will be plenty of time for 'smanging' once we've resolved this issue.

 **Akira:** I'm suddenly deeply motivated

 **Goro:** Good.

 **Goro:** Go talk to your friends.

 **Goro:** I will speak to you soon.

 **Akira:** Alright, my sweet boyfriend

 **Goro:** Mmm.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite note from this draft:
> 
>   * Phantom Thieves group chat name has changed to Morgana's Party Bus. Akira has no idea what it means.
> 

> 
> Also human!Morgana is terrifying. Give me my cat back, Atlus.


	23. Do you ever think about how Akira and Akechi's dynamic is just I Don't Dance from High School Musical 2, except with less dancing and more murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Akira:** I managed to also give Ryuji and Ann existential crisisesses
> 
>  **Akira:** Criseses
> 
>  **Akira:** Crises?
> 
>  **Akira:** Makoto would know
> 
>  **Goro:** Crises.
> 
>  **Akira:** Thanks, not-Makoto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of abuse in the form of references to what Kamoshida did. There's no explicit references or descriptions, but I'm putting out a warning just in case.

**JANUARY 3RD**

* * *

**Morgana Sakura**

**> 5:30pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hey

 **Akira:** Are you happy?

 **Morgana:** ????????

 **Morgana:** why wouldn't I be?!

 **Akira:** Well like

 **Akira:** Are things going well for you?

 **Morgana:** yes...........??????

 **Akira:** You've got everything you ever wished for?

 **Morgana:** yes?????

 **Morgana:** I mean I could go for a huge pile of sushi but who wouldn't?! :3333

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Morgana:** why????

 **Akira:** Well I was just thinking

 **Akira:** If you really had everything you ever wished for

 **Akira:** Wouldn't you be dating Ann?

 **Morgana:** 3:!!!!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** That's what I thought

 **Morgana:** it's just not that simple, okay!!

 **Akira:** Idk it seems pretty simple

 **Akira:** You look like some sort of attractive model, she's an attractive model

 **Akira:** Just call her up and go "hey Lady Ann~ do you want to go out~? :333"

 **Morgana:** 3:

 **Akira:** Alright I'll call her up for you

 **Morgana:** NOOOOOOOO

 **Akira:** Ring ring

 **Morgana:** STOP TEASING MEEEEEEE

 **Akira:** Ring ring

 **Akira:** I think she's busy

 **Akira:** Maybe she's out with Ryuji

 **Morgana:** LADY ANN WOULD NEVER!!!

 **Akira:** Alright I officially hate this universe where my cat is a creepy perv

 **Morgana:** your...... cat?

 **Morgana:** that's twice now you've called me your cat!!

 **Morgana:** do you have some sort of weird fetish?! 3:

 **Morgana:** MAYBE YOU'RE THE CREEPY PERV!!!!!!!

 **Akira:** Listen

 **Akira:** Teasing aside

 **Akira:** Don't you feel like something's wrong?

_**Morgana Sakura is typing...** _

**Akira:** That's what I thought

_**Morgana Sakura is typing...** _

**Akira:** Aside from you not dating Ann, doesn't it seem just a bit too perfect here?

 **Akira:** You're weirdly hot, you're living in my bed rent free, everyone loves you

 **Morgana:** that's just because I'm bonafide Monafide!!!

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** What does the word "treasure" mean to you?

 **Morgana:** treasure???

 **Morgana:** 3:

_**Morgana Sakura is typing...** _

**Akira:** Hey

 **Akira:** I'll be upstairs in Leblanc if you want to talk

 **Akira:** I know you'll do the right thing

 **Morgana:** the right thing???

 **Morgana:** .................

 **Morgana:** 3:

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 4TH**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 11:24am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hey bro

 **Akira:** You okay?

 **Ryuji:** bro!!!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** u feelin any better man?

 **Akira:** Sure why not

 **Ryuji:** that aint soundin positive man

 **Ryuji:** why dont u come train with us!!!

 **Akira:** It's literally snowing

 **Ryuji:** trainin dont stop 4 the weather bro!

 **Akira:** You're really dedicated to track, huh

 **Ryuji:** u know it bro

 **Akira:** Good

 **Akira:** Although I was wondering if I could talk to you alone?

 **Ryuji:** sure thing bro!!!

 **Ryuji:** somethin on ur mind?

 **Akira:** Yeah actually

 **Akira:** Can I ask a weird question?

 **Ryuji:** of course man

 **Akira:** How do you like feel about Yusuke

 **Ryuji:** yusuke??

 **Ryuji:** u mean ur art friend?

 **Akira:** Yeah

 **Akira:** You know

 **Akira:** Tall, arty, handsome

 **Ryuji:** uhhhhh

 **Ryuji:** u know i dont swing that way bro

 **Akira:** Of course

 **Akira:** Don't worry

 **Akira:** I'm just curious about your thoughts on him

 **Ryuji:** uhhhhhhhh

 **Ryuji:** i mean hes pretty good at art?

 **Ryuji:** u know jocks nd artists dont rly mix bro haha

 **Ryuji:** nd weve never rly talked outside of meetin up with you

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Ryuji:** why u askin bro

 **Ryuji:** u tryin 2 take me on a double date w/ u nd akechi?

 **Akira:** You know that as your dear friend, I would choose a "totally bonkin" girl for your date

 **Ryuji:** "bonkin"?

 **Ryuji:** sounds kinda stupid dude

 **Akira:** Oh god we really are in the worst timeline

 **Ryuji:** u ok bro?

 **Ryuji:** u know u can talk 2 me right?

 **Akira:** How do you feel about pirates

 **Ryuji:** uhhhhhh

 **Ryuji:** u know what im comin over

 **Ryuji:** u sound like u got fever or some shit

 **Akira:** ELECTRICITY

 **Ryuji:** yep thats it im omw

 **Ryuji:** u at leblanc?

 **Akira:** Always

 **Akira:** I just have one last question before I crawl back into bed and wait for you

 **Akira:** And I'm sorry in advance

 **Ryuji:** that sounds kinda gay bro

 **Ryuji:** but im listenin

 **Akira:** How's your leg?

 **Ryuji:** my leg?

 **Akira:** You know, the one that was broken

 **Ryuji:** oh u mean after my cyclin accident

 **Ryuji:** its good bro haha

 **Ryuji:** idk why ur askin about it

 **Ryuji:** wait bro

 **Ryuji:** did i even tell u about my leg?

 **Ryuji:** why am i feelin kinda weird

 **Ryuji:** ughghghhhhhhh

 **Akira:** Come over

 **Akira:** I'll make you a hot chocolate and we can talk about it

 **Ryuji:** alright bro but im feelin kinda weirded out

 **Ryuji:** not by u though

 **Ryuji:** just like

 **Ryuji:** idk i feel kinda like a question mark

 **Akira:** Mood

 **Akira:** Worm, as the young kids say

 **Ryuji:** ur ridic bro

 **Akira:** Ridic

 **Ryuji:** yea ridic

 **Ryuji:** alright im omw

 **Ryuji:** see u in a bit

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 5:07pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hello to my favourite person named Ann

 **Ann:** AKIRA!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖

 **Ann:** What's like, up!!!

 **Akira:** Can I ask you a couple of questions?

 **Ann:** Yessss kjsdksdf

 **Ann:** Are they like personality questions?

 **Ann:** Because I've been doing those online quizzes like, ALL DAY 😂

 **Akira:** Actually they're like those "I say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your head" quizzes

 **Ann:** YESSSSSSS I'M IN

 **Akira:** Okay so first word

 **Akira:** "Carmen"

 **Ann:** Detective~! 🕵🏼♀️

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** "Hecate"

 **Ann:** Ummmmmmmmmmm

 **Ann:** Nope! 🤷🏼♀️

 **Akira:** "Panther"

 **Ann:** BIG CAT

 **Ann:** 🐆🐆🐆

 **Akira:** I'm pretty sure that's a leopard

 **Ann:** Listen I'm working with like, four emojis here 😭

 **Ann:** Is that it~?

 **Ann:** Give me my results, o Quizmaster Kurusu-kun~!!

 **Akira:** Oh right hang on

 **Ann:** Or was this all a set-up?

 **Ann:** IS THERE AN UPCOMING POP QUIZ THAT I LIKE, FORGOT ABOUT?! 😱😱😱

 **Akira:** What

 **Akira:** No?

 **Ann:** Oh thank god, I would've been totaaaaaaally boned sjhfkjsdfjd 😭😭😭

 **Ann:** So gimme my results~!

 **Akira:** They're processing

 **Akira:** Mind if I ask you some more questions?

 **Ann:** Shoot! 🔫😜

 **Akira:** So you said Shiho's moving back to Shujin?

 **Ann:** Yep~!

 **Ann:** You know how she had to like, move for her mom's job?

 **Akira:** Sure

 **Ann:** Well her mom's job got relocated like, back to Tokyo, so she's moving back~!!

 **Ann:** I reaaaaaally missed her, so I'm glad she's back 😊😊😊

 **Akira:** Me too

 **Akira:** She's a great person

 **Ann:** I KNOW RIGHT KSJDKLFJSF 😭💖

 **Akira:** I'm sorry for this next question

 **Akira:** But how do you feel about Kamoshida?

 **Ann:** Kamoshida~?

 **Ann:** OHHH you mean the volleyball coach? 🏐

 **Akira:** Do you have an emoji for everything except for panthers?

 **Ann:** Yep~! 😉

 **Ann:** But like, why are you asking about Kamoshida?

 **Akira:** Just wondering what the general sentiment was about him

 **Akira:** If you vibe with him, if you will

 **Ann:** Ummmmm

 **Ann:** I mean, he's like, never really spoken to me~?

 **Ann:** Shiho said that he was a GREAT coach though!!

 **Ann:** Reaaaaally dedicated to the sport 🏐

 **Akira:** May the god with a hole in its head have mercy on me for asking this but

 **Akira:** So there was nothing dodgy about Kamoshida?

 **Ann:** Dodgy?

 **Ann:** Like, what?

 **Akira:** You know

 **Akira:** Hitting students

 **Akira:** Inappropriate relationships

 **Akira:** That sort of horrible stuff

 **Ann:** Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 **Ann:** I don't think so...?

 **Ann:** Like, I think Shiho would have like, told me?

 **Ann:** But like, that kind of reminds me of something? 😲

 **Akira:** Something?

 **Ann:** Idk I just

 **Ann:** It kind of feels like I've just realised that I've like, left the oven on, hahahahahaha

 **Akira:** You wanna talk about it?

 **Akira:** Ryuji, Morgana, and I are all having an existential crisis at Leblanc

 **Akira:** If you want to join us

 **Ann:** I might do

 **Ann:** Thanks, Akira

 **Ann:** I'll be round ASAP~! 💖💖💖

 **Akira:** Take your time

 **Akira:** 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:31pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I've successfully managed to give Morgana an existential crisis

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** How?

 **Akira:** I think I told him that he's my cat one too many times and now he's worried he's secretly a furry

 **Goro:** Somehow that is something that I both expected and absolutely did not expect from you.

 **Akira:** What can I say except

 **Akira:** You're welcome

 **Goro:** Any luck with your other friends?

 **Akira:** Well

 **Akira:** I managed to also give Ryuji and Ann existential crisisesses

 **Akira:** Criseses

 **Akira:** Crises?

 **Akira:** Makoto would know

 **Goro:** Crises.

 **Akira:** Thanks, not-Makoto

 **Goro:** Ngh.

 **Goro:** Do they seem any closer to coming to their senses?

 **Akira:** It seems that they respond to certain words or phrases or questions

 **Akira:** Like Ryuji started freaking out when I questioned how he broke his leg

 **Akira:** And Ann said something about leaving the oven on when I asked about Kamoshida

 **Akira:** But they don't seem to have gotten much further than that

 **Akira:** I just keep telling them that I know they'll do the right thing

 **Goro:** The right thing.

 **Akira:** Yeah

 **Goro:** Ngh.

 **Goro:** What an empty sentiment.

 **Akira:** I'm sorry, do you want me to physically wrangle them into the Metaverse instead

 **Goro:** It would most likely work better than simply telling them to do "the right thing."

 **Akira:** Strong words coming from the literal Justice Arcana

 **Goro:** I have no idea what you're talking about.

 **Akira:** It's a long story

 **Akira:** Are we having a lovers' quarrel?

 **Goro:** You wish.

 **Akira:** WE ARE

 **Goro:** I would argue that most of our conversations are lovers' quarrels.

 **Akira:** More like lovers' you say something snarky and I bite back with an equally witty comment and it descends into a passive aggressive argument

 **Akira:** And then we start violently making out on the nearest vaguely flat surface

 **Akira:** The dream

 **Goro:** I have to wonder how we possibly wound up dating in this universe.

 **Akira:** Probably because you never killed all those people so you still have the affable ace detective personality

 **Akira:** And as I'm witty and charming, we get on like a house on fire

 **Akira:** Just with less fire

 **Goro:** Ugh.

 **Goro:** The very idea of me being that simpering ace detective again makes me want to puke.

 **Akira:** What do you mean, Akechi-kun~ uwu?

 **Goro:** Stop.

 **Akira:** Fine fine

 **Akira:** Anything new on your end?

 **Goro:** I have discovered that my apartment now has an ensuite bathroom.

 **Akira:** I meant regarding this weird alternate universe we're stuck in but that's cool too

 **Goro:** Indeed.

 **Akira:** You're texting me from the bath, aren't you

 **Goro:** An astute observation.

 **Goro:** You're on your way to becoming an ace detective.

 **Akira:** You say that like I just have to take a multiple choice quiz and I'm in

 **Goro:** All I had to do was don a coat and a smile and people ate it up.

 **Akira:** I mean

 **Akira:** It kind of helped that you were the one solving your own murders

 **Goro:** It also helped that the general public are idiots.

 **Akira:** Hey

 **Akira:** I'm a member of the general public

 **Goro:** And you are an outlier, seeing as you're deeply intriguing and intelligent and infuriating.

 **Akira:** Don't forget sexy

 **Goro:** No.

 **Akira:** Is that a "no, I won't forget that you're sexy" or a "no, now go away and let me enjoy my bath in peace"

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Akira:** Alright alright

 **Akira:** I should probably go to bed anyway

 **Akira:** Who knew trying to gaslight your friends back into their original and traumatic reality would be so tiring

 **Goro:** Mmm.

 **Goro:** Sleep well, Akira.

 **Akira:** You sleep well too, boyfriend who I love deeply and dearly despite the fact he's a murderer

 **Goro:** Indeed.

 **Goro:** I love you.

 **Akira:** YOU SAID IT

 **Goro:** Ngh.

 **Goro:** Go to bed.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryuji: bro i am 100% heterosexual  
> Akira: *snaps his phone in two*
> 
> Anyway, sorry this chapter was so short! I've been feeling kind of drained/worried that I'm dragging this out for too long/worried that everyone secretly hates it so I figured I should get this out of my drafts and posted and then I can see how I'm feeling. Hope you're all drinking lots of water and eating your vegetables!


	24. Seize the fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Goro:** Akira, don't you dare bring a clown into my apartment.
> 
>  **Goro:** Akira?
> 
>  **Akira:** The only clown in your apartment, Goro Akechi
> 
>  **Akira:** Is you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The people have spoken (and the people were really nice to me, thank you so much to everyone who commented!) and this train is going full speed towards WHATEVER IS GOING ON HERE.

**JANUARY 5TH**

* * *

** Yusuke Kitagawa **

**> 10:18am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Do you have a minute?

**> 11:09am**

**Yusuke:** Yes.

 **Yusuke:** Is something on your mind?

 **Akira:** Sort of, yes

 **Akira:** Is it cool if I ask a few questions?

 **Yusuke:** Of course.

 **Akira:** Thank you

 **Akira:** So not to dive straight into the deep end but

 **Akira:** Are you happy?

 **Yusuke:** Happy?

 **Yusuke:** Yes, quite.

 **Yusuke:** Why do you ask?

 **Akira:** I'm just curious

 **Akira:** Like if you could ask for anything, what would it be?

 **Yusuke:** Hmmmmm.

 **Yusuke:** That is a difficult question, indeed.

 **Yusuke:** I have almost everything I could ask for.

 **Akira:** "Almost"?

 **Yusuke:** Ah.

 **Yusuke:** It would delight me if you were to pose as my model, Akira.

 **Akira:** I'll do it if we can talk

 **Yusuke:** You accepted a nude modelling request with no hesitation...

 **Yusuke:** I can sense your passion burning!

 **Akira:** Sure why not

 **Akira:** Clothes are a prison, let's do this

 **Akira:** When and where do you want me?

 **Yusuke:** I am on my way to Leblanc.

 **Yusuke:** The lighting in your attic should be appropriate for me to work with.

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** Guess I'll just take all my clothes off

 **Akira:** See you in a bit, Yusuke

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, Akira.

 **Yusuke:** I will do your body justice.

 **Akira:** 😳

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 4:10pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Okay we need to take back our old reality before a painting of my entire naked body is hanging in an art gallery somewhere

 **Goro:** I disagree.

 **Akira:** You weren't the one freezing their ass off in the same position for several hours

 **Goro:** Judging from context, I assume you spoke to Kitagawa-kun.

 **Akira:** "Spoke"

 **Akira:** I agreed to let Yusuke draw me nude if I could talk to him

 **Goro:** And?

 **Akira:** I think I got through to him?

 **Akira:** It kind of reminded me of when we first learnt about what Madarame was doing and went to confront him

 **Akira:** And Yusuke denied everything so viciously

 **Akira:** Except this time he seemed more doubtful than angry

 **Akira:** He got so caught up in it that he didn't even paint my nipples

 **Goro:** A shame.

 **Akira:** Please don't comment on my nipples

 **Akira:** I don't think I can take that right now

 **Goro:** I was just thinking about how good a nude painting of you would look in my apartment.

 **Akira:** Never mind let's discuss my nipples

 **Akira:** And more specifically how good they would look in your apartment

 **Goro:** That sounds an awful lot like I'm going to flay you and use your skin as a lampshade.

 **Akira:** I'd make a great lampshade

 **Goro:** You would.

 **Akira:** I'm going to purposely ignore that reply even though I set myself up for it

 **Goro:** Very well.

 **Goro:** Now that you've spoken to Kitagawa-kun, who does that leave?

 **Akira:** Makoto, Futaba, Haru

 **Akira:** I'm trying to think of a tactful approach that doesn't involve "hey your parents are meant to be dead"

 **Goro:** Is Niijima-san included in that category?

 **Akira:** Her dad is apparently back

 **Akira:** He was killed in the line of duty in our reality

 **Akira:** I feel kind of bad for taking my friends away from this reality where they're so happy

 **Goro:** But it's not a true reality, is it?

 **Goro:** I would say that it's more akin to ignoring your problems than actually fixing them.

 **Akira:** I mean in this reality, we never had those problems in the first place

 **Goro:** This universe feels overly sanitised.

 **Goro:** If nothing bad ever happens, how can people be expected to grow?

 **Akira:** I mean there's a fine line between "my car broke down and now I can replace a tire" and "I was abused by my sensei for literally all of my formative years while he claimed my artwork as his own and refused to let me eat and made me sleep on the floor and now I have permanent issues interacting with people and the real world due to my upbringing"

 **Goro:** No, I feel like there's quite a significantly pronounced line between those two scenarios.

 **Akira:** You got my point though

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Would you prefer to stay in this universe?

 **Akira:** It's almost tempting

 **Akira:** Aside from my weird sexy cat

 **Goro:** Please never say those words in that particular order ever again.

 **Akira:** My sexy weird cat

 **Goro:** Stop.

 **Akira:** I mean, if we stayed in this universe, my friends would all be happy, you never would have committed all those murders, and we'd be dating

 **Goro:** We can still continue to date in our original reality.

 **Akira:** Alright my mind's made up, let's stop Maruki and make all my friends gay again

 **Goro:** An unusual motive.

 **Goro:** But I'll allow it as long as we reach the same end goal.

 **Akira:** Listen

 **Akira:** Do you know how painful it is to hear Ryuji say that "bonkin" is a bad word

 **Goro:** 'Bonkin'.

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Goro:** It is a terrible word.

 **Goro:** What is it even meant to describe?

 **Akira:** You know

 **Akira:** It's bonkin brooooooooo

 **Goro:** I have no idea what you're talking about.

 **Akira:** Me neither

 **Akira:** But it's Ryuji's word and I miss it

 **Goro:** Of course.

 **Goro:** We still have a few days before we confront Maruki.

 **Goro:** Ensure you take this time to talk to your friends.

 **Akira:** No, I thought I'd just go to Destinyland for several days

 **Akira:** Wheeeeeeeeeee

 **Goro:** You are terrible.

 **Akira:** You love meeeeeee

 **Akira:** Actually when we've got reality the right way up again, we should go to Destinyland together

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I will confess, I've never found time for such frivolities.

 **Akira:** Alright so

 **Akira:** You know that rush of adrenaline you get when you win a fight

 **Goro:** All too well.

 **Akira:** Imagine that but like, better

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I'll allow one date.

 **Akira:** YESSSSS

 **Akira:** You are not going to regret this

 **Goro:** With you by my side, I'm sure I'll be fine.

 **Akira:** I'm still not too used to this side of you

 **Goro:** This side?

 **Akira:** The soft side

 **Akira:** I'm kind of only used to you swinging wildly between "Mr. Ace Detective uwu~" and "KILL EVERYBODY"

 **Goro:** I happen to be a multifaceted human being, Akira.

 **Goro:** Reducing me down to just "detective" and "murderer" is ignorant of my many other qualities.

 **Akira:** Like "future husband"?

 **Goro:** We've been dating for barely three days.

 **Akira:** Yeah and I heard wedding bells the second you told me you loved me

 **Akira:** Actually I heard wedding bells the day you came up to me in the TV station and you were all like

 **Akira:** "We have opposing opinions and I'd like to hear more of them, let's be friends ^_____^"

 **Akira:** Which I may have originally misinterpreted as a date until Ann told me otherwise

 **Goro:** You are an enigma, Akira Kurusu.

 **Akira:** Gotta go fast, Goro

 **Akira:** One day you're fighting god and the next you're in a reality where your trauma has been neatly filed under N for "never happened"

 **Akira:** Carpe diem

 **Akira:** Fish day

 **Goro:** You are excruciating.

 **Akira:** Seize the fish

 **Goro:** No.

 **Akira:** Ad victoriam

 **Goro:** Are you just spouting Latin phrases at me?

 **Akira:** Lorem ipsum

 **Goro:** You are aware that "Lorem ipsum" is a pseudo-Latin phrase, yes?

 **Akira:** That didn't stop me memorising it

 **Goro:** I'll make sure to add "adequate at writing placeholder text" to your list of skills.

 **Akira:** Hey

 **Akira:** You'd better have "excellent kisser" and "great at billiards" on there

 **Goro:** Yes, along with "terrible at ice-skating" and "popular for reasons beyond my comprehension."

 **Akira:** My being popular is a combination of many cups of coffee and my basic hygiene standards

 **Goro:** Strange, I happen to be drinking coffee while bathing right now.

 **Akira:** Do you ever get out the bath?

 **Goro:** I am simply trying to make the most of it before we must return to our reality.

 **Goro:** The bath is large enough for two, you know.

 **Akira:** I can take a hint when I see one

 **Akira:** Which brings me to my next point

 **Akira:** I have no idea where you live

 **Goro:** I'll send you my address.

**> Goro shared a live location.**

**Akira:** Oh wow

 **Akira:** That's a fancy part of town

 **Goro:** Mmm.

 **Goro:** Detective work pays well.

 **Goro:** I'll keep the bath warm for you.

 **Akira:** I'm already on my way to the station

 **Akira:** Forgot to put my socks on

 **Goro:** 🤦🏻

 **Akira:** An emoji?!

 **Akira:** What hidden depths, Akechi-kun

 **Goro:** Just hurry up.

 **Akira:** On my way

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

** JANUARY 6TH **

* * *

**Makoto Niijima**

**> 11:26am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hello to my favourite student council president

 **Makoto:** Haha, thank you Akira!

 **Akira:** I was wondering if you had time for me today

 **Akira:** Maybe we could get coffee and lunch?

 **Akira:** My treat

 **Makoto:** Of course!

 **Makoto:** Where were you thinking of going?

 **Akira:** The jazz club in Kichijoji has a great lunch menu

 **Akira:** Also jazz

 **Makoto:** That sounds great!

 **Makoto:** Is there any special occasion we're meant to be celebrating?

 **Akira:** I just wanted to talk to someone who has it all figured out

 **Akira:** I know I'm still a year away from university, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to get your opinion on things

 **Akira:** Like which courses would be best for me

 **Akira:** And whether attaching a motorboat engine to a slushie machine would produce superior slushies

 **Makoto:** What an odd topic...

 **Makoto:** Although I feel like we've had this discussion before?

 **Akira:** You told me that the speed of the engine would likely have no impact on the syrup-to-ice ratio and would most likely just cause a huge mess for all involved

 **Makoto:** That does sound like something I'd say, but I also feel like I would remember having an argument of this quality.

 **Akira:** It got pretty heated

 **Akira:** Morgana had to step in

 **Makoto:** That does ring a bell.

 **Makoto:** Although I remember a black and white cat?

 **Akira:** It's a long story

 **Akira:** I'll tell you about it over lunch?

 **Makoto:** Deal.

 **Makoto:** 12pm?

 **Akira:** I'll be there.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Futaba Sakura**

**> 7:24pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I humbly present a homemade meme

**> Akira sent a photo.**

**Akira:** Please give feedback

 **Futaba:** hmmmmm

 **Futaba:** ( ु⁎ᴗ_ᴗ⁎)ु.｡oO(ᵃ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵃᵗᵗᵉᵐᵖᵗ)

 **Akira:** Yessssss

 **Futaba:** could have used more jpeg

 **Akira:** I'll remember that for next time

 **Akira:** Which is right now

 **Akira:** Can we talk?

 **Futaba:** mmmmmmmok!

 **Futaba:** but mom says dinner's at 7:30pm, so this mission's timed! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

 **Futaba:** mom also wants to know if you're joining us

 **Akira:** Don't worry, Goro's taking me out for sushi

 **Futaba:** bring some home for me! 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》

 **Akira:** Of course

 **Akira:** I assume you mean sushi and not Goro

 **Futaba:** (・-・)

 **Futaba:** Mona says he wants sushi too!

 **Akira:** Got it

 **Futaba:** Mona also says you've been acting weird lately 【・ヘ・?】

 **Akira:** Mona is a snitch

 **Futaba:** yep!

 **Futaba:** but he says you've been saying he's your cat =^.^=

 **Akira:** It's a long story

 **Futaba:** ok!

 **Futaba:** but now I'm curious

 **Futaba:** you never told me you were a closet furry, Akira! >:3

 **Akira:** I am absolutely not

 **Futaba:** >:33333

 **Akira:** Nope

 **Akira:** Don't even go there

 **Futaba:** >:33333333

 **Akira:** You can add as many 3s as you want, it won't make me a furry

 **Futaba:** I'll just have to check your browsing history!

 **Akira:** Please don't

 **Futaba:** too late >:3

 **Futaba:** aw man

 **Futaba:** this is boooooooring

 **Akira:** I'm sorry I've been looking at scented bubblebath and not hardcore tentacle porn or whatever it is the young kids are into nowadays

 **Futaba:** it's all about vore at the moment

 **Akira:** Nope

 **Akira:** Not going there

 **Futaba:** BZZZZZT

 **Futaba:** we're out of time!

 **Akira:** Thank god

 **Futaba:** but I'll get you next time! >:3

 **Akira:** I'm not coming back home

 **Akira:** I'm moving in with Goro

 **Akira:** Tell Mona the attic is all his now

 **Futaba:** 3:<

 **Akira:** Turn that frown upside down

 **Futaba:** >:3

 **Akira:** I take it back

 **Akira:** Alright, you go enjoy dinner

 **Akira:** I'll be back tomorrow and we can play some Fortnite and talk then

 **Futaba:** Fortnite?

 **Futaba:** we'll be playing Undertale!

 **Futaba:** the thought of which fills you with DETERMINATION!

 **Akira:** I'm sure I'll get that reference by this time tomorrow

 **Akira:** Now go and be good

 **Futaba:** ( ˘ ³˘)❤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 7TH**

* * *

**Haru Okumura**

**> 9:45am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hello to my favourite plant person

 **Haru:** Hello, Akira! 💛

 **Haru:** The plants say hello, too!

 **Akira:** Please tell the plants I said hello and I love them

 **Akira:** And also would you like to go out for coffee and cake this morning?

 **Haru:** I would love to!

 **Haru:** You've caught me at a really good time, too! This is my last free morning for a while!

 **Akira:** Oooooh

 **Akira:** Big things happening for Haru Okumura?

 **Haru:** Yes! 💛

 **Haru:** We're moving forward with the plans to build a series of smaller coffee shops in the Big Bang name!

 **Akira:** A series of them?

 **Haru:** Yes! Like an offshoot of our chain!

 **Akira:** Hmmm

 **Akira:** How many are you expecting to build?

 **Haru:** If our first fifty locations go to plan, we have plans to have at least 500 in Japan alone by summer!

 **Akira:** Oh wow

 **Akira:** That's sort of like a mini-chain, right

 **Haru:** Yep! 💛

 **Akira:** Okay I don't know anything about business but

 **Akira:** Wouldn't like, one or two or five select locations be better for that cosy café feeling?

 **Haru:** That cosy café feeling?

 **Haru:** I mean, I think that would be better, but it's not really feasible.

 **Akira:** Haru

 **Akira:** Are you having to compromise on something here?

 **Haru:** What do you mean, Akira?

 **Akira:** Like I always thought you wanted to start your own little cosy café like the one your grandfather had

 **Haru:** How did you know that?!

 **Haru:** I've never told anyone that!

 **Akira:** You told me

 **Haru:** I couldn't have!

 **Akira:** But you did

 **Haru:** Have you been reading my diary?!

 **Akira:** No?

 **Akira:** Are you okay?

 **Haru:** I don't know.

 **Haru:** I thought I wanted to do this because my father wants to help me achieve my dream, but the more I think about it...

 **Haru:** I don't think running another chain would be my dream at all.

 **Haru:** :(

 **Akira:** Hey

 **Akira:** It's alright

 **Akira:** I'm here to listen

 **Haru:** Akira...

 **Akira:** Should we meet at that little cute cake shop in Shibuya at 10:30?

 **Haru:** Thank you.

 **Haru:** I think some cake will help clear my head!

 **Akira:** We can talk as long as you need

 **Akira:** I know you'll do the right thing

 **Haru:** :)

 **Akira:** I'll see you there

 **Akira:** 🖤

 **Haru:** 💛

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:10am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I'm on my way to meet Haru for cake

 **Akira:** Do you want me to bring anything home?

 **Goro:** Surprise me.

 **Akira:** Got it, hope you like clowns

 **Goro:** What?

 **Goro:** No.

 **Goro:** Akira, don't you dare bring a clown into my apartment.

 **Goro:** Akira?

 **Akira:** The only clown in your apartment, Goro Akechi

 **Akira:** Is you

 **Goro:** I am going to kill you with my own two hands.

 **Akira:** You already tried that and failed

 **Goro:** I am going to tie you to the bed and tase you.

 **Akira:** Kinky

 **Goro:** Of course you would enjoy that.

 **Akira:** I'd enjoy anything as long as you were there

 **Goro:** While that is sweet, it doesn't give you an excuse to bring a clown home.

 **Akira:** Guess I'll never visit your apartment ever again :( </3

 **Goro:** Are you calling yourself a clown?

 **Akira:** I'm running out of jokes

 **Goro:** You're a terrible clown.

 **Akira:** Honk

 **Goro:** Hmmm.

 **Akira:** I'm stopping by Leblanc and playing some Undertale with Futaba before I come home later

 **Akira:** I haven't been able to work her into an existential crisis over text

 **Goro:** You may need to remind her about her mother.

 **Akira:** It's alright

 **Akira:** I have a plan

 **Akira:** I'm shifting into Gamer Mode

 **Goro:** I'm leaving this conversation.

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** Love yoooooooouuuuuuu

 **Goro:** I love you, too.

 **Goro:** You absolute clown.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akechi, just trying to enjoy his Triple Non-Fat Latte With No Cream And -3 Sugars in the bath while Akira's never-ending text stream makes his phone vibrate off the side of the tub: 👍🏻☕
> 
> I had to google "how many McDonald's are in Japan" for reference in this chapter and now I won't stop getting ads for McDonald's in Japan.


	25. Bad and naughty Phantom Thieves get sent back into Maruki's false reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **we live in a society:** I'd fight Shido
> 
>  **we live in a society:** Slap his head like a bongo drum

**JANUARY 7TH**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 6:34pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Are you busy?

 **Akira:** Futaba is telling me to tell you to tune into her Twitch stream so

 **Akira:** And I quote

 **Akira:** "Your boyfriend can watch as I DESTROY YOUR SOUL"

 **Goro:** Delightful.

 **Goro:** Where do I 'tune in'?

 **Akira:** I'll send you the link

**> Akira sent a link.**

**Akira:** I have sent you the link

 **Goro:** I can see.

 **Goro:** Have you had any luck in changing her heart?

 **Akira:** Nope

 **Akira:** We literally just ate Doritos and talked about anime for two hours

 **Goro:** It may be possible that she is too far lost to this universe.

 **Goro:** That even if you did manage to get through to her, she could be too deep in denial to accept that this is a false reality.

 **Akira:** I hope not

 **Akira:** The Phantom Thieves would be lost without Oracle

 **Akira:** I mean I appreciate your nav skills but thankfully Futaba doesn't yell about how turned on she is when I kill Shadows

 **Goro:** I am merely keeping you updated on how attracted to you I am in that current moment.

 **Akira:** While I appreciate that

 **Akira:** It's not really relevant to battle

 **Goro:** You could see it as a measure of how motivated I am, if you will.

 **Akira:** Changed my mind, I can allow that

 **Akira:** Alright Futaba is telling me to pay attention because she is about to go live

 **Akira:** I'll be home later

 **Goro:** I'll be waiting.

 **Goro:** Enjoy.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 8TH**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 7:00am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** I've gone out to follow up on a lead.

 **Goro:** I should be back by lunchtime.

 **Goro:** Sleep well.

**> 9:04am**

**Akira:** Mooooooooorning

 **Goro:** Ah, you're awake.

 **Akira:** I sure am

 **Akira:** Is your bed's thread count 50,000 or something

 **Akira:** I don't want to leave

 **Goro:** Then don't.

 **Goro:** I will bring you lunch in bed.

 **Akira:** Niiiiiiiiice

 **Akira:** It looks like we have a free day today

 **Goro:** It would be wise for us to head to Mementos and train.

 **Akira:** I was going to suggest we spend the day in bed together but sure

 **Goro:** I suggest a counter-offer of:

 **Goro:** We head to Mementos to train, return to the real world, take a bath together, and then spend the rest of the day in bed.

 **Akira:** How is your skin so soft when you bathe literally every day

 **Goro:** I have an extremely expensive skincare routine.

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Akira:** I just use soap sometimes

 **Goro:** Ngh.

 **Goro:** And yet your skin is remarkably clear.

 **Akira:** It's genetics

 **Goro:** I see.

 **Goro:** Shall we meet up for lunch before heading into Mementos, then?

 **Akira:** No lunch in bed?

 **Goro:** There'll be time for that later.

 **Akira:** Fine fine

 **Akira:** Diner in Shibuya or jazz club in Kichijoji?

 **Goro:** Jazz club.

 **Goro:** I'll meet you there at 12pm.

 **Goro:** Don't be late.

 **Akira:** Just for you

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 9TH**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:30am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** Where are you?

 **Akira:** SORRY I HAD TO RUN TO THE AIRSOFT SHOP IN SHIBUYA

 **Akira:** I FORGOT TO UPGRADE OUR GEAR

 **Goro:** Tch.

 **Akira:** In my defence, only god would have been able to get me out of your bed yesterday

 **Goro:** Mmm.

 **Goro:** I suppose I'll let you off the hook this time.

 **Akira:** I'll repay you later

 **Goro:** I'll hold you to that.

 **Akira:** Should we meet outside the stadium at 11?

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Goro:** Are you prepared for the possibility that your friends may not have been swayed?

 **Akira:** Listen

 **Akira:** If they've decided to be heterosexuals, that's on them

 **Akira:** We've gotta do this for Sumire

 **Akira:** Everything else we can work out later

 **Goro:** A delightfully level-headed response.

 **Goro:** Very well.

 **Goro:** Don't be late.

 **Goro:** Or else you may miss your kiss for luck.

 **Akira:** I'll be there 5 minutes early

 **Akira:** Just for you

 **Goro:** 🤍

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 8:15pm: we live in a society started a new chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** Welcome back to reality

**> Goro Akechi joined the group.**

**> Goro Akechi joined the chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** Also Akechi's now part of this

 **women want me:** I feel like I've been asleep for a week 😖

 **Lobster Emoji:** I agree, but I feel anything but well-rested.

 **Everyone Liked That:** It's good to be back in our original reality!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell **:**** I can't believe that I so readily accepted a reality without my friends.

 **fish fear me:** its ok makochan

 **fish fear me:** i cant believe i accepted a reality where i was straight

 **women want me:** GOD RIGHT

 **women want me:** Shiho and I weren't even dating

 **women want me:** We weren't even gal pals!

 **women want me:** We were just GALS who happened to be PALS 😭

 **VIBE CHECK:** alright, Maruki's homophobic, let's get him!

 **Goro Akechi:** It would appear that as your trauma was erased in Maruki's reality, there was no need for The Phantom Thieves.

 **Goro Akechi:** As such, you never became friends, and the only thing that truly linked you all together was Akira.

 **we live in a society:** You're welcome

 **VIBE CHECK:** hang on

 **VIBE CHECK:** if Akechi's going to be part of this group chat, he's getting a nickname!

 **we live in a society:** Keep it PG-13

 **VIBE CHECK:** Ψ(☆ｗ☆)Ψ

**> VIBE CHECK changed Goro Akechi's nickname to Gowo Akechi uwu**

**Gowo Akechi uwu:** Really?

 **we live in a society:** She has one free pass

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ryuji...

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am so sorry that I chose a reality where I valued my art career over you.

 **fish fear me:** no bro im sorry i chose the track team over u

 **Lobster Emoji:** I feel Maruki doesn't understand our greatest desires at all.

 **fish fear me:** bro..............

 **fish fear me:** bro lets get fuckin married

 **women want me:** WHAT OMKJSHDFKJ

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** What?!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I accept.

 **Everyone Liked** **That:** AAAAAAH!

 **we live in a society:** Okay let's at least save the wedding for after reality's all fixed

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'm already planning it!

 **Everyone Liked That:** We're going to have so many tiny cakes!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I would greatly appreciate lobster-shaped cakes.

 **fish fear me:** BROOOOOO

 **fish fear me:** LETS HAVE A NOODLE BAR

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Not to rain on this parade, but I'm afraid that gay marriage is currently not legal in Japan.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Don't bother, Akechi. I already tried.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** They're too in love to care.

 **VIBE CHECK:** there's nothing stopping them from having the ceremony, though! >:3

 **we live in a society:** Can we please have it before I have to go back home

 **fish fear me:** FOR YOU BRO ANYTHIN

 **Lobster Emoji:** Akira.

 **Lobster Emoji:** It would please me greatly if you were to be my best man.

 **fish fear me:** NO BRO BE MY BEST MAN

 **fish fear me:** IVE KNOWN U LONGER

 **women want me:** Oh no 😂

 **we live in a society:** I'll just stand in the middle and we can have the wedding around me

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** lllllllllll

 **we live in a society:** Oh thank god Mona's illiterate again

 **VIBE CHECK:** Ryuji, Inari, where do you wanna get hitched?

 **VIBE CHECK:** Haru and I are teaming up to make your day extra special! >:3

 **Everyone Liked That:** I can use my connections to get any venue you want!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Somewhere beautiful.

 **fish fear me:** id get married in an alley if it meant i was marryin yusk

 **we live in a society:** Let's find the most beautiful alley in all of Tokyo

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Can I join the wedding planning team?

 **VIBE CHECK:** you're already in (●♡∀♡)

 **Everyone Liked That:** Of course you can, Mako-chan! 💛

 **women want me:** Not to like, change the topic because omg I am so excited for this wedding that's not a wedding, but

 **women want me:** @ _we live in a society_ How did you know that we would all like, come round to our old selves?

 **we live in a society:** Actually I didn't

 **we live in a society:** I just kind of hoped for the best

 **fish fear me:** nd u hoepd right!

 **fish fear me:** god ufck typing

 **fish fear me:** it was still weird as fuck tho

 **Lobster Emoji:** I agree.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Looking back, the thought of continuing on with Madarame as my sensei sickens me.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Even though he may not have committed his crimes in that universe, there is something still innately unsettling about it.

 **Everyone Liked That:** While I'll miss my father greatly, I'd much rather be the person I am now than a complacent doormat!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Me too, Haru.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It was great to see Dad again, but you can't just accept a life where everything is planned for you.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** My sentiments exactly, Niijima-san.

 **women want me:** I'm just still mad about not being a lesbian 😠

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm still mad Akechi killed my mom

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Once again, I apologise.

 **VIBE CHECK:** t(￣m￣*)

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Fine, I'm not sorry at all.

 **we live in a society:** ALRIGHT LET'S DISCUSS STRATEGY

 **we live in a society:** MAKOTO WHAT DO YOU HAVE

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Uhhh.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We fight your therapist?

 **we live in a society:** GREAT LET'S DO IT

 **fish fear me:** just call him up nd demand a fight outside the shibuya diner bro

 **we live in a society:** I don't think that's going to work

 **fish fear me:** worth a try bro

 **women want me:** Imagine if like, we could have solved all our previous Palaces just by fistfighting them irl 😂

 **we live in a society:** Just wailing on Kamoshida with an iron pipe

 **Lobster Emoji:** The idea of Akira simply fist-fighting Madarame is deeply amusing.

 **Everyone Liked That:** The idea of Akira fighting my father is also absolutely hilarious! 😹

 **we live in a society:** I'd fight Shido

 **we live in a society:** Slap his head like a bongo drum

 **women want me:** JKDFSKJDF

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I would revel in that sight.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** As hilarious as it is to imagine, that method would have caused a lot of problems for both Futaba and Sis' palace.

 **VIBE CHECK:** （ΟΔΟ；；）

 **we live in a society:** Sae would have absolutely destroyed me

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Correct.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Sae-san is so strong and beautiful...

 **women want me:** I don't know if I want to be Sae-san or want to date Sae-san 😭

 **women want me:** NOT THAT I'M GOING TO DATE YOUR SISTER MAKOTO JSKDFJKSDF

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thank you?

 **we live in a society:** I would make a joke but I am actually genuinely terrified of the iconic Niijima wrath

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Rightly so.

 **fish fear me:** i wish i was half as strong as makochan :(

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We can always train together, Ryuji.

 **fish fear me:** please go easy on me maam

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll come too!

 **women want me:** ME TOO SKJDFSLKD

 **we live in a society:** Fuck it, let's start a Makoto exercise class

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll be good watching from the sidelines!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I will join Futaba in watching from afar and cheering you on.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You're both joining in.

 **we live in a society:** Either that or you're both donning cheerleader outfits and cheering us on

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'd wear a cheerleading outfit if Inari also wore one!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe one would suit me.

 **VIBE CHECK:** CHEERLEADING SQUAD (*-`ω´- )人(*-`ω´- )

 **we live in a society:** That backfired spectacularly

 **fish fear me:** gotta disagree bro

 **VIBE CHECK:** gay

 **fish fear me:** shuddup!!!!

 **fish fear me:** wait

 **fish fear me:** YEA

 **Everyone Liked That:** It might have only been a week, but I really missed our chats.

 **women want me:** Mmhm~!

 **women want me:** What's the point of happiness if like, we don't get this kind of banter? 😂

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We should make an itemised list of everything Maruki got wrong so we can give him a stern telling-off before the final boss battle.

 **we live in a society:** "Firstly, what was with all the straight people?"

 **Everyone Liked That:** We say that, but he DID make you and Akechi into an official couple!

 **VIBE CHECK:** you ever ship something so hard you change all of reality to make it canon?

 **we live in a society:** Yeah but I would have just asked Akechi out in our normal reality, too

 **we live in a society:** You know

 **we live in a society:** If he hadn't died

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** You seem to forget that I didn't actually die, Akira.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That's a good point, actually.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** How DID you survive, Akechi?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I simply woke back up in the real world after the fight with my cognitive self.

 **fish fear me:** so what

 **fish fear me:** u got shot nd just woke back up?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I have literally no idea how I can possibly make my point any clearer than that.

 **VIBE CHECK:** imagine getting vibe checked so hard it yeets you back into reality

 **fish fear me:** huh

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Maybe there's a chance that if we die in the Metaverse, we just wake back up in the real world?

 **fish fear me:** next time we go into mementos someone shoot me

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Gladly.

 **we live in a society:** NO

 **Lobster Emoji:** Please refrain from killing my husband-to-be, Akechi-kun.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** You people are no fun.

 **we live in a society:** This is why you don't have any friends

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Is my own boyfriend turning against me?

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** That is fair.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** For now, we probably shouldn't try killing any of us in the Metaverse, just in case Akechi's survival turned out to be a fluke.

 **women want me:** "For now"

 **we live in a society:** I already volunteer

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** To do the shooting or to be shot?

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **VIBE CHECK:** let's just snipe Mona

 **VIBE CHECK:** if we accidentally kill him, we can just wish super hard for him to come back!

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** fffffffffff

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe Mona does not 'vibe' with this idea.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Please don't shoot Mona, Futaba-chan!

 **VIBE CHECK:** fiiiiine

 **VIBE CHECK:** Ryuji, you're up!

 **fish fear me:** hang on!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** pretty sure i aint gonna come back by us wishin hard!!!

 **VIBE CHECK:** only one way to find out >:333

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Nobody is shooting anyone!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And that includes Akechi!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** As in, nobody can shoot me or I'm not allowed to shoot anyone?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yes.

 **we live in a society:** We can't do the 'inclusive or' joke twice in the same five minutes

 **VIBE CHECK:** we can and we will >:3

 **we live in a society:** Alright that's it

 **we live in a society:** Bad and naughty Phantom Thieves get sent back into Maruki's false reality

 **VIBE CHECK:** (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

 **Everyone Liked That:** No fighting!

 **women want me:** Shakira Shakira~

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** How do you all ever get anything done when your group chats are full of these inane replies?

**> VIBE CHECK kicked Gowo Akechi uwu from the chat thread.**

**women want me:** FUTABA KSDJFKLSDKLF

 **VIBE CHECK:** it's fine, I only kicked him from the thread!

 **VIBE CHECK:** he can rejoin whenever he wants >:333

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the chat thread.**

**> VIBE CHECK kicked Gowo Akechi uwu from the chat thread.**

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the chat thread.**

**> VIBE CHECK kicked Gowo Akechi uwu from the chat thread.**

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the chat thread.**

**> VIBE CHECK kicked Gowo Akechi uwu from the chat thread.**

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the chat thread.**

**> VIBE CHECK kicked Gowo Akechi uwu from the chat thread.**

****The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** Should we step in and stop this?

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** Nah

**> VIBE CHECK kicked Gowo Akechi uwu from the chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** Let her have her fun

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the chat thread.**

**> VIBE CHECK kicked Gowo Akechi uwu from the chat thread.**

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the chat thread.**

**> VIBE CHECK kicked Gowo Akechi uwu from the chat thread.**

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the chat thread.**

**VIBE CHECK:** alright I'm done for now >:33333

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I suppose I will make a mental note to never point out any flaws in your plans.

**> Everyone Liked That kicked Gowo Akechi uwu from the chat thread.**

**VIBE CHECK:** that one wasn't me!

 **Everyone Liked That:** That's because it was me!

 **women want me:** HARU SDKJFSDKLF

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** Go Haru!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Well done, Haru.

 **we live in a society:** I missed you guys so much

 **fish fear me:** we missed u too bro

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the chat thread.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative group chat nicknames for Akechi: pancakefucker69, Psycho killer qu'est-ce que c'est?, akirafucker42069.
> 
> I should probably mention that I have zero (0) actual story plans for the time between now and actually finishing Maruki's palace so I will absolutely be making this up as I go along. I just hope you enjoy reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it!


	26. Don't go bonkin' my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **we live in a society:** Thank you, Haru
> 
>  **we live in a society:** I am now illegally certified to look at horses and go "yes, that's a horse"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a pre-warning: I've never read The Hunger Games and I've only seen the first two films.

**JANUARY 9TH**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:05pm**

**The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** On a serious note and now that Akechi's presumably back in the chat for the time being, I've managed to chalk up a sort-of strategy plan.

 **we live in a society:** Hit me with it

 **Everyone Liked That:** We're listening, Mako-chan!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akira, it's highly unlikely that Maruki will act before February 3rd, right?

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **we live in a society:** He's a man of his word

 **women want me:** He probably like, wants us to spend a couple of weeks thinking it over anyway~

 **Lobster Emoji:** I agree. The longer we spend between realities, the more doubt will creep into our hearts.

 **fish fear me:** we back 2 the fistfightin outside the shibuya diner plan then

 **we live in a society:** Already rolling up my sleeves

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** We could just shoot him.

 **we live in a society:** We've been over this and we are not shooting my therapist

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** It would solve a lot of our problems.

 **we live in a society:** No, because then we'd be involved in a murder investigation

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I could easily get us off.

 **we live in a society:** Let's save that for later, sweetcheeks

 **VIBE CHECK:** (╬ಠ益ಠ)

 **Everyone Liked That:** No shooting anyone!

 **women want me:** Watching them flirt is like watching a car crash... 😪

 **we live in a society:** A sexy car crash

 **VIBE CHECK:** no

 **we live in a society:** I can read the room

 **we live in a society:** I'll take my shirt off

 **VIBE CHECK:** also no

 **Lobster Emoji:** Please do.

 **women want me:** Whyyyyy

 **fish fear me:** do it bro

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I agree with Sakamoto-kun.

 **fish fear me:** nvm keep it on

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If I'm alright to continue...?

 **we live in a society:** Sorry Mako-chan

 **we live in a society:** Go on

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thank you.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I suggest we rest for at least one day, because we won't achieve anything while we're overwhelmed like this.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akira, could you talk to Yoshizawa-san for us? Find out if she wants to join us.

 **we live in a society:** Yes ma'am

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Then we should do Palace recon on the 11th.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Just to get a general feel for the place and see how far we can get.

 **women want me:** Seeing as like, we have yet to get through a single Palace in just one day, there'll probably be like, some sort of obstacle, right?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Right. I've accounted for that and added in at least two extra days for exploration in case we come up against something.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Although if my maths is correct, which it is, we'll have at least a week left after securing a route to the treasure.

 **Everyone Liked That:** We should do something fun!

 **fish fear me:** yea but aint school gonna get in the way

 **VIBE CHECK:** Haru, buy the school!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I could probably afford it!

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** :** No buying the school!

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** : **It would make more sense for Haru to buy us all fake diplomas, anyway.

 **we live in a society:** DID MAKOTO JUST CONDONE ILLEGAL ACTIVITY

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** : **No!

 **women want me:** YES SHE DID KJSDFKSDF

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** : **Oh no.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'll buy us all some fake degrees!

 **fish fear me:** make mine somethin sporty pls

 **Lobster Emoji:** I would greatly appreciate a fine arts degree.

 **VIBE CHECK:** comp sci! >:3

 **we live in a society:** Fuck it

 **we live in a society:** Horse science

 **women want me:** I'm thinking like, english with a minor in fashion studies~?

 **women want me:** Ooh ooh maybe photojournalism!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Why not both!

 **women want me:** SKJDHFJKSDF YESSSSS

 **Everyone Liked That:** How about you, Mako-chan?

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** : **I'm not letting you buy us fake degrees, Haru.

 **we live in a society:** Boooooo

 **we live in a society:** Let me be a trophy husband

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** With a degree in 'horse science'?

 **we live in a society:** It's a legitimate degree

 **Everyone Liked That:** And even if it wasn't, I'd get one forged for Akira anyway!

 **we live in a society:** Thank you, Haru

 **we live in a society:** I am now illegally certified to look at horses and go "yes, that's a horse"

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** : **Alright, I'm putting my foot down.

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** : **It's been a long day and I think we all need some rest.

 **fish fear me:** yes maam

 **VIBE CHECK:** way ahead of you (´〜｀*) zzz

 **women want me:** If I'm not in school tomorrow, I'm probably like, still in bed 😴💤

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** zzzzzzzzzz

 **Lobster Emoji:** I'm never too sure if Mona actually understands our conversations.

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** uuuuuers

 **Lobster Emoji:** I will take that as a compliment.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Goodnight, Phantom Thieves!

 **fish fear me:** gnight bros 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

 **Lobster Emoji:** Sleep well, my friends.

 **women want me:** Goodnight~!!!! 💖💖💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** ꒰´ ु-௰ू-॰`꒱⋆｡˚✩ɢ∞פ ɴⅈɢhт ༘*ೄ˚

 **we live in a society:** Goodnight my sweet friends

 **we live in a society:** I love you all

 **we live in a society:** 🖤🖤🖤

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** : **Goodnight, everyone. It's good to be back.

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** : **And for the record, I'd take a degree in criminal justice.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 10TH**

* * *

** Yusuke Kitagawa **

**> 7:16am: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Weird question

 **Akira:** Do you still have that drawing of me naked?

 **Yusuke:** I do.

 **Akira:** Akechi wants to buy it

 **Yusuke:** Buy... it?

 **Akira:** Yeah you know

 **Akira:** Give you money in exchange for it

 **Yusuke:** I am perplexed.

 **Akira:** He says he'll give you ¥100,000 for it

 **Yusuke:** !!!

 **Akira:** Please believe me when I say he has money to burn

 **Yusuke:** I would never turn down such an offer!

 **Yusuke:** I would paint a thousand nude pictures of you for such money!

 **Akira:** Please don't tell him that

 **Akira:** Because he WILL take you up on that deal

 **Yusuke:** The things I could do with such a large amount of money...

 **Yusuke:** I could treat Ryuji to a thousand beef bowls...

 **Akira:** I think you could probably afford more than a thousand for that kind of money

 **Yusuke:** Two thousand...

 **Akira:** You could probably just buy the beef bowl shop

 **Yusuke:** !!!

 **Akira:** That's my Yusuke

 **Akira:** I'll send you the money later

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, Akira.

 **Yusuke:** At least one good thing has come out of that terrible other universe.

 **Akira:** Hey you and Ryuji are getting sort-of-married

 **Akira:** That's very good

 **Yusuke:** Indeed.

 **Yusuke:** It is impressive to see how far our relationship has come in so few months.

 **Akira:** He bonked his way into your heart

 **Akira:** Wait

 **Akira:** No

 **Yusuke:** He did indeed.

 **Akira:** Oh god

 **Akira:** Alright I'm going to go finish my breakfast before I get stuck on the mental image of the two of you smanging

 **Yusuke:** It is a wonderful mental image.

 **Akira:** ALRIGHT BYE YUSUKE HAVE A GOOD DAY I LOVE YOU

 **Yusuke:** I love you too, Akira.

 **Yusuke:** Have a wonderful day.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Sumire Yoshizawa**

**> 12:27pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Hey

 **Akira:** You okay?

 **Sumire:** I don't know.

 **Akira:** That's alright, Sumire

 **Akira:** You've got me to talk to if you need to

 **Akira:** The other Phantom Thieves are here for you, too

 **Sumire:** Your friends are all so nice, senpai.

 **Sumire:** Aside from Akechi-kun.

 **Sumire:** Who is a little bit terrifying.

 **Akira:** Let's not go there right now

 **Akira:** We can unpack what's going on with Akechi later

 **Akira:** But we're all geared up to fight Maruki and take back our reality

 **Akira:** Are you in?

 **Sumire:** I think so?

 **Sumire:** No, I know so!

 **Sumire:** Kasumi would want me to keep putting my best foot forward!

 **Akira:** I think she'd be proud of you for putting that best foot down and refusing to run anymore

 **Sumire:** I know Maruki was just trying to help, but I can't hide from the truth forever.

 **Sumire:** The first step to knowing you have a problem is admitting it! I think!

 **Akira:** I think so too

 **Sumire:** I think I'd be okay with joining The Phantom Thieves this time.

 **Sumire:** If that's okay with you all!

 **Akira:** Of course it is

 **Akira:** We'd be honoured to have you on board

 **Akira:** I'll add you to our official group chat

 **Sumire:** Thank you, senpai! ❤️

 **Akira:** Let's keep putting our best feet forward together

 **Akira:** And go beat up our therapist for trying to help

 **Sumire:** Deal! ❤️

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 12:41pm: we live in a society started a new chat thread.**

**> Sumire Yoshizawa joined the group.**

**> Sumire Yoshizawa joined the chat thread.**

**we live in a society:** Introducing the newest member of The Phantom Thieves

 **Sumire:** Hello! ❤️

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** It's nice to have you here, Yoshizawa-san.

 **women want me:** Agreed~! 💖

 **fish fear me:** yooooo yoshizawasan!!!!

 **Sumire:** Please, call me Sumire!

 **Sumire:** And I'm afraid I can't quite work out who's who by the nicknames :'(

 **we live in a society:** I'm your favourite senpai

 **women want me:** It's Ann~! 💖

 **women want me:** Takamaki if we're doing surnames~!

 **VIBE CHECK:** Futaba Sakura, checking in! (★´ω｀★)ゞ

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am Yusuke Kitagawa.

 **fish fear me:** ryuji!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** sakamoto!!!!!!!

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** I'm Makoto Niijima.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Haru Okumura! It's nice to have you here, Sumire!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I believe my nickname may be the most obvious.

 **Sumire:** It's nice to meet you all again!

 **Sumire:** I realise we didn't have the best of introductions, haha! :'D

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** jjjjjjjjjj

 **we live in a society:** Tiny Bastard Man is Morgana

 **Sumire:** Your cat's in your group chat? :o

 **we live in a society:** It's a long story

 **we live in a society:** He can't actually type anything legible

 **VIBE CHECK:** we should give Sumire a nickname (ʃ⌣́,⌣́ƪ)

 **we live in a society:** I absolutely have this

**> we live in a society changed Sumire Yoshizawa's nickname to Senpai**

**Senpai:** Senpai?

 **we live in a society:** It's your turn to be the senpai, Sumire

 **we live in a society:** Cartwheel us all into the future

 **fish fear me:** thats deep bro

 **women want me:** But it totally fits Sumire~! 😁

 **Senpai:** If the shoe fits! ❤️

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** We're taking the day off from thievery today because I'm sure everyone's overwhelmed with what happened, but we'll be heading back into Maruki's palace tomorrow.

 **Senpai:** I'm ready!

 **fish fear me:** bros we gotta think of a codename 4 sumire

 **Senpai:** A codename?

 **Everyone Liked That:** We all use codenames in the Metaverse! I'm Noir!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Mine is Fox.

 **we live in a society:** I'm Joker

 **fish fear me:** im skull!!!!!

 **women want me:** I'm Panther~!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** They call me 'Crow'.

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** I'm Queen.

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm Oracle because I can see the future >:3

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** llllllll

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** Oh, Morgana is just Mona.

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** hhhhhhh

 **we live in a society:** What he said

 **Senpai:** They're all such cool nicknames!

 **VIBE CHECK:** now we just have to find one for you ( ु⁎ᴗ_ᴗ⁎)ु.｡oO

 **fish fear me:** how about violet?

 **Senpai:** Violet?

 **fish fear me:** well sumire means violet right

 **fish fear me:** like the flower

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** That's actually a really smart idea, Ryuji.

 **fish fear me:** hey!!!!

 **women want me:** He does have his moments 😂

 **fish fear me:** i saved u all from dyin in shidos palace!!!

 **Everyone Liked That:** And we're still very grateful for that!

 **we live in a society:** Ryuji has street smarts

 **we live in a society:** Makoto has book smarts

 **we live in a society:** Together they make a functioning human being

 **Lobster Emoji:** What sort of smarts do I have, Akira?

 **VIBE CHECK:** art smarts, duh

 **we live in a society:** Yusuke puts the 'art' in 'smart'

 **VIBE CHECK:** you just retold my joke! 3:<

 **we live in a society:** Copyright Akira Kurusu, 20XX

 **VIBE CHECK:** (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** Not to interrupt the fight, but lunchtime's nearly over.

 **women want me:** Right~! 💖

 **women want me:** Sooooo Sumire's codename is now Violet, right~? 😁

 **Senpai:** I think it's good! ❤️

 **fish fear me:** score 1 4 ryuji

 **we live in a society:** Alright let's go back to class before Makoto hunts us for sport

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** I'd hunt you in the name of justice.

 **VIBE CHECK:** PHANTOM THIEVES HUNGER GAMES (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

 **fish fear me:** whod win?

 **VIBE CHECK:** Inari, because he's always hungry

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe my constant hunger would cause me to die before even setting foot in the arena.

 **we live in a society:** Well this is cheery

 **VIBE CHECK:** and accurate! ✧٩(ˊωˋ*)و✧

 **fish fear me:** i think makochan nd haruchan would be the last 2 standin

 **women want me:** I love Makoto's brain but Haru would TOTALLY win 😅

 **women want me:** She like, has the muscles and the axe to take us all out~

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** I think Haru would be from one of the rich districts and wouldn't have to participate in the Hunger Games.

 **Senpai:** But what if there was a mix-up in the drawing and Haru had to participate! :o

 **Everyone Liked That:** I couldn't bring myself to kill any of you!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Ahem.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Most of you!

 **women want me:** KSJDFKSKJDF HARU

 **fish fear me:** akechid kill all of us so haru doesnt have to

 **we live in a society:** Akechi would kill us all, except for Yusuke who died before even entering the arena

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you.

 **we live in a society:** But then he'd see me from across the arena

 **we live in a society:** And he would fall in love

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I would kill you without hesitation.

 **we live in a society:** While he's distracted by my rippling abs

 **we live in a society:** Haru would sneak up and whack him with her axe

 **Everyone Liked That:** But that means I'd have to kill you, Akira!

 **VIBE CHECK:** Akira would have totally planned for this and would eat poisoned berries so you'd win ¡¡¡( •̀ ᴗ •́ )و!!!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Oh, Akira!

 **we live in a society:** Anything for my favourite burger heiress

 **women want me:** Is it like, too soon for us to be joking about Akira almost being killed? 😅

 **we live in a society:** It's fine he missed

 **Senpai:** I'm sorry, Akechi-kun did what?!

 **women want me:** Akechi tried to like, kill Akira because his dad said so? 🤔

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** That's simplifying it by quite a bit but yes, Akechi did attempt to assassinate Akira.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I would like to point out that I would have succeeded if it hadn't been for your infuriating plan to trick me into entering the Metaverse.

 **Senpai:** What?!

 **we live in a society:** Sounds like someone's still bitter that he didn't manage to kill me

 **women want me:** You two have the weirdest relationship 😬

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Indeed.

 **we live in a society:** I've been trying to get him to go to therapy but my therapist is currently god

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** Ahem.

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** Class time.

 **Senpai:** I'm somehow more confused than I was when we started...

 **women want me:** We'll explain it at some point~!

 **we live in a society:** But for now, we've got to learn or else Makoto will hunt us for sport

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** Correct.

 **VIBE CHECK:** have fun, nerds! ヽ(。ゝω･)ﾉ☆;:*

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever think about how Haru basically owns Burger King? I feel like I've said this before.
> 
> I feel like The Phantom Thieves have decided it's totally cool to joke about Akechi trying to kill Akira because it absolutely infuriates Akechi. Akechi's just like *shrug emoji*
> 
> P.S. Tell me how you think a Phantom Thieves Hunger Games would actually play out.


	27. The birds and the bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't think you should try and base your life around tarot readings.
> 
>  **we live in a society:** The five of bees says otherwise
> 
>  **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't think that's a real tarot card.

**JANUARY 10TH**

* * *

** Sumire Yoshizawa, Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Morgana Notacat **

**> 2:05pm: Akira started a new group.**

**> 2:05pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Can we all do darts after school?

 **Akira:** We need to rank up Sumire's baton pass

 **Ryuji:** yea bro!!!!

 **Ann:** Of course~! 💖

 **Sumire:** Baton pass?

 **Ann:** It's like this thing where we high-five in battle to pass the baton~!

 **Ann:** The baton being TOTALLY metaphorical!

 **Ryuji:** nd passin the baton makes us like stronger nd shit

 **Ryuji:** ups our crit rate

 **Sumire:** Oh, okay!

 **Sumire:** I can be there!

 **Morgana:** aaaaaaa

 **Akira:** I don't know why I put Morgana in this group chat

 **Sumire:** Hello, Morgana!

 **Morgana:** bbbbbbbbb

 **Ryuji:** give him enough time nd hell get thru the whole alphabet

 **Morgana:** nnnnnnn

 **Ryuji:** aw he fucked it up

 **Sumire:** You can still save it, Morgana!

 **Morgana:** ddddd

 **Akira:** The alphabet now goes ABND

 **Akira:** Morgana has spoken

 **Ann:** 😂😂😂

 **Sumire:** Is now the time to ask about what's happening with Akechi-kun?

 **Ann:** Oh boy 😅

 **Ryuji:** he nd akira r datin

 **Ryuji:** even though akechi tried 2 shoot akira in the head

 **Morgana:** eeeeeeee

 **Akira:** What Mona said

 **Sumire:** So Akechi-kun tried to shoot you and you're now dating?

 **Akira:** Okay so basically

 **Akira:** Here's the short version

 **Akira:** Akechi was investigating the Phantom Thieves and then blackmailed his way into becoming one of us

 **Akira:** But it turned out he was actually working for Shido and trying to destroy the Phantom Thieves

 **Akira:** Which involved me being shot in the head while in police custody

 **Ann:** But we like, totally figured him out ahead of time, and tricked him into entering the Metaverse and shooting the cognitive version of Akira instead~!

 **Akira:** So we went to go take down Shido's Palace

 **Akira:** And it turned out that Shido is actually Akechi's dad

 **Akira:** And that Shido was just using him to kill anyone who got in his way

 **Sumire:** Oh!

 **Akira:** And then things got kind of confusing

 **Akira:** And Akechi was killed by his cognitive double

 **Akira:** But he keeps insisting he didn't actually die

 **Ryuji:** i mean the dude is walkin around w/ a pulse nd all

 **Ryuji:** i aint a doctor but im pretty sure that means hes alive

 **Akira:** And then on Christmas Eve after we shot god, Akechi was like "hey I'll turn myself into the police in Akira's place"

 **Akira:** And then we wound up in Maruki's reality and Akechi got out of police custody

 **Akira:** And apparently Maruki really likes Akechi and I as a couple because we were officially dating in his universe

 **Sumire:** So the two of you are just still dating now?

 **Akira:** Pretty much

 **Sumire:** Even though he tried to kill you?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Sumire:** And even though he's killed others?

 **Akira:** Also yes

 **Ann:** I can kindaaaa see where Akira's coming from?

 **Ann:** Like, it wasn't really Akechi's fault that he was killing people because he just wanted his dad to notice him...

 **Ann:** But at the same time, that totally doesn't excuse killing people!

 **Sumire:** I think this whole scenario is more than I can deal with :o

 **Akira:** He's also a little bit feral nowadays

 **Ryuji:** a lil bit?

 **Ryuji:** bro hes basically rabid

 **Akira:** I know, it's hot

 **Ann:** 🤮

 **Sumire:** I never expected this side of you, senpai!

 **Akira:** I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing

 **Sumire:** It's a bit of both.

 **Ryuji:** oh bro u know akechi aint invited 2 my weddin right

 **Akira:** I was going to leave him at home anyway so he and Makoto wouldn't get into a fistfight at the altar

 **Sumire:** You're getting married, Sakamoto-kun?

 **Ryuji:** yea!!!

 **Ryuji:** kinda!!!!!

 **Ann:** Gay marriage isn't like, legal yet, so we're just having the ceremony without all the legal stuff~! 💖💖💖

 **Sumire:** Who are you marrying, if you don't mind me asking?

 **Ryuji:** yusk!!!

 **Sumire:** Oh!

 **Akira:** They're a match made in heaven

 **Ann:** KSLJDFLKDS THEY SO ARE 😭💖

 **Sumire:** You never told me this, senpai!

 **Akira:** I also never told you that Ann has a girlfriend

 **Sumire:** You have a girlfriend, Takamaki-san?

 **Ann:** Yessssssss~ 💖💖💖

 **Ann:** She's the cutest!! 🥰

 **Akira:** I'd die for Shiho, no questions asked

 **Ryuji:** oh ur invited 2 the weddin sumire!!!

 **Ryuji:** i trust u more than i trust akechi

 **Sumire:** Thank you, Sakamoto-kun! ❤️

 **Ryuji:** u can call me ryuji bro

 **Sumire** : Thank you, Ryuji! ❤️

 **Ann:** I wish I could go back in time and like, tell little middle school Ryuji that he'd one day be marrying a super handsome artist~

 **Ryuji:** middle school ryuji would be like "is she hot"

 **Ann:** He totally would be 🤦🏼

 **Ryuji:** it rly wasnt until akira showed up that i thought "hey mayb i aint straight"

 **Ann:** SAAAME KLDFJGKLF

 **Ann:** That's why I didn't ask Shiho out like, until it felt right?

 **Akira:** Then I came along and rubbed my gay little hands on everything

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** phrasin

 **Sumire:** Do you just turn everyone you meet not-straight, senpai?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** I just yell "I'LL REVEAL YOUR TRUE FORM" and you turn into a pride flag

 **Ann:** KSJDFJSKFJKH

 **Sumire:** Are the other Phantom Thieves also not-straight?

 **Ryuji:** well yusks gay

 **Ann:** We haven't really asked anyone outright because like, we don't want to pressure them into anything?

 **Ann:** But we know Futaba is just one biiiig question mark 😂

 **Akira:** She's a disaster mess like me

 **Akira:** Runs in the family

 **Sumire:** You and Sakura-san are siblings, senpai?

 **Akira:** Biologically no

 **Akira:** Emotionally and maybe legally yes

 **Ryuji:** akira just keeps gainin dads

 **Akira:** I have like three dads at this point

 **Akira:** Not including my biological dad

 **Akira:** Maybe four dads

 **Akira:** Is Yaldabaoth my dad?

 **Ann:** NO

 **Ryuji:** no bro

 **Akira:** How about Igor?

 **Ryuji:** uhhhh

 **Ann:** Uhhhhh 🤔

 **Akira:** 3.5 dads

 **Akira:** Not to change the subject of my questionable family tree but

 **Akira:** School's almost over, so should we meet near the gates and head on over to darts together?

 **Ryuji:** u got it bro

 **Sumire:** Sounds good to me, senpai!

 **Ann:** Don't worry, Sumire, we can toooootally lecture Akira over his love life while we're playing darts 😆

 **Akira:** This is bullying

 **Ann:** We do it because we love youuuuu~ 💖

 **Akira:** :(

 **Akira:** </3

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 3:04pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** I'm heading out to darts with Sumire, Ryuji, Ann, and Mona

 **Akira:** Do you want to go to the jazz club together later?

 **Goro:** No darts for me?

 **Akira:** I love you but I absolutely cannot have you threatening our latest recruit because she didn't hit a bullseye

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** I'll make it up to you later

 **Goro:** Very well.

 **Goro:** What time shall we meet?

 **Akira:** 6?

 **Goro:** I'll be there.

 **Akira:** Love yoooouuu

 **Goro:** I love you too.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 11TH**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 8:45am: **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell** started a new chat thread.**

****The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** Is everyone okay for investigating Maruki's Palace later?

 **fish fear me:** yea!!!!!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Of course.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yeah!

 **VIBE CHECK:** (*＾▽＾)b

 **women want me:** Yessss~!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **we live in a society:** Aye

 **Senpai:** Yes!

 **Senpai:** Where are we meeting?

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** Seeing as we don't really need a strategy meeting, we'll meet at the stadium and head straight in.

 **Senpai:** Okay, Niijima-san!

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** You can call me Makoto, Sumire!

 **Senpai:** Okay, Makoto!

 **we live in a society:** Everyone have a good day at school

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** That's my line!

 **VIBE CHECK:** don't do drugs! ヽ(。ゝω･)ﾉ☆;:*

 ** **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:**** That would be my line if I were worried about you doing drugs.

 **fish fear me:** makochan trustin us not 2 do drugs feels so nice

 **we live in a society:** I say 420 blaze it

 **VIBE CHECK:** you've still never seen a weed, huh

 **we live in a society:** You don't need to have seen weed to be part of the 420 club

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Go to school.

 **we live in a society:** Yes sir

 **we live in a society:** See you all later, my sweet Thieves and also Akechi

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 1:13pm: **fish fear me** started a new chat thread.**

**fish fear me:** ive been thinkin about it nd maybe havin a persona makes u gay

 **we live in a society:** Alright so that's definitely my favourite conversation starter ever

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** What are you possibly learning in school that could be so boring you start thinking about the link between homosexuality and Persona users instead?

 **fish fear me:** shuddup u pancake lovin fuck

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Excuse me?

 **we live in a society:** No fighting

 **we live in a society:** Shakira Shakira

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Akira, where is my sword?

 **we live in a society:** You're not stabbing my best friend

 **fish fear me:** bro im ur best friend?

 **we live in a society:** Of course you are

 **fish fear me:** bro.........

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** There would be no stabbing.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** It would be more of a slicing motion.

 **we live in a society:** You're not slicing my best friend

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** How about a sharp jab?

 **we live in a society:** No stabbing, slicing, jabbing, dicing, or general sword fuckery

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I didn't see impaling on that list.

 **we live in a society:** It falls under "general sword fuckery"

 **women want me:** Can you guys STOP blowing up my phone 😣

 **women want me:** Kawakami is getting suspicious 😣😣😣

 **we live in a society:** Turn vibrate off so these two can keep fighting

 **Senpai:** Is this a hand-to-hand fight in the real world or a Persona one in the Metaverse?

 **fish fear me:** id kick his ass in both

 **Senpai:** But... Akechi-kun kills people?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Thank you, Yoshizawa-san.

 **Senpai:** I mean, I'm not saying that you'd necessarily win, but I don't think Ryuji's ever killed someone?

 **fish fear me:** nope!

 **fish fear me:** i have the high ground

 **we live in a society:** YOU WERE MY BROTHER RYUJI

 **we live in a society:** I LOVED YOU

 **fish fear me:** I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

 **VIBE CHECK:** "it's okay, Futaba, you can go for your shower, you won't miss anything!"

 **VIBE CHECK:** (╬⓪益⓪)

 **we live in a society:** Waterproof your phone

 **VIBE CHECK:** working on it

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I just opened my chat app and I have no idea what's going on here.

 **fish fear me:** akechis tryina stab me

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Because you called me a "pancake loving fuck!"

 **fish fear me:** yea but its true

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I hate pancakes.

 **fish fear me:** what the fuck

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And why is Ryuji telling Akira he hates him?

 **we live in a society:** War Stars reference

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I won't worry about that, then.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I apologise for being so late to joining the conversation.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I saw a wonderful bird on campus and rushed to paint it.

 **fish fear me:** i love u so much

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yusuke, you never have to worry about being late to these chats.

 **we live in a society:** What kind of bird

 **Lobster Emoji:** A beautiful one.

**> Lobster Emoji sent a photo.**

**Gowo Akechi uwu:** Ah, that is a copper pheasant.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** It is fascinating that you would find one on your campus.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** They usually stay up in the hills and mountainous areas.

 **fish fear me:** how come hes all polite 2 yusk but i get threatened w/ a stabbin

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Well, Yusuke did just send a photo of a bird while you called Akechi a "pancake lovin fuck."

 **fish fear me:** yea ok thats fair

 **we live in a society:** He also thinks Yusuke's hot

 **fish fear me:** who doesnt

 **fish fear me:** WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I merely commented once that Kitagawa-kun is particularly attractive.

 **fish fear me:** i am so takin out ur fuckin kneecaps next time we meet up

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You can take out his kneecaps AFTER we're finished with Maruki's palace.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Please do not worry, Ryuji.

 **Lobster Emoji:** While I am flattered that Akechi finds me attractive, I could never date anyone who was responsible for the deaths of my friends' parents.

 **Senpai:** He WHAT?!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ah.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Has no-one filled in Sumire-chan on Akechi's past?

 **we live in a society:** Oops

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes, I was the perpetrator behind the deaths of both Wakaba Isshiki and Kunikazu Okumura.

 **VIBE CHECK:** ........

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I was acting as my father's pawn at the time.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Which I have come to understand does not excuse my actions, but it at least provides some explanation.

 **Senpai:** And you also tried to kill senpai?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **we live in a society:** I would like to point out that he missed

 **Senpai:** This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, senpai.

 **we live in a society:** It isn't

 **fish fear me:** bro we needa get ur therapist back just 4 the therapy

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I think Maruki will be busy enough finding a therapist of his own once we change his heart.

 **fish fear me:** akira

 **fish fear me:** u got like 2000 confidants

 **fish fear me:** is one of them also a therapist

 **we live in a society:** Best I can do is a fortune teller

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't think you should try and base your life around tarot readings.

 **we live in a society:** The five of bees says otherwise

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't think that's a real tarot card.

 **VIBE CHECK:** nah it means bees

 **VIBE CHECK:** five of them

 **we live in a society:** Five bees

 **we live in a society:** Sitting in a hot tub

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Several feet apart, as bees are quite small and hot tubs would be ginormous for them.

 **fish fear me:** get em out of there!!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** BEES CANT SWIM AKIRA

 **we live in a society:** It's fine they're just hovering gently over the bubbles

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** If I had managed to infiltrate this group earlier and saw these chat logs, I would have absolutely not believed that you were the infamous Phantom Thieves of Hearts.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I saw a bee earlier.

 **fish fear me:** can we please move my marriage to like this weekend

 **fish fear me:** i dont think i can last much longer

 **VIBE CHECK:** I can't believe Inari's seen both the birds and the bees today >:3

 **Lobster Emoji:** You still haven't told me just what the birds and the bees are, Futaba.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Don't you dare, Futaba.

 **VIBE CHECK:** well, Inari, when two boys love each other very much

 **we live in a society:** THEY SMANG

 **VIBE** **CHECK:** NO

 **VIBE CHECK:** NO!!!!!!!!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Oh no.

 **we live in a society:** YESSSSS

 **we live in a society:** I'VE BEEN WAITING TWO MONTHS TO STEAL YOUR THUNDER

 **VIBE CHECK:** A TOTAL K.O.

 **Lobster Emoji:** So are you implying that Ryuji and I will be smanging later?

 **Lobster Emoji:** As I believe we will be too tired from exploring the Palace.

 **we live in a society:** Do you ever forget that your actions have consequences

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** This was the best possible outcome for this entire scenario.

 **fish fear me:** not 4 me bro

 **fish fear me:** not 4 me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, looking at my neatly planned and well-structured drafts: alright, let's get this written up!  
> me, an hour later: what about a tarot deck but it's BEES
> 
> I had plans to be on like, January 15th by now.


	28. Schrödinger's Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Akira:** You say tomato and I say tomato
> 
>  **Goro:** That joke doesn't translate particularly well over text.
> 
>  **Akira:** You say potato and I say potato
> 
>  **Goro:** I am fairly positive that we pronounce "potato" the same way.
> 
>  **Akira:** I say murder and you say an unfortunate accident
> 
>  **Goro:** Ah, more like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: The conversation at the start of this chapter continues on from the last chapter. I would highly recommend reading Chapter 27 before this one.

**JANUARY 11TH**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 1:38pm**

**VIBE CHECK:** (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** At least Yusuke knows what the birds and the bees are now.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am still deeply confused.

 **Lobster Emoji:** What do birds and bees have to do with sex?

 **Lobster Emoji:** Surely a union between a bird and a bee would result in some horrifying abomination that is neither bird nor bee.

 **we live in a society:** Uh

 **we live in a society:** He's got a point actually

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I think it's because both birds and bees reproduce in ways that are easy to explain to children?

 **VIBE CHECK:** birds lay eggs

 **VIBE CHECK:** just like humans do!

 **we live in a society:** What if the birds just both want to smang though

 **fish fear me:** birds w/ benefits

 **we live in a society:** Let the birds fuck

 **Lobster Emoji:** What about the bees?

 **Lobster Emoji:** Are they not also allowed to love freely?

 **we live in a society:** Let the bees fuck

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't think anyone's told the bees they're not allowed to fuck.

 **fish fear me:** LET THE BEES FUCK

 **Everyone Liked That:** I have 135 unread messages...

 **fish fear me:** HAUR

 **fish fear me:** UFKC

 **fish fear** **me:** HARU!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Can someone just fill me on what I missed?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I promise you haven't missed anything important.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I saw a bird.

 **Everyone Liked That:** That's very important!

 **VIBE CHECK:** Akira stole my thunder (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

 **Everyone Liked That:** That's also important!

 **women want me:** I just finished a presentation and missed this entire chat 😩

 **women want me:** Akira's been called up though~!

 **fish fear me:** what ya presentin

 **women want me:** Mine was about volcanoes~

 **women want me:** I am also totally positive that Akira is making this up as he goes along 😂

 **Lobster Emoji:** Is Akira also talking about volcanoes?

 **women want me:** He's doing the water cycle~!

 **women want me:** Or his version of it 😂😂😂

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** jjjjjjjj

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You know he's doing bad if Morgana's trying to intervene.

 **women want me:** He did just say that clouds are fake 😮

 **VIBE CHECK:** big cloud got to him

 **Everyone Liked That:** I think Ryuji might have a point!

 **fish fear me:** yea i do!!!!

 **fish fear me:** also about what

 **Everyone Liked That:** Well, you said that having a Persona "makes you gay"!

 **fish fear me:** yes

 **women want me:** Wellllll I DO have a Persona and I AM gay 😅

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Correlation is not causation, Takamaki-san.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Having said that, I do happen to have two Personas, and I am also gay.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am also in possession of a Persona and happen to be gay.

 **VIBE CHECK:** Akira has like 200 Personas and he's just a mess

 **women want me:** He's got so many they just, like, cancel each other out 😂

 **fish fear me:** i also got a persona nd im bi

 **women want me:** Wait Haru, are you coming out to us?!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Oh! I'm sorry, I must have not made my sexuality clear earlier!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yes, I love women!

 **women want me:** THE GAYS ARE WINNING 💖💖💖

 **fish fear me:** we love u haru

 **Everyone Liked That:** Thank you! 💛

 **Lobster Emoji:** It seems that Ryuji's theory may be more accurate than we thought.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You realise that this theory also means that Maruki is gay, right?

 **women want me:** Good for him~!

 **VIBE CHECK:** it's 20XX

 **VIBE CHECK:** you can be both gay and homophobic

 **fish fear me:** wat

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** This theory would also imply that both Makoto and Futaba are romantically inclined towards women in some way.

 **VIBE CHECK:** yep!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Hmmmm.

 **women want me:** SJKDHFKSJ FUTABA

 **women want me:** Mako-chan, you don't need to say anything about your sexuality if you don't want to~! 💖

 **women want me:** That goes for Sumire too, if you're listening! 💖💖💖

 **fish fear me:** we love u regardless

 **Everyone Liked That:** What Ryuji said!

 **VIBE CHECK:** ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡

 **Lobster Emoji:** Nobody's sexuality should ever influence your platonic love for them.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thank you.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I believe Ryuji's theory may be correct in my case, though.

 **women want me:** THE GAYS STAY WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **women want me:** KSJDFLKSD I AM SO SORRY IF THAT WAS INAPPROPRIATE

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thank you, Ann.

 **Everyone Liked That:** We love you, Makoto!

 **fish fear me:** love u queen

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Fascinating.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Now we have to consider secondary influences - are you more likely to awaken to a Persona if you're gay, or is having the potential to possess a Persona what makes you gay?

 **women want me:** Welllll, we can't be like, the ONLY Persona users in the world, right?

 **women want me:** We just have to find them and ask~! 😁

 **VIBE CHECK:** "hello, do you have a historical and/or mythological figure in your heart, and are you gay?"

 **Everyone Liked That:** Perfect!

 **we live in a society:** Idk what's going on but I love you Makoto!!!!

 **we live in a society:** Also someone please confirm that clouds are definitely part of the water cycle

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** They are.

 **we live in a society:** Oh thank god

 **we live in a society:** Now what about rocks?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Oh no.

 **fish fear me:** what did u say bro

 **we live in a society:** I'm joking!

 **we live in a society:** In entirely unrelated news, I'll be late to exploring Maruki's Palace because I need to talk to Kawakami after school

 **fish fear me:** WHAT DID U SAY BRO

 **Everyone Liked That:** Oh, Akira!

 **we live in a society:** Did I miss the Personas making you gay discourse

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **we live in a society:** Fuck

 **women want me:** We came to the conclusion that like, you have so many Personas, they just cancel each other out 😂

 **we live in a society:** Schrödinger's Gay

 **we live in a society:** I am everything and nothing all at once

 **Senpai:** I'm so sorry everyone! My phone died again! :(

 **VIBE CHECK:** does your phone do that often?

 **Senpai:** It's been doing it for a while now.

 **VIBE CHECK:** Futaba can fix that! ☆（*ゝω・*）ﾉ

 **Senpai:** You can?

 **VIBE CHECK:** yep!

 **VIBE CHECK:** stop by mine after we're done with Maruki's and I'll fix it up before you can say "Futaba, you're the greatest!"

 **Senpai:** Thank you so much, Futaba-senpai!

 **VIBE CHECK:** mwehehehe >:3

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm the senpai now!

 **we live in a society:** First you steal my student, what's next

 **we live in a society:** My beautiful house?

 **we live in a society:** My beautiful wife?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Ahem.

 **we live in a society:** My beautiful husband?

 **VIBE CHECK:** ( ￣д￣;)

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Back to class, everyone.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Or looking at memes in Futaba's case.

 **VIBE CHECK:** ヽ(⌐■_■)ノ♪♬

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Remember that we're meeting at the stadium.

 **fish fear me:** be good everyoen!!!!!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ichiko Ohya**

**> 6:11pm: Ohya started a new chat thread.**

**Ohya:** Hellooooooooooo!!!! 🍸

 **Akira:** Hellooooooo

 **Akira:** What's up, my favourite journalist?

 **Ohya:** I was just thinking that I hadn't seen you in a while 👀

 **Akira:** The holidays were super busy, sorry

 **Akira:** I can swing by this evening, if you want to catch up though

 **Ohya:** Yessss please! ❣️

 **Akira:** I'm bringing my boyfriend with me, though

 **Akira:** You can argue about the mainstream media together

 **Ohya:** Your boyfriend? 👀 👀 👀

 **Akira:** You'll find out

 **Ohya:** 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

 **Akira:** I've just got a couple of things to do first so I'll be at Crossroads around 7

 **Ohya:** See you there!!! 😊

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 12TH**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 10:26am: **Everyone Liked That** started a new chat thread.**

**Everyone Liked That:** Was anyone else incredibly tired after the Palace adventure yesterday?

 **women want me:** OMG yesssss 😭

 **women want me:** I literally got home and fell asleep instantly 😂

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ryuji is still asleep in my dorm room.

 **women want me:** KJSDFKLSDF

 **Everyone Liked That:** I think he deserves a day off after that fight yesterday!

 **Everyone Liked That:** There are so many... tentacles in Maruki's palace.

 **VIBE CHECK:** dude's just really into hentai (｡´-д-)

 **VIBE CHECK:** and he has 2FA installed, too!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I believe it's the sterile, hospital-esque aesthetic that is causing us to have our energy sapped.

 **we live in a society:** We still managed to go out for the evening, though

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** You took a seat at the bar and fell asleep on the bar mat.

 **we live in a society:** A successful night out

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I had to keep your journalist friend entertained for several hours.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** At least we both believe tabloids are terrible.

 **we live in a society:** There, you made a friend without murdering anyone

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I was going to suggest that we head into Mementos this afternoon to see if we can break through that obstacle, but if Ryuji's so exhausted he's still asleep, I think we should leave it until tomorrow.

 **fish fear me:** nah im good

 **fish fear me:** lets go fight some tentacles

 **VIBE CHECK:** (ʃƪ¬‿¬)

 **fish fear me:** not like that u perv!!!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I didn't say anything!

 **fish fear me:** but u implied it

 **VIBE CHECK:** >:33333

 **we live in a society:** Futaba, no making tentacle porn without the other person's consent

 **VIBE CHECK:** nerd

 **we live in a society:** A consensual nerd

 **women want me:** I'm going to like, spend the rest of Maruki's Palace thinking about tentacle porn now 😓

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm going to purposely ignore this subject in favour of saying: is everyone good for Mementos after school, then?

 **we live in a society:** Aye

 **VIBE CHECK:** (・ω・)b

 **women want me:** Yep~! 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yes!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Of course.

 **fish fear me:** lets kick some mementos butt

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I'll be there.

 **Senpai:** Sorry for being late! My phone broke again! :s

 **Senpai:** But I'll be good for Mementos after school!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Alright, we'll meet at Leblanc.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And Sumire, don't worry about missing anything. If it's super important, we'll make sure to message you directly.

 **Senpai:** Thank you, Makoto-senpai!

 **women want me:** Hey Akechi, what do you like, do while we're all at school?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I also attend school.

 **women want me:** Huh.

 **women want me:** So like, your school knows you're not dead?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I was never dead in the first place.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** And I have no reason to worry about my father's cronies coming after me, as they know I would easily kill them first.

 **women want me:** Soooo the only one not at school right now is Futaba?

 **fish fear me:** nd me

 **fish fear me:** ill be back 4 afternoon classes thou

 **we live in a society:** I am thou, thou art I

 **we live in a society:** An education is very important

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Good on you for taking school seriously, Ryuji.

 **fish fear me:** if i dont study hard then how am i gonna get into uni w/ akira

 **we live in a society:** We will be the best university buddies

 **we live in a society:** Yusuke come with us

 **Lobster Emoji:** Where are we going?

 **we live in a society:** University

 **Lobster Emoji:** I will pack my suitcase.

 **Everyone Liked That:** It'll be like a sitcom!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** The jock, the artist, and Akira's also there.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I thought you wanted to be my trophy husband?

 **we live in a society:** Nothing in the rules that says trophy husbands can't be smart

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akechi can be the guest star.

 **VIBE CHECK:** like in those crime shows where the killer is the special guest star who shows up in the first 10 minutes

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I'm flattered that you think so lowly of me.

 **VIBE CHECK:** (；￢＿￢)

 **we live in a society:** Akechi's just committing murder in the background of every single episode

 **Lobster Emoji:** It's a satirical commentary on how broken the justice system is.

 **fish fear me:** makochanll be the campus cop who walks in whenever akira nd i are doin illegal shit

 **fish fear me:** but were doin it 4 good reasons

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And I'll be like "I guess I didn't see these two guys committing art theft!" and the audience will laugh.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Haru works as a barista at the local café.

 **women want me:** OMG YESSSS

 **women want me:** She and Mako-chan slowly fall in love as Mako-chan is like, always in getting a plain black coffee at 6am...

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yes!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I must paint this.

 **we live in a society:** Who're Futaba and Ann in this universe

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm the nerd who lives in the basement you didn't know you had >:3

 **VIBE CHECK:** and at the end of every semester, I hack the system and give you all passing grades!

 **women want me:** And I'm like, the cool popular friend~!

 **women want me:** Maybe a cheerleader? 😲

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I think you'd be the friend who's always trying to bail those three out of situations with your terrible acting skills.

 **women want me:** Heyyyy!

 **fish fear me:** shes right tho

 **fish fear me:** but it works bcos ur so cute

 **women want me:** Awww, Ryuji~! 🥰

 **we live in a society:** You're like "But Makoto-senpai... these three were just trying to SAVE the turtles~" and Makoto will have to rip up the ticket she's writing for us

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Did you just imply that you, Ryuji, and Yusuke are going to kill some turtles?

 **we live in a society:** She's on to us

 **fish fear me:** quick

 **fish fear me:** throw em back in the ocean

 **VIBE CHECK:** YEET

 **we live in a society:** Turtles saved, let's go to class

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:49am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** Did you really just make an awful joke just to unceremoniously close out the group chat?

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** I am both hilarious AND sexy

 **Goro:** You are conceited and awful.

 **Akira:** You love me

 **Goro:** I do.

 **Akira:** Despite my many many many many flaws

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** Like my criminal record

 **Akira:** Do I still have a criminal record?

 **Goro:** I shall check.

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Akira:** So returning to our original reality must have restored it

 **Akira:** Hang on

 **Akira:** How did you check so quickly?

 **Goro:** I am at the police station.

 **Akira:** Did you get arrested for being too sexy

 **Goro:** It is not a crime to be 'too sexy', Akira.

 **Akira:** Good because otherwise I'd be in jail 24/7

 **Akira:** Seriously though, why are you at the police station

 **Goro:** I had a hunch.

 **Akira:** So see a chiropractor

 **Goro:** Akira.

 **Akira:** Yes, sweet prince

 **Goro:** Do you take anything seriously?

 **Akira:** If I actually stop and think about anything for too long then the trauma comes creeping back in

 **Akira:** I'm dead inside, Goro

 **Goro:** Ah, same, as the young kids say.

 **Akira:** It's like we're made for each other

 **Goro:** Mmm.

 **Goro:** Narrative foils, perhaps.

 **Akira:** You say tomato and I say tomato

 **Goro:** That joke doesn't translate particularly well over text.

 **Akira:** You say potato and I say potato

 **Goro:** I am fairly positive that we pronounce "potato" the same way.

 **Akira:** I say murder and you say an unfortunate accident

 **Goro:** Ah, more like it.

 **Goro:** Are you still interested in why I'm at the police station or are you too busy comparing vegetation from the Solanaceae family?

 **Akira:** I have no idea what you just said but I think I might be turned on

 **Akira:** Also please tell me why you're at the police station

 **Goro:** No.

 **Akira:** Tease

 **Goro:** You know it.

 **Goro:** I'll tell you later.

 **Goro:** I need to confirm something, first.

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** Your place or mine?

 **Goro:** Mine.

 **Goro:** I believe we will both need a bath in order remove the stench of Mementos.

 **Akira:** I assume we're bathing together

 **Goro:** You assume correctly.

 **Akira:** Yessssss

 **Akira:** I love being alive

 **Goro:** I too.

 **Akira:** You love being alive or you love me being alive?

 **Goro:** Yes.

 **Akira:** I'll take it

 **Goro:** I've been thinking.

 **Akira:** Okay

 **Goro:** About something that Kitagawa-kun said.

 **Akira:** Okay

 **Goro:** About how the more time we spend between realities, the more time we'll spend doubting ourselves.

 **Akira:** Okay

 **Goro:** Are you just going to say "okay?"

 **Akira:** Okay

 **Goro:** Hmph.

 **Goro:** Seeing as Maruki has seen how unhappy we were with his reality, do you not think that he might attempt to change it?

 **Akira:** How so?

 **Goro:** Well, the main complaints were that your friends were mostly heterosexual and knew little of each other, correct?

 **Akira:** Also how it was just wrong that the abuse some of us suffered at the hands of our abusers just disappeared, yes

 **Goro:** Indeed.

 **Goro:** What if Maruki learnt from that, and created a new reality where your social links remained the same, but the trauma was still smoothed over?

 **Akira:** So like the Phantom Thieves never had a reason to get together but we're all friends anyway?

 **Goro:** I'm sure that Maruki would find a way to write it in.

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Akira:** I mean, it's not like I WANT my friends to experience trauma

 **Akira:** But it also feels so wrong to just let Kamoshida and Madarame and Shido and all the others just walk around scot-free because Maruki what

 **Akira:** Just retconned their lives?

 **Goro:** Exactly.

 **Goro:** He simply reshaped events to make them better people.

 **Goro:** Although I stand by my theory that if we were to accept Maruki's reality, our memories would also be altered so we would simply accept the new course of events.

 **Akira:** Goro

 **Akira:** I can't go back to a world where my cat is sexy

 **Goro:** Please stop.

 **Akira:** Cats shouldn't be that sexy

 **Goro:** Akira.

 **Akira:** I'm starting to vaguely understand furries

 **Goro:** AKIRA.

 **Akira:** Yes?

 **Goro:** Please stop your inane babbling.

 **Akira:** My babbling is never inane

 **Goro:** Of course it isn't.

 **Goro:** I would like to put the offer of simply shooting Maruki back on the table.

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** There is no table

 **Akira:** And if there were, I wouldn't let you put "kill my boyfriend's therapist" on it

 **Goro:** He is far beyond your therapist at this point.

 **Akira:** Yeah I'm actually kind of starting to doubt that he was a licensed therapist in the first place

 **Akira:** Either way, no shooting him!

 **Akira:** And no shooting and/or stabbing my friends!

 **Goro:** Ngh.

 **Goro:** How do you even put up with Sakamoto-kun?

 **Akira:** Easily, I love him

 **Akira:** And if you and I are dating, it makes more sense for you to build bridges with my friends

 **Goro:** No.

 **Akira:** Please?

 **Goro:** No.

 **Akira:** Pretty please?

 **Goro:** The physical appearance of the please has no bearing on my stance.

 **Akira:** Alright

 **Akira:** Nerd

 **Goro:** Says the person who came top of his class in terms of test scores multiple times and also wears glasses solely for the aesthetic?

 **Akira:** I wear glasses because otherwise my handsome face causes +10 sexy damage to anyone within a 5 metre radius

 **Goro:** Are you implying that your face has an AoE effect on bystanders?

 **Akira:** I'm impressed you know what AoE is

 **Goro:** I have played a fair few tabletop games in my life, Akira.

 **Akira:** Take me now, Goro

 **Goro:** If you insist, but you are currently at school.

 **Akira:** You're right

 **Akira:** That would be deeply inappropriate

 **Akira:** How much time do you think we can steal before we have to go to Mementos?

 **Goro:** Enough, I'm sure.

 **Goro:** Simply tell your friends that Leblanc is on fire again.

 **Akira:** Even though I'm at school and not at Leblanc?

 **Goro:** Tell your friends that your school is on fire.

 **Akira:** Even though I have friends at this school who can quite clearly tell that the school is, in fact, not on fire?

 **Goro:** Set the school on fire.

 **Akira:** I'll add that to the "list of bad ideas offered up by Goro Akechi"

 **Goro:** I didn't hear a no.

 **Goro:** Such a list also implies the existence of another list that consists only of my good ideas.

 **Akira:** Us dating is one of them

 **Goro:** Is that it?

 **Akira:** Us bathing together

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** Us being in bed together

 **Goro:** Are all my good ideas just you and I being together?

 **Akira:** Maybe

 **Akira:** In my defence

 **Akira:** I am in love with you

 **Akira:** And also most of your ideas involve shooting people

 **Goro:** It's an efficient way to tie up loose ends.

 **Akira:** No

 **Akira:** No it is not

 **Goro:** I disagree.

 **Akira:** You can't just shoot your problems away

 **Akira:** You're like the cursed counterpart to Maruki

 **Goro:** How so?

 **Akira:** You both try to solve problems by getting rid of the source

 **Akira:** Except he just rewrites history and you just put a bullet in them

 **Goro:** My methods are far simpler and more ethical than his.

 **Akira:** I don't think shooting people is considered ethical

 **Goro:** What if we were in a zombie apocalypse and you begged me to end your life before your infection set in?

 **Akira:** Firstly, that is very different to just shooting someone because they inconvenienced you

 **Akira:** Secondly, we all know that I would survive a zombie apocalypse because I'm handsome and wear a lot of denim

 **Goro:** What does denim have to do with zombie apocalypses?

 **Akira:** It's hard to bite through

 **Akira:** The ideal outfit for a zombie apocalypse is double denim

 **Goro:** I would sooner die.

 **Akira:** You wouldn't make it past the first 24 hours with that attitude

 **Goro:** Good.

 **Goro:** Perhaps I would just shoot myself so I could skip the inconvenience of an apocalypse.

 **Akira:** The inconvenience

 **Akira:** "Ah, the world's been infected with a highly virulent strain of zombie-itis, guess I can't get my daily coffee from Leblanc now"

 **Goro:** Indeed.

 **Akira:** I'd still brew for you, even if I were infected

 **Akira:** Which I wouldn't be

 **Akira:** Because I would be wearing double denim

 **Goro:** You understand that 'double denim' wouldn't cover your entire body, yes?

 **Akira:** Denim bodysuit

 **Akira:** A BEEKEEPING SUIT BUT IT'S ALL DENIM

 **Goro:** How your brain works is an utter mystery to me.

 **Akira:** Like I said, if I stop for too long the trauma starts creeping in

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Ah, Sae-san is here.

 **Goro:** I am afraid that I must cut this conversation short.

 **Akira:** You were waiting for Sae?

 **Goro:** I'll explain later.

 **Goro:** For now, please let me know if you decide to set your school on fire.

 **Akira:** Will do

 **Akira:** Enjoy, sweet prince

 **Goro:** Indeed.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm fully imagining the Phantom Thieves' university sitcom to be exactly like [Too Many Cooks.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrGrOK8oZG8) Akechi's the guy killing everyone in the background.
> 
> (Don't watch Too Many Cooks unless you're mentally prepared for Too Many Cooks.)
> 
> Concept: Akechi would unashamedly listen to Akira explain conspiracy theories about things such as double denim during a zombie apocalypse and the existence of vampires in the Marianas Trench for hours on end. Akechi just has to keep up his extremely disdainful and vaguely indifferent front while also dying inside because he wants to let Akira know that yes, he also believes that JFK's head "just did that."


	29. The Phantom Senpais

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **we live in a society:** My cat is a freeloader
> 
>  **TINY BASTARD MAN:** fuck u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter barely adds anything to the plot, but is rich in Vitamin Shitpost. Consider it a bottle episode.

**JANUARY 12TH**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 7:34pm: **women want me** started a new chat thread.**

**women want me:** Good work today everyone~!! 💖🌈

 **Senpai:** Thank you to everyone for being so patient with me!

 **Everyone Liked That:** You did great, Sumire!

 **women want me:** You were AWESOME! 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** Was that your first time in Mementos?

 **Senpai:** It was! It's a strange place :o

 **Senpai:** Sorry for screaming when Makoto ran that Shadow over :'D

 **we live in a society:** No worries, Sumire

 **we live in a society:** I know the idea of running over Shadows is terrifying but Makoto's a great driver

 **VIBE CHECK:** the last time we let Akira drive he went straight into a wall ಠ~ಠ

 **we live in a society:** I THOUGHT IT WAS A BREAKABLE WALL

 **we live in a society:** LIKE IN VIDEOGAMES

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** oooooooo

 **women want me:** I don't think Mona agrees 😅

 **Lobster Emoji:** I have been previously informed that I am not allowed to drive the Mona-van as everyone believes that I am far too "easily distracted."

 **women want me:** You like, saw a Treasure Demon and drove us all off the platform 😅

 **Lobster Emoji:** It was barely a three foot drop.

 **Everyone Liked That:** It was straight into a mob of Shadows...

 **Lobster Emoji:** And I managed to run at least two of them over.

 **Lobster Emoji:** You are welcome.

 **Senpai:** Senpai, you never told us how you know Jose!

 **we live in a society:** Actually I met him at the same time as everyone else

 **we live in a society:** But he's my son now

 **Senpai:** Your son?!

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **VIBE CHECK:** Akira has a lot of kids

 **we live in a society:** Four, actually

 **we live in a society:** Wait no two of them became one kid

 **we live in a society:** Three kids

 **Senpai:** I'm sorry, what?!

 **we live in a society:** Lavenza used to be two twins

 **we live in a society:** She got better

 **women want me:** Soooo you've just decided that Lavenza's your kid too? 😆

 **we live in a society:** Yeah but she's like, the one that I can leave at home on her own without worrying that she'll burn the house down

 **fish fear me:** ok if lavenza is one kid nd jose is the other

 **fish fear me:** whos ur third kid?!

 **Lobster Emoji:** My bet is that it is Futaba.

 **VIBE CHECK:** no way!

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm the cool little sister!

 **we live in a society:** She is my cool little sister

 **VIBE CHECK:** ☆*．･(*ゝ∀・*)ﾉ

 **we live in a society:** My other kid is this kid I accidentally adopted at the arcade

 **fish fear me:** huh

 **women want me:** Ohhhhhhh!

 **women want me:** Shinya?

 **we live in a society:** Yep

 **we live in a society:** We changed his mom's heart in Mementos that one time

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'm glad we got to help him out!

 **Senpai:** You have such a talent for befriending people, senpai.

 **we live in a society:** It's my overflowing charm and je ne sais quoi

 **fish fear me:** bro

 **we live in a society:** It's my mysterious bad boy aura?

 **women want me:** Uhhhhhhh 😐

 **we live in a society:** Fine

 **we live in a society:** It's the fact that I shower at least once a week

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe it is your kind heart and willingness to help others, Akira.

 **we live in a society:** Yusuke

 **we live in a society:** I love you

 **Lobster Emoji:** I love you too, Akira.

 **VIBE CHECK:** gaaaaaaaaaay

 **Lobster Emoji:** You are also gay, Futaba.

 **VIBE CHECK:** HE TURNED IT ON ME

 **fish fear me:** how the turntables

 **we live in a society:** *turntable noises*

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Do I want to know what I've missed?

 **we live in a society:** I'm a hot dad and Futaba's gay

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** So an average day, really.

 **women want me:** We were also talking about how well Sumire did in Mementos today~! 💖

 **Senpai:** Thank you, Ann! ❤️

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You did great in Mementos, Sumire.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** It's not an easy place to tackle.

 **women want me:** Wait, Akira,

 **women want me:** if Igor's your dad,

 **women want me:** wouldn't that make Lavenza, like, your sister?

 **we live in a society:** But Igor's only half my dad

 **fish fear me:** half sis bro

 **Lobster Emoji:** If Igor were your father, then Morgana would surely be your brother, no?

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** NNNNNNNN

 **fish fear me:** omfg

 **women want me:** I REALLY don't think he's on board with that idea 😂

 **we live in a society:** The bond Mona and I have is one forged on the battlefield, of two brothers-in-arms oh fuck we are brothers

 **VIBE CHECK:** Monamona says if you love him so much, why do you keep ditching him to hang out with Akechi? (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

 **we live in a society:** Easy, Akechi has a giant bathtub

 **we live in a society:** And Mona has no material possessions

 **we live in a society:** Because he is a cat

 **Everyone Liked That:** Mona has a far nicer personality!

 **fish fear me:** gotta side w/ haru on this one

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Thank you.

 **fish fear me:** not a compliment bro

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I didn't take it as one.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Ryuji, stop goading Akechi.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akechi, stop baiting Ryuji.

 **fish fear me:** yes maam

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** As you asked so nicely.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I have a question about Maruki's reality.

 **we live in a society:** I have an answer that may or may not be made up on the spot

 **Lobster Emoji:** Akechi wasn't a murderer in the alternate reality, correct?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Correct.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** In fact, if we were to fold and accept Maruki's reality as the true reality, I believe we would all actually be friends through Akira.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'm not sure how I feel about this.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** If it is any consolation, Okumura-san, I did protest against my father ordering the hit on your father.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Well, you should have protested harder!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I will keep that in mind for next time.

 **Senpai:** Akechi-kun, do you feel bad at all?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Bad?

 **Senpai:** I mean, every time someone brings up the fact that you're a murderer, you seem to just brush it off :s

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Hmmmm.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Perhaps it would be wiser to ask me that at another time.

 **fish fear me:** i just remembered when u made urself go berserk in the engine room

 **fish fear me:** just how fucked up do u gotta be 2 do that 2 urself bro

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'd argue that it was more desperation than anything.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Not that that justifies anything, though.

 **Senpai:** So you have the power to drive people berserk?

 **Senpai:** Just like how Maruki drove my Persona berserk?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **we live in a society:** Igor and Lavenza did explain it to me

 **we live in a society:** Yaldabaoth decided to give both Akechi and I Personas in order to see which side of humanity would win

 **we live in a society:** But the big shiny bastard rigged it

 **Lobster Emoji:** I assume that is why we were erased from existence.

 **Senpai:** I'm sorry, what?!

 **VIBE CHECK:** we all faded into nothingness once Yaldy took over

 **fish fear me:** it was fucked up

 **Everyone Liked That:** It was one of the worst moments of my life...

 **women want me:** I still have nightmares of watching Ryuji disappear sometimes 😢😓

 **fish fear me:** awwww ann

 **fish fear me:** im back now

 **fish fear me:** nd u cant get rid of me

 **women want me:** And you can't get rid of me either~! 😁💖

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** So if Yaldabaoth had decided not to show up and mess with us, none of this would have happened?

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **we live in a society:** I'd probably still be back at home

 **we live in a society:** As without Akechi to help him, Shido probably wouldn't have gotten as far as he did

 **Everyone Liked That:** But I would have ended up married off to that awful man...

 **fish fear me:** nd kamoshida still wouldve done all his fucked up shit

 **women want me:** And Shiho might not have made it

 **women want me:** Mishima might not have made it too

 **women want me:** I don't know if I would have, either...

 **Senpai:** I would still be living life as Kasumi.

 **Senpai:** Although if Maruki had never gotten his Persona, I'd just be the sad old Sumire instead.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't know if I would have gotten involved with Kaneshiro if Kamoshida had never been taken down, but my life would still have been significantly worse.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I believe I would not be here at all.

 **VIBE CHECK:** :c

 **VIBE CHECK:** Inari...

 **we live in a society:** I think Futaba would have been the only one of us who would have been better off if none of this had happened

 **VIBE CHECK:** :c

 **VIBE CHECK:** I miss my mom, but I think I prefer us this way

 **VIBE CHECK:** aside from Akechi!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** That is fair.

 **we live in a society:** I like us all much more like this

 **we live in a society:** Trauma bringing us together 🖤

 **fish fear me:** me too bro

 **fish fear me:** id take a bonked leg 4 u all

 **Everyone Liked That:** Ryuji!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Thank you.

 **fish fear me:** anythin 4 u haru <3

 **we live in a society:** I'd take being a damn brat who got sued over whatever that reality was

 **Lobster Emoji:** Akira, you would take your criminal record over having a peaceful life?

 **we live in a society:** I mean it when I say that I'd go through all the Palaces all over again for you guys

 **we live in a society:** I'd take 50 criminal records for you all

 **we live in a society:** Imagine the crimes I'd have to do to get that sort of record

 **fish fear me:** just do the same crime 50 times

 **we live in a society:** Nah they'd be able to write "crime x50"

 **Everyone Liked That:** Do the same crime, but slightly differently!

 **women want me:** "Arson, but this time he used a grenade launcher"

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** "Unlawful possession of a grenade launcher."

 **Senpai:** Lawful possession of a grenade launcher, but the grenades are illegal!

 **VIBE CHECK:** weed based crimes

 **we live in a society:** I'm joining the Diet to legalise weed

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Legalise gay marriage while you're there.

 **we live in a society:** I'LL LEGALISE BOTH

 **women want me:** I've totally seen the future and it's Akira and Akechi having a 420-based wedding 😂

 **Lobster Emoji:** Akira's campaign slogan can be "Legaylise weed."

 **we live in a society:** Terrible

 **we live in a society:** I love it

 **we live in a society:** Let's all get matching t-shirts

 **Lobster Emoji:** I will get to work on a beautiful design at once.

 **women want me:** KSJDFLKSDF YUSUKE

 **VIBE CHECK:** that's our Inari!

 **Senpai:** I will wear my shirt with pride, senpai! ❤️

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Not to interrupt, but I'm revising our plans for Maruki's Palace.

 **women want me:** Tell! Tell! Tell!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Have you taken into account my offer of just shooting through all the authentication locked doors?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I absolutely have not.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Besides, those doors are helping give us a better insight into what Maruki's up to.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Ngh.

 **we live in a society:** Ignore my gun-crazed boyfriend, please continue

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Now that we've severed the uh, tentacle thingy in Mementos, we can press onward in the Palace.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Mona, can you give us a guess as to how far we have to go?

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** hhhhhhh

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Okay, how about an "A" for "we're barely started," a "T" for "we're about halfway," and an "M" for "we're nearing the end?"

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** ddddddd

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Thank you. That was very helpful.

 **VIBE CHECK:** he says we're probably about 33% through!

 **VIBE CHECK:** he's also saying we should get him a bigger tablet 3:

 **we live in a society:** Tell him he can get his own once he gets a job and starts contributing to society

 **VIBE CHECK:** he says he knows where you keep the emergency stash of yen

 **VIBE CHECK:** and that we're going to Akihabara tomorrow! (ฅ⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́)و ̑̑

 **we live in a society:** My cat is a freeloader

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** fuck u

 **we live in a society:** I know you typed that, Futaba

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** (つ^･w･)^つ¤=[]:::::::>

 **Everyone Liked That:** Oh! We need to upgrade our gear!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Haru's right.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Should we all go visit the airsoft shop tomorrow afternoon?

 **we live in a society:** If Mona hasn't spent all our savings, yes

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** ( ◞•̀д•́)◞◟(•̀д•́◟ )

 **Lobster Emoji:** It would be nice to have a new sword.

 **fish fear me:** bro just gimme a pipe nd im good

 **we live in a society:** Okay but consider: a pipe that shoots LIGHTNING

 **fish fear me:** SICK BROOOOOOOOO

 **Everyone Liked That:** Can you actually do that, Akira?

 **we live in a society:** The Velvet Room lets me electrocute Personas to turn them into magical items

 **women want me:** That seems kinda cruel 😳

 **we live in a society:** Caroline seemed happy enough

 **we live in a society:** Oh god it's a war crime isn't it

 **Lobster Emoji:** Are Personas sentient enough to feel pain?

 **we live in a society:** Arsène didn't seem to mind the first time I guillotined him

 **fish fear me:** u WHAT bro

 **Everyone Liked That:** You guillotined him?!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Murder appears to be a reoccurring theme in the Velvet Room.

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **we live in a society:** You'd love it there

 **VIBE CHECK:** (;￢＿￢)

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Back to the original topic: If we upgrade our gear tomorrow, we can head back in on the 14th.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'd say we could head back in tomorrow after getting our gear, but knowing Yusuke, he'll take two hours to pick a sword.

 **Lobster Emoji:** You assume correctly.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Is everything else good with everyone?

 **Lobster Emoji:** Yse.

 **fish fear me:** yea

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yes!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Yes.

 **Senpai:** Yes, Makoto-senpai!

 **women want me:** Of course~! 💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** (n˘v˘•)b

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **we live in a society:** Yes ma'am

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Great. We'll meet in Shibuya after school.

 **we live in a society:** Now that's sorted, I'm going to get out of this bath because it's cold as balls

 **fish fear me:** bro balls aint rly cold

 **women want me:** Were you like, texting us from the bath? 😂

 **we live in a society:** Maybe

 **we live in a society:** Also yes

 **Lobster Emoji:** But you don't have a bath...

 **Lobster Emoji:** Are you texting us from the bath house? Wouldn't your phone get foggy?

 **we live in a society:** I'm at Akechi's house

 **we live in a society:** Using his bath

 **we live in a society:** Because I will probably never see another bath this fancy in my entire life

 **Everyone Liked That:** You haven't seen my baths, Akira!

 **Senpai:** Baths?!

 **Senpai:** How big is your house, Okumura-senpai?!

 **fish fear me:** shes got a pool

 **Lobster Emoji:** Which is essentially a very large bath.

 **women want me:** Haru's house is sooooo dreamy 🤤

 **fish fear me:** ur house would be pretty dreamy 2 if u actually cleaned up once in a while

 **women want me:** Says the guy who hasn't cleaned his room since middle school! 😠

 **fish fear me:** hey ive been cleanin it 4 yusk!

 **fish fear me:** didja know my bedroom carpet was originally white?

 **women want me:** omg skjdfkjdf

 **Lobster Emoji:** I would argue it looked as though it was more of a cream.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Although nowadays it is largely just the brown of the wooden flooring below.

 **fish fear me:** u dont gotta do me like this yusk

 **we live in a society:** Alright I love you all but my nipples are hard enough to cut diamond

 **fish fear me:** tmi bro

 **VIBE CHECK:** we don't need updates on your nipples!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Go get warm, Akira!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We should all rest up after our Mementos trip today.

 **we live in a society:** Nipple update #2: they're still there

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I can confirm this.

 **VIBE CHECK:** (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

 **fish fear me:** im with futaba

 **VIBE CHECK:** no you're not!

 **fish fear me:** i meant it metaphoricicically!

 **fish fear me:** metaforically

 **fish fear me:** metaphorically

 **fish fear me:** makochan help

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** You got it right the last time.

 **fish fear me:** yesssssss

 **we live in a society:** Alright I'm actually getting out the bath now so I love you all and be good

 **women want me:** You're STILL in the bath?! 😵

 **we live in a society:** I get distracted easily

 **Everyone Liked That:** Akira, go get nice and warm!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Everyone else, you did great today and we'll meet up tomorrow in Shibuya!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Mako-chan, sorry for stealing your role as the mom of the group!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** No worries, Haru.

 **fish fear me:** see u all tomorrow

 **fish fear me:** love u

 **Lobster Emoji:** I love you all, too.

 **women want me:** AND ME!!!! 💖

 **Senpai:** Thank you for looking out for me, Phantom Senpais! ❤️

 **VIBE CHECK:** ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

 **we live in a society:** Love you alllllll 🖤

 **we live in a society:** Also my nipples are still here

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Akira and Akechi were both texting while in the bath together. Make of that what you will.
> 
> I'm going to play some more P5D/Royal before writing the next chapter because it's been too long and I'm veering dangerously into "way too out of character" territory, so just hang in there for now. Thanks for reading! Have a good rest-of-week!


	30. "Keep on bonkin" - Ryuji, 20XX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **VIBE CHECK:** why are you all so much more flexible in the Metaverse?
> 
>  **we live in a society:** The Metaverse removes your bones
> 
>  **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't
> 
>  **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't think that's the correct answer, Akira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no war in Ba Sing Se and it definitely didn't take me two months to update this.

** JANUARY 13TH **

* * *

**Chihaya Mifune**

**> 5:53pm: Chihaya started a new chat thread.**

**Chihaya:** Are you available to help out this evening..............?

 **Chihaya:** The cards.......... already say yes.......................

 **Akira:** The cards are correct

 **Akira:** What time do you need me?

 **Chihaya:** I will be opening the stall at 6:30..............

 **Akira:** I will be there for 6:30

 **Chihaya:** Thank you.............

 **Chihaya:** The cards........... say something interesting will happen tonight..........

 **Chihaya:** A love............ a fight...............

 **Akira:** I'll keep my eye out for any brawling lovers on the high street

 **Chihaya:** Haha.........

 **Akira:** See you soon, O fortuna

 **Chihaya:** See you soon.......... Trickster.........

 **Chihaya:** 💜🔮

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 6:42pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** bro im takin yusk for a date at the fishin pond

 **Ryuji:** nd ur bf is at the fishin pond

 **Akira:** Good for him

 **Akira:** Getting some fresh air

 **Akira:** Catching some fish

 **Ryuji:** bro he looks sad as hell

 **Akira:** Having a nice cry

 **Ryuji:** where u at bro?

 **Akira:** Fortune telling

 **Akira:** Chihaya has these little bottles of champagne

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Ryuji:** save one 4 me

 **Akira:** I already have bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** alright were gonna sit w/ akechi

 **Akira:** Good luck

 **Akira:** Just don't bring up the whole murder thing and you'll be fine

 **Ryuji:** u got it bro

 **Ryuji:** have fun w/ ur fortunes

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

 **Ryuji:** heart heart heart

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 8:52pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** BRO STOP UR BOYFRIEND FROM SHOOTIN ALL THE FISH

**> 8:57pm**

**Ryuji:** BRO!!!!!!!

**> 9:03pm**

**Ryuji:** HES CHEATIN AT FISHIN

 **Akira:** How do you cheat at fishing

 **Ryuji:** HE KEEPS SAYIN HES GONNA TASE THE WATER

 **Akira:** Well you just tell him no

 **Ryuji:** IM TRYN BRO

 **Akira:** Where did he even get a taser from?

 **Ryuji:** BRO

 **Akira:** Is Yusuke still alive?

 **Ryuji:** yea actually he nd yusk r gettin on rly well

 **Ryuji:** yusk is talkin about lobsters nd shit nd akechi is all like

 **Ryuji:** ah yes the fibbonacho spiral

 **Akira:** Fibbonacho spiral

 **Ryuji:** fibbynacho

 **Akira:** I love you so much

 **Ryuji:** i love u too bro

 **Ryuji:** seriously though tell ur bf 2 stop b4 we get permabanned from my fave fishin spot

 **Akira:** Alright alright give me a moment

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:10pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Stop trying to shoot the fish

 **Goro:** I am simply using my higher levels of intelligence to outwit and eliminate the fish.

 **Akira:** So if a fish had a gun you would consider it fair game

 **Goro:** ?

 **Goro:** Perhaps?

 **Goro:** The problem is that fish do not possess the correct appendages to efficiently operate a gun and, as such, I have a natural advantage over them.

 **Akira:** An octopus could so shoot you

 **Akira:** And he'd have like 8 guns too

 **Goro:** I can assure you that I would win in a duel against an octopus.

 **Akira:** What

 **Akira:** Goro

 **Akira:** Have you murdered an octopus?

 **Goro:** I am not at liberty to disclose this information.

 **Akira:** Oh my god

 **Akira:** WHAT OCTOPUS DID YOU SHOOT FOR IT TO BE CLASSIFIED

 **Goro:** I will perhaps tell you one day.

 **Goro:** For now, I will stop attempting to shoot the fish.

 **Goro:** I have found that it is far more effective to launch the fishing pole as a sort of makeshift spear, anyway.

 **Akira:** GORO

 **Goro:** Akira.

 **Akira:** I'm not meant to be the responsible one in this relationship

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Very well.

 **Goro:** I will hold off on my watery assault.

 **Akira:** Thank you

 **Akira:** I'll make it up to you

 **Goro:** I'm sure you will, Akira.

 **Akira:** Now go be good and make friends and fish in the traditional way

 **Goro:** I endeavour to do at least one of those things.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**JANUARY 14TH**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:14am: **TINY BASTARD MAN** started a new chat thread.**

**TINY BASTARD MAN:** //////////

 **fish fear me:** yea bro

 **women want me:** Go off, Morgana~! 💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** FUCK 'EM UP MONAMONA

 **we live in a society:** Go to bed

 **VIBE CHECK:** NEVER

 **VIBE CHECK:** IT'S ONLY 9AM

 **we live in a society:** And have you slept yet?

 **VIBE CHECK:** (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

 **we live in a society:** My point exactly

 **Senpai:** Good morning, everyone!

 **Senpai:** And good morning, Morgana! :D

 **fish fear me:** mornin sumi

 **VIBE CHECK:** morning!!! o(≧∇≦o)

 **women want me:** Good morning, Sumire~! 💖

 **we live in a society:** Sup

 **Senpai:** What are our plans for today?

 **we live in a society:** Oh you know

 **we live in a society:** School, mostly

 **VIBE CHECK:** (; ･`д･´)

 **women want me:** 😑

 **fish fear me:** bro

 **Senpai:** Oh, senpai.

 **we live in a society:** Makoto usually covers these things okay

 **we live in a society:** I'm just here to look pretty

 **Senpai:** And you do a great job, senpai!

 **we live in a society:** Thank you, thank you

 **Everyone Liked That:** Good morning, everyone! 💛

 **Senpai:** Good morning, Haru! :D

 **fish fear me:** mornin haru!!!!

 **women want me:** Good morning, Haru~! 💖

 **we live in a society:** Morning, Haru!

 **VIBE CHECK:** morning Haru!!!!! (♥ω♥ ) ~♪

 **Everyone Liked That:** What are our plans for today?

 **fish fear me:** were waiting 4 makochan 2 show up nd tell us

 **Everyone Liked That:** Okay!

 **Senpai:** Morgana also seemed like he had something to say!

 **we live in a society:** He's asleep in my bag

 **we live in a society:** I'm sure it wasn't that important

 **women want me:** Are those the little snores I'm hearing from your desk?!

 **women want me:** THAT'S SO CUUUUUTE!!!! 💖💖💖😭😭😭

 **Lobster Emoji:** Good morning, everyone.

 **Lobster Emoji:** What are our plans for today?

 **fish fear me:** akiras gonna buy us barbecue after school

 **we live in a society:** What

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ah, thank you, Akira!

 **we live in a society:** You're lucky I just can't say no to that face

 **women want me:** WE SHOULD GET CREPES TOO

 **fish fear me:** u ALWAYS want crepes

 **fish fear me:** live a little

 **women want me:** 😡

 **women want me:** Fiiine, we'll get cheesecake for dessert~!

 **VIBE CHECK:** save me some!!!!!!!!

 **Senpai:** Barbecue and cheesecake sounds amazing!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I know this adorable little bakery down in Shibuya that does the cutest cheesecakes!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I can already feel my stomach growling just thinking of it...

 **we live in a society:** Alright alright I'll buy you all the food you want

 **we live in a society:** We should probably go back into Maruki's Palace today, though

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akira's correct, we should revisit Maruki's Palace now we've severed those things in Mementos.

 **VIBE CHECK:** Makoto!!!!!! ʚ♡⃛ɞ(ू•ᴗ•ू❁)

 **fish fear me:** mornin makochan

 **Lobster Emoji:** Good morning, Makoto.

 **women want me:** Moooorning, Makoto~! 💖

 **Everyone Liked That:** Hello, Makoto! 💛

 **Senpai:** Good morning, Makoto! :D

 **we live in a society:** I'm always correct

 **we live in a society:** And good morning, Makoto

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Good morning, everyone!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Have you really all just been waiting for me?

 **VIBE CHECK:** I might be the navigator but you're the brains of the operation >:3

 **fish fear me:** mom said its my turn on the brain cell

 **women want me:** KSJDFKSDKF RYUJI

 **Senpai:** I'm good for Maruki's Palace later!

 **Lobster Emoji:** As am I.

 **Lobster Emoji:** So long as Akira treats us all to a feast.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Preferably before we go plundering.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm sure I can work that into our schedule.

 **Lobster Emoji:** We are blessed to have you, Makoto.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Alright, so:

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We'll go to Shibuya after school for barbecue and cheesecake.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And then we'll head back into Maruki's Palace.

 **we live in a society:** And we just hope that his Palace won't contain any super acrobatic bits so we don't vomit

 **fish fear me:** im in!!!!

 **fish fear me:** 4 the food nd palace not the pukin

 **VIBE CHECK:** (*￣▽￣)b

 **women want me:** I'm up for that~!

 **women want me:** Also for the food and Palace, not the vomiting? 😅

 **Everyone Liked That:** Delicious food and heading to the Palace sounds good to me!

 **Senpai:** Me too! ❤️

 **Lobster Emoji:** I am already imagining the stacks of ribs at the barbecue restaurant...

 **we live in a society:** Mona's also in probably

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'll assume Akechi's fine with this, too.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** So if that's all settled - everyone pay attention in school today!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And Futaba, go to bed!

 **VIBE CHECK:** ꒰◍ᐡᐤᐡ◍꒱ᐝ.∗̥✩⁺˚⑅

 **we live in a society:** See you all later, my very cool friends

 **we live in a society:** Keep on bonkin

 **we live in a society:** \- Ryuji, 20XX

 **fish fear me:** hey!!!!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:23pm: **fish fear me** started a new chat thread.**

**fish fear me:** ive been thinkin

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** A dangerous activity.

 **fish fear me:** shuddup!!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** ANYWAY

 **fish fear me:** marukis backstory is kinda sad aint it

 **VIBE CHECK:** JUST BECAUSE YOU ACCIDENTALLY RETCONNED YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S ENTIRE LIFE DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN BE GOD

 **VIBE CHECK:** =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́)))

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I quite agree.

 **fish fear me:** with who

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **we live in a society:** Monamona says we'll probably get to the treasure in the next visit

 **women want me:** Wowwww, we are killing this time management thing~!

 **women want me:** Let's go on holiday! 🤩

 **fish fear me:** thats a terrible idea

 **fish fear me:** also hell yea nd where

 **we live in a society:** Shall we just pop back to the false reality for two weeks but wish to turn Tokyo into a giant beach resort

 **VIBE CHECK:** PERMANENT HEATWAVE IN JANUARY

 **VIBE CHECK:** GLOBAL WARMING WHOMST

 **Senpai:** I think a very sandy city might cause some problems, Akira and Futaba-senpais!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I love you both dearly but Sumire is right, and we can't terraform an entire city and implement climate change just because we want to see the sun.

 **women want me:** Maruki's probably watching us now like "what the fuck are these guys up to" 😂

 **Lobster Emoji:** If I were a god, I would make it so the weather's always nice.

 **we live in a society:** If I were a god I'd probably do some cool stuff like show up to parties and turn all the wine into water so everyone is nice and hydrated

 **VIBE CHECK:** if I were a god I'd make moths a hundred times their normal size >:3

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Why, Futaba?

 **VIBE CHECK:** idk I love chaos

 **women want me:** Maybe you and Akechi should like, swap personas?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** That is a terrible idea.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Futaba clearly doesn't have the physique for murder.

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm currently posting Akechi's browsing history publicly

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Don't you dare.

 **VIBE CHECK:** you have some WEIRD fetishes, Akechi

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** You think I would be foolish enough to search for porn on my personal phone?

 **we live in a society:** Yeah Futaba just use a public library computer for your porn like the rest of us

 **VIBE CHECK:** I mean, Inari doesn't even know how incognito mode works (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Ahem.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I will have you know that I have mastered Incognito Mode.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I have even started to get the hang of 'Siri' on Hifumi-san's phone.

 **Lobster Emoji:** She is very polite.

 **VIBE CHECK:** Hifumi or Siri?

 **Lobster Emoji:** Yes.

 **women want me:** I'm like, imagining Yusuke saying please and thank you to Siri 😭💖

 **fish fear me:** HE DOES

 **fish fear me:** ITS SO CUTE

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That does sound cute.

 **we live in a society:** I'm crying in the club right now

 **we live in a society:** The club being my bed

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I can confirm this.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Not to interrupt Yusuke being a gentleman, but do we have any plans for tomorrow?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Well, it's Sunday, so we can either try and secure a route for the treasure or we can all take the day off.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** But we ARE making good progress so we could relax for a bit.

 **fish fear me:** lets all relax 4 a day or 2 or 6

 **women want me:** I hate to say it but I'm on Ryuji's side here 😭

 **women want me:** We're doing like, super well, and I'd like to spend a day with Shiho before school gets super serious again!

 **we live in a society:** We can take a day off

 **we live in a society:** For the lesbians

 **Lobster Emoji:** I vote in favour of taking a short break for the lesbians.

 **VIBE CHECK:** let's do it for the lesbians

 **Everyone Liked That:** Lesbians! 💛

 **women want me:** You guys~! 💖😭

 **Senpai:** I wouldn't mind a day off, too!

 **Senpai:** I've been falling behind on my gymnastics practice.

 **Senpai:** Not because of you guys, though!

 **fish fear me:** nah we can take the blame

 **women want me:** We're super good at taking the blame~!

 **we live in a society:** We should all show up to Sumire's gymnastics practice some day

 **Everyone Liked That:** So we can try and pick up some tips?

 **we live in a society:** Yes

 **we live in a society:** Definitely not just because I think it'd be super cool if we could all do backflips

 **Lobster Emoji:** I would love to learn how to do a backflip in real life.

 **VIBE CHECK:** Inari has a point

 **VIBE CHECK:** why are you all so much more flexible in the Metaverse?

 **we live in a society:** The Metaverse removes your bones

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I don't think that's the correct answer, Akira.

 **we live in a society:** We're all just wibbling around without skeletons

 **fish fear me:** bro

 **Everyone Liked That:** I think it's because it's an extension of our imaginations!

 **Everyone Liked That:** So Mona can turn into a van and we're super good at backflips!

 **Senpai:** I can teach you all how to backflip in real life!

 **Senpai:** It might take some practice, though.

 **VIBE CHECK:** please teach me how to backflip Sumi-senpai (ﾟ∀ﾟ人)

 **Senpai:** I can do, Futaba-senpai!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Alright, it's settled.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We'll take a day off for the lesbians and for backflips.

 **VIBE CHECK:** LET'S GO LESBIANS!

 **VIBE CHECK:** TO THE GYM!

 **Senpai:** Tomorrow!

 **VIBE CHECK:** QUEST DELAYED UNTIL TOMORROW!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Haha, Futaba!

 **we live in a society:** Alright now that that's settled I'm going to bed

 **we live in a society:** If you want me I'll be face down in my pillow

 **fish fear me:** bro sleep on ur back so u dont suffocate

 **we live in a society:** I will defeat death with my sheer willpower

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I will endeavour to turn him on his back.

 **we live in a society:** See it's working already

 **we live in a society:** Goodnight my sweet friends

 **Everyone Liked That:** Goodnight, Akira!

 **Everyone Liked That:** And goodnight, Phantom Thieves! 💛

 **fish fear me:** goodnite everyone!!!!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Goodnight, my friends.

 **women want me:** Goodnight, everyone~!!! 💖💖💖

 **Senpai:** Goodnight! ❤️

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Goodnight, Phantom Thieves.

 **VIBE CHECK:** sleep well noobs

 **VIBE CHECK:** _(⌒( ु`ω、) ु zzZz

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, halfway through this: oh fuck I should probably check the official P5 in-game calendar  
> me, realising that I've completely fucked up the scheduling: well fuck canon anyway
> 
> This is my promise that there is MORE on the way! I'm just cutting this chapter short because I have to sleep.
> 
> (Also I did not beta-read this. Apologies.)


	31. ( . Y . )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **we live in a society:** I live in the woods
> 
>  **we live in a society:** I am Bigfoot's cousin
> 
>  **we live in a society:** Bigpenis
> 
>  **fish fear me:** bo
> 
>  **fish fear me:** u go tme so fucked up i cant even bro right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, after writing almost 5,000 words in one go: Huh. This adds nothing to the plot. *slams 'Post' button*

**JANUARY 15TH**

* * *

**😍 WEDDING PLANNING 😍**

**> 10:23am: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**>** **Akira Kurusu joined the group.**

**> Akira Kurusu joined the chat thread.**

**Futaba:** hewwo bwother owo

 **Akira:** I'm leaving

 **Futaba:** no don't go

 **Ann:** Hi Akira~! 💖♪

 **Akira:** Hewwo

 **Haru:** Hello, Akira! 💛

 **Akira:** HARU!

 **Shiho:** Hi Akira! ^^

 **Akira:** SHIHO!!!!

 **Makoto:** Hey, Akira.

 **Akira:** MAKOTO!!!!

 **Akira:** Alright what's going on

 **Akira:** I'm going to take a wild guess and say that it's wedding related

 **Ann:** Seeing as we're doing so good on time management, we figured we'd sort out Ryuji and Yusuke's wedding a little more!!

 **Makoto:** The wedding that's not an official wedding.

 **Futaba:** nwedding

 **Futaba:** uwu

 **Akira:** uwudding

 **Futaba:** okay you killed it

 **Futaba:** it's dead now

 **Futaba:** a dead meme

 **Futaba:** are you happy

 **Akira:** Never

 **Akira:** Now what's up

 **Akira:** Were you missing my charming wit and winning smile

 **Futaba:** nope!

 **Akira:** </3

 **Haru:** We need to go location scouting and buy wedding-that-isn't-a-wedding attire!

 **Makoto:** But none of us have Ryuji or Yusuke's measurements.

 **Futaba:** they keep telling me "muscly" and "tall" aren't real measurements

 **Shiho:** I can probaaaably find Ryuji's measurements from when we used to order in our custom sports uniforms but I've only met Yusuke once ^^'

 **Akira:** Can we please put Ryuji in a sushi costume

 **Makoto:** No.

 **Futaba:** YES

 **Futaba:** Ryuji in a sushi costume, Yusuke in a lobster costume

 **Akira:** There

 **Akira:** We killed it

 **Akira:** I now pronounce you fish and larger, pinchier fish

 **Makoto:** Please don't bring this up to Yusuke because he WILL manage to find some beauty in it, and then we'll all be dressed as various foods at their not-wedding.

 **Futaba:** I call dibs on being a pot of instant yakisoba

 **Shiho:** Ann is a strawberry shortcake!! ^^

 **Akira:** Shiho you are the best person I know

 **Shiho:** Thank you Akira!! ^^<3

 **Haru:** Makoto would be a croissant!

 **Makoto:** You'd be a peach tart, Haru.

 **Haru:** 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

 **Akira:** I would be a KitKat

 **Futaba:** you would be an entire roast turkey

 **Akira:** Morgana is also sushi

 **Akira:** Where are we going with this again

 **Ann:** Measurements!!

 **Akira:** Three centimetres

 **Ann:** 😑

 **Akira:** Alright alright I'll see it done

 **Akira:** Yusuke was talking about heading into the fashion world as an art statement so I'll link it to that

 **Makoto:** Smart, Akira.

 **Akira:** Or I'll just tell them that I'm buying us all matching Featherman costumes

 **Makoto:** ...

 **Futaba:** no no let him speak

 **Akira:** The fact that you had to type out the "..." is what hurts the most

 **Ann:** We're going to try and have the not-wedding before you have to head back home~!

 **Ann:** We'll have the actual wedding once Mako-chan rises high enough in the government to introduce a pro-gay marriage bill! 😉

 **Haru:** I already have some super cute locations in mind!

 **Haru:** I'm a little worried Yusuke would lose himself in the architecture and forget about the actual not-wedding, though.

 **Ann:** Those two would like, get married in a dumpster

 **Ann:** Have you SEEN the way Ryuji looks at Yusuke 😭💖

 **Haru:** I want someone to look at me that way someday.

 **Futaba:** somebody already does >:3

 **Haru:** Futaba-chan...

 **Haru:** Are you telling me it's you?!

 **Futaba:** WAIT

 **Futaba** : NO

 **Futaba:** HARU I LOVE YOU BUT IT'S NOT ME

 **Akira:** It's me

 **Ann:** You look at all of us like you're in love with us 😑

 **Akira:** That's because I am

 **Akira:** (That includes you, Shiho)

 **Shiho:** ^^<3<3<3

 **Haru:** Aww, Akira! 💛

 **Haru:** And thank you, Futaba! But I'm afraid that my heart belongs to another. 💛

 **Futaba:** WHO IS IT HARU

 **Futaba:** TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME

 **Haru:** I will message you privately as my personal confidant!

 **Futaba:** YESSSSSSSSSS

 **Futaba:** SCORE ONE FOR FUTABA >:333333

 **Makoto:** We all love you, Haru.

 **Haru:** We love you too, Makoto! 💛

 **Akira:** I'm also here

 **Makoto:** You need to be getting some measurements for us.

 **Akira:** Five metres

 **Makoto:** To quote Ann,

 **Makoto:** 😑

 **Akira:** Alright alright I'll get their measurements by the end of next week using my +500 charm

 **Shiho:** I'll contact the old volleyball and track teams and see if anyone remembers Ryuji's measurements!!! ^^

 **Haru:** I'll start contacting venues and working on a menu!

 **Ann:** I'll be working on the invite designs~! 💖

 **Makoto:** And I'll begin my training for a prosperous career in the Diet, I suppose?

 **Futaba:** and I'm also here!

 **Futaba:** actually I'll try out Haru's menu ideas >:3333

 **Akira:** Let's go lesbians!

 **Akira:** And me!

 **Ann:** Keep us updated, Joker! 💖

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Haru Okumura**

**> 11:15am: Haru started a new chat thread.**

**Haru:** Hello, Akira!

 **Akira:** Hello to my favourite axe-wielding person

 **Haru:** You always know just what to say! ^^

 **Akira:** Is that an emoticon, Haru?

 **Haru:** Shiho and Futaba have been teaching me them!

 **Haru:** ^^ means you're happy!

 **Haru:** >:3 is for when you're planning something nefarious.

 **Haru:** =^.^= is Mona!

 **Haru:** And ( . Y . ) is a man looking straight at you!

 **Akira:** Oh god

 **Akira:** Did Futaba teach you that one?

 **Haru:** Yes!

 **Akira:** I thought so

 **Akira:** Maybe don't use that one in formal conversations

 **Haru:** Why not? :O

 **Akira:** Haru

 **Akira:** I love you and I say this as your friend

 **Akira:** It's boobs

_**> Haru Okumura is typing...** _

**Haru:** Oh!

 **Haru:** Ah, yes, I can see that now.

 **Akira:** ( . Y . )

 **Haru:** ( . Y . )

 **Haru:** Hehehe!

 **Akira:** Emoticons aside, what's up?

 **Haru:** Ah!

 **Haru:** I was wondering if you would be free this afternoon?

 **Haru:** I have a new set of coffee blends I'd like for you to try out!

 **Akira:** I'm always free for you Haru

 **Akira:** I should mention that Akechi is here, though

 **Akira:** I can send him home if you want

 **Haru:** No, it's okay!

 **Haru:** I'd rather like his opinion too.

 **Akira:** What

 **Akira:** Really?

 **Haru:** Yes!

 **Haru:** This new Akechi doesn't really lie, so I know his opinion will be honest.

 **Akira:** Huh

 **Akira:** Is this a long-winded scheme to poison him?

 **Haru:** I promise that it's not!

 **Akira:** We should still have a safe word for if you're about to smash a mug over his head or something

 **Haru:** Hmmmmmmm.

 **Haru:** "Frosting!"

 **Akira:** Perfect

 **Akira:** If you shout it, I'll be sure to duck out of the splash zone

 **Haru:** (^_^)b

 **Akira:** What time will you be here, Miss Okumura?

 **Haru:** How does 2pm sound?

 **Akira:** Perfect

 **Akira:** I will be sure to put on pants by 2pm

 **Haru:** Please ensure that Akechi is wearing pants, too!

 **Akira:** Of course

 **Akira:** I'll see you then

 **Haru:** I'll see you then too! 💛

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Munehisa Iwai**

**> 5:00pm: Iwai started a new chat thread.**

**Iwai:** Free tonight?

 **Akira:** You need me at the shop?

 **Iwai:** 👍🏻

 **Akira:** 👍🏻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 8:38pm: women want mestarted a new chat thread.**

**women want me:** Should we like, head back into Maruki's Palace tomorrow?

 **we live in a society:** FKJjk

 **women want me:** Uhhhh

 **women want me:** What??

 **we live in a society:** Dropped my phone

 **women want me:** 😂😂😂

 **we live in a society:** I'm at work so replies may be slow

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If we head back into Maruki's Palace tomorrow and secure a route to the treasure, that gives us just over 2 weeks to do nothing, I guess?

 **VIBE CHECK:** STRIP KARAOKE ROUND 2

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We're still banned from that establishment.

 **VIBE CHECK:** ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡

 **VIBE CHECK:** AKIRA

 **VIBE CHECK:** TEXT MARUKI AND WISH FOR US TO BE UNBANNED

 **we live in a society:** On it

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Do not.

 **we live in a society:** No longer on it

 **women want me:** We can always do fun things together for two weeks though!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** There are 10 of us, so we could all think of an activity each.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** And that leaves us with 4 days for personal use.

 **VIBE CHECK:** STRIP BOWLING

 **women want me:** STRIP BOWLING~!

 **women want me:** LKSJDKLSD FUTABA

 **VIBE CHECK:** we are so in sync (ฅ⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́)و ̑̑

 **fish fear me:** im thinkin i wanna go to the aquarium again

 **fish fear me:** look at fish nd shit

 **women want me:** That's two down!

 **women want me:** Futaba, are you or I taking strip bowling as our option~?

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'll take it!

 **VIBE CHECK:** just think of something equally awesome >:3333

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** We can go normal bowling where we keep our clothes on and don't get banned from any more establishments.

 **VIBE CHECK:** (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ㅂ˂̣̣̥)੭ु

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** If I must take part in this, I would like to take you all wall climbing.

 **fish fear me:** wall climbin???

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Climbing walls.

 **fish fear me:** bro that actually sounds kinda rad

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** It is a high intensity activity.

 **fish fear me:** oh you just wanna beat akira at it dont u

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **fish fear me:** fair enough

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** That's three down, then.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akira? Ann?

 **women want me:** Give me a moment~~~~!

 **women want me:** I'm thinking hard to make Futaba proud 🤔

 **VIBE CHECK:** !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

 **women want me:** What about you, Mako-chan?

 **women want me:** What's your super awesome activity choice~? 😉

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I was thinking of a museum.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If that's not too boring.

 **VIBE CHECK:** museums pass the Futaba vibe check!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** A museum trip would appeal to all of us.

 **fish fear me:** howd it appeal 2 me?!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** You get to listen to Kitagawa-kun talk at length about paintings for hours.

 **fish fear me:** ok

 **women want me:** And it'd be soooo cool to play 'spot the Persona'!

 **Lobster Emoji:** A museum trip sounds lovely.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I imagine a camping trip would be too much of an activity?

 **VIBE CHECK:** you are NOT making me go sleep in the woods in January =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́)))

 **Lobster Emoji:** We would be in tents, Futaba.

 **VIBE CHECK:** IT'LL BE COLD

 **VIBE CHECK:** IT WON'T BE INTENSE AT ALL

 **fish fear me:** nah bro we just snuggle 4 warmth

 **VIBE CHECK:** I AM NOT SNUGGLING INARI

 **VIBE CHECK:** HE'S COLD ( ╬◣ 益◢)

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm afraid Futaba's right on this one.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** But we could always go camping in the summer!

 **women want me:** We could go visit Akira~!

 **women want me:** I kinda just assumed he lives in a camping type area 😬

 **we live in a society:** I live in the woods

 **we live in a society:** I am Bigfoot's cousin

 **we live in a society:** Bigpenis

 **fish fear me:** bo

 **fish fear me:** u go tme so fucked up i cant even bro right

 **Lobster Emoji:** How about a trip to the Planetarium, then?

 **women want me:** KJSDFKSF YESSSSS

 **women want me:** Let's all go see the stars together 🥺

 **VIBE CHECK:** planetarium passes Futaba's vibe check!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** You never said if wall climbing passes your "vibe check."

 **VIBE CHECK:** that's because it doesn't ┻━┻ ︵ ¯\ (ツ)/¯ ︵ ┻━┻

 **women want me:** They have like, harnesses and stuff, Futaba!

 **women want me:** Shiho and I went once and she kicked my ass 😭

 **fish fear me:** futabas gonna hack the harnesses

 **VIBE CHECK:** >:33333

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** So we have bowling, the aquarium, wall climbing, the museum, and the Planetarium.

 **we live in a society:** Pool party

 **fish fear me:** itd have to be an indoor pool or else well all freeze 2 death bro

 **Everyone Liked That:** I have an indoor pool!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Or I could rent us out a waterpark for the day!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Do you really have that much money?

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yes.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Very well.

 **VIBE CHECK:** WATERPARK WITH SLIDES PASSES FUTABA'S VIBE CHECK

 **fish fear me:** SLIDE RACES

 **VIBE CHECK:** ORACLE VS. SKULL

 **VIBE CHECK:** FIGHT!

 **VIBE CHECK:** MWEHEHEHEHE

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Any objections to Haru renting out an entire waterpark for a day?

 **women want me:** Nope~!

 **Lobster Emoji:** I feel bad for those who cannot visit as we would be there.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'd rent it on a normally-closed day so it wouldn't be open to the public anyway, Yusuke!

 **Lobster Emoji:** In that case I have no objections and look forward to seeing Ryuji in a swimsuit.

 **fish fear me:** bro u can see that anytime u want

 **VIBE CHECK:** this flirting doth not pass my vibe check

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** ccccccc

 **Everyone Liked That:** Oh no, Mona!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Would you enjoy spending a day at a place full of water?

 **we live in a society:** It's fine we'll put him on a pool floaty thingy

 **Senpai:** Can you even take a cat to a water park?

 **we live in a society:** We'll get Haru to throw money at any problems that arise

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Hello, Sumire!

 **Senpai:** Hello, Makoto! ❤️

 **fish fear me:** wait what about mona at wall climbin

 **we live in a society:** I'll wear him on my back in a baby harness

 **Everyone Liked That:** So adorable!

 **VIBE CHECK:** call Maruki and get human kitty back for a day >:333

 **we live in a society:** No

 **we live in a society:** I am never going through that ever again

 **we live in a society:** I would take faking my death in police custody after being betrayed by my hot and evil boyfriend over human!Mona

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I have no intentions of betraying you.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Again.

 **we live in a society:** Oh my god Goro

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes?

 **we live in a society:** Please let me tie your hair up for the waterpark

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Ngh.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Why?

 **we live in a society:** Aerodynamics

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I find that hard to believe.

 **we live in a society:** Also because you'll look incredibly sexy

 **VIBE CHECK:** changed my mind

 **VIBE CHECK:** Ryuji and Inari's flirting totally passes my vibe check

 **VIBE CHECK:** this does not

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Moving swiftly onward...

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Haru, Sumire, Ann, Morgana, any ideas?

 **Everyone Liked That:** Let's go axe throwing!

 **Senpai:** Yes!

 **Senpai:** I would love to study your technique, Haru-senpai!

 **Everyone Liked That:** Does axe throwing pass the vibe check, @ _VIBE CHECK_?

 **VIBE CHECK:** axe throwing passes the vibe check SO HARD ＼＼\\\ ⱶ˝୧(๑ ⁼̴̀ᐜ⁼̴́๑)૭兯 //／／

 **Lobster Emoji:** Axe throwing sounds enjoyable.

 **fish fear me:** uhhhh

 **fish fear me:** do we really want futaba nd akechi throwin axes

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **fish fear me:** oh thats fine then

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I sense sarcasm.

 **fish fear me:** ur correct mister ace detective

 **Senpai:** Would Mona enjoy an axe throwing class?

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** hhhhh

 **women want me:** Mona, send an A if you're cool with it and an L if you're not!

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** bbbbbbbb

 **women want me:** This always happens 😐

 **we live in a society:** Hang on I have a great idea

 **we live in a society:** Hang on some more I just dropped a sword

 **fish fear me:** BRO

 **fish fear me:** U OK

 **women want me:** Are you okay, Akira?!

 **Senpai:** Please don't hurt yourself, senpai!

 **VIBE CHECK:** he's fine, I'm tuned into the cameras in the airsoft shop

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Do you have eyes everywhere, Futaba?

 **VIBE CHECK:** yep!

 **we live in a society:** I forgot my idea

 **we live in a society:** NO WAIT

 **we live in a society:** Nope forgot it again

 **we live in a society:** I REMEMBERED

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** This is enthralling.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I feel like I'm watching the five stages of grief unfold in real time.

**> we live in a society started a video chat.**

**> fish fear me joined the video chat.**

**> VIBE CHECK joined the video chat.**

**> Everyone Liked That joined the video chat.**

**> Senpai joined the video chat.**

**> TINY BASTARD MAN joined the video chat.**

**> The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell joined the video chat.**

**> women want me joined the video chat.**

**Lobster Emoji:** I'm having trouble finding the 'join' button.

 **fish fear me:** top left

**> Lobster Emoji joined the video chat.**

**Lobster Emoji:** Ah!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Thank you, my love.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Are you joining us, Akechi?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** One moment.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I am looking for a shirt.

**> Gowo Akechi uwu joined the video chat.**

**> 10:22pm: we live in a society ended the video chat.**

**women want me:** KLDJFSKLDF FUTABA FALLING ASLEEP ON THE CHAT

 **VIBE CHECK:** _(ˇωˇ」∠)_

 **we live in a society:** Go to bed

 **VIBE CHECK:** I was taking a power nap while waiting for my in-game stamina to recharge 3:

 **VIBE CHECK:** Sojiro wants to know when you'll be home from work

 **we live in a society:** Never

 **we live in a society:** Iwai locked me in here

 **we live in a society:** I am part of the shop now

 **fish fear me:** part of the crew part of the ship

 **we live in a society:** Part of the crew part of the ship

 **we live in a society:** Also probably around 11 once I get this window jimmied open

 **VIBE CHECK:** jimmied open

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Do you require help, Akira?

 **we live in a society:** Nah I'm sexy and my meat is huge

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I don't quite see what that has to do with opening a window.

 **fish fear me:** hes gonna open it with his huge schlong bro

 **VIBE CHECK:** schlong

 **women want me:** Schlong

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** "Schlong."

 **fish fear me:** cmon

 **we live in a society:** Schlong

 **fish fear me:** EVEN U BRO

 **we live in a society:** I go with what the masses want bro

 **fish fear me:** alright yaldyboat

 **women want me:** Yaldyboat

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yaldyboat.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Yaldyboat.

 **fish fear me:** YUSK NO

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Not to interrupt us bullying Ryuji, but:

 **fish fear me:** thank u makochan

 **fish fear me:** my queen

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yaldyboat.

 **fish fear me:** NO

 **VIBE CHECK:** GOT HIM MAKOTO

 **fish fear me:** THIS IS BULLYIN

 **Senpai:** Yaldyboat!

 **fish fear me:** even u sumi.........

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** To recap our planned activities,

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Futaba's gone for bowling.

 **VIBE CHECK:** STRIP BOWLING

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Normal bowling where we all keep our clothes on.

 **VIBE CHECK:** s(・｀ヘ´・;)ゞ

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akechi has volunteered wall climbing.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Indeed.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Ryuji's taking us to the aquarium.

 **fish fear me:** bonkin

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'll be organising a museum trip.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Which I'll make as fun as possible.

 **Everyone Liked That:** I'm excited!

 **Lobster Emoji:** Yes, I look forward to spending time at a museum with you all.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I would love to hear your thoughts on all the exhibits.

 **VIBE CHECK:** I can sense Ryuji's thoughts and it's just the word "bonkin"

 **fish fear me:** hey!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Yusuke's opted for the Planetarium.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Yes.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Akira's going to get Haru to rent us out an entire waterpark for the day.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'm guessing by his lack of reply that he's still trying to open the window.

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** oooooooo

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'll take that as a yes?

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I would assume so.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Sumire's chosen a trip to the fair.

 **women want me:** YESSSSSS

 **Senpai:** I'm glad you like my idea, Ann!

 **women want me:** Fairs are so CUTE Sumi~ 😭💖

 **fish fear me:** nd romantic

 **VIBE CHECK:** Ryuji? romantic?

 **VIBE CHECK:** are we back in Maruki's reality?

 **fish fear me:** no!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** i was straight over there

 **fish fear me:** not romantic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Perhaps dating Yusuke has had an impact on Ryuji's personality.

 **women want me:** I think I have to agree? 😅

 **fish fear me:** thats a compliment right

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Yes.

 **fish fear me:** WOO

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Haru is taking us out for axe throwing classes.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** With a trip to Mementos after so we can test our skills out on Shadows and so Mona can take part.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Yes!

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** wwwwwwww

 **Senpai:** I think he's grateful!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Morgana requested the zoo.

 **VIBE CHECK:** do you think Mona can talk to other animals?

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** If we hear him trying to start an uprising at the zoo, that's his problem.

 **women want me:** KSJDFKS MAKOTO

 **women want me:** Monamona trying to start a revolution 😂

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Perhaps we will find Mona a cognitive companion at the zoo.

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** ddddddd

 **Senpai:** I think he's trying to swear at you, Akechi-senpai.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** That is his own problem.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Last, but definitely not least, Ann suggested laser tag.

 **fish fear me:** YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Lobster Emoji:** We can fashion a small gun for Mona.

 **Everyone Liked That:** He'll be too busy chasing the laser pointers!

 **women want me:** SKJDFLSDF I DIDN'T EVEN CONSIDER THAT

 **we live in a society:** I'm alive what did I miss

 **we live in a society:** Why are we giving Mona a small gun

 **VIBE CHECK:** we're bank robbers now

 **we live in a society:** Oh cool

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I know we used the video chat to go over any objections or Mona-shaped issues, but does anyone have any objections?

 **Senpai:** Nope! ❤️

 **Everyone Liked That:** It all sounds good to me!

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Although I feel we could be using this time for far wiser things, I suppose I am content enough to play along.

 **fish fear me:** shuddup nerd

 **fish fear me:** nd im all good!!!!!

 **women want me:** Okay soooo someone keep Akechi and Ryuji faaaar apart during the axe throwing thing 😰😬

 **women want me:** Also I'm cool with it all~! 💖

 **VIBE CHECK:** ✧*.◟(ˊᗨˋ)◞.*✧ᗯ੨~ɪ̊♪ْ˖⋆

 **we live in a society:** All good to me

 **we live in a society:** You have my bank details, Makoto

 **we live in a society:** So feel free to use the Akira Fund™️ for these plans

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Noted.

 **TINY BASTARD MAN:** #####

 **we live in a society:** That means he's totally up for it

 **Lobster Emoji:** I also have no objections.

 **Lobster Emoji:** However, I must head to bed so goodnight, my friends.

 **VIBE CHECK:** goodnight Inari!!

 **VIBE CHECK:** 【☆sweet dream☆】(●ＵωU).zZZ

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Goodnight, Yusuke.

 **fish fear me:** goodnite yusk

 **fish fear me:** love u

 **Lobster Emoji:** And I you.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Goodnight.

 **Everyone Liked That:** Sleep well, Yusuke! 💛

 **Senpai:** Goodnight, Yusuke! ❤️

 **we live in a society:** Sleep well, Yusuke

 **we live in a society:** And goodnight, my other sweet friends

 **we live in a society:** Sleep well so you grow up big and strong

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** Go to bed, Akira.

 **we live in a society:** I can't

 **we live in a society:** I missed the last train and I'm stuck in Shibuya

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I will be out to rescue you shortly.

 **we live in a society:** Thank you, my sweet sexy prince

 **VIBE CHECK:** ＼| ￣ヘ￣|／

 **VIBE CHECK:** goodnight everyone except for Akira and Akechi!

 **we live in a society:** Hang on

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 10:51pm: Akira started a new chat thread.**

**Akira:** Are you really coming to rescue me?

 **Goro:** Of course.

 **Goro:** You are apparently completely helpless without me.

 **Akira:** My sweet sexy prince

 **Goro:** Really?

 **Akira:** I think the Irish coffee Haru made has gotten to me

 **Goro:** Of course it has.

 **Akira:** I will repay you for the rescue

 **Goro:** Of course you will.

 **Goro:** I have requisitioned a driver from work to pick you up.

 **Akira:** Do you still have a job?

 **Goro:** I believe so.

 **Goro:** They did not reject my request, regardless.

 **Akira:** Was your description of me

 **Akira:** "Sexy guy with glasses and cat"

 **Goro:** Something along those lines.

 **Akira:** Yessssss

 **Akira:** Perhaps I'll take the day off school tomorrow

 **Akira:** So we can do sexy sexy things

 **Goro:** Like me playing 'Minecraft' as you are passed out, snoring, blissfully ignorant, on your bed?

 **Akira:** You know me so well

 **Akira:** Also I was thinking of

 **Akira:** You know ;)

 **Goro:** I know?

 **Akira:** Setting up the Wii so we can have a go at Wii Bowling

 **Goro:** That was not even remotely close to any of my guesses.

 **Akira:** That's because my radiant sexiness has dazzled you into confusion

 **Goro:** Your "radiant sexiness."

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** I take my pants off and dazzle

 **Goro:** Akira.

 **Akira:** Goro

 **Goro:** You are ridiculous.

 **Goro:** Inane.

 **Goro:** A thorn in my side.

 **Goro:** I love you.

 **Akira:** Could it be?

 **Akira:** That THE sexy ace detective is in love with the stupid sexy transfer student?

 **Goro:** I thought that would be obvious by now.

 **Goro:** Or is the enigmatic and charming leader of the Phantom Thieves not as enigmatic nor charming as I have been lead to believe?

 **Akira:** No no I'm both mysterious and sexy

 **Akira:** Your sources are correct

 **Goro:** And my sources would be?

 **Akira:** Me

 **Goro:** Ah.

 **Goro:** Perhaps not the most reliable source of information.

 **Goro:** I believe you are rather a biased party.

 **Akira:** A bisexual party, maybe

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** I exhaled forcefully through my nose.

 **Akira:** Highest praise

 **Akira:** Driver's here

 **Akira:** I'll be home soon

 **Goro:** Mmmm.

 **Goro:** Don't keep me waiting.

 **Akira:** I can't like

 **Akira:** Tap the driver on the shoulder and tell him to skip every red light

 **Goro:** Of course you can, if you're not a coward.

 **Akira:** Getting a lot of mixed signals here Goro

 **Goro:** I love you.

 **Goro:** Be safe.

 **Akira:** Confusing!

 **Akira:** I love you too!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to Robbie Daymond [for canonising Ferdibert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFOru1AUT-g).
> 
> Note: if you haven't played FE3H, just know that Hubert and Ferdie's western VAs also voice Akechi and Maruki respectively. Do whatever you want with this information.
> 
> Also you should listen to the [Akechi/Akira duet courtesy of Robbie and Xander.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlmZKvvMbEw)
> 
> I'm thinking of commissioning someone to do art for this fic. Probably all 10 of them trying to videochat each other. Or Akechi with his hair-up, yeeting axes.


	32. Surely you jest?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** 6 PLUS 8 IS 14.
> 
>  **fish fear me:** THATS FUCKED UP BRO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 28.7.20: Updated the fic tags to better reflect where this fic is at.

**JANUARY 16TH**

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:06am: women want mestarted a new chat thread.**

**women want me:** @ _we live in a society_ Are you like, coming to school today?

 **women want me:** wait you didn't die in Shibuya, did you?! 😰

 **we live in a society:** Nah

 **we live in a society:** I'm playing Smash with Goro

 **women want me:** Is that what they're calling it nowadays? 😂

 **fish fear me:** tmi bro

 **we live in a society:** What

 **we live in a society:** NO

 **we live in a society:** WE'RE PLAYING SUPER SMASH BROS ULTIMATE

 **we live in a society:** YOU DON'T THINK I'D SKIP SCHOOL JUST TO BONK

 **fish fear me:** yea

 **women want me:** Yeah 😂

 **we live in a society:** Point taken

 **Everyone Liked That:** Akira, are you skipping school to play video games?

 **we live in a society:** I mean

 **we live in a society:** Cough

 **we live in a society:** Illness noises

 **women want me:** 😑

 **Everyone Liked That:** Akira!

 **Everyone Liked That:** You're meant to be our leader, setting a good example!

 **we live in a society:** I am ailing and Goro is gently slapping my forehead with a wet flannel

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'm turning off the Leblanc bug (; ･`д･´)

 **VIBE CHECK:** also is it just me or does Akira sound kinda like the Smash announcer?

 **fish fear me:** no its def there

 **fish fear me:** a lil deeper maybe

 **we live in a society:** Tmi bro

 **fish fear me:** WAIT NO

 **VIBE CHECK:** screenshotted for blackmail! >:333

 **women want me:** 😂😂😂

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** What's this I'm reading about Akira skipping school to game?

 **we live in a society:** I'M AILING

 **Everyone Liked That:** YOU'RE SETTING A BAD EXAMPLE!

 **fish fear me:** GET HIM MAKOTO

 **VIBE CHECK:** STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT RYUJI

 **women want me:** WHY ARE WE YELLING?

 **Lobster Emoji:** Hello, everyone.

 **Lobster Emoji:** Ah.

 **Lobster Emoji:** HELLO EVERYONE.

 **fish fear me:** HI YUSK

 **we live in a society:** COUGH COUGH

 **women want me:** I AM VERY CONFUSED 😅

 **women want me:** HELLO YUSUKE~! 💘

 **Lobster Emoji:** AH, ANN, IS THAT A NEW HEART EMOJI?

 **women want me:** YEAH~! I FEEL IT FITS MY PHANTOM THIEF AESTHETIC MORE!

 **Everyone Liked That:** I THINK IT'S CUTE, ANN!

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

 **VIBE CHECK:** 𝘼𝙆𝙄𝙍𝘼 𝙄𝙎 𝙎𝙆𝙄𝙋𝙋𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙎𝘾𝙃𝙊𝙊𝙇 𝙏𝙊 𝙋𝙇𝘼𝙔 𝙑𝙄𝘿𝙀𝙊𝙂𝘼𝙈𝙀𝙎 𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃 𝙃𝙄𝙎 𝘽𝙊𝙔𝙁𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙉𝘿

 **we live in a society:** STOP SNITCHING

 **we live in a society:** ALSO HOW DID YOU DO THAT

 **VIBE CHECK:** 𝕆ℝ𝔸ℂ𝕃𝔼 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊 ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝔻𝕀𝕍𝕌𝕃𝔾𝔼 ℍ𝔼ℝ 𝕊𝔼ℂℝ𝔼𝕋𝕊 𝕊𝕆 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐

 **Lobster Emoji:** I ENJOY THAT FONT.

 **fish fear me:** 𝕭𝕺𝕹𝕶𝕴𝕹

 **VIBE CHECK:** 𝖄𝕰 𝕺𝕷𝕯𝕰 𝕭𝕺𝕹𝕶𝕴𝕹

 **women want me:** I CAN'T LIKE, READ THOSE 😅

 **VIBE CHECK:** 𝕼𝖀𝕴𝕮𝕶 𝕰𝖁𝕰𝕽𝖄𝕺𝕹𝕰 𝕮𝕺𝕸𝕻𝕷𝕴𝕸𝕰𝕹𝕿 𝕬𝕹𝕹 𝖀𝕾𝕴𝕹𝕲 𝖄𝕰 𝕺𝕷𝕯𝕰 𝕱𝕺𝕹𝕿𝕰

 **we live in a society:** IF, HYPOTHETICALLY, I WERE NOT CURRENTLY AILING

 **we live in a society:** I WOULD BE NOW AFTER TRYING TO READ THAT FONT

 **Senpai:** HELLO EVERYONE! ❤️

 **Senpai:** YOU SHOULD BE IN SCHOOL, SENPAI!

 **we live in a society:** ALRIGHT I'M NEVER COMING BACK TO SHUJIN

 **Lobster Emoji:** JOIN ME AT KOSEI, AKIRA.

 **we live in a society:** I'M GOING TO FIND OUT WHERE GORO GOES AND GO THERE

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** You are not.

 **VIBE CHECK:** DON'T SPOIL THE FUN, ACE DETECTIVE ((╬●∀●)

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** Ngh.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** YOU ARE NOT.

 **women want me:** AREN'T YOU TWO LIKE, TOGETHER RIGHT NOW?

 **we live in a society:** I'M IN THE BATHROOM

 **fish fear me:** BRO

 **we live in a society:** YEAH BRO

 **fish fear me:** JUST TELLIN U THAT I LOVE U BRO

 **we live in a society:** I LOVE YOU TOO BRO

 **we live in a society:** BUT THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE TIME NOR PLACE

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** AKIRA.

 **we live in a society:** YES MA'AM

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I HAVE NO ISSUE WITH TWO CONSENTING ADULTS GETTING UP TO THEIR OWN PERSONAL BUSINESS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.

 **we live in a society:** WHY DO YOU GUYS THINK I'M BONKING GORO

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** PERHAPS BECAUSE YOU ARE?

 **VIBE CHECK:** (ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ )

 **we live in a society:** I MEANT AT THIS EXACT MOMENT IN TIME

 **VIBE CHECK:** (; ･`д･´)

 **we live in a society:** I'M GENUINELY JUST AT HOME PLAYING VIDEOGAMES

 **we live in a society:** I MEAN COUGH URK AILING NOISES

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I AM, HOWEVER, DISAPPOINTED THAT YOU WOULD VALUE VIDEO GAMES OVER YOUR EDUCATION.

 **we live in a society:** NOOOO

 **we live in a society:** MAKOTO

 **we live in a society:** IT'S JUST ONE DAY

 **we live in a society:** I WON'T FORGET MATHS JUST BECAUSE I SKIPPED A DAY

 **VIBE CHECK:** WHAT'S 2 + 4

 **we live in a society:** TWELVE

 **VIBE CHECK:** MATHS CHECKS OUT

 **fish fear me:** NO IT DONT

 **VIBE CHECK:** RYUJI

 **VIBE CHECK:** WHAT'S 8 + 12 / 2

 **fish fear me:** FUCK

 **VIBE** **CHECK:** NO

 **fish fear me:** 10

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** IT'S 14, RYUJI.

 **fish fear me:** NAH ITS 10!!!!!!!!

 **fish fear me:** 8 PLUS 12 IS 20

 **fish fear me:** DIVIDED BY 2 IS 10

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** YOU DO THESE IN ORDER OF OPERATIONS.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** BODMAS.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** BRACKETS, ORDER, DIVISION, MULTIPLICATION, ADDITION, SUBTRACTION.

 **fish fear me:** THE FUCK

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** AS THERE ARE NEITHER BRACKETS NOR ORDERS, WE DIVIDE FIRST.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** 12 DIVIDED BY 2 IS 6.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** THERE IS NO MULTIPLICATION, SO WE MOVE ONTO ADDITION.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** 6 PLUS 8 IS 14.

 **fish fear me:** THATS FUCKED UP BRO

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** NOW IF FUTABA HAD SAID "(8 + 12) / 2" IT WOULD BE 10.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** BECAUSE THE BRACKETS INDICATE THAT YOU SHOULD ADD 8 AND 12 TOGETHER TO MAKE 20 AND THEN DIVIDE 20 BY 2.

 **fish fear me:** AKIRA IM COMIN OVER TO ESCAPE MATHS

 **we live in a society:** COOL WITH ME BRO

 **we live in a society:** I WAS GONNA SAY LIKE 16

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.

 **women want me:** KJDSKFJKLSDF

 **women want me:** GUYS PLEASE I AM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH IN CLASS

 **Lobster Emoji:** I AM CONFUSED.

 **VIBE CHECK:** AREN'T WE ALL, INARI

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** EVERYONE.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** WHAT IS 10 + 6 / 3?

 **we live in a society:** STOP MAKING ME DO MATHS I'M AILING AND GAY

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** 12.

 **Everyone Liked That:** 12!

 **Senpai:** I THINK IT'S 12?

 **VIBE CHECK:** 12

 **fish fear me:** THE SMART ONES ARE SAYIN 12 SO IM SAYIN 12

 **women want me:** UHHHHHH

 **women want me:** MY CALCULATOR SAYS 5.33333 BUT MY HEART SAYS 12?

 **Lobster Emoji:** 20.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** HOW.

 **Lobster Emoji:** FORGIVE ME.

 **Lobster Emoji:** I MISREAD THE + AS AN *.

 **Lobster Emoji:** IT IS 12.

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:31am: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** Do you ever intend to leave the bathroom, or have you decided to take up permanent residence there?

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:31am**

**The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** AKIRA.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** AN ANSWER.

 **we live in a society:** 12

 **we live in a society:** PRETEND I SHOUTED THAT

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** AND HOW DID YOU WORK THAT OUT?

 **we live in a society:** UH

 **we live in a society:** 6 DIVIDED BY 3 IS 2

 **we live in a society:** ADD 10

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:32am**

**Akira:** I'm genuinely worried Makoto is going to break into Leblanc and hit me with a broom for being gay and bad at maths

 **Goro:** I see.

 **Goro:** Would she be hitting you with a broom because you're gay and also happen to be bad at maths, or because you're bad at maths due to your sexuality?

 **Akira:** The second one

 **Akira:** Makoto isn't homophobic

 **Akira:** But she does care about our education

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** I think I may also be locked in here

 **Goro:** Perhaps that is for the best.

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:34am**

**The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** I'LL ALLOW IT.

 **we live in a society:** CAN WE STOP SHOUTING NOW

 **VIBE CHECK:** NEVER

 **VIBE CHECK:** WE ARE THE SHOUTING THIEVES

 **women want me:** HERE TO SHOUT AT EVILDOERS~! 💘

 **Senpai:** YEAH! ❤️

 **Everyone Liked That:** I HAVE A QUESTION!

 **we live in a society:** I HAVE AN ANSWER THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE RELATED

 **Everyone Liked That:** ARE WE GOING BACK INTO MARUKI'S PALACE AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?

 **women want me:** JSKHDFJSDF OMG

 **woman want me:** WE GOT SO CARRIED AWAY PLANNING OUR POST-PALACE PLANS WE FORGOT TO MAKE ACTUAL PLANS 😭

 **we live in a society:** I THINK WE SHOULD GO

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** ME TOO.

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:34am**

**Goro:** I will continue to practice as 'Marth.'

 **Goro:** Inform me if you require help and I will consider coming to your aid.

 **Akira:** Someone's just mad that I'm better at Smash than him

 **Goro:** Ngh.

 **Goro:** This controller is simply not suitable for me.

 **Akira:** GORO

 **Goro:** What?

 **Akira:** DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I'M BETTER AT SMASH THAN YOU

 **Goro:** Of course you are.

 **Goro:** The current win record is 13-0 to you.

 **Goro:** And it isn't even 10am yet.

* * *

**Phantom Thieves 2: Trauma Boogaloo**

**> 9:38am**

**Senpai:** I'M READY FOR WHATEVER MAY COME OUR WAY.

 **fish fear me:** WELL BE BY UR SIDE SUMI

 **Lobster Emoji:** INDEED.

 **Everyone Liked That:** SHOULD WE MEET OUTSIDE THE STADIUM AFTER SCHOOL, THEN?

 **Lobster Emoji:** I WILL MEET YOU ALL THERE, MY FRIENDS.

 **fish fear me:** GOOD W/ ME

 **VIBE CHECK:** d(・`ω´・ ○)

 **women want me:** ALL IN~!

 **we live in a society:** I'M IN

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** I WILL BE THERE.

 **Senpai:** I'M READY!

 **we live in a society:** SOMEONE TEXT ME AND REMIND ME TO PUT ON PANTS

 **fish fear me:** PUT ON PANTS BRO

 **we live in a society:** I MEANT LATER BUT THANK YOU BRO

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** RYUJI, ANN, HARU, SUMIRE, WE'LL MEET BY THE GATES AND WALK OVER TOGETHER.

 **The Phantom Thieves' Single Braincell:** AKIRA, AKECHI, FUTABA, YUSUKE, MORGANA, PLEASE BE THERE BY 3:30PM AT THE LATEST.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** OF COURSE.

 **VIBE CHECK:** @ _we live in a society_ @ _Gowo Akechi uwu_ I'M COMING OVER TO BEAT YOU AT SMASH

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** OF COURSE.

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** BUT OUT OF COURTESY, I MUST WARN YOU THAT NEITHER OF US ARE WEARING PANTS.

 **VIBE CHECK:** THEN PUT SOME ON!!!!!! =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́)))

 **VIBE CHECK:** WHY ARE NEITHER OF YOU WEARING PANTS!!!!!!

 **we live in a society:** DO YOU REALLY WANT THE ANSWER TO THAT

 **VIBE CHECK:** NO

 **we live in a society:** IT'S BECAUSE NOT WEARING PANTS MAKES YOU BETTER AT SMASH

 **Lobster Emoji:** IS THAT A DOUBLE ENTENDRE, JOKER?

 **VIBE CHECK:** ( ╬◣ 益◢）y━･~

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** MUST I PUT ON A SHIRT, TOO?

 **VIBE CHECK:** I'LL BE OVER AT 11AM!

 **VIBE CHECK:** YOU HAD BETTER BE FULLY DRESSED BY THEN!

 **we live in a society:** DEFINE 'FULLY DRESSED'

 **Gowo Akechi uwu:** MUST WE WEAR SOCKS?

 **VIBE CHECK:** (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 9:38am**

**Akira:** Goro

 **Goro:** Akira.

 **Akira:** You know that I love you despite how good/bad you are at Smash, right?

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Akira:** Come help me out of this bathroom and I'll prove it

 **Goro:** How?

 **Akira:** Well

 **Akira:** Firstly

 **Akira:** I will introduce you to the power that is Marth's side special

 **Goro:** Hmmmm.

 **Goro:** Very well.

 **Goro:** I will be down shortly.

 **Akira:** Thank you

 **Akira:** Love yoooouuuu

 **Akira:** We should probably also find some pants before Futaba gets here

 **Goro:** Teach me Marth's side special first.

 **Goro:** I have hidden your pants.

 **Akira:** This is extortion

 **Goro:** I'm surprised you know what extortion is.

 **Akira:** Sometimes my two brain cells collide and achieve nuclear fusion

 **Goro:** And that is relevant how?

 **Akira:** The reaction creates one (1) coherent thought

 **Goro:** I'm coming to rescue you from the bathroom.

 **Goro:** Don't go anywhere.

 **Akira:** Will try my hardest not to, honey

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Haru Okumura**

**> 2:17pm: Haru started a new chat thread.**

**Haru:** Akira!

 **Haru:** Don't forget your pants!

 **Akira:** Thank you for the reminder, my dear Haru

 **Haru:** Any time!

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Sumire Yoshizawa**

**> 2:22pm: Sumire started a new chat thread.**

**Sumire:** Remember to put your pants on, senpai! ❤️

 **Akira:** You got it, senpai 2: senpai boogaloo

 **Sumire:** ❤️❤️❤️

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Goro Akechi**

**> 2:25pm: Goro started a new chat thread.**

**Goro:** Do not forget to put on your pants, Joker.

 **Akira:** You are sat RIGHT next to me

 **Goro:** You requested a text reminder.

 **Akira:** Fine fine

 **Akira:** I'll just

 **Akira:** Put my pants on

 **Goro:** Perhaps we can give it five more minutes.

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ryuji Sakamoto**

**> 2:31pm: Ryuji started a new chat thread.**

**Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** Bro

 **Ryuji:** pants

 **Akira:** Pants

 **Ryuji:** pants?

 **Akira:** Pants!

 **Ryuji:** love u broooo

 **Akira:** Love you too bro 🖤

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Makoto Niijima**

**> 2:37pm: Makoto started a new chat thread.**

**Makoto:** Pants?

 **Akira:** On my bod, ma'am

 **Makoto:** Good.

 **Makoto:** You know that I'm not really mad at you, right?

 **Akira:** Of course I do

 **Akira:** I know and love you

 **Akira:** And today wasn't a total loss

 **Akira:** I learnt about BODMAS

 **Makoto:** Hahaha.

 **Makoto:** I thought you would have already known about it!

 **Akira:** Nah

 **Akira:** It's PEMDAS back home

 **Makoto:** It's WHAT?

 **Akira:** PEMDAS

 **Akira:** Parentheses

 **Akira:** Uh

 **Akira:** Egg

 **Akira:** Multiplication

 **Akira:** Division

 **Akira:** Addition

 **Akira:** Subtraction

 **Makoto:** So it's similar.

 **Makoto:** Except for "egg".

 **Akira:** Eggmas

 **Makoto:** Eggmas.

 **Makoto:** See you soon, Akira.

 **Akira:** See you soon, my fave student council president and person called Makoto

 **Makoto:** 😊

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Yusuke Kitagawa**

**> 2:46pm: Yusuke started a new chat thread.**

**Yusuke:** Akira, my dear friend, this is a text to remind to please put your pants on.

 **Akira:** I am pleased to tell you that I am wearing my pants

 **Yusuke:** Ah!

 **Yusuke:** Good!

 **Akira:** Now a shirt, that's another issue

 **Yusuke:** I believe as long as you button up your jacket, you would be able to get away with being shirtless.

 **Akira:** I love you, Yusuke

 **Akira:** Never stop being you

 **Yusuke:** Just for you, Akira.

 **Akira:** 🖤🖤🖤

 **Yusuke:** 💙💙💙

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Ann Takamaki**

**> 2:50pm: Ann started a new chat thread.**

**Ann:** Akiiiiirrraaaa~!

 **Ann:** Remember to put on some pants!

 **Akira:** Pants are the ones that go on your torso, right?

 **Ann:** 😑

 **Akira:** I'm just kidding

 **Akira:** I have on pants and a vest

 **Ann:** A vest? 👀

 **Akira:** Yes

 **Akira:** It's a jean vest

 **Ann:** Oh noooooo

 **Akira:** But Ann,

 **Ann:** DON'T YOU DARE JOKER

 **Akira:** Surely

 **Ann:** DON'T DO IT

 **Akira:** You

 **Ann:** JOKER

 **Akira:** Jest

**> The chat thread was closed.**

* * *

**Futaba Sakura**

**> 2:55pm: Futaba started a new chat thread.**

**Futaba:** PANTS

 **Akira:** ON

 **Futaba:** TRAIN?

 **Akira:** BE THERE IN 5

 **Futaba:** MISSION: START!

**> The chat thread was closed.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm a Marth main.)
> 
> A translation, for anyone who couldn't decode Ryuji and Futaba's ye olde timey font:
>
>> **fish fear me:** 𝕭𝕺𝕹𝕶𝕴𝕹 (bonkin)
>> 
>> **VIBE CHECK:** 𝖄𝕰 𝕺𝕷𝕯𝕰 𝕭𝕺𝕹𝕶𝕴𝕹 (ye olde bonkin)
>> 
>> **women want me:** I CAN'T LIKE, READ THOSE 😅
>> 
>> **VIBE CHECK:** 𝕼𝖀𝕴𝕮𝕶 𝕰𝖁𝕰𝕽𝖄𝕺𝕹𝕰 𝕮𝕺𝕸𝕻𝕷𝕴𝕸𝕰𝕹𝕿 𝕬𝕹𝕹 𝖀𝕾𝕴𝕹𝕲 𝖄𝕰 𝕺𝕷𝕯𝕰 𝕱𝕺𝕹𝕿𝕰 (quick everyone compliment Ann using ye olde fonte)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta reader so, if you see any mistakes, feel free to point them out!
> 
> Please free to follow me on Twitter at [@kula3h](https://twitter.com/kula3h) for Persona and FE posting! (no pressure though!)


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